release-22.1: rowexec: improve join reader memory usage when ordering is maintained

[yuzefovich]

Backport 1/1 commits from #82693.

/cc @cockroachdb/release

---

This commit improves the join reader behavior when used by lookup joins
when ordering is maintained. In that case, we have a disk-backed row
container that we can spill to disk in order to free up some memory.
Previously, we would do so only in the case when the memory error occurs
inside of the strategy but would make the query error out if the memory
reservation is denied in the span generator or in the join reader
itself. This commit makes it so that in all places where the memory
accounting is performed, we try to ask the strategy to handle the memory
reservations. This allows the join reader ordering strategy attempt
spilling looked up rows to disk in all scenarios first, before erroring
out the query.

Additionally, this commit makes it so that the memory monitor used by
that disk-backed row container doesn't hold on to any memory when the
corresponding memory account is cleared. By default, our memory monitor
can keep a margin of 100KiB in reserve, but this behavior doesn't make
sense when we're forcing the disk-backed container to use disk.

Release note: None

Release justification: low risk bug fix.

[blathers-crl]

Thanks for opening a backport.

Please check the backport criteria before merging:

• Patches should only be created for serious issues or test-only changes.
• Patches should not break backwards-compatibility.
• Patches should change as little code as possible.
• Patches should not change on-disk formats or node communication protocols.
• Patches should not add new functionality.
• Patches must not add, edit, or otherwise modify cluster versions; or add version gates.

If some of the basic criteria cannot be satisfied, ensure that the exceptional criteria are satisfied within.

• There is a high priority need for the functionality that cannot wait until the next release and is difficult to address in another way.
• The new functionality is additive-only and only runs for clusters which have specifically “opted in” to it (e.g. by a cluster setting).
• New code is protected by a conditional check that is trivial to verify and ensures that it only runs for opt-in clusters.
• The PM and TL on the team that owns the changed code have signed off that the change obeys the above rules.

Add a brief release justification to the body of your PR to justify this backport.

Some other things to consider:

• What did we do to ensure that a user that doesn’t know & care about this backport, has no idea that it happened?
• Will this work in a cluster of mixed patch versions? Did we test that?
• If a user upgrades a patch version, uses this feature, and then downgrades, what happens?

[cockroach-teamcity]

This change is 

[rharding6373]

Reviewable status: complete! 1 of 0 LGTMs obtained (waiting on @mgartner)