Remove select_column option in TaskInstance.get_task_instance (#38571)

Fundamentally what's going on here is we need a TaskInstance object instead of a Row object when sending over the wire in RPC call.  But the full story on this one is actually somewhat complicated.
It was back in 2.2.0 in #25312 when we converted to query with the column attrs instead of the TI object (#28900 only refactored this logic into a function).  The reason was to avoid locking the dag_run table since TI newly had a dag_run relationship attr.  Now, this causes a problem with AIP-44 because the RPC api does not know how to serialize a Row object.
This PR switches back to querying a TaskInstance object, but avoids locking dag_run by using lazy_load option.  Meanwhile, since try_number is a horrible attribute (which gives you a different answer depending on the state), we have to switch it back to look at the underlying private attr instead of the public accesor.

airflow/models/taskinstance.py

@@ -61,7 +61,7 @@
 )
 from sqlalchemy.ext.associationproxy import association_proxy
 from sqlalchemy.ext.mutable import MutableDict
-from sqlalchemy.orm import reconstructor, relationship
+from sqlalchemy.orm import lazyload, reconstructor, relationship
 from sqlalchemy.orm.attributes import NO_VALUE, set_committed_value
 from sqlalchemy.sql.expression import case, select
 
@@ -523,7 +523,6 @@ def _refresh_from_db(
         task_id=task_instance.task_id,
         run_id=task_instance.run_id,
         map_index=task_instance.map_index,
-        select_columns=True,
         lock_for_update=lock_for_update,
         session=session,
     )
@@ -534,8 +533,7 @@ def _refresh_from_db(
         task_instance.end_date = ti.end_date
         task_instance.duration = ti.duration
         task_instance.state = ti.state
-        # Since we selected columns, not the object, this is the raw value
-        task_instance.try_number = ti.try_number
+        task_instance.try_number = ti._try_number  # private attr to get value unaltered by accessor
         task_instance.max_tries = ti.max_tries
         task_instance.hostname = ti.hostname
         task_instance.unixname = ti.unixname
@@ -914,7 +912,7 @@ def _get_try_number(*, task_instance: TaskInstance | TaskInstancePydantic):
 
     :meta private:
     """
-    if task_instance.state == TaskInstanceState.RUNNING.RUNNING:
+    if task_instance.state == TaskInstanceState.RUNNING:
         return task_instance._try_number
     return task_instance._try_number + 1
 
@@ -1798,18 +1796,18 @@ def get_task_instance(
         run_id: str,
         task_id: str,
         map_index: int,
-        select_columns: bool = False,
         lock_for_update: bool = False,
         session: Session = NEW_SESSION,
     ) -> TaskInstance | TaskInstancePydantic | None:
         query = (
-            session.query(*TaskInstance.__table__.columns) if select_columns else session.query(TaskInstance)
-        )
-        query = query.filter_by(
-            dag_id=dag_id,
-            run_id=run_id,
-            task_id=task_id,
-            map_index=map_index,
+            session.query(TaskInstance)
+            .options(lazyload("dag_run"))  # lazy load dag run to avoid locking it
+            .filter_by(
+                dag_id=dag_id,
+                run_id=run_id,
+                task_id=task_id,
+                map_index=map_index,
+            )
         )
 
         if lock_for_update:

tests/models/test_taskinstance.py

@@ -4562,3 +4562,16 @@ def test_taskinstance_with_note(create_task_instance, session):
 
     assert session.query(TaskInstance).filter_by(**filter_kwargs).one_or_none() is None
     assert session.query(TaskInstanceNote).filter_by(**filter_kwargs).one_or_none() is None
+
+
+def test__refresh_from_db_should_not_increment_try_number(dag_maker, session):
+    with dag_maker():
+        BashOperator(task_id="hello", bash_command="hi")
+    dag_maker.create_dagrun(state="success")
+    ti = session.scalar(select(TaskInstance))
+    assert ti.task_id == "hello"  # just to confirm...
+    assert ti.try_number == 1  # starts out as 1
+    ti.refresh_from_db()
+    assert ti.try_number == 1  # stays 1
+    ti.refresh_from_db()
+    assert ti.try_number == 1  # stays 1