With all the:
- quitting my high paying corporate job
- taking a sabbatical
- ups and downs of game development
- going back to work after ADR fizzled
- taking some more time out to write this book
I've found one of the most precious resources we overlook: time.
Figure out what's meaningful to you, and put all your effort into making time to pursue it. Here is the short story, hope you enjoy.
She walks onto the small wooden stage, violin in hand. Not a walk of confidence, but of humility. Her steps echo through the auditorium, crisp and hollow.
"Another poorly constructed hall," she says to herself, as she thinks back to her high school orchestra playing at the Meyerson.
She still remembers her teacher give his "wait for it" smirk. She remembers him telling everyone to play the first note of measure 30. She still remembers the pure joy she felt as the sound from every instrument filled the air, merging with one another as they bounced off the walls, and making its way back to the stage seconds later, carrying a life changing message: "This is what you created."
This room was definitely not like that.
People start filing in as she tunes her violin. They all wear excited smiles, but not for her. They smile because of the "on the clock" break they were getting, and for the nice cheese spread the company laid out.
Holiday gigs paid well, and the requirements were always the same:
We're holding a company event to show appreciation for our employees. We need an amazing violinist to play some live holiday music during the celebration. A recorded piano accompaniment will be provided. Business casual attire will be required for this event.
Playing an hour for half a grand was a great paycheck. She went through the provided play list which contained upbeat songs like Jingle Bell Rocks and some solemn tunes like Silent Night.
"Just have to do this last corporate function, then I can skirt by for the next few months without working."
With her fingers and bowing on auto pilot, she counts all the ill fitting dress shirts the men wear. The backs of their muffin tops wrinkled and creased from sitting in a chair all day. She imagines an alien visiting Earth for the first time, standing beside her.
"So let me make sure I understand this. When a male of your species enters this building, he is required to stuff his upper garment into his pants, and tie a piece of cloth around his neck? And females have to do what?!"
The companies never noticed that she wore the same light gray cardigan, gray dress, light gray belt, and gray heels to every event. It was the only business casual attire she owned. Hair was easy, just tie it up in a nice tight bun. It looked elegant. She'd have her roommate apply her makeup. She'd skip polishing her nails though. They were always filed well past her callused fingertips.
Only a few more minutes to go. This is when she'd always play one of the pieces she composed. Her focus changes. Her eyes piercingly look down the neck and finger board. She listens to her own heartbeat - her living metronome - trying desperately to feel each phase of the heart's cardiac cycle. Rosin dust lifts violently off the strings as she begins to play, she breaths it in.
Five minutes for five months of work. Her ten thousand dollar violin sings a bittersweet song of joy and resentment. She executes flawlessly. Silence fills the air, signaling the employees to turn and clap before going back to eating cheese and drinking wine.
She gives the invoice to human resources, and receives her check shortly after. She drives home and opens the door to the one bedroom apartment, greeted warmly by her roommate. She heads to the small dining nook - her humble corner of the apartment - and sits on her sofa bed. She smiles thinking about the next few months she'll have to devote to writing her next piece.
Her roommate, as always, turns to her and says, "I'd give anything to play like you."
Which always yields the same, smiling response.
"No, you wouldn't. :-)"