2024-03-22 - How to Disagree with Someone More Powerful - Chewing the Fat 📈

[piers-sinclair]

Hey SSWers,

Working with senior colleagues is an art, but there's lots of tips and tricks you can use to make it easier.

Discuss your ideas 💡 below.

https://ssw.com.au/rules/disagreeing-with-powerful-stakeholders/

[tiagov8]

From the tips the most valuable in my opinion:

• Keep focused on the main goal (common target)... It's easy to lose focus when looking at complex applications, too many variables
• Base things on facts/logic... that should be true for any decision making
• Avoid bad adjectives... probably one of the hardest to follow, but important as it avoid people to take things personally

[BrookJeynes]

Being able to understand where the other person is coming from is huge in a disagreement.

[kikibianc]

Totally agree

[tomek-i]

basically keep an open mind and listen and shove your ego to the side :-D

[brydeno]

I've always found that once we shift the discussion to risks and benefits, then a decision is always easier.
As such it is enormously useful to be able to clearly state risks and benefits of various approaches objectively.

[bahjatalaadelssw]

Handle disagreements ASAP given that you are emotionally neutral, when your memory is sharp. Acknowledge the other person's thought process and stay solution oriented.

[AlexRothwell]

I find that ensuring that both parties share an understanding of the context around the disagreement is important. These tips help to arrive at a common understanding so the best decision for the situation can be found

Remember that the stakeholder may know something which you don't and it may be driving their decision. Keeping the conversation calm and rational will often give them the opportunity to share so you can understand the eventual decision better

[2fernandez]

Ha ha ha ha....

[MarcusIrmscherSSW]

Great video, full and excellent tips. Always remember to stay respectful and never make it personal.

[sethdaily]

Clarifying the goal/finding a common target is Step 1. I think communication is always less efficient if that step is skipped.

[jakebayliss]

I dont really understand why someones 'Power' dictates how I disagree. It would likely be the same way no matter who it is. Just be respectful

[danielmackay]

While it's important to speak your mind, I also believe you should pick your battles. Not every disagreement needs to be voiced. Not every disagreement is important.

[calumjs]

More responsibility is borne by the senior person, who should aim to foster an environment where disagreements can be voiced freely

[alexleessw]

I think it's important to understand where the person was coming from especially from Senior & leadership roles.

[cvionnet]

Both parties should engage in active listening, remain open to the conversation and be ready to admit when their wrong

[ncn-ssw]

• Asking permission to disagree is woeful advice - you are a professional who is ethically bound to voice concerns about courses of action, not a doormat.
• Understanding your senior's priorities tends to reduce disagreements in the first place.
• Though rare, sometimes it's not just "your opinion" - there are genuine situations where the proposed course of action will lead to definite detrimental consequences, and you do no one any favours by pretending otherwise. See the history of armed conflict for a smorgasbord of examples.

[leahy268]

Asking permission to disagree is woeful advice - you are a professional who is ethically bound to voice concerns about courses of action, not a doormat

Agreed but it's often worth asking if they are happy to talk about it. There's 0 point in talking about it if they don't want to listen.

[Hona]

Some nice comments pretty relevant from the YouTube video I liked:

One thing I have done as the head of Communications is said “my job is to protect your reputation and the reputation of the company. With that in mind I am sharing this feedback”

I’m a VP and I want anyone at any level to disagree with me at any time, and I would do the same with anyone above or below me. Clarity is kindness and if you don’t agree you need to be clear about that. We don’t have time to wait for someone to work up the courage and find the right time. The right time is always now, when the discussion is happening. If we live in fear of raising our voice we put the entire company at risk. Just say what you think and be ready for an ensuing discussion so we can all gain greater clarity.

Its both the 'lower' employees responsibility to voice concerns, same as senior leadership to listen. Now is usually the right time as it can save or make the most money

[synnoveisabel]

Be respectful and open for listening to others opinion, no matter of 'Power'.

[jimmidier]

Disagreements are inevitable and will always occur as soon as a second voice comes in. I see it as a natural product of human diversity.
When it comes to collaboration and team work, this nature will have negative impacts on efficiency, and that's where a "more powerful" role comes into play.

Therefore, I see "someone more powerful" as a solution to disagreements, but not impediments. In which case, by the end of the day it'll come to "Leave it up to them".

For the rest of the tips in the rule, I see them as common tips for general communication, where it's about respecting human nature, and the power from the decision maker is what protects the team from being impacted by the negative side of it.

IMO the rule actually suggests 2 parts of the topic.
Q: How to disagree (with anyone)?
A: Ground yourself in logic, Avoid judgemental language...

Q: And if there's someone more powerful?
A: Do the same, but leave it up to them

[babakamyljanovssw]

Great tips! Being open minded, respectful, leaning towards to a common target, and avoiding the judgemental language are key to any conversation. These tips can be challenging and needs to be practised.

[Freego1783]

Nice tips overall, but I think the best tip here is "stay calm", cause if you fail at that you can't really apply the other tips correctly. But it can be hard sometimes depending on who you're having a disagreement with.

[PothieuG]

Requesting permission for having a disagreement conversation is a new (and somewhat strange) concept to me. I don't really believe in that. If I need to say something, I will do it respectfully of course, but I won't ask permission.

However, I find the rule great, as it open my perspective on problem-solving.

[YalalCakirSSW]

I don't know how to feel about it. It's a good rule, but it's theoretical. I think it requires time, practice, and constant thinking to perform these points. Also, I think it depends on the person with whom you disagree. 

[christoment]

Great rule overall, but it's a bit sad that we as a human has to resort this approach when exchanging great ideas with another people who have more power.

I don't really like the point 2 "Ask permission" since it feels unnatural to ask permissions in discussion... Whereas the discussion is for the other's person benefit (e.g. PO - it's for their own product).

I also like that this rule is paired with for the record rule in disagreement 😄

[vladislav-kir]

Great video and a rule!

[Levijj22]

Interesting video. I dont agree with everything she said i.e. getting approval to disagree, however generally I always try not to get caught up on principle and put pride to the side.

[GordonBeeming]

The video was great, on a very short CTF, It feels weird for us to cut good context that talks about the dynamics of the company creating space or not for open conversations, i.e. Doing the risk assessment of saying vs not saying something.

Overall a good topic, it's great to help people build their communication toolbox.

[drwharris]

I dont like the use of "Asking permission". In these situations, you are providing your expertise and shouldnt need permission to do so. I would probably call it "Providing input". While conversationally you might lead into it with "If I might provide my thoughts" or the likes, you arent really asking permission.

[leehawkinsssw]

The video has some decent tips.

We need to be careful not to confuse power and seniority - to me, seniority is more about experience than power.

It's also worth noting that working out who has more seniority or power is error-prone, so I'd encourage people to worry less about the power/seniority dynamics of a situation and focus more on learning how to communicate effectively no matter the status/power/seniority of the other party. Knowing how to disagree without being disagreeable is the key here.

[JackDuan123]

I never have trouble verbally disagree with anybody, so I disagree with this vedio.
We want to disagree with somebody, it is mostly likely we have a lot of judgy adjectives, if we only share facts to those who we want to disagree, it is most likely we are not honest.

One scientific fact:

We can't think without having emotions :)

I don't want to be dishonest just to make what I want to happen happen because this is bad and we have to admit that at the end of the day we are human beings, even genius human makes mistakes and a lot of judgy adjective, Yes, I am talking about Albert Einstein, and I think he come up with theory of relativity out of the hate on mechanical determinism.

What I would do: honestly tell the others the facts that I perceive and also tell them my judgy adjectives and my emotions and feelings.

[tombui99]

All these tips are super helpful which I will definitely use whenever I have a discussion with someone more powerful. Another important tip that should be added is that we could bring in another senior person into the discussion to help support your opinions.

[PennyWalker]

Don’t let conflicts linger. Think about what you’d like to say and approach with an olive branch. Actively listen to the other side to make sure you understand what they’re trying to say. It’s so easy to have a misunderstanding. When needed bring in a 3rd person, they often pick the disconnect before the parties involved and can help then understand the other position.

[ozdemir-mehmet-cer]

Ground yourself in logic is probably the best tip.