fortunes.txt

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"Virtual" means never knowing where your next byte is coming from.
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$HOME is where you hang your @.
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/Earth is 98% full...  Please delete anyone you can.
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1 bull, 3 cows.
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10.0 times 0.1 is hardly ever 1.0.
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A bad random number generator:  1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 4.33e+67, 1, 1, 1
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A bug in the hand is better than one as yet undetected.
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A computer program does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do.
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A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren't broken.
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A CONS is an object which cares.  -- Bernie Greenberg
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A crash reduces your expensive computer to a simple stone.
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A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
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A list is only as strong as its weakest link.  -- Donald Knuth
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A true Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!
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A user and his leisure time are soon parted.
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Access denied -- nyah, nyah!
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After enough decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
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All computers run at the same speed...  With the power off.
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All computers wait at the same speed.
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All wiyht.  Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
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An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
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And on the seventh day, He exited from append mode.
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Another megabytes the dust.
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Any given program will expand to fill available memory.
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Any nitwit can understand computers.  Many do.  -- Ted Nelson
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Any program that runs right is obsolete.
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Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.  -- Rich Kulawiec
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APL is a write-only language.  -- Roy Keir
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Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
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Artificial Intelligence:  Making computers behave like they do in the movies.
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As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing!
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As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.  -- Conrad Weisert
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As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
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Asking whether machines can think is like asking whether submarines can swim.
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Back up my hard drive?  I can't find the reverse switch!
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Backup not found:  (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic?
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Backups?  We don't NEED no steenking backups.
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Bad command.  Bad, bad command!  Sit!  Stay!  Staaay...
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Base 8 is just like base 10, if you are missing two fingers.  -- Tom Lehrer
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Best file compression around:  "DEL" = 100% compression.
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Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.  -- Leonard Brandwein
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Brain fried -- core dumped.
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BREAKFAST.COM Halted -- Cereal Port Not Responding.
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Breakthrough:  It finally booted on the first try.
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Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
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Cannot find REALITY.SYS.  Universe halted.
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CChheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh..
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COFFEE.EXE Missing -- Insert Cup and Press Any Key.
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Compatible:  Gracefully accepts erroneous data from any source.
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Computer and car salesmen differ in that the latter know when they are lying.
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Computer chips are so small because computers don't eat much.
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Computer programmers do it byte by byte.
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Computer:  A device designed to speed up and automate errors.
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Computers are a more fun way to do the same work you'd have to do without them.
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Computers are not intelligent -- they just think they are.
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Computers are useless.  They can only give you answers.  -- Pablo Picasso
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Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
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Congratulations!  You are the one-millionth user to log into our system.
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CONGRESS.SYS corrupted:  Reboot Washington, DC?  (Y/N)
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Counting in binary is just like counting in decimal if you are all thumbs.
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Counting in octal is just like counting in decimal if you don't use your thumbs.
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Dain bramaged, dore cumped.
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Death is a non-maskable interrupt.
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Diagnostics are the programs that run when nothing else will.
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Disc space -- the final frontier!
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Disclaimer:  Any errors in spelling, tact, or fact are transmission errors.
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Don't byte off more than you can view.
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Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.
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Don't let the computer bugs bite!
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Don't pay computer programmers too much money, it just encourages the bad ones.
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Dreams are free, but you get soaked on the connect time.
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E Pluribus Modem.
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E Pluribus UNIX.
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Emacs is a nice operating system, but I prefer UNIX.  -- Tom Christaensen
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Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
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Error, no keyboard.  Press F1 to continue.
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Ethernet:  Something used to catch the etherbunny.
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Every program can be reduced to just one instruction -- that doesn't work.
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Every program in development at MIT expands until it can read mail.
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Every program is a part of some other program, and rarely fits.
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Everybody needs a little love sometime; stop hacking and fall in love!
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Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.
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u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.
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Failure is not an option.  It comes bundled with the software.
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Feature:  A bug with seniority.
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File not found.  Should I fake it?  (Y/N)
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Foolproof operation:  All parameters are hard coded.
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fortune:  No such file or directory
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Futuristic:  It will only run on a next generation supercomputer.
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God is real, unless declared integer.
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God made machine language; all the rest is the work of man.
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Hackers have kernel knowledge.
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Hardware:  The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
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Help!  I'm trapped in a Chinese computer factory!
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Help,MySpaceBarIsBroken!AnndMyBBackspaaceKeyyToo!
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Hit any user to continue.
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HOST SYSTEM NOT RESPONDING, PROBABLY DOWN.  DO YOU WANT TO WAIT?  (Y/N)
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How an engineer writes a program:  Start by debugging an empty file...
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How do I love thee?  My accumulator overflows.
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How do I set my laser printer on stun?
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How do you know it's an ENDLESS loop?
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How long is this Beta guy going to keep testing our stuff?  -- Mark Roop-Kharasch
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How much net work could a network work, if a network could net work?
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How was Thomas J. Watson buried?  9 edge down.
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I "upgraded" my computer to several levels above my head.  -- Ellen Goodman
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I am a computer -- dumber than any human and smarter than an administrator.
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I am still waiting for the advent of the computer science groupie.
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I am the computer your mother warned you about.
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I bet the human brain is a kludge.  -- Marvin Minsky
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I came, I saw, I deleted all your files.
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I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere.
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I must have slipped a disk; my pack hurts.
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I smell a wumpus.
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I still get goose bumps every time I override a method...  -- Harry Wiguna
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I'm a firm believer in baseball bat therapy for computers.  -- Dan Gookin
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If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program, wake him up.
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If a program is useful, it must be changed.
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If a program is useless, it must be documented.
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If a train station is where the train stops, what is a work station?
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If at first you don't succeed, you must be a programmer.
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If God had intended Man to program, we would be born with serial I/O ports.
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If I had it all to do over again, I'd spell creat with an "e".  -- Brian Kernighan
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If it was easy, the hardware people would take care of it.
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If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.
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In computer science, we stand on each other's feet.  -- Brian Reid
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In God we trust; all else we walk through.
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In the future on the Web, everyone will have 15 megabytes of fame.
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It is now pitch dark.  If you proceed, you will likely fall into a pit.
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It is ten o'clock; do you know where your processes are?
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It's a bad sign when you need a screwdriver to install a new operating system.
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Keyboard:  The standard way to generate computer errors.
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Kiss your keyboard goodbye!
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Last one out, turn off the computer!
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Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code.
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Lisp Users:  Due to the holiday, there will be no garbage collection on Monday.
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LISP:  To call a spade a thpade.
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Login incorrect.  Only perfect spellers may enter this system.
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logout
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Long computations that yield zero are probably all for naught.
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Machine-independent:  Does not run on any existing machine.
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Mainframe:  The biggest PC peripheral available.
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Managing software engineers is like herding cats.
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Manual Writer's Creed:  Garbage in, gospel out.
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Maybe Computer Science should be in the College of Theology.  -- R. S. Barton
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Meets quality standards:  Compiles without errors.
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Mental backup in progress -- do not disturb.
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MIPS:  Meaningless Indicator of Processor Speed.
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Mouse:  An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.
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My New Year's resolution is:  1024 x 768.
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My software never has bugs.  It just develops random features.
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Netnews is like yelling, "Anyone want to buy a used car?" in a crowded theater.
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Never trust a computer you can't lift.  -- Stan Masor
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Never trust a computer you can't throw out the window.  -- S. Hunt
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Nice computers don't go down.
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No line available at 300 baud.
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No program done by a hacker will work unless he is on the system.
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No program done by an undergrad will work after she graduates.
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Obsolete:  Any computer you own.
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Old mail has arrived.
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Old programmers never die; they just branch to a new address.
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Old programmers never die; they just GOSUB without RETURN.
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On a clear disk you can seek forever.  -- Denning
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One if by LAN, two if by C.  -- Paul Revere, as told by John Karwoski
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One man's constant is another man's variable.  -- Alan Perlis
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One person's error is another person's data.
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One picture is worth 128K words.
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Our mothers would be proud of us if we could explain to them what it is we do.
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Over-computered is when you try to enter your password on your microwave oven.
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Overflow on /dev/null; please empty the bit bucket.
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Pause for storage relocation.
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People who deal with bits should expect to get bitten.  -- Jon Bentley
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Portable:  Survives system reboot.
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Power corrupts, and PowerPoint corrupts absolutely.  -- Vint Cerf
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Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
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Press any key...  No, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
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Profanity is the one language all programmers know best.
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Program:  A magic spell that converts input data to error messages.
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Programmers do it bit by bit.
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Programming Department:  Mistakes made while you wait.
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Programming is an art form that fights back.
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Programming is an unnatural act.
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Programming just with goto's is like swatting flies with a sledgehammer.
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Protect your software at all costs -- all else is meat.
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RAM disk is NOT an installation procedure.
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Random access is the optimum of the mass storages.
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Real programs don't eat cache.
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Remember the good old days, when CPU was singular?
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Remember, UNIX spelled backwards is XINU.
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Revolutionary:  Disk drives go round and round.
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Save energy:  Drive a smaller shell.
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SCCS, the source motel!  Programs check in and never check out!  -- Ken Thompson
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Shift to the left!  Shift to the right!  Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!
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Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
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Software is to computers as yeast is to dough.  -- Chuck Bradshaw
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Some programming languages manage to absorb change but withstand progress.
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Southern DOS:  Y'all reckon?  (Yep/Nope)
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Spelling checker:  Converts spelling errors into malapropisms.
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State-of-the-art:  Any computer you can't afford.
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Structured programming supports the law of the excluded muddle.
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Supercomputer:  Turns CPU-bound problem into I/O-bound problem.  -- Ken Batcher
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Swap read error.  You lose your mind.
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Syntax error:  "Hello, I want to buy a computer and money is no object."
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System going down at 1:45 for disk crashing.
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System going down at 5 pm to install scheduler bug.
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Systems programmers are the high priests of a low cult.  -- R. S. Barton
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That does not compute.
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The amount of clue on the Internet remains constant.  -- Evi Nemeth
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The attention span of a computer is only as long as its power cord.
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The code was willing.  It considered your request, but the chips were weak.
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The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually, the programmer.
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The determined programmer can write a FORTRAN program in any language.
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The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.
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The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
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The hardest bugs to find are the easiest ones to fix.
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The Internet is a logic-optional forum.  -- Marc Callier
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The moving cursor prints, and having printed, blinks on.
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The next generation of computers will have a "Warranty Expired" interrupt.
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The original point-and-click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
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The program is absolutely right; therefore, the computer must be wrong.
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The steady state of disks is full.  -- Ken Thompson
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The Tao that is seen is not the true Tao, until you bring fresh toner.
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The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
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The world is coming to an end...  SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!
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The world will end in 5 minutes.  Please log out.
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There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.
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There must be more to life than compile-and-go.
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There's no place like http://www.home.com.
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This fortune soaks up 47 times its own weight in excess memory.
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This login session:  $13.76, but for you:  $11.88.
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This screen intentionally left blank.
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This site was moved.  We'd tell you where, but then we'd have to delete you.
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This system will self-destruct in five minutes.
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Those who can't write, write help files.
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Those who can, do.  Those who cannot, teach.  Those who cannot teach, HACK!
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Thrashing is just virtual crashing.
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Three things are certain:  Death, taxes, and lost data.  Guess which occurred.
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To be, or not to be, those are the parameters.
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To err is human; to forgive, beyond the scope of the Operating System.
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To err is human; to really foul things up requires a computer.
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To iterate is human; to recurse, divine.  -- Robert Heller
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Too many clicks spoil the browse.
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Unable to locate coffee -- operator halted!
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UNIX is a nice place to live, but you don't want to visit there.
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UNIX is very user-friendly...  It's just picky about its friends.
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Unprecedented performance:  Nothing ever ran this slow before.
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Upgrade:  Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
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Variables won't; constants aren't.  -- Adam Osborn
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Virtual memory is for weenies!  -- Seymour Cray
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What boots up must come down.
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What do computer engineers use for birth control?  Their personalities.
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What this country needs is a good five-cent microcomputer.
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Where the system is concerned, you are not allowed to ask "Why?".
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Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users?
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Would YOU pass a Turing test?
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You can't go home again, unless you set $HOME.
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You can't make a program without broken egos.
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You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.
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You depend too much on computers for information.
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You forgot to do your backup 16 days ago.  Tomorrow you will need that version.
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You had mail, but the super-user read it, and deleted it!
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You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers.
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You have junk mail.
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You know it is going to be a bad day when you forget your new password.
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You might have mail.
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You never finish a program, you just stop working on it.
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Your email has been returned due to insufficient voltage.
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Your fault -- core dumped.
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Your password is pitifully obvious.
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[Unix] is not necessarily evil, like OS/2.  -- Peter Norton
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A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation.
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A fault tolerant system must report the faults even as it tolerates them.
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A hacker does for love what others would not do for money.  -- Laura Creighton
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A low level language is one whose programs require attention to the irrelevant.
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A paperless office has about as much chance as a paperless bathroom.
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A successful tool is used to do something undreamed of by its author.  -- Samuel Johnson
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Abstraction is achieved by data hiding and enforced by encapsulation.
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Actual usability is inversely proportionate to apparent user-friendliness.
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Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.  -- Frederick Brooks
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All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.
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All the simple programs have been written, and all the good names taken.
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All you need to know is the user interface.  -- J. Redford
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An algorithm must be seen to be believed.  -- Donald Knuth
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An infinite loop is OK as long as you don't get stuck in it.
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An operating system without virtual memory is an OS without virtue.
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Any programming language is at its best before it is implemented and used.
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Avoid GOTOs completely if you can keep the program readable.
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Avoid the Fortran arithmetic IF (or better yet, just avoid Fortran).
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Avoid unnecessary branches.
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Bad style destroys an otherwise superb program.
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Bad tools result in bad software.  -- J.L. Marsh
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BASIC is to computer programming as QWERTY is to typing.  -- Seymour Papert
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Be careful when a loop exits to the same place from side and bottom.
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Choose variable names that will not be confused.
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Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.  -- Gilb
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Computers talk to each other worse than their designers do.
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Computers... are not designed, as we are, for ambiguity.  -- Thomas
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Controlling complexity is the essence of computer programming.  -- Brian Kernighan
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Digital circuits are made from analog parts.
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Disk is cheap, but storage is expensive.
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Don't comment or patch bad code; rewrite it.
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Don't compare floating point numbers solely for equality.
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Don't diddle code to make it faster; find a better algorithm.
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Don't document the program; program the document.
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Don't stop at one bug.
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Every bug you find is the last one.
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Every good work of software starts by scratching a developer's personal itch.
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Every program is either trivial or it contains at least one bug.
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Everything should be transparent to the user.
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Expert systems are built to embody the knowledge of human experts.  -- Rich Kulawiec
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Favor object composition over class inheritance.
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Garbage in, garbage out.
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Given enough eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.  -- Eric Raymond
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Good programmers know what to write.  Great ones know what to rewrite.  -- Eric Raymond
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I do not fear computers.  I fear the lack of them.  -- Isaac Asimov
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I suppose when it gets to that point, we shan't know how it does it.  -- Alan Turing
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If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong.  -- Schryer
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If you have a procedure with 10 parameters, you probably missed some.
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In the long run, every program becomes rococco, and then rubble.  -- Alan Perlis
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It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.
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It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.
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It wasn't as easy to get programs right as we had thought.  -- Maurice Wilkes, 1949
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It's easy to get lost in the details of an incorrect implementation.  -- Tom von Alten
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Know Thy User.
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Let the machine do the dirty work.  -- Elements of Programming Style
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Machine independent code isn't.
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Make input easy to proofread.
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Make it right before you make it faster.
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Make sure all variables are initialized before use.
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Make sure comments and code agree.
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Make sure your code "does nothing" gracefully.
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Never put off till run-time what you can do at compile-time.  -- David Gries
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Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.  -- Steinbach
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Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes.  -- Jackson
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Never write software that anthropomorphizes the machine.
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Never write software that patronizes the user.
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New technology becomes salable three years before it becomes usable.
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New technology becomes usable three years before its users become competent.
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No extensible language will be universal.  -- T. Cheatham
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On the Web, understanding the medium matters more than controlling the layout.
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Performance is easier to add than clarity.
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Plan the system for change.  -- Frederick Brooks
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Program to an interface, not an implementation.
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Replace repetitive expressions by calls to a common function.
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Smart data structures and dumb code works a lot better than vice versa.
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Software is best understood as a branch of movie making.  -- Ted Nelson
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Software is mind work.  Having the right frame of mind is essential.
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The best packed information most resembles random noise.
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The computer is the Proteus of machines.  -- Seymour Papert
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The computing field is always in need of new cliches.  -- Alan Perlis
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The less time planning, the more time programming.
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The Macintosh was the first personal computer good enough to be criticized.
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The number of UNIX installations has grown to 10, with more expected.  (6/72)
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The purpose of computing is insight, not numbers.  -- Richard Hamming
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The wise person writes bomb-proof code.
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There are always at least two ways to program the same thing.
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There are never any bugs you haven't found yet.
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There can never be a computer language in which you cannot write a bad program.
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There is no problem that, when programmed just right, isn't more complicated.
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To understand a program you must become both the machine and the program.
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Try not to let implementation details sneak into design documents.
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Undetectable errors are infinite; detectable errors by definition are finite.
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UNIX is many things to many people, but it has never been everything to anybody.
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Use free-form input where possible.
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Use GOTOs only to implement a fundamental structure.
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Use IF...ELSE  IF...ELSE  IF...ELSE... to implement multi-way branches.
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Use text for text and images for images.  -- Paul Martz
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Using a free internet service, you're not the customer, you're the product.
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Watch out for off-by-one errors.
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When a program is being tested, it is too late to make design changes.
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When we write programs that "learn", it turns out we do and they don't.
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You don't have to know how the computer works, just how to work the computer.
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A gift of flower will soon be made to you.
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A visit to a fresh place will bring strange work.
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A visit to a strange place will bring fresh work.
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All the troubles you have will pass away very quickly.
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Among the lucky, you are the chosen one.
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An actor without a writer is a waiter.  -- RJ Colleary
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Courage is your greatest present need.
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Divide your time evenly to keep others happy.
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Do not overtax your powers.
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Don't despair; your ideal lover is waiting for you around the corner.
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Executive ability is prominent in your make-up.
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Exercise caution in your daily affairs.
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Flee at once, all is discovered.
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Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals.
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Good news from afar will bring you a welcome visitor.
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His heart was yours from the first moment that you met.
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Hold tight to your dreams.
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Life is to you a dashing and bold adventure.
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Long life is in store for you.
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Love is in the offing.  Be affectionate to one who adores you.
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Old acquaintance will soon be remembered.
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Retribution will be yours.
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Show your affection, which will probably meet with pleasant response.
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Show your appreciation for your lover by surprising him/her with a small gift.
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Someone close to you is taking advantage of your trust.
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Someone is enthusiastic about your work.
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Someone is speaking well of you.
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Stop searching forever.  Happiness is just next to you.
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Take time in life to smell the rabbits, eat the flowers, and pet the cactus.
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That wasn't chicken.  -- fictitious fortune cookie in an ad
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The future is bright in affairs of the heart.
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The luck that is ordained for you will be coveted by others.
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The only things that come out of meetings, are people.
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The time is right to make new friends.
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There will be big changes for you but you will be happy.
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Value useful qualities in one who loves you.
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You are capable of planning your future.
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You are going to have a new love affair.
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You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music.
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You have a deep interest in all that is artistic.
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You have an ability to sense and know higher truth.
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You have an ambitious nature and might make a name for yourself.
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You like to form new friendships and make new acquaintances.
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You look on the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
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You love peace.
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You need not worry about your future.
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You talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.
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You will always have good luck in your personal affairs.
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You will attract cultured and artistic people to your home.
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You will be advanced socially, without any special effort on your part.
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You will be called to a post requiring ability in handling groups of people.
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You will be recognized and honored as a community leader.
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You will be singled out for promotion in your work.
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You will be successful in love.
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You will be traveling and coming into a fortune.
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You will get what you deserve.
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You will have a long-term stimulation relative to business.
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You will have domestic happiness and faithful friends.
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You will have good luck and overcome many hardships.
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You will have long and healthy life.
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You will hear good news from one you thought unfriendly to you.
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You will reach the highest possible point in your business or profession.
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Your aims are high, and you are capable of much.
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Your business will go through a period of considerable expansion.
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Your depth of comprehension might tend to make you lax in worldly ways.
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Your love life will be happy and harmonious.
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Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of new developments.
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Your present plans will be successful.
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Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded.
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"  "  -- Harpo Marx
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"Breakfast sometime?"  "Sure."  "Shall I call you, or just nudge you?"
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"Criminal lawyer" is a redundancy.
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"Daddy, the garbage man is here!"  "Tell him we don't need any."  -- Edward Abbey
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"Define UNIVERSE; give two examples." "The perceived world; 1) mine, 2) yours."
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"Have you lived here all your life?"  "Oh, twice that long."
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"In no language can a double positive form a negative."  "Yeah, yeah..."
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"Name two pronouns."  "Who?  Me?"
%
"Those good old days" really means "those good young days."  -- Herbert Salzer
%
"Was that an avalanche, or was that thunder?"  Mountaineers HATE that question.
%
"Wayne Newton is," he says, "an example of what America can be."
%
2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing:  1 I.V. League.
%
24 hours in a day...  24 beers in a case...  Coincidence?
%
28.35 grams of prevention are worth 0.45359 kilograms of cure.
%
355/113 -- Not the famous irrational number pi, but an incredible simulation.
%
97% of what I say is correct, and I don't care about the other 4%.
%
A backscratcher will always find new itches.  -- Gomme
%
A backward poet writes inverse.
%
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
%
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
%
A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with him.
%
A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
%
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
%
A blind skydiver knows he's approaching the ground when the leash goes slack.
%
A boss with no humor is like a job that's no fun.
%
A cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.  -- Mark Twain
%
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
%
A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.
%
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
%
A comet is about as close to nothing as you can get and still have something.
%
A committee is an animal with at least six legs, and no brain.  -- Robert Heinlein
%
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
%
A consultant saves his client almost enough to pay his fee.  -- Arnold Glasgow
%
A corkscrew is the best thing with which to open a conversation.
%
A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.  -- Franklin
%
A couple of months in the lab can often save a couple of hours in the library.
%
A crisis is when you can't say, "Let's just forget the whole thing."  -- Ferguson
%
A day without fusion is like a day without sunshine.
%
A day without orange juice is like a day without orange juice.
%
A day without sunshine is like night.
%
A dean is to a faculty as a hydrant is to a dog.  -- Alfred Kahn
%
A diamond is just a lump of coal that made good under pressure.
%
A dime is a dollar after the taxes are taken out.
%
A drink a day keeps the shrink away.  -- Edward Abbey
%
A fail-safe circuit will destroy others.  -- Klipstein
%
A fine is a tax for doing wrong.  A tax is a fine for doing well.
%
A fool and his money are soon invited places.
%
A fool and his money are soon partying.
%
A fool and his money stabilize the economy.
%
A fool with money to burn soon meets his match.
%
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
%
A friend in need is a pest indeed.
%
A gambler plays slot machines.  I prefer to OWN slot machines.  -- Donald Trump
%
A general leading the State Department resembles a dragon commanding ducks.
%
A good compromise is where two people both end up unhappy.
%
A good landing: You can walk away.  A great landing: You can reuse the airplane.
%
A good scapegoat is hard to find.
%
A harp is a nude piano.
%
A helicopter is just a bunch of parts flying in close formation.
%
A home where the buffalo roam...  Is messy.
%
A homeowner's reach should exceed her grasp, or what's a weekend for?
%
A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.
%
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
%
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance from Mom.
%
A kid'll eat the middle of an Oreo, eventually.
%
A king's castle is his home.
%
A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
%
A lady draws a line, while a tramp falls for a line.  -- Robert Byrne
%
A lady is chaste.  A tramp is chased.
%
A lady lives for a loving.  A tramp loves for a living.
%
A lie in time saves nine.
%
A lot of people are afraid of heights.  Not me, I'm afraid of widths.  -- Steven Wright
%
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
%
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.  -- Snow
%
A man in the house is worth two in the street.  -- Mae West
%
A man is incomplete until he is married.  After that, he is finished.  -- Zsa Zsa Gabor
%
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
%
A man who fishes for marlin in ponds will put his money in Etruscan bonds.
%
A man who turns green has eschewed protein.
%
A man without a woman is like a fish without gills.
%
A man's got to do what a man's got to do.  A woman must do what he can't.
%
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
%
A man's house is his hassle.
%
A million here, a million there; soon you're talking real money.  -- Sen. Everett Dirksen
%
A modest little person, with much to be modest about.  -- Winston Churchill
%
A motion to adjourn is always in order.
%
A movie's badness is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.
%
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.  -- Ella Wilcox
%
A penny saved has not been spent.
%
A penny saved is an economic breakthrough.
%
A penny saved is better than a penny earned -- after taxes.
%
A penny saved is ridiculous.
%
A person is innocent until proven President.
%
A pessimist is a married optimist.
%
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
%
A poet can survive anything but a misprint.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
A poet who reads his verse in public might have other nasty habits.
%
A preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.  -- William Safire
%
A pun is the lowest form of humor -- when you don't think of it first.
%
A quarter ounce of chocolate equals four pounds of fat.
%
A radical is a man with both feet firmly planted in the air.  -- Franklin Roosevelt
%
A recent survey indicated 54% of the population is interested in statistics.
%
A recent survey proved 51% of the population are in the majority.
%
A Renaissance man diffuses to refine himself.  -- Steve Hug
%
A ring is a hole with a rim round it.
%
A rolling stone gathers momentum.
%
A sadist is a masochist who follows the Golden Rule.
%
A sadist is a person who is kind to a masochist.  -- Arthur Koestler
%
A sentence is worth a thousand words.
%
A ship carrying a cargo of yo-yos was hit by a typhoon and sank 23 times.
%
A shortcut is the longest path between two points.
%
A sine curve goes off to infinity, or at least the end of the blackboard.
%
A sinking ship gathers no moss.  -- Donald Kaul
%
A small town that cannot support one lawyer can always support two.
%
A smile is a curve that can set a lot of things straight.
%
A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
%
A soft drink turneth away company.
%
A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.
%
A successful American spends more supporting the government than a family.
%
A sucking chest wound is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
%
A table centerpiece should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
%
A taxi driver is a man who drives away customers.  -- Henry Cate
%
A theorist right once in ten is a hero; an observer wrong that often is a bum.
%
A theory is better than its explanation.  -- Woodward
%
A triangle that has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle.
%
A truly wise person never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn.
%
A university without students is like an ointment without a fly.  -- Ed Nather
%
A verbal contract isn't worth the paper its printed on.  -- Samuel Goldwyn
%
A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.
%
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.  -- Ziggy
%
A watched clock never boils.  -- Tom Weller
%
A wedding is a funeral where a man smells his own flowers.
%
A white bear which is nice, then nasty, then nice, is a...  Bipolar bear.
%
A woman need not reveal her age, only her passions.
%
A young child is a noise with dirt on it.
%
Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
%
Abandoning my search for truth, now I search for petrified wood.
%
About all some men accomplish in life is to send a son to Harvard.
%
About the only thing on a farm that has an easy time is the dog.
%
About when we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.  -- Herbert Hoover
%
Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest precedent.
%
Absence makes the heart go wander.
%
Absence makes the heart grow fonder...  For someone else.
%
Absolute truth is a 5-4 decision by the Supreme Court.
%
Absolutum obsoletum.  (If it works, it is out of date.)  -- Stafford Beer
%
Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.
%
Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder.
%
Abstinence vanishes with presence.
%
Absurdity:  Statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
%
Academy:  A modern school where football is taught.
%
Accept a breath mint if someone offers you one.  -- H. Jackson Brown
%
Accident:  When presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better.
%
According to my calculations, the problem does not exist.
%
According to the official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.
%
Accordionated:  Able to drive and refold a road map at the same time.
%
Accuracy:  The vice of being right.
%
Acting:  An art that consists of keeping the audience from coughing.
%
Activation Energy:  The useful energy available in one cup of coffee.
%
Actors will happen in the best-regulated families.
%
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
%
Ad:  Amana washer $100.  Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.
%
Ad:  Cute kitten for sale, 2 cents or best offer.
%
Ad:  Free puppies:  1/2 cocker spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor dog.
%
Ad:  Georgia peaches -- California grown -- 89 cents/lb.
%
Ad:  Joining nudist colony, must sell washer & dryer -- $300.
%
Ad:  Snow blower for sale...  Only used on snowy days.
%
Ad:  Tickle Me Elmo.  New in box.  Hardly tickled.  $700.
%
Admiration:  Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
%
Adolescence:  That period of time between puberty and adultery.
%
Adult:  A person that has stopped growing at both ends but not in the middle.
%
Adult:  One old enough to know better.
%
Adultery:  Putting yourself in someone else's position.
%
Adults are just kids who owe money.
%
Advanced design:  Upper management doesn't understand it.
%
Advanced technology:  It's too complicated for me.
%
Adventure is a sign of incompetence.  -- Roald Amundsen
%
Advertising is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.  -- Fred Allen
%
Aeroma:  Odor emanating from an exercise room after an aerobics workout.
%
Affluenza:  Compulsively buying possessions to satisfy some inner urge.  -- Moxcey
%
After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.  -- Olmstead
%
After having sex, talk to your wife, if there is a phone in reach.
%
After painting the town red, take a rest before applying a second coat.
%
Afterism:  A concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late.  -- Thom
%
Afternoon very favorable for romance.  Try a single person for a change.
%
Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.
%
Age is not important unless you're a cheese.
%
Aging is a birth defect.  -- Al Rosenthal
%
Aging is a non-curable disease.  -- Seneca
%
Aging means it takes all day to do what you used to be able to do all day.
%
Agriculture is something like farming; only farming is doing it.
%
Ah, to be a buzzard now that spring is here!  -- Edward Abbey
%
Aiming for the least common denominator sometimes causes division by zero.
%
Air is water with holes in it.
%
Air travel:  Breakfast in London, dinner in New York, luggage in Brazil.
%
Airlines have really changed:  Now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant.
%
Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value.  -- Marechal Foch
%
Alaska is our biggest, buggiest, boggiest state.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Alcohol and calculus don't mix.  Never drink and derive.
%
Alcohol kills you slowly, but who's in a hurry?
%
Alcoholic:  Someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.  -- Dylan Thomas
%
Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall, aleph-null bottles of beer...
%
Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.
%
Alimony is a splitting headache.
%
Alimony is the high cost of leaving.
%
All bleeding eventually stops.
%
All conversations with a potato should be conducted in private.
%
All I ask is the chance to prove that money cannot make me happy.  -- Lauris
%
All I ask of life is a constant and exaggerated sense of my own importance.
%
All I want is a little more than I'll ever get.
%
All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power.  -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%
All men are created equal, but some must be sent to Siberia.  -- Henry Cate
%
All men are created equal.  All women are created superior.  -- Cathy Guisewitz
%
All men are idiots, and I married their king.
%
All my friends and I are crazy.  That's the only thing that keeps us sane.
%
All new:  Parts not interchangeable with previous model.
%
All people are born alike -- except Republicans and Democrats.  -- Groucho Marx
%
All probabilities are really 50%.  Either a thing will happen or it won't.
%
All signs in metric for the next 20 miles.  -- road sign in Ohio
%
All syllogisms have three parts; therefore this is not a syllogism.
%
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
%
All the good ones are taken.  -- Suzy Harris
%
All the men on my staff can type.  -- Bella Abzug
%
All the modern inconveniences...  -- Mark Twain
%
All the parts falling off this car are of the very finest British manufacture.
%
All the points in between are, well, in between.  -- Jim Morrison
%
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
%
All things being equal, fat people use more soap.
%
All things being equal, I'd rather be created.  -- John Taylor
%
All things considered, life is 9 to 5 against.
%
All trails have more uphill sections than they have downhill sections.
%
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
%
All we need here, God, is one little precision earthquake.
%
All you need to grow healthy, vigorous grass is a crack in your sidewalk.
%
All's well that ends.
%
Allow me to introduce my selves.
%
Almonds are members of the peach family.
%
Almost everyone agrees it's fair to discriminate against lazy and stupid people.
%
Alpha geek:  The most technically proficient member of an engineering team.
%
Although our information is incorrect, we do not vouch for it.  -- Erik Satie
%
Although the moon is 1/4 the size of the earth, it is much farther away.
%
Aluminum rain:  What falls after a midair passenger exchange.
%
Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid back.
%
Always do right.  This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
%
Always draw your curves, then plot the data.
%
Always drink upstream from the herd.
%
Always hire a rich attorney.  Never buy from a rich salesman.  -- Goldenstern
%
Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
%
Always leave room to add an explanation if it doesn't work out.
%
Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
%
Always pick on the correct idiom.  -- William Safire
%
Always remember that you are unique...  Just like everyone else.
%
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
%
Always take both skis off before hanging them up.
%
Always try to do things in chronological order; it's less confusing that way.
%
Am I in charge here?...  No, but I'm full of ideas.  -- Dr. Who
%
Ambiguity:  Telling the truth when you don't mean to.
%
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.  -- Charlie McCarthy
%
Ambivalent?  Well, yes and no.
%
America was created by geniuses to be run by idiots.
%
America:  A nice place to own, but I wouldn't want to live there.
%
Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.
%
Amoebit:  Amoeba/rabbit cross; it can multiply and divide at the same time.
%
Among economists, the real world is often a special case.  -- Horngren
%
An after-dinner speaker is the fellow who starts the bull rolling.
%
An after-dinner speaker rises to the occasion -- and stays too long.
%
An airplane glides through the air; a helicopter beats the air into submission.
%
An ambush:  Engaging the enemy on all sides.
%
An apple a day keeps the doctor away...  If it is aimed well.
%
An apple a day makes 365 apples a year.  -- Tom Weller
%
An apple every eight hours keeps three doctors away.
%
An artist should be fit for the best society and kept out of it.
%
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
%
An elm's bark is worse when there's blight.  -- Henry Gay
%
An example of hard water is ice.
%
An expert has a great reason for guessing wrong.
%
An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes in a very narrow field.  -- Neils Bohr
%
An expert is a person who knows more and more about less and less.  -- Butler
%
An expert is one who is never in doubt, but often in error.
%
An honest God's the noblest work of man.  -- Robert Ingersoll
%
An idle mind is worth two in the bush.
%
An informed citizen panics more intelligently.
%
An inverse paranoid believes the world is plotting to do him good.  -- Jack Canfield
%
An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.
%
An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction.
%
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
%
An ounce of rejection is worse than a pound of "sure".
%
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.  -- Van Roy
%
Anarchy is against the law.
%
Anarchy might not be the best form of government, but it is better than none.
%
Anarchy:  It's not a law, it's just a good idea.
%
And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
%
And now for something completely different.
%
Animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give wrong answers.
%
Answer my prayers, steal this car.
%
Antonym:  The opposite of the word you are trying to think of.
%
Any country with "democratic" in the title isn't.  -- Murray
%
Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out.
%
Any landing you can walk away from is a good one.
%
Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.  -- Malek
%
Any smoothly functioning technology is indistinguishable from a "rigged" demo.  -- J.L. Marsh
%
Any tool when dropped rolls into the least accessible corner.
%
Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.  -- Oliver Holmes
%
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
%
Anyone can admit they were wrong; the true test is admitting it to someone else.
%
Anyone can keep a marriage together, but staying happily divorced takes work!
%
Anyone can make an omelet with eggs.  The trick is to make one with none.
%
Anyone who doesn't cut his speed at the sight of a police car is parked.
%
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.  -- Samuel Goldwyn
%
Anyone who makes an absolute statement is a fool.
%
Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.
%
Anything dropped in the bathroom falls in the toilet.
%
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.  -- Pardo
%
Anything that doesn't make sense ends up in court and becomes case law.
%
Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
%
Anything worth doing is a lot more difficult than it's worth.  -- Scott Adams
%
Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.  -- Mae West
%
Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
%
Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.
%
Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
%
Apart from the unknowns, everything is obvious.  -- James Hogan
%
Apparently the Creator likes diversity a lot more than we humans do.
%
Appearances are not everything; it just looks like they are.
%
Aquadextrous:  Able to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
%
Arachnoleptic fit:  Frantic dance just after running into a spider web.
%
Archaeologists will date any old thing.
%
Archeology is the only profession where your future lies in ruins.
%
Are you going to be more interesting than you were yesterday?
%
Are you lustworthy?
%
Are you making this up as you go along?
%
Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing.
%
Arguments with furniture are rarely productive.
%
Arithmetic is counting to twenty without taking off your shoes.  -- Mickey Mouse
%
Art is anything you can get away with.  -- Marshall McLuhan
%
Artery:  Study of paintings.
%
As a matter of fact, I DO own the road!
%
As God is my witness, Andy, I thought that turkeys could fly.  -- WKRP in Cinncinnati
%
As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.
%
As is often the case when I generalize, I don't care.  -- Dave Barry
%
As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
%
Ask about our layaway plan.  -- sign in funeral parlor
%
Ask about our plans for owning your home.  -- sign in loan company office
%
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, and pay only station-to-station rates.
%
Astronauts are out to launch.
%
Astronomers bring light to the darkest discussions.  -- Kreigh Tomaszewski
%
At 300 miles an hour, you can make a rock fly.  -- Sam Wheeler
%
At least five buses go by in the opposite direction before yours arrives.
%
At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
%
At my age, I don't buy green bananas.
%
At some point you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
%
At these prices, I lose money -- but I make it up in volume.  -- Peter Alaquon
%
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
%
Atheists are beyond belief.
%
Atheists are people with no invisible means of support.
%
Auditors always reject expense accounts with a bottom line divisible by five.
%
Auntie Em:  Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog.  -- Dorothy
%
Author:  An imaginary person who writes real books.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Authority:  A person who can tell you more than you really care to know.
%
Autobiography is fiction written by the one who knows the facts.
%
Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
%
Automobile:  A four-wheeled vehicle that runs up hills and down pedestrians.
%
Avoid cliches like the plague; seek viable alternatives.  -- William Safire
%
Avoid colloquial stuff.
%
Avoid commas, that are not necessary.
%
Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.  -- William Safire
%
Avoid truth decay.  Be sure to use mental floss twice a day.  -- Steve Bhaerman
%
Babies can't walk because their legs aren't long enough to reach the ground.
%
Babies learn decibels before they learn syllables.
%
Bachelor:  A guy who is footloose and fiancee-free.
%
Bachelor:  A man who never made the same mistake once.
%
Bachelor:  A selfish guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce.  -- Quinn
%
Bacteria are the only culture some people have.
%
Bad luck is being run over by the welcome wagon.
%
Bad weather reports are more often right than good ones.
%
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
%
Ban the bomb.  Save the world for conventional warfare.
%
Bananosecond:  The time between slipping on a peel and landing on the pavement.
%
Banectomy:  The removal of bruises on a banana.  -- Rich Hall
%
Barium:  What doctors do when treatment fails.
%
Baseball is religion without the mischief.  -- Tom Boswell
%
Baseball is to football as Beethoven is to rap.  -- Patrick Mott
%
Basic unit of laryngitis:  1 hoarsepower.
%
Be a better psychiatrist and the world will beat a psychopath to your door.
%
Be alert; the world needs more lerts.
%
Be careful not to screw yourself in the foot.
%
Be careful of reading health books; you might die of a misprint.  -- Mark Twain
%
Be content with what you've got, but be sure you've got plenty.
%
Be different, act normal.
%
Be glad you're going so slowly, because you're going in the wrong direction.
%
Be here now.  Be someplace else later.  Is that so complicated?
%
Be kind to your inferiors, if you can find any.
%
Be kind to your knees.  You'll miss them when they're gone.  -- Mary Schmich
%
Be nice to your kids; they will choose your nursing home.
%
Be of good cheer:  We'll live to piss on the graves of our enemies.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Be patient and achieve all things.  Be impatient and achieve all things faster.
%
Be reasonable:  Do it my way.
%
Be sure to poofread your writing.
%
Be wary of strong drink.  It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss.
%
Beam me up, Scotty.  There's no intelligent life down here.  -- James Kirk
%
Beauty is in the body of the beholdee.  -- John Taylor
%
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
%
Beauty is only skin deep, but it is very agreeable, for all that.  -- Cobbett
%
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.
%
Beauty times brains equals a constant.
%
Becoming overweight is something that snacks up on you.
%
Bedfellows make strange politicians.
%
Beer, one of my favorite solvents... It dissolves even thoughts!  -- JR Hodel
%
Before each flight ensure your bladder is empty and your fuel tanks are full.
%
Before enlightenment, also do the laundry.  -- Alan Silverstein
%
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
%
Before you find your handsome prince, you must kiss a lot of frogs.
%
Begathon:  A multi-day event on public television, used to raise money.  -- Hall
%
Behaviorism is the art of pulling habits out of rats.  -- O'Neill
%
Behold the warranty:  The bold print giveth, and the fine print taketh away.
%
Being a good communicator means people find out what's really wrong with you.
%
Being a pilot is a hard way to earn an easy living.
%
Being a woman is quite difficult since it consists mainly of dealing with men.
%
Being normal is driving me crazy.
%
Being popular is important.  Otherwise people might not like you.
%
Benjamin Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
%
Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards.
%
Best gift for the person who has everything:  A burglar alarm.
%
Best place to take a leak.  -- sign in radiator shop
%
Better living through denial.
%
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.  -- Mae West
%
Beware of a dark-haired man with a loud tie.
%
Beware of a tall dark man with a spoon up his nose.
%
Beware of low-flying butterflies.
%
Beware of Natural Selection.  -- Bob Thaves
%
Bigamy is having one spouse too many.  Monogamy is the same.
%
Billboard:  Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs.
%
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
%
Biological Science:  A contradiction in terms.
%
Biology grows on you.
%
Birth control pills are tax-deductible, but only if they fail.  -- Dear Abby
%
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
%
Black holes were created when God divided by zero!
%
Blamestorming:  A group figuring out who was responsible for a failure.
%
Blessed are the brief, for they shall have lower phone bills.
%
Blessed are the meek for they shall inhibit the Earth.
%
Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt.  -- Herbert Hoover
%
Blessed are they that run around in circles, for they shall be known as wheels.
%
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
%
Bluntness:  The art of saying nothing in a way that leaves nothing unsaid.
%
Boat:  A hole in the water into which one throws money.
%
Bore:  A person who talks when you wish him to listen.  -- Ambrose Bierce
%
Bore:  He who talks so much about himself that you can't talk about yourself.
%
Bore:  The kind of man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you.  -- Pollock
%
Bore:  Wraps up a two-minute idea in a two-hour vocabulary.  -- Winchell
%
Born free...  Taxed to death.
%
Born to shop!
%
Boss spelled backwards is, "double S.O.B."  -- Reid Stanley
%
Bozone:  Substance surrounding idiots that stops bright ideas from penetrating.
%
Brad, where Tad had had "had had", had had "had".  "Had had" had had me glad.
%
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
%
Brain:  The apparatus with which we think that we think.  -- Ambrose Bierce
%
Breeding rabbits is a hare raising experience.
%
Bride:  A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
%
Brigands ask for your money or your life; spouses require them both.
%
Broad-mindedness:  The result of flattening high-mindedness out.
%
Budget:  A method for going broke methodically.
%
Budget:  A method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.
%
Budget:  Mathematical confirmation of your suspicions.  -- Latimer
%
Bumper sticker on an old truck:  Don't Laugh -- Your Daughter Might Be In Here.
%
Bumper sticker, Dec 2000:  Don't Blame Me, I Voted for Al Gore...  I Think.
%
Bumper sticker:  Don't Honk, I'm Pedaling as Fast as I Can.
%
Bumper sticker:  Forget about World Peace...  Visualize using your turn signal.
%
Bumper sticker:  Friends Don't Let Friends Vote Republican.
%
Bumper sticker:  Horn broken.  Watch for finger.
%
Bumper sticker:  Hug Your Kids at Home and Belt Them in the Car.
%
Bumper sticker:  I Brake for Hallucinations.
%
Bumper sticker:  I'd rather be teleporting.
%
Bumper sticker:  If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
%
Bumper sticker:  My Child Can Beat Up Your Honor Student.
%
Bumper sticker:  Stamp out crime; Abolish the IRS.
%
Bumper sticker:  Your kid might be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
%
Bureaucracy:  A method of transforming energy into solid waste.
%
Bureaucrat:  A person who cuts red tape sideways.  -- J. McCabe
%
Bureaucrat:  A politician with tenure.
%
Bureaucratic organization is like a septic tank:  Big chunks rise to the top.
%
Business before pleasure unless pleasure is your business.
%
Business will be either better or worse.  -- Calvin Coolidge
%
But enough about me.  Let's talk about you.  What do you think of me?  -- Midler
%
But officer, I stopped for the last one, and it was green!
%
But two in the bush are more FUN than one in the hand!
%
Buy a stock, if it goes up, sell it, if it goes down, don't buy it.
%
By self-pollination, the farmer might get a flock of long-haired sheep.
%
By the time you have the right answers, no one is asking you questions.
%
Cabnicreep:  When closing one kitchen cabinet causes another to open.
%
California is proud to be the home of the freeway.  -- Ronald Reagan
%
Californians are not without their faults.
%
Calling a person a runner-up is a polite way of saying they lost.
%
Can a man do no worse than to fall in love?
%
Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse?
%
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
%
Can you think of another word for "synonym"?
%
Candy / is dandy / but liquor / is quicker.  -- Ogden Nash
%
Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win.
%
Car service:  If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
%
Career plans:  "I want to rule the world."  -- Madonna
%
Careful planning will never replace dumb luck.
%
Carpenters (and pilots) are just plane folks.
%
Cashtration:  Buying a house renders you financially impotent for a long time.
%
Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.
%
Cauterize:  Made eye contact with a woman.
%
Caution:  Breathing might be hazardous to your health.
%
Celibacy is hereditary.
%
Chainsaw consultant:  An outside expert brought in to fire employees.
%
Change is great...  You go first.
%
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
%
Character density:  The number of very weird people in the office.
%
Charity:  A thing that begins at home and usually stays there.
%
Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species.
%
Charm:  A way of getting a "yes" -- without having asked any clear question.
%
Chastity is the most unnatural of the sexual perversions.  -- Aldous Huxley
%
Cheap:  Much less expensive than ones selling for up to twice as much.
%
Chemicals:  Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.
%
Chicken Little was right.
%
Children act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.
%
Children are a nine month illness and a lifetime convalescence.  -- Benito Galdos
%
Children are beloved sources of dirty laundry and ceaseless noise.  -- Bill Cosby
%
Choconiverous:  Biting off the head of the chocolate Easter bunny first.
%
Choice is good.  Except for those people who choose poorly.  -- Bob Proulx
%
Cinemuck:  Popcorn, soda, and candy that covers the floors of movie theaters.
%
Circle:  A line that meets its other end without ending.
%
Citation:  Reputation by repetition.  -- Gerhard Uhlenbruck
%
Civilization exists by geological consent, subject to revocation without notice.  -- Will Durant
%
Cleaning one's ears should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
%
Cleanliness is next to impossible.
%
Clients who pay the least complain the most.
%
Climate:  What you expect.  Weather:  What you get.
%
Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
%
Clothes make the man.  Naked people have little or no influence on society.
%
Cogito Eggo sum.  (I think, therefore I am a waffle.)
%
Cogito ergo spud (I think, therefore I yam).
%
College:  The fountains of knowledge, where everyone goes to drink.
%
Colorless green ideas sleep furiously.
%
Come in and buy what your grandparents threw away.  -- antique store
%
Come up and see me sometime when I've nothing but the wireless on.  -- Mae West
%
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.  -- Peter Ustinov
%
Comets are like cats:  They have tails and do what they want.  -- David Levy
%
Committee:  People who keep minutes and waste hours.  -- Milton Berle
%
Committee:  The unwilling, selected from the unfit, to do the unnecessary.
%
Common sense:  The collection of prejudices acquired by age 18.  -- Einstein
%
Compromise:  A deal in which two people get what neither of them want.
%
Concentrated bases are much more dangerous since YOU are soluble in them.
%
Concept:  Any "idea" for which an outside consultant bills more than $25,000.
%
Concern is the first time you can't do it the second time.  -- Isaac Asimov
%
Conference:  Where many people gather to decide nothing can be done alone.
%
Confession is good for the soul, but bad for the career.
%
Confidence:  The feeling you have before you understand the situation.
%
Conform, go crazy, or become an artist.
%
Confound those who have said our remarks before us.  -- Aelius Donatus
%
Confucius say too much.  -- recent Chinese proverb
%
Congress is not the sole suppository of wisdom.  -- Rep. Bill Schuette (R-MI)
%
Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.  -- H. L. Mencken
%
Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking.  -- Mencken
%
Conscience is the thing that hurts when everything else feels great.
%
Conscious is being aware of something; conscience is wishing you weren't.
%
Consciousness:  That annoying time between naps.
%
Conservative:  A Liberal who has just been mugged.
%
Conservative:  A man who just sits and thinks, mostly sits.  -- Woodrow Wilson
%
Conservative:  A person who believes nothing should be done for the first time.
%
Conservative:  One who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
%
Consider what might be fertilizing the greener grass across the fence.
%
Consultant:  Someone who knowns 101 ways to make love, but can't get a date.
%
Consultation:  Medical term meaning "to share the wealth."
%
Contents:  One universe.  Some assembly required.  -- Bob Thaves
%
Continental Life.  Why do you ask?
%
Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
%
Coordinator:  Brings organized chaos out of regimented confusion.
%
Coordinator:  The guy with his desk between two expediters.
%
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
%
Correct to within an order of magnitude:  Wrong.
%
Cosmetics are a woman's way of keeping a man from reading between the lines.
%
Could you be a poster child for retroactive birth control?
%
Courage:  Two cannibals having oral sex.
%
Coward:  One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.  -- Bierce
%
Crazee Edeee, his prices are INSANE!!!
%
Credit is what keeps you from knowing how far past broke you are.
%
Crime does not pay...  As well as politics.  -- A. E. Newman
%
Criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
%
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.  -- Steve Wright
%
Culture is for bacteria.  -- Christopher Hyatt
%
Customers are beautiful people.  Listen to them.  -- Richard Whitley
%
Cut to measurements; file to shape; hammer to fit.
%
Cynic:  A person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern.  -- Shoaff
%
Cynic:  A person who tells you the truth about your own motives.  -- Russel Green
%
Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
%
Danger!  I drive like you do.
%
Dare to be average.
%
Dark dirt is attracted to light objects, and light dirt to dark objects.
%
Dating is never easy for engineers.  -- Scott Adams
%
De-access your euphemisms.
%
Death and taxes are inevitable; at least death doesn't get worse every year.
%
Death comes to all men, but some just can't wait.  -- Darwin Awards
%
Death has been proven to be 99% fatal to laboratory rats.
%
Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wiseguy.
%
Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.  -- R. Geis
%
Death is often a good career move for an author.  -- Nassim Taleb
%
Death is the greatest kick of all.  That's why they save it for last.
%
Death:  To stop sinning suddenly.  -- Elbert Hubbard
%
Defense attorney's ad:  Reasonable Doubt At Reasonable Prices.
%
Deja Fu:  The feeling that you have been kicked in the head like this before.
%
Deja Moo:  The feeling that you have heard this BS before.
%
Delegates from the original thirteen states formed the Contented Congress.
%
Deliberation:  Examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
%
Democracy is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.  -- H. L. Mencken
%
Demons are a ghoul's best friend.
%
Dentists are incapable of asking questions that need a simple yes or no answer.
%
Design simplicity:  Developed on a shoe-string budget.
%
Despite treatment, the patient improved.
%
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines on them and makes them perspire.
%
Diamonds are a girl's best friend.  Dogs are man's best friend.  Who's smarter?
%
Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it.
%
Difference between a garbage dump and a sanitary landfill:  About $20 a load.
%
Difference between artist and craftsman:  A craftsman knows what he's doing.
%
Dijon vu -- the same mustard as before.
%
Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.
%
Dinosaurs were calm because they lived in pre-hysteric times.
%
Diplomacy:  Saying "go to hell" such that they look forward to the trip.
%
Diplomacy:  The art of letting someone else have your way.
%
Diplomacy:  The art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.
%
Diplomat:  A man who can convince his wife she would look stout in a fur coat.
%
Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
%
Disconfect:  Blowing on a piece of candy retrieved from the floor.
%
Disguise your feelings when you put your relatives on the plane for home.
%
Distinctive:  A different color or shape than our competitors.
%
Diversity's fine; subscribe to mine.
%
Divorce is having your genitals torn off through your wallet.  -- Robin Williams
%
Divorced:  Post-graduate in the School of Love.
%
Do as I say, not as I do.
%
Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
%
Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
%
Do I strike you as a violent person?  -- Brian Hammer
%
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
%
Do married people live longer, or does it just seem that way?
%
Do not be led astray onto the path of virtue.
%
Do not drink and drive.  You might hit a bump and spill it!
%
Do not drink coffee in the morning or it will keep you awake until noon.
%
Do not judge a book by its movie.
%
Do not kiss an elephant on the lips today.
%
Do not let people drive you crazy when you know it's within walking distance.
%
Do not merely believe in miracles; rely on them.  -- Finagle
%
Do not put statements in the negative form.  -- William Safire
%
Do not read beauty magazines.  They will only make you feel ugly.  -- Schmich
%
Do not repeat yourself or say what you have said before.
%
Do not suffer from insanity.  Enjoy every minute of it.
%
Do not tell big lies.  Small ones can be just as effective.
%
Do not underestimate the power of the Force.
%
Do not use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
%
Do not use a foreign term when there is an adequate English quid pro quo.
%
Do not use contractions in formal writing.
%
Do not use hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it effectively.
%
Do not worry about temptation.  As you grow older, it starts avoiding you.
%
Do unto others as they wish to do unto you, but do it first.  -- Mayor Curley
%
Do unto others before they undo you.
%
Do you ever stop to think and then forget to start again?
%
Do you find yourself thinking more and enjoying it less?
%
Do you have lysdexia?
%
Do YOU have redeeming social value?
%
Do you think much about dying?  No, it's the last thing I want to do.  -- Abby
%
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
%
Does the name "Pavlov" ring a bell?
%
Does this hurt?  How about now?  -- Scott Adams
%
Dog wisdom:  Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
%
Dog wisdom:  When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
%
Dog wisdom:  When you are happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
%
Doing nothing makes you tired because you can't take a break.
%
Don't be afraid of work.  Make work afraid of you.  -- Tom Magliozzi
%
Don't be fooled by his twinkling eyes; it's the sun shining between his ears.
%
Don't be humble...  You're not that great.  -- Golda Meir
%
Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after.
%
Don't create a problem for which you do not have the answer.  -- Burke
%
Don't do anything in public that you wouldn't do in private.
%
Don't do anything you'll regret having not done sooner.
%
Don't eat the yellow snow.
%
Don't force it, get a larger hammer.  -- Anthony
%
Don't forget to never use negative commands.
%
Don't get even -- get odd!  -- Steve Bhaerman
%
Don't get stuck in a closet; wear yourself out.
%
Don't give someone a piece of your mind unless you can afford it.
%
Don't go away mad...  Just go away!
%
Don't lend people money...  It gives them amnesia.
%
Don't make me come down there...  -- God
%
Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.  -- Scottish Proverb
%
Don't mind him; politicians always sound like that.
%
Don't open bills on the weekend.  -- H. Jackson Brown
%
Don't overuse exclamation marks!  -- William Safire
%
Don't panic, but do you believe in reincarnation?  -- Bob Thaves
%
Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.  -- Joel, age 10
%
Don't pray in my school, and I won't think in your church.
%
Don't say yes until I finish talking.  -- Darryl Zanuck
%
Don't steal.  The government hates competition.
%
Don't sweat the petty things -- just pet the sweaty things.
%
Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out of it alive.  -- Hubbard
%
Don't tax you, don't tax me, tax that fellow behind the tree.  -- Russell Long
%
Don't tell me not to burn the candle at both ends; tell me how to get more wax!
%
Don't undertake vast projects with half-vast ideas.
%
Don't use no double negatives, not never.
%
Don't vote -- it only encourages them!
%
Don't wear your glasses on a blind date.  You'll look better, and he will too.
%
Don't worry, if everything worked right you'd be out of a job.
%
Don't worry; the brontosaurus is slow, stupid, and placid.
%
Don't you hate it when you lock your keys out of your car?  -- Scott Adams
%
Don't you have anything more useful you could be doing?
%
Dopelar effect:  How stupid ideas seem smarter if they come at you fast.
%
Down with the categorical imperative!
%
Dress for radio.  -- Swami Beyondananda
%
Drilling for oil is boring.
%
Drive carefully.  We are overstocked.  -- sign in junkyard
%
Drive on ice no faster than you want to hit something.
%
Driving in the snow is a spectator sport.
%
Drug:  A substance that, when injected into a rat, produces a scientific paper.
%
Drugs are the scenic route to nowhere.
%
Ducks?  What ducks??
%
Due to a mixup in Urology, orange juice will not be served this morning.
%
Dumbwaiter:  One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
%
Dying is easy.  Comedy is difficult.
%
Dyslexics of the world, untie!  -- Andrew Jamner
%
Eagles may soar, free and proud, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.
%
Early to bed and early to rise, 'til I make enough to otherwise.
%
Early to rise and early to bed makes a man healthy and wealthy and dead.
%
Earth Destroyed by Solar Flare -- Film at eleven.
%
Earth got a lot more interesting once it went multicellular.
%
Earth is a great funhouse without the fun.  -- Jeff Berner
%
Easiest way to figure the cost of living:  Take your income and add ten percent.
%
Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you that day.
%
Eat yogurt and get culture.
%
Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow it might be illegal.
%
Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we diet.  -- Lewis Henry
%
Ecology:  The study of who eats whom.
%
Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.
%
Education helps earning capacity.  Ask any college professor.
%
Education:  That which enables you to get into more intelligent trouble.
%
Eeny, Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak...
%
Efficiency:  Getting someone to do the work you don't like to do.
%
Egocentric:  A person who believes he is everything you know you are.
%
Egotism:  Doing a crossword puzzle with a pen.
%
Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average drivers.
%
Either do wrong or feel guilty, but don't do both.  -- Rudolf Dreikurs
%
Either I'm dead or my watch has stopped.  -- last words of Groucho Marx
%
Either that wallpaper goes, or I do.  -- last words of Oscar Wilde
%
Elbonics:  Two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
%
Elections come and go, but politics are always with us.
%
Electricity comes from electrons; morality comes from morons.
%
Elephant:  A mouse built to government specifications.
%
Eliminate government waste, no matter how much it costs!
%
Eloquence is logic on fire.
%
Employees enjoy the illusion of security; contractors, of independence.
%
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far.  Especially if they are dead.
%
Emus cannot walk backwards.
%
Energizer Bunny arrested -- charged with battery.
%
Engineers are widely recognized as superior marriage material.  -- Scott Adams
%
Engineers can actually hear machines talk to them.  -- Scott Adams
%
Engineers have problems that ordinary people don't.  -- Catherine Grow
%
Engineers will go without food and hygiene for days to solve a problem.  -- Scott Adams
%
Engineers...  They love to change things.  -- Leonard McCoy MD
%
Enjoy life; you could have been a barnacle.
%
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
%
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
%
Epigram:  Half-truth stated so as to irritate people who believe the other half.
%
Epitaph:  A postponed compliment.
%
Eschew obfuscation.
%
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.  -- Woody Allen
%
Even a genius can have an off-day.  -- Wile E. Coyote
%
Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.
%
Even if you can't get a date, avoid kidnapping; it's bad for your reputation.
%
Every baby resembles the relative with the most money.  -- James Hastings
%
Every cloud has a silver lining; you should have sold it, and bought titanium.
%
Every day more money is printed for the Monopoly game than for the US Treasury.
%
Every four minutes a woman has a baby.  Find this woman and stop her!
%
Every instructor assumes you have nothing else to do but study for that class.
%
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
%
Every lazybones deserves a kick in his can'ts.
%
Every little picofarad has a nanohenry all its own.
%
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
%
Every silver lining has a cloud around it.
%
Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the window.
%
Every time I lose weight, it finds me again.
%
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.  -- Lieberman
%
Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.  -- Warner
%
Everyone else my age is an adult, whereas I am merely in disguise.  -- Atwood
%
Everyone gets lots of fertilizer; but what you plant is up to you.
%
Everyone has a photographic memory, but some do not have film.
%
Everyone is a genius.  It is just that some people are too stupid to realize it.
%
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
%
Everyone needs belief in something.  I believe I'll have another beer.
%
Everyone stopping by with unsought advice will see your mistake.
%
Everyone's crazy but you and me, and I've been wondering about you lately.
%
Everyone's thinking part wonders what the part not thinking isn't thinking of.
%
Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous".
%
Everything coming your way?  You're in the wrong lane!
%
Everything goes on sale...  Right after you buy it.
%
Everything going good?  You must have overlooked something.
%
Everything happens for a reason, but sometimes it's your bad decision.
%
Everything in moderation, including moderation.
%
Everything is actually everything else, just recycled.
%
Everything is always done for the wrong reasons.  -- O'Brian
%
Everything put together falls apart sooner or later.  -- Simon
%
Everything that can be invented has been invented.  -- Duell, patent commissioner
%
Everything worthwhile is mandatory, prohibited, or taxed.
%
Everything you know is wrong, but you can be straightened out.
%
Excellent day to have a rotten day.
%
Exceptions always outnumber rules.
%
Exceptions prove the rule, and wreck the budget.  -- Miller
%
Exclusive:  We are the only ones who have the documentation.
%
Executive ability:  Deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.
%
Exercise extends your life ten years, but you spend 15 of them doing it.
%
Experience enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.  -- Jones
%
Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined.  -- Horner
%
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.  -- Olivier
%
Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones.
%
Experiments should be reproducible.  They should all fail the same way.
%
Expert:  A person one step ahead of a non-expert.
%
Expert:  A person who creates confusion out of simplicity.
%
Expert:  Avoids the small errors while sweeping on to the grand fallacy.
%
Expert:  Knows tomorrow why today's prediction failed.
%
%
u cn rd ths, itn tyg h myxbl cd.
%
Fairy tale:  A horror story to prepare children for the newspapers.
%
Falling in love is awfully simple.  Falling out of love is simply awful.
%
Familiarity breeds attempt.
%
Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.  -- Mark Twain
%
Families can choose between keeping up with their neighbors or their creditors.
%
Famous last words:  Don't worry, I can handle it.
%
Fanatic:  Someone who, having lost sight of his goal, redoubles his efforts.
%
Farmer:  A man who is outstanding in his field.
%
Fashion:  A form of ugliness so intolerable that it changes every six months.
%
Fast, Cheap, Good:  Choose any two.
%
Faunacated:  How wildlife ends up when its environment is destroyed.
%
Fear is nature's warning sign to get busy.  -- Henry Link
%
Federal Reserve:  A reserve where federal employees hunt wild game.
%
Feel good?  Don't worry, you'll get over it.
%
Felix navidad.  (Our cat has a boat.)
%
Fenderberg:  Deposit that forms on the inside of a car fender after a snowstorm.
%
Fertility is an inherited trait that never skips a generation.  -- Bob Thaves
%
Few women admit their age.  Few men act theirs.
%
Fidelity:  A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
%
Field tested:  Manufacturing doesn't have a test system.
%
Fill what's empty; empty what's full; scratch where it itches.  -- Longworth
%
Finance:  Passing money from one hand to another until it finally disappears.
%
Financial manager:  Someone who keeps investing your money until it's all gone.
%
Fine day for friends.  So-so day for you.
%
First things first, but not necessarily in that order.
%
Fishing is a delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes.  -- Marquis
%
Fishing:  A jerk at one end of the line waiting for a jerk at the other end.
%
Fits like a sock on a duck's nose.
%
Five days a week, my body is a temple.  The other two, it's an amusement park.
%
Five is a sufficiently close approximation to infinity.  -- Robert Firth
%
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
%
Flabbergasted:  Appalled over how much weight you have gained.
%
Flashlight:  A container for holding dead batteries.
%
Flopcorn:  The unpopped kernels at the bottom of the cooker.
%
Flying is the second greatest experience known to man.  Landing is the first.
%
Flying small aircraft makes everything else seem cheap by comparison.
%
Foodwinking:  Giving exotic names to otherwise mundane food products.
%
Foolproof operation:  No provision for adjustment.
%
Fools rush in -- and get the best seats in the house.
%
Football, like religion, brings out the best in people.  -- Larry Chapman
%
For a good time, call 555-3100.
%
For adult education, nothing beats children.
%
For asphyxiation:  Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
%
For back-country preparedness, "what if" weighs about 20 pounds.
%
For every action, there is a corresponding over-reaction.  -- Anthony Battista
%
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.  -- Harrison
%
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.  -- Main
%
For every expert, there is an equal and opposite expert.
%
For every knee, there is a jerk.
%
For NASA, space is still a high priority.  -- Dan Quayle
%
For nosebleed:  Put the nose much lower than the body.
%
For people who like peace and quiet:  A phoneless cord.
%
For people who like that kind of book, that is the kind of book they will like.
%
For sale:  Secondhand tombstone.  Good buy for a person named Murphy.
%
For some reason, this statement reminds everyone of Marvin Zelkowitz.
%
For things to stay the same, many things must change.
%
For this, I spent all those years in college?
%
For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing they like.
%
Foreploy:  Any misrepresentation about yourself that leads to sex.
%
Form follows function, and often obliterates it.
%
Fortune favors the lucky.  -- Tom Weller
%
Fossil flowers come from the Petrified Florist.
%
Four kinds of homicide:  Felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy...
%
Four wheel drive:  Lets you get more stuck, further from help.
%
Free love is priced right.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Freedom is just chaos, with better lighting.  -- Alan Foster
%
Frequent naps prevent old age, especially if taken while driving.
%
Friction is a drag.
%
Friend:  One who knows all about you and loves you just the same.  -- Hubbard
%
Friends don't let friends beer goggle.
%
Friends help you move.  Real friends help you move bodies.
%
Friends:  People who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.  -- Robinson
%
Friends:  People who know you well, but like you anyway.
%
Frisbeetarianism:  Belief that when dead, your soul gets stuck up on the roof.
%
Front seat children cause accidents; back seat accidents cause children.
%
Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded...
%
Furbling:  Walking a maze of ropes even when you are the only person in line.
%
Gambling:  The sure way of getting nothing for something.  -- Wilson Mizner
%
Garmites:  Clothing that fits well in the store but shrinks on the way home.
%
Gee, I thought we'd be a lot higher at MECO!  -- Hawley, STS 41-D pad abort, 1984
%
Genderplex:  Trying to determine from the cutesy pictures which restroom to use.
%
Generally you don't see that kind of behavior in a major appliance.  -- Murray
%
Generica:  Mass-produced identical stores, etc. throughout America.
%
Genetics:  Why you look like your father, or if you don't, why you should.
%
Genius is the infinite capacity for picking brains.
%
Genius:  A chemist who discovers a laundry additive that rhymes with "bright".
%
Gentleman farmer:  One who has more hay in the bank than in the barn.
%
Gentleman:  Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
%
Geometry teaches us to bisex angles.
%
Get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it -- and stop there.
%
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as much as you please.  -- Twain
%
Getting from A to B often requires visiting C through Z.  -- Alan Silverstein
%
Getting old is NOT for sissies.  -- Andy Hill
%
Giraffes have no vocal cords.
%
Giraffiti:  Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
%
Girls, like flowers, bloom but once.  But once is enough.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.  -- Mae West
%
Give a man enough rope and he will lasso another woman.
%
Give a skeptic an inch and he'll measure it.
%
Give me a lever long enough, and a place to stand, and I'll break my lever.
%
Give me a place to sit, and I'll watch.
%
Give me a sleeping pill and tell me your troubles.
%
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
%
Give me chastity and continence, but not just now.  -- St. Augustine
%
Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
%
Give your very best today.  Heaven knows it is little enough.
%
Giving away baby clothes and furniture is the major cause of pregnancy.
%
Gleemites:  Petrified deposits of toothpaste found in sinks.
%
Glibido:  All talk and no action.
%
Go away.  I'm all right.  -- last words of H. G. Wells
%
Go directly to jail.  Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.
%
Go soothingly in the grease mud, as there lurks the skid demon.
%
Go to Heaven for the climate but Hell for the company.  -- Mark Twain
%
God could create everything in six days because he had no installed base.
%
God could not be everywhere; therefore he made mothers.
%
God created the Midwest to keep California 3000 miles away.
%
God divided things evenly:  He gave food to the rich and appetite to the poor.
%
God don't make mistakes.  That's how He got to be God.  -- Archie Bunker
%
God gave us two ears and one mouth.  That ought to tell us something.
%
God gives us relatives; thank God we can choose our friends.  -- Addison Mizner
%
God has no real style, he just goes on trying other things.  -- Pablo Picasso
%
God help the poor, for the rich can help themselves.
%
God help us, we're in the hands of engineers.  -- Ian Malcom, "Jurassic Park"
%
God invented marijuana.  Man invented beer.  Who do you trust?
%
God is a low-impact camper.
%
God is a polytheist.
%
God is an extremely uneven writer, but when he's good, nobody can touch him.
%
God is dead. (Nietzsche)  Nietzsche is dead. (God)  Nietzsche is God. (the Dead)
%
God is my co-pilot, but the devil is my bombardier.
%
God is not dead.  He is alive and autographing Bibles at Cody's!
%
God is not dead.  He is alive and working on a much less ambitious project.
%
God is not dead.  He just couldn't find a parking place.
%
God is religion.  Love is biology.  And sex is physics.
%
God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.
%
God made the idiot for practice, and then he made the School Board.  -- Twain
%
God made the world in six days, and was arrested on the seventh.
%
God must love the common man -- he made so many of them.
%
God was my co-pilot, but we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat him.
%
God, I ask for patience -- and I want it right now!
%
Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
%
Gold:  A metal men dig out of holes for dentists and governments to put back in.
%
Golf is like masturbation -- fun to do, but disgusting to watch.
%
GOLF:  Game Of Limitless Frustration.  -- Bobbie Piety
%
Good advertising can make people buy your product even if it sucks.  -- Adams
%
Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.
%
Good day for a change of scene.  Repaper the bedroom wall.
%
Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance.
%
Good news.  Ten weeks from Friday will be a good day.
%
Good sopranos and tenors have resonance -- where others have brains.
%
Good-bye.  I am leaving because I am bored.  -- last words of George Saunders
%
Got mole problems?  Call Avogadro:  6.02 x 10^23.
%
Government expands to absorb all available revenue and then some.  -- Wiker
%
Governmental machinery:  Labor-saving device, lets ten men do the work of one.
%
Grad school is the snooze button on the alarm clock of life.  -- Jim Squire
%
Graduate life:  It's not just a job, it's an indenture.
%
Graft:  An illegal means of uniting trees to make money.
%
Grasshoppotamus:  A creature that can leap to tremendous heights...  Once.
%
Gravity:  What you get when you eat too much and too fast.
%
Great leaders are rare, so I'm following myself.
%
Great minds run in great circles.
%
Grocery store wanted ad:  Perishable Employee Needed.  Experience Required.
%
Group IQ:  Lowest IQ of any member divided by the number of people in the group.
%
Growing old is inevitable, but growing up is optional.
%
Grub first, then ethics.  -- Bertolt Brecht
%
Guests who kill talk show hosts -- On the last Geraldo.
%
Gymnastics exercises our outsides while genetics exercises our insides.
%
Had there been an actual emergency, you would no longer be here.
%
Hailing frequencies open, Captain.
%
Half of the people you know are below average.
%
Half of what we taught you is wrong -- and we don't know which half.  -- Neifert
%
Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English.  He was rather large.
%
Hangover:  The wrath of grapes.
%
Happiness is a ball in the fairway.
%
Happiness is an inside job.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.  -- Ogden Nash
%
Happiness is your mother-in-law's picture on the back of a milk carton.
%
Hard work has a future payoff.  Laziness pays off now.
%
Hard work might be respectable, but that doesn't make it popular.
%
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
%
Harlez-vous francais?  (Can you drive a French motorcycle?)
%
Have a good laughsitive twice a day, and that will ensure regularhilarity.
%
Have an adequate day.
%
Have an ordinary day.
%
Have you flogged your crew today?
%
Have you noticed that most one-liners do not fit on one line?  -- Sundqvist
%
Haven't you got anyone better to do?
%
Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.
%
Having children will turn you into your parents.
%
He got in touch with reality, but it was a bad connection.  -- Bob Thaves
%
He had delusions of adequacy.  -- Walter Kerr
%
He had insomnia so bad that he couldn't sleep when he was working.  -- Baer
%
He hadn't a single redeeming vice.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
He has the heart of a little child...  It's in a jar on his desk.
%
He is a player who can be relied upon to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.
%
He is considered a most graceful speaker who can say nothing in the most words.
%
He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.
%
He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.  -- Johnson
%
He is so short he has to reach up to tie his shoes.
%
He is so skinny he has to run around in the shower to get wet.
%
He is such a steady worker that he is really motionless.
%
He is the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.  -- Mae West
%
He knew the precise psychological moment when to say nothing.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
He leads his readers to the latrine and locks them in.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
He looked at me as if I was a side dish he hadn't ordered.
%
He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.  -- Forrest Tucker
%
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
%
He speaks Esperanto like a native.  -- Martha Freedman
%
He that loves law will get his fill of it.
%
He was a suitor for her hand, but he did not suit her.
%
He was so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.
%
He who believes the past cannot be changed has not yet written his memoirs.
%
He who dies with the most toys has spent the most time on maintenance.  -- Dix
%
He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
%
He who dies with the most toys, wins.
%
He who enters the contest is optimistic as submarine with screen doors.
%
He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last.
%
He who has had has been but he who has not been has been had.
%
He who hesitates is a damned fool.  -- Mae West
%
He who hesitates is last.  -- Mae West
%
He who hesitates is not only lost, but several miles from the next freeway exit.
%
He who hesitates is probably right.
%
He who hoots with owls by night cannot soar with eagles by day.
%
He who invents adages to peruse takes along rowboat when going on cruise.
%
He who is born to misfortune falls on his back and fractures his nose.
%
He who is content with his lot probably has a lot.
%
He who is still laughing hasn't yet heard the bad news.  -- Bertolt Brecht
%
He who knows all the answers never gets asked the questions.
%
He who laughs last didn't get the joke.
%
He who laughs last is probably your boss.
%
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
%
He who reads many fortunes gets confused.
%
He who shouts the loudest has the floor.  -- Swipple
%
He who speak with forked tongue, not need chopsticks.  -- Chinese proverb
%
He who spends a storm beneath a tree, takes life with a grain of TNT.
%
Headline:  20-Year Friendship Ends at Altar
%
Headline:  Antique Stripper to Display Wares at Store
%
Headline:  Autos Killing 110 a Day -- Let's Resolve to Do Better
%
Headline:  Blind Bishop Appointed to See
%
Headline:  Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She Hasn't Seen in Years
%
Headline:  Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
%
Headline:  Croupiers on Strike -- Management:  "No Big Deal"
%
Headline:  Diaper Market Bottoms Out
%
Headline:  Fund Set Up for Beating Victim's Kin
%
Headline:  Half of U.S. High Schools Require Some Study for Graduation
%
Headline:  Henshaw Offers Rare Opportunity to Goose Hunters
%
Headline:  If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
%
Headline:  Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
%
Headline:  Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
%
Headline:  L.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal by Landslide
%
Headline:  Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice
%
Headline:  Lingerie Shipment Hijacked -- Thief Gives Police the Slip
%
Headline:  March Planned for Next August
%
Headline:  Nicaragua Sets Goal to Wipe Out Literacy
%
Headline:  Patient at Death's Door -- Doctors Pull Him Through
%
Headline:  Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
%
Headline:  Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped
%
Headline:  Stadium Air Conditioning Fails -- Fans Protest
%
Headline:  Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
%
Headline:  War Dims Hope For Peace
%
Headline:  Women's Movement Called More Broad-Based
%
Heads they win, tails you lose.
%
Health is just keeping well; hygiene is being clean about it.
%
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
%
Hearsay:  What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
%
Heat expands:  In the summer the days are longer.
%
Heating with wood, you get warm twice:  Once chopping it, and once stacking it.
%
Heavy:  Seduced by the chocolate side of the force.
%
HECK is where people go when they don't believe in GOSH!
%
Heineken Uncertainty Principle:  Never sure how many beers you had last night.
%
Heinz Catsup leaving the bottle travels at 25 miles per year.
%
Heisenberg might have been here.
%
Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned.  -- Milton Friedman
%
Help fight continental drift.
%
Help stamp out and abolish redundancy.
%
Help Wanted:  Telepath.  You know where to apply.
%
HELP!  MY TYPEWRITER IS BROKEN!  -- E. E. CUMMINGS
%
Her kisses left something to be desired -- the rest of her.
%
Here are the opinions on which my facts are based.
%
Here I am!  Now what are your other two wishes?
%
Here is champagne to our real friends, and real pain to our sham friends.
%
Hi, my name's Ron, how do you like me so far?
%
Highbrow:  A man who has discovered something more interesting than women.
%
Hippoposthumous:  A deceased hippopotamus.  -- Bob Thaves
%
Hire the morally handicapped.
%
His mind is like a steel trap:  Full of mice.  -- Foghorn Leghorn
%
His work is very poor, but at least it's slow.
%
History chronicles the small portion of the past that was suitable for print.
%
History does not repeat itself; historians merely repeat each other.
%
History repeats itself.  That's one thing wrong with history.
%
Hit and run means never having to say you're sorry.
%
Hollywood is where if you don't have happiness you send out for it.  -- Rex Reed
%
Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.
%
Home is where the house is.
%
Honest men marry soon, wise men not at all.  -- Howell
%
Honesty is the best policy -- there is less competition.
%
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
%
Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.  -- Hubbard
%
Honeymoon:  A short period of doting between dating and debting.  -- Ray Bandy
%
Honeymoon:  A thrill of a wife time.
%
Honeymoon:  The vacation a man takes before beginning work under a new boss.
%
Honk if you base your life on advice from bumper stickers.  -- Bob Thaves
%
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
%
Hors d'oeuvres:  A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.
%
Horse sense:  The thing a horse has that keeps it from betting on people.
%
Hospitality:  Making your guests feel at home, even though you wish they were.
%
Hotdogs are best served with a ballgame.
%
How about never?  Is never good for you?
%
How can I miss you if you won't go away?
%
How can someone "draw a blank"?
%
How can there be self-help groups?
%
How can you govern a nation which has 246 kinds of cheese?  -- Charles de Gaulle
%
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
%
How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?
%
How do they get all those little metal bits on a zipper to line up so well?
%
How do they get deer to cross at the yellow road signs?
%
How do you explain school to a higher intelligence?  -- Elliot
%
How do you keep a dummy in suspense?
%
How do you make an elephant float?  Two scoops of elephant and some rootbeer...
%
How long is a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you are on.
%
How long should a man's legs be?  Long enough to reach the ground.  -- Lincoln
%
How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?  All you can afford.
%
How many light bulb jokes does it take to change the subject?
%
How many weeks are there in a light year?
%
How much sin can you get away with and still go to heaven?
%
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
%
How sharper than a hound's tooth it is to have a thankless serpent.
%
How to paint a perfect painting:  Make yourself perfect, then paint naturally.
%
How to regain your virginity:  Reverse the process until it returns.
%
How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.
%
Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill.
%
Human nature will eventually reach perfection; we should enjoy ourselves now.
%
Humidity is the experience of looking for air and finding water.
%
Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs.
%
Humor is the best antidote to reality.
%
Humorists:  Those who can talk sensibly about a controversy.
%
Husbands are like fires; they go out when they're unattended.  -- Zsa Zsa Gabor
%
I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
%
I am a creationist; I refuse to believe that I could have evolved from humans.
%
I am a great housekeeper.  I get divorced.  I keep the house.  -- Zsa Zsa Gabor
%
I am a Hollywood writer, so I put on a sports jacket and take off my brain.
%
I am a Libra.  Libras don't believe in astrology.  -- Al Hibbs
%
I am a nutritional overachiever.
%
I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.  -- A. Whitney Brown
%
I am ashamed to be here, but not ashamed enough to leave.
%
I am at one with my duality.
%
I am defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
%
I am dying beyond my means.  -- last words of Oscar Wilde, sipping champagne
%
I am dying with the help of too many physicians.  -- Alexander the Great
%
I am going to live forever, or die trying!  -- Spider Robinson
%
I am having an out of money experience.
%
I am Homer from BORG, prepare to be assim...  Oooh, donuts!
%
I am in shape...  Round is a shape!
%
I am looking for myself.  Have you seen me lately?
%
I am neither for nor against apathy.
%
I am not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
%
I am not a crook.  -- Richard Nixon
%
I am not a lovable man.  -- Richard Nixon
%
I am not a perfectionist, but my parents were.
%
I am not an Economist.  I am an honest man!  -- Paul McCracken
%
I am not as dumb as you look.
%
I am not cynical, just experienced.
%
I am not deaf, I'm ignoring you.
%
I am not eating, so I must be asleep.  -- John Taylor
%
I am not living in the past -- I'm just paying for it.
%
I am not part of the problem.  I am a Republican.  -- Dan Quayle
%
I am not playing hard to get; I AM hard to get.
%
I am not prejudiced, I hate everyone equally.
%
I am not sure what this is, but an "F" would only dignify it.  -- English prof
%
I am not young enough to know everything.  -- J. M. Barrie
%
I am out of bed and dressed.  What more do you want?
%
I am prepared for all emergencies but totally unprepared for everyday life.
%
I am really enjoying not talking to you, so let's not talk again real soon, OK?
%
I am sorry, but I'm not going to apologize.
%
I am the mommy, that's why!
%
I am the mother of all things, and all things should wear a sweater.
%
I am the person your mother warned you about.
%
I am woman, I am invincible, I am tired...
%
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.  -- Byron
%
I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.  -- Gilda Radner
%
I believe I am God, but can't prove my own existence.
%
I belong to no organized party.  I am a Democrat.  -- Will Rogers
%
I bet you have never seen a plumber bite his nails.
%
I bid you all a very heartfelt goodnight.  -- Johnny Carson, last Tonight show
%
I blame sex and paper for most of our current problems.  -- Scott Adams
%
I bother to show up for work because beer isn't free.
%
I bought my boyfriend a waterbed, but we drifted apart.
%
I bought some powdered water...  But I didn't know what to add.  -- Steven Wright
%
I brake for brick walls.
%
I came to MIT to get an education for myself and a diploma for my mother.
%
I came, I saw, I had no idea what was going on, so I left.  -- Dick Ross
%
I can only please one person each day.  Today's not your day.  Maybe tomorrow.
%
I can relate to that.
%
I can resist everything except temptation.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...
%
I can't believe you are the result of millions of years of evolution.  -- Cate
%
I can't give you brains, but I can give you a diploma.  -- the Wizard of Oz
%
I can't help hearing, but I don't always listen.  -- George Burns, "Oh God"
%
I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
%
I carry a gun because a cop is too heavy.  -- John Steinbeck
%
I couldn't have said that longer myself.  -- John Taylor
%
I decided success would be making just one person happy.  I picked me.  -- Thaves
%
I did not believe in reincarnation the last time either.
%
I did not fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
%
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
%
I do desire we may be better strangers.  -- William Shakespeare
%
I do most of my work sitting down; that is where I shine.  -- Robert Blenchey
%
I do not believe in afterlife, but I am bringing a change of underwear.  -- Allen
%
I don't ask questions, I just have fun!  -- Bugs Bunny
%
I don't care who does the electing as long as I get to do the nominating.
%
I don't date outside my species.
%
I don't have a license to kill...  I have a learner's permit.
%
I don't have a problem with San Francisco parking.  I drive a forklift.
%
I don't have an attitude problem.  You have a perception problem.
%
I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem.  -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%
I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
%
I don't know where I am, but I'm not too far back.  -- Alan Silverstein
%
I don't know whether to kill myself or go bowling.
%
I don't like money actually, but it quiets my nerves.  -- Joe Louis
%
I don't love my mother, I just hate her less than everyone else.
%
I don't make jokes.  I just watch the government and report the facts.  -- Rogers
%
I don't suffer from stress.  I'm a carrier.
%
I don't worry about terrorism.  I was married for two years.  -- Sam Kinison
%
I doubt, therefore I might be.
%
I drank what?  -- Socrates
%
I drink to make other people interesting.  -- George Nathan
%
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
%
I embrace poverty.  To annoy me, send money.
%
I feel like a million tonight, but one at a time.  -- Mae West
%
I feel more like I do now than I did a little while ago.
%
I finally got my head together, but now my body is falling apart.
%
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
%
I go on working for the same reason that a hen goes on laying eggs.  -- Mencken
%
I graduated first in my class from alibi school.  -- Jeffrey McDaniel
%
I had plastic surgery last week.  I cut up my credit cards.  -- Henny Youngman
%
I hate quotations.  -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%
I hate the outdoors.  To me the outdoors is where the car is.  -- Will Durst
%
I have already told you more than I know.
%
I have always been crazy, but it's kept me from going insane.
%
I have been in more laps than a napkin.  -- Mae West
%
I have been on a diet for two weeks, and all I've lost is 14 days.
%
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something.
%
I have found that children remember only what they want to.  -- Bill Cosby
%
I have found that the best direction for a hot tub to face is up.  -- Dave Barry
%
I have given up reading books; it takes my mind off myself.
%
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening.  But this wasn't it.  -- Groucho Marx
%
I have heard about people like me, but I never made the connection.  -- McLean
%
I have known a great many troubles, most of which never happened.  -- Mark Twain
%
I have no problems with God; it's his fan club that bothers me!
%
I have not seen as far as others because giants were standing on my shoulders.
%
I have seen that pattern on wallpaper before, but never on clothing.
%
I have seen the evidence...  I want DIFFERENT evidence.
%
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.  -- Albran
%
I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
%
I have the simplest tastes.  I am always satisfied with the best.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
I have ways of making money that you know nothing of.  -- John D. Rockefeller
%
I haven't lost my mind; I know exactly where I left it.
%
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months.  I don't like to interrupt her.
%
I hope my record gets out before the world blows up.  -- Madonna
%
I hope you receive all the letters I mean to write.
%
I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.  -- Bill Hoest
%
I just want revenge.  Is that so wrong?
%
I keep on making the same misttakes.  -- Christer Sundqvist
%
I know I am efficient.  Tell me I am beautiful.
%
I know on which side my bread is buttered.  -- John Heywood
%
I like cats, too.  Let's exchange recipes.
%
I like it better in the dark.
%
I like looking at geniuses, and listening to beautiful people.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
I like men who have a future and women who have a past.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
I like the outsides of some things and the insides of others.  -- Madonna
%
I like work; it fascinates me.  I can sit and look at it for hours.  -- Jerome
%
I like you.  You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
%
I live in my own little world, but that's OK, they know me here.
%
I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix.  -- Dan Quayle
%
I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away.
%
I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.
%
I love it when it stays light out until it gets dark.
%
I love mankind...  It's people I hate.  -- Schulz
%
I love my job; it's the work I can't stand.
%
I married Miss Right.  I just didn't know her middle name was Always.
%
I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong.  -- Isaac Asimov
%
I may not be the world's greatest lover, but number seven's not bad.  -- Allen
%
I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.  -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%
I might be crazy, but I am not stupid.
%
I might not always be perfect, but I am always me.
%
I might not know what I am doing, but I know how to do it.
%
I must follow the people.  Am I not their leader?  -- Benjamin Disraeli
%
I must get out of these wet clothes and into a dry Martini.  -- Woolcott
%
I need a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter.  -- Dan Rome
%
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.  -- Marx
%
I never heard a minute's silence like that.  -- Glenn Hoddle
%
I never knew what happiness was until I got married...  Then it was too late!
%
I never made a mistake in my life.  I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
%
I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation.  -- George Shaw
%
I once put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time.  -- Wright
%
I only like two kinds of men:  Foreign and domestic.  -- Mae West
%
I own and operate a ferocious ego.  -- Bill Moyers
%
I plan on living forever.  So far, so good.
%
I plead contemporary insanity.
%
I prefer beauty to brains because I can see better than I can think.
%
I promise we would only loose ten to twenty million TOPS!  -- Dr. Strangelove
%
I really had to act; 'cause I didn't have any lines.  -- Marilyn Chambers
%
I refuse to star in your psychodrama.
%
I reserve the right to die or resign without notice.  -- Justice Harlan
%
I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.  -- Steven Wright
%
I see time away from the refrigerator as exercise.  -- Ellen Langer
%
I shot an arrow into the air and it stuck.  -- graffiti in Los Angeles
%
I should've bought a CATCHING license instead of a FISHING license!  -- Saiff
%
I sort of always get low-grade mystical experiences.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
I spilled spot remover on my dog.  Now he's gone.  -- Steve Wright
%
I stand by all the misstatements that I've made.  -- Dan Quayle
%
I stared Mother Nature in the face, and she smiled back.  -- Doug Baskins
%
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it left.  -- R.E. Atkinson
%
I suggest a new strategy, Artoo:  Let the Wookee win.  -- CP30
%
I think I am a sexual threat.  -- Madonna
%
I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.
%
I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree.  -- Ogden Nash
%
I think we are all Bozos on this bus.
%
I think, therefore I am paid.
%
I think, therefore I am!  I think?  -- William Etkin
%
I think, therefore I am...  Usually in a lot of trouble.
%
I think, therefore I'm single.  -- Lizz Winstead
%
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
%
I thought YOU were supposed to feed the dinosaurs!  -- Bob Thaves
%
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
%
I typo ther fr I m.
%
I used to be a nun, but I kicked the habit.
%
I used to be agnostic, but now I'm not so sure.  -- John Kock
%
I used to be an adult before I grew up.
%
I used to be an idealist, but I got mugged by reality.
%
I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.  -- Boscoe Pertwee
%
I used to be lost in the shuffle.  Now I just shuffle along with the lost.
%
I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.  -- Mae West
%
I used to get high on life, but lately I have built up a resistance.
%
I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
%
I used to know that stuff.
%
I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
%
I want buns of steel so I can hold up my pants with refrigerator magnets.
%
I want it all and I want it now.
%
I want to achieve immortality through not dying.  -- Woody Allen
%
I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job.  -- George Bush
%
I was an expert parent.  Then I had children.
%
I was dangerously boring.  -- Scott Adams
%
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly and I did.  I said I didn't know.
%
I went looking for trouble, and I found it.  -- Charles Ponzi
%
I went on two diets at once because one diet wasn't giving me enough food.
%
I will always love the false image I had of you.  -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%
I will meet you at the corner of Walk and Don't Walk.
%
I will never lie to you.
%
I wish you happy New Year...  But only one.  -- Frederick Lonsdale
%
I worked in a pet shop and people kept asking how big I'd get.  -- Dangerfield
%
I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.  -- Groucho Marx
%
I would explain it to you but your brain would explode.
%
I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
%
I would have made a good pope.  -- Richard Nixon
%
I would know what to think if I knew who to believe.
%
I would like to help you out.  Which way did you come in?
%
I would like to lick apricot brandy out of your navel.  -- Cerebus
%
I would never join any club that would have the likes of me as a member.  -- Marx
%
I would rather be an extemporaneous fool than a premeditated ass.
%
I would rather fish than eat, particularly eat fish.  -- Corey Ford
%
I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
%
I wouldn't mind being poor if I had lots of money.
%
I wrote a friend a check for a negative amount, but he wouldn't cash it.
%
I wrote a song but I can't read music so I don't know what it is.  -- Wright
%
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
%
I'd like to meet the person who invented sex, and see what he's working on now.
%
I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.
%
I'd rather walk through a fire than walk away from one.  -- Madonna
%
I'll give you a definite maybe.  -- Samuel Goldwyn
%
I'll play it first and tell you what it is later.  -- Miles Davis
%
I'll race you to China.  You can have a head start.  Ready, set, GO!
%
I'll tell you the meaning of life if you promise not to laugh.  -- Bob Thaves
%
I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
%
I'm a psychic amnesiac:  I know in advance what I'll forget.  -- Michael McShane
%
I'm going to commit suicide, or die trying.  -- Michael Burgess
%
I'm in Pittsburgh.  Why am I here?  -- Harold Urey
%
I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
%
I'm lost and out looking for myself.  If I show up before I return, I'll wait.
%
I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it any more!
%
I'm not 27, I'm 12, with 15 years of experience.
%
I'm not a recovering chocoholic...  Why would I want to be?
%
I'm not afraid of heights, I'm afraid of falling.  -- Darren Smith
%
I'm not afraid to die.  I just don't want to be there when it happens.  -- Allen
%
I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.
%
I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
%
I'm not going deaf.  I'm ignoring you.
%
I'm not into working out.  My philosophy is:  No pain, no pain.
%
I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
%
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am.
%
I'm pretty good with BS but I love listening to an expert.  Keep talking.
%
I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
%
I'm smarter than the average bear!  -- Yogi Bear
%
I'm still an atheist, thank God.  -- Luis Bunuel
%
I'm thirty years old, but I read at the thirty-four-year-old level.  -- Carvey
%
I've been on a calendar, but I've never been on time.  -- Marilyn Monroe
%
I've been rich and I've been poor.  Believe me, rich is better.  -- Mae West
%
I've been things and done places.  -- Mae West
%
I've heard that money can't buy happiness, but I'd like to find out for myself.
%
I've just learned about his illness.  Let's hope it's nothing trivial.  -- Cobb
%
I've only got one other speed, and it's slower.  -- Glenn Ford
%
I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again.  -- Noel Coward
%
Ice cream cures all ills.  Temporarily.  -- Seleznick
%
Idiot box:  Part of an envelope that tells a person where to place the stamp.
%
Idiots drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.
%
If "I am" is the shortest sentence in English, "I do" is the longest.
%
If A = B and B = C, then A = C, except where void or prohibited by law.
%
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
%
If a funeral procession is at night, do people drive with their lights off?
%
If a man keeps his trap shut, the world will beat a path to his door.  -- Adams
%
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
%
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
%
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
%
If a straight line fit is required, obtain only two data points.
%
If a tree wants to make a sound in a forest, must it fall to do so?  -- Taylor
%
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
%
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
%
If a young writer can refrain from writing, he shouldn't hesitate to do so.
%
If all is not lost, where is it?
%
If all men were brothers, would you let one marry your sister?
%
If all the world's a stage, I want some better lighting.
%
If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.  -- Paul Beatty
%
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
%
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
%
If an item is advertised as "under $50", you can bet it's not $19.95.  -- McGowan
%
If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linked verb is.  -- William Safire
%
If aquarium gravel is bad for you, how come it tastes so good?  -- Ralph Wiggum
%
If at first you do succeed, try to hide your astonishment.
%
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
%
If at first you don't succeed, quit; don't be a nut about success.
%
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
%
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.
%
If at first you don't succeed, you probably didn't really care anyway.
%
If at first you don't succeed, you'll get lots of advice.
%
If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.  -- Leonard Levinson
%
If at first you don't succeed, your successor will.  -- Lord Birdwood
%
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
%
If cats could talk, they'd say things like, "Hey, I don't see the problem here."
%
If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of adolescence.
%
If drinking directly from a bottle, hold it with fingers covering the label.
%
If enough data is collected, anything can be proven by statistical methods.
%
If entropy is increasing, where is it coming from?
%
If flattery gets you nowhere, try bribery.
%
If God had meant for us to be naked, we would have been born that way.
%
If God had wanted you to go around nude, He would have given you bigger hands.
%
If God is perfect, why did he create discontinuous functions?
%
If God is so great, how come everything he makes dies?  -- George Carlin
%
If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all his windows.  -- Yiddish proverb
%
If God meant for you to take life seriously, you would have no sense of humor.
%
If guns are outlawed, how will we shoot the liberals?
%
If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them.  -- Sue Grafton
%
If I can be of any help, you're in worse trouble than I thought.  -- Henry Cate
%
If I can't take it with me, I'm not going!
%
If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive.  -- Samuel Goldwyn
%
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.
%
If I ever marry, it will be on a sudden impulse -- as a man shoots himself.
%
If I follow you home, will you keep me?
%
If I had a life, I'd end it.
%
If I had a ruler, I'd beat you within an inch of your life.  -- Groucho Marx
%
If I had any humility I would be perfect.  -- Ted Turner
%
If I had known I would live so long I would have taken better care of myself.
%
If I have sex with my clone, will I go blind?
%
If I insult you, you can be goddamn sure I intend to.  -- John Wayne
%
If I owned Texas and Hell, I would rent out Texas and live in Hell.  -- Sheridan
%
If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
%
If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
%
If I was under any more pressure, the carbon in my body would turn to diamonds.
%
If I were you, who would you be?
%
If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times:  Resist hyperbole.
%
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?
%
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
%
If ignorance isn't bliss, I don't know what is.  -- Craig Ewing
%
If in doubt, make it sound convincing.
%
If in doubt, mumble.
%
If it ain't broke, you're not trying hard enough.  -- New Red Green Show
%
If it ain't damp, it ain't camp.
%
If it falls off, it doesn't matter.  -- Tom Magliozzi
%
If it flies, floats, or fornicates, it is cheaper to rent.
%
If it is Tuesday, this must be someone else's fortune.
%
If it is worth doing, it is worth doing for money.
%
If it jams, force it.  If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
%
If it looks easy, it's tough.  If it looks tough, it's nearly impossible.
%
If it pours before seven, it has rained by eleven.
%
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
%
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
%
If it wasn't for Newton, we wouldn't have to eat bruised apples.
%
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
%
If it were truly the thought that counted, more women would be pregnant.
%
If it weren't for pick-pocketers I'd have no sex life at all.  -- Dangerfield
%
If it's called tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
%
If liberals really hated America -- they'd vote Republican!
%
If life gives you lemons, take them, free stuff is cool.
%
If little else, the brain is an educational toy.  -- Tom Robbins
%
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
%
If money can fix it, it's not a problem.  -- Tom Magliozzi
%
If more than one person is responsible for a problem, no one is at fault.
%
If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.  -- Silverman
%
If no one ever took risks, Michelangelo would have painted the Sistine Floor.
%
If nothing ever sticks to teflon, how do they make it stick to the frying pan?
%
If one hundred people do a foolish thing, one will become injured.
%
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
%
If only I could be respected without having to be respectable.
%
If opportunity came disguised as temptation, one knock would be enough.
%
If parents would only realize how they bore their children.  -- George Shaw
%
If reproducibility might be a problem, conduct the test only once.
%
If Satan ever loses his hair, there'll be hell toupee.
%
If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on vacation.
%
If sound can't travel in a vacuum, why are vacuum cleaners so noisy?
%
If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
%
If the facts do not conform to your theory, they must be disposed of.
%
If the genie won't grant you more than three wishes, wish for more genies.
%
If the odds are a million to one against something, chances of it are 50-50.
%
If the plane you're on is late, the plane to which you're connecting is on time.
%
If the Pope wants to see me, he can come to my show.  -- Madonna
%
If the probability of success is not almost one, it is damn near zero.  -- Ellis
%
If the question of what it all means doesn't mean anything...  -- xkcd
%
If the ship is not sinking, the rats must be the ones not leaving.
%
If the shoe fits, buy the other one too.
%
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.  -- Gold
%
If there is anything a public servant hates to do it's something for the public.
%
If there is light at the end of the tunnel...  ORDER MORE TUNNEL.
%
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?  -- Art Hoppe
%
If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?
%
If they lined up all the men in the world...  That would be one funky line!
%
If they won't read my words, no one's going to stop them.  -- John Taylor
%
If things get any worse, I will have to ask you to stop helping me.
%
If this aphorism did not exist, somebody would have invented it.
%
If this were subjunctive, I'm in the wrong mood.
%
If thou art in the bathtub, the telephone tolls for thee.
%
If time flies, does it mean you are having fun?
%
If time heals all wounds, how come bellybuttons don't fill in?
%
If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what was yesterday?
%
If triangles had a God, he'd have three sides.  -- old Yiddish proverb
%
If we all work together we can totally disrupt the system.  -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
%
If we do not succeed, we run the risk of failure.  -- Dan Quayle
%
If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be research.  -- J. C. Stamos
%
If we were meant to fly, we wouldn't keep losing our luggage.
%
If we're here to take care of other people, what are they here for?  -- Wilson
%
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
%
If you are a fatalist, what can you do about it?  -- Ann Edwards-Duff
%
If you are asked to join a parade, don't march behind the elephants.  -- Zisla
%
If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
%
If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live.
%
If you are given on open-book exam, you will forget your book.
%
If you are going to do something wrong, you should do it right.  -- Garfield
%
If you are good you get all the work.  If you're really good you get out of it.
%
If you are horny, it's lust, but if your partner's horny, it's affection.
%
If you are mad at your neighbor, buy his kid a drum.
%
If you are not very clever you should be conciliatory.  -- Benjamin Disraeli
%
If you are seen fixing it, you will be blamed for breaking it.
%
If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
%
If you believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
%
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.  -- J. Paul Getty
%
If you can get a new car for your spouse, it's a great trade.
%
If you can lead it to water and force it to drink, it isn't a horse.
%
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
%
If you can survive death, you can probably survive anything.
%
If you can't be good, be careful.  If you can't be careful, give me a call.
%
If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
%
If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with bullshit.
%
If you can't find your glasses, it's probably because you don't have them on.
%
If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
%
If you can't make it good, make it big.
%
If you can't say anything nice, you probably don't have many friends.
%
If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.
%
If you cannot convince them, confuse them.  -- Harry S Truman
%
If you cannot hope for order, withdraw with style from the chaos.  -- Stoppard
%
If you do a job too well, you will get stuck with it.  -- Slous
%
If you do something right once, someone will ask you to do it again.
%
If you do something right the first time, no one will know how hard it was.
%
If you don't believe me, stand in line.
%
If you don't care where you are, then you aren't lost.
%
If you don't go to other men's funerals they won't go to yours.  -- Clarence Day
%
If you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly.
%
If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone.  Just take another road.
%
If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
%
If you don't like the weather in New England, just wait a few minutes.  -- Twain
%
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
%
If you don't say anything, you won't be called on to repeat it.  -- Coolidge
%
If you explain so clearly that no one can possibly misunderstand, someone will.
%
If you find a place to park, later you won't find your car.
%
If you get a mouthful of hot soup, the next thing you do will be wrong.
%
If you get angry at a newspaper columnist, he will get rich or famous or both.
%
If you have half a mind to watch TV, that is enough.
%
If you have kleptomania, you can always take something for it.
%
If you have nothing to say, please say it only once.
%
If you have to ask how much it is, you can't afford it.
%
If you have to travel on the Titanic, why not go first class?  -- Hempstone
%
If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
%
If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?
%
If you lend someone $20 and never see them again, it was probably worth it.
%
If you liked Earth, you will love Heaven.
%
If you listen to too much advice you may wind up making other people's mistakes.
%
If you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
%
If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.  -- Graham Summer
%
If you look like your passport photo, it's time to go home.  -- Erma Bombeck
%
If you look like your passport photo, you aren't well enough to travel.  -- Fuch
%
If you mess with a thing long enough, it will break.  -- Schmidt
%
If You Pass This Point You Will Most Certainly Die.  -- sign on birth canal
%
If you put it off long enough, it might go away.
%
If you start off dumb enough, you can learn something new each day.
%
If you stay up all night wondering where the sun is, it will dawn on you.
%
If you talk to God you are praying; if God talks to you, you have schizophrenia.
%
If you think before you speak, the other fellow gets in his joke first.  -- Howe
%
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try filing your income tax late.
%
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
%
If you think outside the box, the box will think outside you.  -- Quarnstrom
%
If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it.  -- Kasspe
%
If you think there is good in everyone, you haven't met everyone.
%
If you thought yesterday was bad, wait till you see what happens today.
%
If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?
%
If you took out all your blood vessels and laid them end-to-end, you'd die.
%
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
%
If you turn on the light quickly enough you can see what the dark looks like.
%
If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.  -- Naomi, age 15
%
If you want to come back after death, be sure to get your hand stamped first.
%
If you want to know how old a man is, ask his brother-in-law.
%
If you want to put yourself on the map, publish your own map.
%
If you were to ask me this question, what would my answer be?
%
If you're born again, do you get two bellybuttons?
%
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.  -- Wright
%
If you've got part of it, flaunt that part.
%
If you've seen one redwood, you've seen them all.  -- Ronald Reagan
%
If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.
%
If your feet smell and your nose runs, you were built upside down.
%
If your parents didn't have any children, neither will you.
%
Ignorance:  When you don't know anything, and someone else finds out.
%
Ignoranus:  A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
%
Ignore previous fortune.
%
Ill-bred children always display their pest manners.
%
Illiterate?  Write for free help.
%
Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery.  -- Jack Paar
%
Immortality -- a fate worse than death.  -- Edgar Shoaff
%
Imports are ports very far inland.
%
In 1869 the waffle iron was invented for people who had wrinkled waffles.
%
In a gambit you give up a pawn for the sake of getting a lost game.  -- Boden
%
In a ham and egg breakfast, the chicken was involved, but the pig was committed.
%
In a modern household, the only things we have to wash by hand are children.
%
In America, anyone can be President.  That's one of the risks you take.
%
In America, it is not how much an item costs, it is how much you save.
%
In an accident, it's not who's right, but who's left.  -- Geoff Torres
%
In an orderly world, there is always a place for the disorderly.
%
In base infinity, all integers are just one digit.
%
In Boston, drivers don't even obey the laws of PHYSICS.  -- Dave Barry
%
In case of emergency, contact:  "A good doctor."
%
In case of fire...  Yell "fire".
%
In cyberspace, everyone gets their 15 minutes of shame.  -- Michael Fry
%
In democracy your vote counts.  In feudalism your count votes.
%
In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.
%
In English, every word can be verbed.
%
In everything but brains and brawn, women are vastly superior to men.  -- Edward Abbey
%
In government, where there is a vacancy, there is a relative.
%
In Lake Wobegon, all the children are above average.  -- Garrison Keilor
%
In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy.
%
In married life three is company and two is none.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
In matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved.  -- Butler
%
In midevil times most of the people were alliterate.
%
In my case, saving the world was only a hobby.  -- Edward Abbey
%
In New York City, it is easier to get a girlfriend than an apartment.
%
In order to get a loan you must first prove you don't need it.
%
In principle I am against principles.  -- Tristan Tzara
%
In process:  So wrapped up in red tape that the situation is almost hopeless.
%
In some cultures what you do would be considered normal.
%
In spite of the high cost of living, it is still very popular.  -- Laurence Peter
%
In Texas the men are men, but for some reason they have to keep proving it.
%
In the battle between airplanes and the ground, the ground has yet to lose.  -- Darwin Awards
%
In the first half of our life we learn habits that shorten the second half.
%
In the future, your clothes will be smarter than you.  -- Scott Adams
%
In the memo field of every check you issue, write, "for sexual favors."
%
In the morning, I do not want to eat gum drops and cheese doodles.  -- Madonna
%
In the subway it is called congestion; in the disco it is called intimacy.
%
In the world of words, one of my best-loved tribes is the diatribe.  -- Edward Abbey
%
In the years ahead, when you come to a fork in the road, take it.  -- Yogi Berra
%
In this world, truth can wait; she is used to it.
%
Include me out.  -- Samuel Goldwyn
%
Incoming fire has the right of way.
%
Incompetence is a double-edged banana.  -- J. P. Barlow
%
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
%
Individualists unite!
%
Infectious disease is one of the few genuine adventures left in the world.
%
Ingrate:  Bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of indigestion.
%
Ingress is not a necessary precursor to egress.
%
Inoculatte:  To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
%
Insanity is inherited; you get it from your kids!
%
Inside every old person is a young person...  Wondering what the heck happened.
%
Insomnia:  What you have when you lie awake all night for an hour.  -- Gilbert
%
Insomniac agnostic dyslexic:  Lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.
%
Instant sex will never be better than the kind you have to peel and cook.
%
Institute:  An archaic school where football is not taught.
%
Insufficient data for a meaningful answer at this time.  -- Isaac Asimov
%
Intaxication:  Misguided euphoria about a tax refund (of your own money).
%
Intellectuals going round in circles until they disappear up their own holes.
%
Intelligence has much less practical application than you'd think.  -- Scott Adams
%
Interchangeable parts won't.
%
Invest in physics; own a piece of Dirac.
%
Iowa State grads put their diploma on the dashboard to park in handicap zones.
%
Irrationality is the square root of all evil.  -- Douglas Hofstadter
%
Irresistible force + immovable object = inconceivable disturbance.
%
Irritainment:  Media spectacles that are annoying but spellbinding.
%
IRS:  Income Reduction Service.
%
Is Interstate 35 the best thing to come out of Iowa?
%
Is is the verb for when you don't want a verb.
%
Is it possible to be totally partial?
%
Is it the God of the Catholics or of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
%
Is it time for lunch yet?
%
Is knowledge knowable, and how do we know?
%
Is that a pistol in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?  -- Mae West
%
Is there life before coffee?
%
Is there life before death?  -- Belfast graffiti
%
Is this really happening?
%
It ain't loafing unless they can prove it.  -- Dick Brown
%
It behooves the writer to avoid archaic expressions.
%
It bothers people if you are lucid and ironic.  -- Albert Camus
%
It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations.
%
It doesn't matter that everything has already been said -- no one was listening.
%
It doesn't matter whether you win or lose -- until you lose.
%
It has been Monday all week today.
%
It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
%
It is a mistake to let any mechanical object know you are in a hurry.
%
It is a small world.  So you gotta use your elbows a lot.
%
It is an inappropriate response to get a headache in the presence of a miracle.
%
It is bad luck to be superstitious.  -- Andrew Mathis
%
It is better for civilization to go down the drain than to come up it.  -- Allen
%
It is better to be an ancestor than a descendant.
%
It is better to be on penicillin than never to have loved at all.
%
It is better to be on the ground wishing you were flying, than vice versa.
%
It is better to burn out than to fade away.
%
It is better to give than to lend, and it costs about the same.
%
It is better to have a positive Wasserman than never to have loved at all.
%
It is better to have loved and lost -- much better.
%
It is better to have loved and lost than just to have lost.
%
It is better to light one candle than to torch a wax museum with a flamethrower.
%
It is better to remain childless than to father an orphan.  -- Tom Weller
%
It is better to sit still than rise and fall.  -- Scott
%
It is called cold cash because we don't keep it long enough to get it warm.
%
It is considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
%
It is dangerous to name your children before you know how many you will have.
%
It is difficult to legislate morality in the absence of moral legislators.
%
It is difficult to make predictions, particularly about the future.  -- Confucius
%
It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
%
It is easier to take it apart than to put it back together.  -- Washlesky
%
It is easy being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
%
It is easy to love a sleeping baby.
%
It is great to live in the fast lane, if you can find the on-ramp.
%
It is hard to be humble when you are so perfect.
%
It is hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
%
It is hard to seize the day when you must first grapple with the morning.
%
It is kind of fun to do the impossible.  -- Walt Disney
%
It is later than you think.
%
It is lonely at the top of the food chain, but you eat better.
%
It is morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
%
It is more than magnificent -- it is mediocre.  -- Samuel Goldwyn
%
It is much easier to suggest solutions when you know nothing about the problem.
%
It is not a good omen when goldfish commit suicide.
%
It is not a pre-existing condition unless you had it before you existed.
%
It is not an optical illusion, it just looks like one.  -- Phil White
%
It is not Camelot, but it's not Cleveland, either.  -- Boston mayor Kevin White
%
It is not my week to care.
%
It is not premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
%
It is not procrastination if you decide to postpone it right now.
%
It is not speeding if there are still cars in front of you.
%
It is not that you and I are so clever, but that the others are such fools.
%
It is not the end of the world, but you can see it from there.
%
It is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs.
%
It is so soon that I am done for, I wonder what I was begun for.  -- epitaph
%
It is sweet to be remembered, but cheaper to be forgotten.
%
It is tough being you, but you are the one most qualified for the job.
%
It is trying not to appear poor that keeps a lot of folks broke.
%
It isn't what a teenager knows that bothers his parents; it is how he found out.
%
It might appear I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm quite busy.
%
It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father.
%
It requires strong constitution to withstand repeated attacks of prosperity.
%
It seems to make an auto driver mad if she misses you.
%
It takes 45 muscles to frown, but only four to give the finger.  -- Niki Roman
%
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
%
It takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.  -- Mark Twain
%
It takes years to become an overnight success.
%
It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.
%
It was a brave man that ate the first oyster.
%
It was such a beautiful day I decided to stay in bed.  -- W. Somerset Maugham
%
It works better if you plug it in.
%
It would be best if you did not remind God of my existence.  -- Doug Quarnstrom
%
It would be nice to be sure of anything the way some people are of everything.
%
It would take a miracle to get you out of Casablanca.  -- Humphrey Bogart
%
It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.  -- Jackson
%
It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear.  -- Dick Cavett
%
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.  -- Stephen Wright
%
It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of karma to burn off.
%
It's all right to hold a conversation, but you should let go of it now and then.
%
It's been real and it's been fun, but it hasn't been real fun.
%
It's better to be looked over than overlooked.  -- Mae West
%
It's better to have loafed and lost than never to have loafed at all.  -- Thurber
%
It's certainly strange how little I look like me.  -- Bob Thaves
%
It's good to get a taste of someone else's moccasins.
%
It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean.  -- Mae West
%
It's hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa.
%
It's hard to soar like an eagle when you are surrounded by turkeys.
%
It's hell to work for a nervous boss, especially if you are why he's nervous!  -- Alan Silverstein
%
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
%
It's just too easy to start a religion.  -- Bill Maher
%
It's not easy being green.  -- Kermit the frog
%
It's not hard to meet expenses; they are everywhere.
%
It's not the men in my life, it's the life in my men.  -- Mae West
%
It's not the pace of life that concerns me; it's the sudden stop at the end.
%
It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you look playing the game.
%
It's often your clothing that gets promoted.  -- Scott Adams
%
It's sick the way you people keep having sex without me.
%
It's the friends you can call up at 4 am that matter.  -- Marlene Dietrich
%
It's time for the human race to enter the solar system.  -- Dan Quayle
%
Jealousy:  All the fun you think they have.
%
Jehovah has a very limited repertoire of emotional responses, as gods go.  -- Dass
%
Jesus saves sinners and redeems them for valuable cash prizes.
%
Jesus saves; Moses invests; but only Buddha pays dividends.
%
Jesus to headwaiter at Last Supper:  "Separate checks, please."  -- Edward Abbey
%
Job placement:  Telling your boss what he can do with your job.
%
John Muir was the sum of his parks.  -- Henry Gay
%
Journalism is literature in a hurry.  -- Matthew Arnold
%
Journalism is the first draft of history.  -- Philip Graham
%
Journalism will kill you, but it will keep you alive while you are at it.
%
Journalists print 10% of what you tell them, and they get that wrong.  -- Richard Hill
%
Junk:  Stuff we throw away.  Stuff:  Junk we keep.
%
Jury:  Twelve men and women trying to decide which party has the best lawyer.
%
Just as nature abhors a vacuum, truth abhors a know-it-all.  -- Michael Mode
%
Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.
%
Just because you are not paranoid doesn't mean they are not out to get you.
%
Just give Alice some pencils and she will stay busy for hours.
%
Just when you get going, someone injects a dose of reality with a large needle.
%
Just when you learn to make the most of it, most of it is gone.
%
Justice:  A decision in your favor.
%
Karmageddon:  When the Earth explodes due to bad vibes.
%
Keep a very firm grasp on reality, so you can strangle it at any time.
%
Keep America beautiful.  Swallow your beer cans.
%
Keep in mind that all I had to work with was chaos.  -- God, per Bob Thaves
%
Keep stress out of your life.  Give it to others instead.
%
Keep the pointy end forward and the dirty side down.
%
Keychain:  A device that allows you to lose multiple keys at once.
%
Kilroy occupied these spatial coordinates.
%
Kiss me twice, I'm schizophrenic.
%
Klatu barada nikto.
%
Klein bottle for rent -- inquire within.
%
Kleptomaniac:  A rich thief.
%
Knocked; you weren't in.  -- Opportunity
%
Know thyself -- but don't tell anyone.
%
Know what I hate most?  Rhetorical questions.  -- Henry Camp
%
Krogt:  The metallic silver coating found on fast-food game cards.
%
Lack of prior planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
%
Lactomangulation:  Abusing the "open here" spout on a milk carton.
%
Landing:  A controlled mid-air collision with a planet.
%
Late to bed, early to rise, makes a man tired.
%
Laugh alone, and the world thinks you're an idiot.
%
Laugh and the world laughs with you.  Cry and the world laughs at you.
%
Laugh at your problems; everybody else does.
%
Laugh, and the world ignores you.  Crying doesn't help either.
%
Lawyers:  America's untapped export market.
%
Lead me not into temptation.  I can find it myself.
%
Leakproof seals...  Do.
%
Learn from your parents' mistakes -- use birth control!
%
Learn the rules.  Then break some.  -- H. Jackson Brown
%
Learning at some schools is like drinking from a firehose.
%
Lecture:  Makes you feel numb on one end and dumb on the other.  -- C. N. Pearce
%
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
%
Leftover nuts never match leftover bolts.
%
Legalize freedom.
%
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
%
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
%
Let us share the deepest secrets of our souls!  You first.
%
Let's get drunk and be somebody.
%
Let's hope God grades on a curve.
%
Liberal arts major...  Will think for money.
%
Liberal:  A Conservative who has just been arrested.
%
Liberal:  Someone too poor to be a capitalist and too rich to be a communist.
%
Liberal:  Too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel.
%
Licorice is the liver of candy.  -- Michael O'Donoghue
%
Lie:  A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one discovered to date.
%
Life -- love it or leave it.
%
Life begins at the centerfold and expands outward.  -- Miss November, 1966
%
Life does not begin at 40 for those who went 60 at 20.
%
Life is a game of bridge -- and you have just been finessed.
%
Life is a jigsaw puzzle with most of the pieces missing.
%
Life is a journey, but relax, you will find a parking place at the end.
%
Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.
%
Life is a whole series of circumstances beyond your control.
%
Life is antagonistic to the living.
%
Life is carcinogenic.  -- Abdul Khaliq
%
Life is complex.  It has real and imaginary parts.
%
Life is difficult because it is non-linear.
%
Life is fraught with opportunities to keep your mouth shut.
%
Life is just a stage:  We all go through it.  -- John Taylor
%
Life is just sudden-death overtime.
%
Life is like a fountain...  I will tell you how when I figure it out.
%
Life is like a maze in which we all go around trying not to find an exit.
%
Life is like a sewer...  What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
%
Life is like an analogy.
%
Life is nature's way of keeping meat fresh.  -- Doug Quarnstrom
%
Life is not for everyone.
%
Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.
%
Life is the ultimate cause of death.  -- Lyle McDonald
%
Life is too confusing for novices.  We should let the experts take care of it.
%
Life is too important to be taken seriously.
%
Life is tough.  If it wasn't, anybody could do it.
%
Life is uncertain, so eat dessert first.
%
Life is wasted on the living.
%
Life is what puts the "pee" in entropy.
%
Life might have no meaning, or worse, it might have a meaning you don't like.
%
Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.
%
Life without caffeine is stimulating enough.  -- Sanka ad
%
Lisa, in this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!  -- Homer Simpson
%
Little things come in small packages.  -- Tom Weller
%
Live each day as if it were your last, and one day you will be right.
%
Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse.
%
Live within your income, even if you must borrow to do so.
%
Livestock usually is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
%
Living on Earth includes an annual free trip around the Sun.
%
Living your life is so difficult, it has never been attempted before.
%
Loafer:  Someone trying to make two weekends meet.
%
Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree, that smells AWFUL.
%
Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.  -- Kettering
%
Loneliness is a good thing to share with someone.  -- Ernie Pantusso, Cheers
%
Long-lived:  You can't buy parts when it DOES get old and wears out.
%
Long-term planning is anticipatory expiation for short-term fiasco.  -- Hirsch
%
Look out for number 1.  Don't step in number 2 either.
%
Look under the sofa cushion; you will be surprised at what you find.
%
Looking for love, everyone runs away because you remind them of themselves.
%
Looking like a weed doesn't make you organic.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Losing my virginity was a career move.  -- Madonna
%
Losing your driver's license is just God's way of saying "BOOGA, BOOGA!"
%
Lots of money saved for a rainy day is blown on a wet night.
%
Lottery:  A tax on people who are bad at math.
%
Love does much; money does everything.
%
Love does not make the world go around, just up and down a bit.
%
Love is a vacation from reality.
%
Love is being stupid together.
%
Love is blind, but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.
%
Love is Grand...  Divorce is Twenty Grand.
%
Love is like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.  -- John, age 9
%
Love is sentimental measles.
%
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
%
Love is the only game that is not called on account of darkness.
%
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.  -- H. L. Mencken
%
Love lasts as long as money endures.
%
Love means having to say you're sorry every five minutes.
%
Love means nothing to a tennis player.
%
Love the sea?  I dote upon it -- from the beach.
%
Love thy neighbor as thyself, but choose thy neighborhood.  -- Louise Beal
%
Love thy neighbor:  Tune thy piano.
%
Love your enemies.  It will make them crazy.
%
Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.
%
Love:  An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
%
Love:  The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
%
Love:  Two vowels, two consonants, two fools.  -- Rodney Dangerfield
%
LSD melts in your mind, not in your hand.
%
LSD soaks up 47 times its own weight in excess reality.
%
Lullabuoy:  A nagging thought that prevents you from drifting off to sleep.
%
Machines have less problems.  I'd like to be a machine.  -- Andy Warhol
%
Madness takes its toll.  Please have exact change.
%
Magazine:  Printed pages that tell you what's coming in the next issue.
%
Maggit:  A subscription card that falls from a magazine.
%
Magnocartic:  An automobile that when left unattended attracts shopping carts.
%
Maintain thy airspeed, lest the ground rise up and smite thee.
%
Major steps to building a business plan:  1. Gather information.  2. Ignore it.
%
Majority:  That quality that distinguishes a crime from a law.
%
Make a firm decision now...  You can always change it later.
%
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
%
Make three consecutive correct guesses and you will be considered an expert.
%
Make yourself at home!  Start by cleaning my kitchen.
%
Male zebras have white stripes, but female zebras have black stripes.
%
Man has made his bedlam; let him lie in it.  -- Fred Allen
%
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.  -- Lily Tomlin
%
Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to.  -- Mark Twain
%
Man sometimes stumbles over the truth, but he picks himself up and keeps going.
%
Man was created to complete the horse.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Man who arrives at party two hours late finds he has been beaten to the punch.
%
Man who falls in blast furnace is certain to feel overwrought.
%
Man who falls in vat of molten optical glass makes spectacle of self.
%
Man:  A remarkable animal whose head swells when you pat his back.
%
Managers are like cats in a litter box.  -- Scott Adams
%
Mankind has never reconciled itself to the ten commandments.
%
Mankind... infests the whole habitable Earth and Canada.  -- Ambrose Bierce
%
Manners are the noises you don't make when eating soup.  -- R.E. Atkinson
%
Many a family tree needs trimming.
%
Many a yo-yo thinks he has the world on a string.
%
Many are called, but few are at their desks.
%
Many are cold, but few are frozen.
%
Many can rise to the occasion, but few know when to sit down.
%
Many pages make a crowded castle.
%
Many pages make a thick book, except for pocket Bibles on very thin paper.
%
Many quite distinguished people have bodies similar to yours.
%
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of the feet.
%
Markets can remain irrational longer than you can remain solvent.  -- Keynes
%
Marriage causes dating problems.
%
Marriage halves our griefs, doubles our joys, and quadruples our expenses.
%
Marriage is a rest period between romances.
%
Marriage is a three ring circus:  Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
%
Marriage is a trip between Niagara Falls and Reno.
%
Marriage is an institution -- but who wants to live in one?
%
Marriage is for those who don't like eating leftovers alone.
%
Marriage is like pi:  Natural, irrational, and very important.  -- Lisa Hoffman
%
Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it.
%
Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.
%
Marriage is not for wimps.
%
Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.  -- Voltaire
%
Marriage is the sole cause of divorce.
%
Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on Earth.  -- John Lyly
%
Marry carefully, for spouses are temporary, but ex's are forever.  -- Alan Silverstein
%
Martin Luther died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull.
%
Masturbation is having sex with someone I love.  -- Woody Allen
%
Math is like love; a simple idea, but it can get complicated.  -- R. Drabek
%
Math is our native language.  English is our foreign language.  -- George Lance
%
Mathematicians are willing to assume anything -- except responsibility.
%
Mathematicians take it to the limit.
%
Matrimony is the root of all evil.
%
Matter cannot be created or destroyed; nor can it be returned without a receipt.
%
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
%
Maturity is a high price to pay for growing up.
%
May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions.  -- Joey Adams
%
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.  -- George Carlin
%
May you die in bed at 95, shot by a jealous spouse.
%
May you have many friends and very few living enemies.
%
Maybe you can't buy happiness, but these days you can certainly charge it.
%
Me...  A skeptic??  I trust you have proof?
%
Measure with a micrometer; mark with chalk; cut with an axe.  -- Ray
%
Mechanical engineers build weapons, while civil engineers build targets.
%
Medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease.
%
Meditation is not what you think.
%
Meeting:  A gathering where the minutes are kept and the hours lost.  -- Gourd
%
Meetings are indispensable when you don't want to do anything.  -- Galbraith
%
Mel Blanc, the voice of Bugs Bunny, was allergic to carrots.
%
Men control fashion.  But that's the only thing men control.  -- Scott Adams
%
Men learned to walk upright to free their hands for masturbation.  -- Jane Wagner
%
Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.  -- Dorothy Parker
%
Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples.
%
Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked."  -- Seinfeld
%
Meteorologists have warm fronts.
%
Michelangelo would have made better time with a roller.
%
Microwave fireplace:  Spend an evening in front of the fire in about 8 minutes.
%
Microwaves frizz your heir.
%
Middle class:  Too rich to qualify for charity, too poor to make any donations.
%
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.  -- Groucho Marx
%
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.  -- Groucho Marx
%
Military targets are targets that are hit and thus defined as military targets.
%
Millihelen:  The amount of beauty required to launch one ship.
%
Miracles are great, but they are so damned unpredictable.
%
Misery no longer loves company; nowadays it insists on it.
%
Moderation is a fatal thing.  Nothing succeeds like excess.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.
%
Modesty is a vastly overrated virtue.  -- J. K. Galbraith
%
Modesty is being comfortable that others will discover your greatness.
%
Mold has spores.  People have pores.  It is one way to tell us apart.
%
Molybdenum...  No joke here, I just like saying "molybdenum".  -- David Letterman
%
Momentum:  What you give a person when they are going away.
%
Monday is the root of all evil.
%
Money can't buy happiness, but it can certainly rent it for a couple of hours.
%
Money can't buy happiness, but it lets you be miserable in comfort.
%
Money costs too much.  -- Lew Archer
%
Money DOES talk -- it says goodbye.
%
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
%
Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots.
%
Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
%
Monotony:  The practice of having only one spouse at a time.
%
More than enough is too much.
%
Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments.
%
Most general statements are false, including this one.  -- Alexander Dumas
%
Most lipstick contains fish scales.
%
Most people are too stupid to butter the pancake on the right side.
%
Most people get lost in thought because it is unfamiliar territory.  -- Paul Fixx
%
Most people who want to live forever are pretty miserable to begin with.
%
Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like.  -- Bennett
%
Mother is the invention of necessity.
%
Mother told me to be good, but she has been wrong before.
%
Mountain climbers rope together to prevent the sensible ones from going home.
%
Mountain range:  A cooking stove used at high altitudes.
%
Mouse potato:  The computer equivalent of a TV addict.
%
Mowmuffins:  Dried accumulation of grass on the underside of lawnmowers.
%
Mummy:  An Egyptian who was pressed for time.
%
Murphy never met anyone he didn't meet.
%
Murphy was an optimist.
%
Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel.
%
My body is rejecting me.  -- Alan Silverstein
%
My commitment is to truth, not consistency.
%
My doctor gave me just 100 years to live, and I am making the most of it.
%
My family history begins with me, but yours ends with you.  -- Iphicrates
%
My father taught me to work; he did not teach me to love it.  -- Abraham Lincoln
%
My favorite book on tape is, "Where's Waldo?"
%
My God is alive and kicking.  Sorry about yours.  -- Edward Abbey
%
My inferiority complex isn't very good.
%
My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot.  -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%
My life is like one long obstacle race, with me as its chief obstacle.
%
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.  -- Rodney Dangerfield
%
My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.
%
My mother wants grandchildren, so I said, "Mom, go for it!"  -- Sue Murphy
%
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.  -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%
My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's.  -- Wilde
%
My peers are all smart enough to be excused from jury duty.
%
My problem is I say what I'm thinking before I think what I'm saying.  -- Peter
%
My reality check just bounced.
%
My reputation grows with every failure.  -- G. B. Shaw
%
My rise to the top was through sheer ability and inheritance.  -- Malcolm Forbes
%
My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.  -- Morley
%
My toughest fight was with my first wife.  -- Mohammad Ali
%
My truck does not leak, it's marking its territory.
%
My whole life has been an out-of-body experience.
%
My wife is so immature.  Every time I'm in the bath she sinks my little boats.
%
My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her...  or something like that.
%
My wife made me join a bridge club.  I jump off next Tuesday.  -- Dangerfield
%
My wife ran off with my best friend, and I miss him.
%
Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can quit the game.
%
Myth:  A young female moth.
%
Napjerk:  Sudden convulsion of the body just as one is about to doze off.
%
Narcolepulacy:  The contagious action of yawning.
%
Nature abhors a hero.
%
Nature abhors a vacuous experimenter.
%
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
%
Nature is blind.  We are merely shortsighted.  That's an improvement.  -- Spencer
%
Neanderthals delivered children without training manuals.  -- Bill Cosby
%
Necessity has no law; I know some attorneys of the same.  -- Franklin
%
Necessity is a mother.
%
Neckties strangle clear thinking.  -- Lin Yutang
%
Negative expectations yield negative results.  So do positive expectations.
%
Neutrinos have bad breadth.
%
Neutrinos have mass?  I didn't know they were Catholic!
%
Never be photographed with a cocktail glass in your hand.  -- H. Jackson Brown
%
Never be worth more to anyone dead than alive.  -- Alan Silverstein
%
Never believe a rumor until it is officially denied.
%
Never buy anything electrical at a flea market.  -- H. Jackson Brown
%
Never do card tricks for the group with which you play poker.
%
Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow.
%
Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.
%
Never eat anything bigger than your head.  -- Kliban
%
Never eat more than you can lift.  -- Miss Piggy
%
Never give an inch!
%
Never go to bed mad; stay up and fight.
%
Never have any children, only grandchildren.  -- Gore Vidal
%
Never hit a man with glasses.  Hit him with a baseball bat.
%
Never hold a Dustbuster and a cat at the same time.  -- Kyoyo, age 9
%
Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting.  -- Billy Rose
%
Never laugh at live dragons.  -- Bilbo Baggins
%
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.  -- Erma Bombeck
%
Never let the facts stand in the way of a good answer.  -- Tom Magliozzi
%
Never look back, someone might be gaining on you.  -- Satchel Paige
%
Never make forecasts, especially about the future.  -- Samuel Goldwyn
%
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
%
Never offend with style when you can offend with substance.  -- Sam Brown
%
Never pass a snowplow on the right.
%
Never put off till tomorrow that which can be done the day after tomorrow.
%
Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
%
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today -- while it's still legal.
%
Never raise your hands to your kids; it leaves your groin unprotected.
%
Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
%
Never replace a successful experiment.
%
Never say anything more predictive than, "Watch this!"
%
Never send a monster to do the work of an evil genius.
%
Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
%
Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.  -- Hartley
%
Never sleep with anyone whose troubles are worse than your own.
%
Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.
%
Never take a beer to a job interview, nor ask if they press charges.
%
Never tell your mom her diet's not working.  -- Michael, age 14
%
Never throw a bird at a dragon.
%
Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.
%
Never trust a dog to watch your food.  -- Patrick, age 10
%
Never try to baptize a cat.  -- Eileen, age 8
%
Never try to outstubborn a cat.
%
Never use an outhouse while holding your car keys in your mouth.  -- David Boll
%
Never verb your nouns.
%
Never worry about theory as long as the machinery does what it's supposed to do.
%
New:  Different color from previous model.
%
Niagara Falls is beautiful for thirty seconds.  -- Gertrude Stein
%
Nice guys don't finish nice.
%
Nice guys don't get laid.
%
Nice perfume...  Must you marinate in it?
%
Nice tie -- does it run on batteries?
%
Nihilism should commence with oneself.
%
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
%
Nine out of ten people think they are above average.  The rest are in therapy.
%
Ninety eight percent of Americans support the use of mass transit by others.
%
Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
%
No brains, no headache.
%
No generalization is wholly true, not even this one.  -- Oliver Holmes
%
No good deed goes unpunished.  -- Andrew Mellon
%
No guts, no glory.
%
No job is so simple that it cannot be done wrong.
%
No maintenance:  Impossible to fix.
%
No major religion specifically bans the pilfering of office supplies.  -- Adams
%
No man is an island, but some of us are long peninsulas.
%
No man would listen to you talk if he didn't know it was his turn next.  -- Howe
%
No matter how much you care, some people are just assholes.
%
No matter how much you do, you never do enough.
%
No matter how rich or famous you are, the laws of physics are still very strict.
%
No matter what goes wrong, there's always someone who knew it would.
%
No matter what happens, someone will take it too seriously.  -- Dave Barry
%
No matter what occurs, someone believes it happened according to his pet theory.
%
No matter what results are expected, someone is always willing to fake it.
%
No matter what you do, someone always knew you would.
%
No name, no matter how simple, can be correctly understood over the phone.
%
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
%
No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid.
%
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
%
No one within an organization really knows what is going on.
%
No prizes for predicting rain.  Prizes only awarded for building arks.
%
No problem is so large it can't be fit in somewhere.
%
No project is so risk-free that your company lawyer can't kill it.  -- Scott Adams
%
No sentence fragments.
%
No trespassing without permission.  -- sign on public school grounds
%
No verb is not a crime.  No crime, no sentence.
%
Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
%
Nobody can be exactly like me.  Even I have trouble doing it.
%
Nobody ever has a reservation on a plane that leaves from Gate 1.
%
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
%
Nobody goes there anymore 'cause it's too crowded.  -- Yogi Berra
%
Nobody knows the trouble I have been.
%
Nobody remembers the second person to say E = mc2.  -- N. Samios
%
Nobody wants constructive criticism.  We can barely handle constructive praise.
%
Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong.
%
Nonsense.  Space is blue and birds fly through it.  -- Heisenberg
%
Nostalgia just isn't what it used to be.
%
Not all men are annoying.  Some are dead.
%
Not all men who drink are poets.  Some of us drink because we are not poets.
%
Not so random and clumsy as a blaster.  -- Obi Wan Kenobi, Star Wars
%
Nothin' ain't worth nothin', but it's free.
%
Nothing can be done in one trip.  -- Snider
%
Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it is time to get up.
%
Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
%
Nothing exceeds like excess.
%
Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result.  -- Churchill
%
Nothing increases your golf score like witnesses.
%
Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.  -- Tussman
%
Nothing is certain but the unforeseen.
%
Nothing is ever a total loss; it can always serve as a bad example.
%
Nothing is finished until the paperwork is done.
%
Nothing is impossible or impassable if you have enough nails.
%
Nothing is so impudent as success.
%
Nothing is so smiple that it cannot be screwed up.
%
Nothing recedes like success.  -- Walter Winchell
%
Nothing ruins the truth like stretching it.
%
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.  -- Mark Twain
%
Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee.  -- Kim Hubbard
%
Now and then an innocent person is sent to the Legislature.
%
Now it's time to say goodbye, to all our company...  M-I-C, K-E-Y, M-O-U-S-E.
%
Now that I have it all, can I give some of it away?  -- Marianne Neifert
%
Now, 1 + 1 is 2; 2 + 2 is 4; but 4 + 4 is the reason they make calculators!
%
Nuclear war would really set back cable.  -- Ted Turner
%
Nudists are people who wear one-button suits.
%
Nudists are the last people you want to see naked.  -- David Sedaris
%
Nugloo:  Single continuous eyebrow that covers the entire forehead.
%
Occupation:  The principal thing one engages in to avoid thinking.
%
Of all our privileges, the license to breed is most grossly abused.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable.  -- Plato
%
Of course God loves you; He's just not ready to make a commitment.  -- Bhaerman
%
Of course I am happily married -- she's happy, and I'm married.
%
Of course I'm vain.  Every time I pass by a mirror I look.  -- Madonna
%
Of course the game is rigged, but if you don't play, you can't win!  -- Heinlein
%
Often it is fatal to live too long.  -- Racine
%
Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to conceive.  -- Herold
%
Oh, Aunty Em, it's so good to be home!
%
Oh, if faces could only talk!  --  John Madden
%
Ohnosecond:  Instant in which you realize you have just made a big mistake.
%
Old accountants never die; they just lose their balance.
%
Old actors never die; they just drop apart.
%
Old age comes at a bad time.
%
Old age:  You + 20 years.
%
Old bankers never die; they just lose interest.
%
Old beekeepers never die; they just buzz off.
%
Old cashiers never die; they just check out.
%
Old chauffeurs never die; they just lose their drive.
%
Old cooks never die; they just get deranged.
%
Old daredevils never die; they just get discouraged.
%
Old deans never die; they just lose their faculties.
%
Old doctors never die; they just lose their patience.
%
Old electricians never die; they just lose contact.
%
Old farmers never die; they just go to seed.
%
Old frogs never die; they just croak.
%
Old hippies never die; they just smell that way.
%
Old investors never die; they just roll over.
%
Old is needing a fire permit for your birthday cake.
%
Old laser physicists never die; they just become incoherent.
%
Old lawyers never die; they just lose their appeal.
%
Old limbo dancers never die; they just go under.
%
Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.
%
Old mathematicians never die; they just disintegrate.
%
Old milkmaids never die; they just lose their whey.
%
Old musicians never die; they just get played out.
%
Old numerical analysts never die; they just get disarrayed.
%
Old owls never die; they just don't give a hoot.
%
Old pacifists never die; they just go to peaces.
%
Old photographers never die; they just stop developing.
%
Old pilots never die; they just go to a higher plane.
%
Old policemen never die; they just cop out.
%
Old postmen never die; they just lose their zip.
%
Old schools never die; they just lose their principals.
%
Old sculptors never die; they just lose their marbles.
%
Old seers never die; they just lose their vision.
%
Old sewage workers never die; they just waste away.
%
Old skiers never die; they just go downhill.
%
Old steelmakers never die; they just lose their temper.
%
Old students never die; they just get degraded.
%
Old tanners never die; they just go into hiding.
%
Old teachers never die; they just lose their class.
%
Old wrestlers never die; they just lose their grip.
%
Old:  A cute gal catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens your garage door.
%
Omit needless words!  Omit needless words!  Omit needless words!  -- EB White
%
Omniscience:  Talking only about things you know about.
%
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
%
On the whole, I'd rather be in Philadelphia.  -- W. C. Fields's epitaph
%
On time.  No defects.  Pick one.  -- Scott Adams
%
Once a fool and his money were soon parted.  Now it happens to everyone.
%
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.
%
Once is happenstance.  Twice is coincidence.  Thrice is enemy action.
%
Once the trust goes out of a relationship, it's no fun lying to them anymore.
%
Once there was a man who loved his wife so much, he almost told her.
%
Once upon a time, charity was a virtue and not an organization.
%
Once upon a time:  Back when snakes used to walk.
%
Once you give up your integrity, the rest is a piece of cake.  -- J. R. Ewing
%
Once you miss the first buttonhole you never manage to button up.
%
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
%
One Bell System -- it sometimes works.
%
One bit of advice:  Don't give it.
%
One child is not enough, but two children are far too many.
%
One day you will find yourself and be quite disappointed.
%
One figure can sometimes add up to a lot.  -- Mae West
%
One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
%
One good turn usually gets most of the blanket.
%
One horsepower:  Energy required to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.
%
One learns in life to keep silent and draw one's own confusions.  -- Skinner
%
One millionth of a mouthwash = one microscope.
%
One nice thing about egotists:  They don't talk about other people.
%
One of us is thinking about sex...  OK, it's me.
%
One picture is worth a few thousand bucks -- in the New York Times.  -- Sundqvist
%
One picture is worth a thousand words.  See diagram below.
%
One reason you can't take it with you is that it goes before you do.
%
One seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
%
One should always be a little improbable.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
One should always be in love.  That is the reason one should never marry.
%
One size fits all:  Doesn't fit anyone.
%
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
%
One thing leads to another, and usually does.
%
One way to make your old car run better is to look up the price of a new model.
%
One will not have needed the future perfect in one's entire life.
%
Only 55% of all Americans know that the sun is a star.
%
Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps.
%
Only fools are quoted.  -- Anonymous
%
Only God could mess up your life that much.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Only those with nothing to be sorry for smile back at the rear of an elephant.
%
Only through hard work and perseverance can one truly suffer.
%
Only two groups of people fall for flattery:  Men and women.
%
Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of bleeding, he sings.
%
Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.  -- Ducharme
%
Opportunity knocks only once, but temptation bangs on your door for years.
%
Optimist:  Always sees the bright side of other people's problems.
%
Optimist:  Thinks he can break up a traffic jam by blowing his horn.
%
Optimist:  Woman who regards a bulge as a curve.
%
Oratory:  The power to talk people out of their sober and natural opinions.
%
Oregonians don't tan, they rust.
%
Our eyes are the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
%
Our parents were never our age.
%
Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.  -- Roy Ash
%
Our problems are mostly behind us.  Now we have to fight the solutions.
%
Our sequiturs tend to be non.
%
Our vision is to speed up time, eventually eliminating it.  -- Alex Schure
%
Out of the mouths of babes does often come cereal.
%
Outpatient:  A person who has fainted.
%
Oversteer is when the passenger is scared; understeer when the driver is scared.
%
Ow:  The first word spoken by children with older siblings.
%
Packrat's credo:  "I have no use for it, but I hate to see it go to waste."
%
Page yourself over the intercom, and don't disguise your voice.
%
Pain is just a sensory input.  -- Aussie rugby player skiing with broken thumb
%
Pain is relative.  Unfortunately it's a close relative and it visits often.
%
Pain is temporary.  Either it goes away, or you do.  -- York
%
Pampered cows give spoiled milk.
%
Panic is the second time you can't do it the first time.  -- Isaac Asimov
%
Paper is always strongest at the perforations.  -- Corry
%
Paradise is exactly like where you are, only MUCH, MUCH better.  -- Anderson
%
Paradox of travel planning:  By the time you leave, you really need a vacation.  -- Alan Silverstein
%
Paradox:  An assistant to PhDs.
%
Parallel lines never meet unless you bend one or both of them.
%
Paranoia:  A healthy understanding of the nature of the universe.
%
Paranoid schizophrenics outnumber their enemies at least two to one.
%
Pardon me, you have apparently mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.
%
Part of the art of being a woman is knowing when not to be too much of a lady.
%
Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.  -- Eric Hoffer
%
Patience is counting down without blasting off.
%
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.  -- Groucho Marx
%
Pediatricians eat, because children don't.  -- Carleton Fredericks
%
Pedlock:  When a bicycle pedal wedges itself against the kickstand.
%
People accept an idea more readily if you say Benjamin Franklin said it first.
%
People are idiots.  -- Scott Adams
%
People compelled to tell you they have a great sense of humor, have none.
%
People have one thing in common:  They are all different.  -- Robert Zend
%
People rarely think alike until it comes to buying wedding presents.
%
People should be aware of the dangers of killing themselves.
%
People usually get what's coming to them...  Unless it was mailed.
%
People who concern themselves with what's cool and what's not cool are not cool.
%
People who go to conferences are the ones who should not.
%
People who live in glass houses should undress in the dark.
%
People who live in glass houses shouldn't invite in people without sin.
%
People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw parties.
%
People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.
%
People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.  -- Leo Burke
%
People who study the Bible in their old age must be cramming for their finals.
%
People who take cat naps usually don't sleep in a cat's cradle.
%
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
%
People who verb nouns really weird language.
%
People will buy anything that is one to a customer.  -- Lewis
%
People with dogs are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.
%
People with no faults are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them.
%
Perfect guest:  One who makes his host feel at home.
%
Perfect paranoia is perfect awareness.
%
Performance review:  Signed confession of your crimes against productivity.
%
Perhaps men and women should live next door and just visit now and then.
%
Perhaps your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
%
Pessimist:  Complains about the noise when opportunity knocks.
%
Petrophobic:  Embarrassed to undress in front of a household pet.
%
Phasers locked on target, Captain.
%
Philadelphia just seems dull because it's next to exciting Camden, New Jersey.
%
Philosophy:  Unintelligible answers to insoluble problems.
%
Phoenix is an oasis of ugliness in the midst of a beautiful wasteland.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Phonesia:  Dialing and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
%
Physicist:  Someone who averages the first three terms of a divergent series.
%
Pioneer:  Early American lucky enough to find his way out of the woods.
%
Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the Earth.  -- Don Marquis
%
Pity the poor egg; it only gets laid once.
%
Pizza shop slogan:  Seven days without pizza makes one weak.
%
Plagiarism:  Losers must be choosers.  -- Gerhard Uhlenbruck
%
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
%
Planet three is the place to be!  -- Rich Testardi
%
Plastic explosives will be appropriate later in the week.
%
Please continue dancing until the floor comes to a complete stop.  -- radio DJ
%
Plumber:  A man who gets paid for sleeping under other people's sinks.
%
Plunder first, THEN pillage.
%
PMS:  Something that makes a woman act once a month like a man acts every day.
%
Polar bear:  A rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.
%
Politician:  "My father was a minister.  I had to make up for the lack of sin."
%
Politicians aren't born, they're excreted.  -- Mark Twain
%
Politics consists of deals and ideals.
%
Politics:  The art of turning influence into affluence.
%
Positive:  Being mistaken at the top of your voice.
%
Possessions increase to fill the space available for their storage.  -- Ryan
%
Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on Earth.
%
Poverty is no disgrace to a man, but it is confoundedly inconvenient.  -- Smith
%
Power corrupts.  Absolute power is great!
%
Power means not having to respond.
%
Practice makes perfect, but no one's perfect, so why practice?
%
Predestination was doomed from the start.
%
Prejudice doesn't have a Chinaman's chance in Chicago.  -- Richard Daley
%
Pressure:  The normal force acting upon an engineer.
%
Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning:  It's on the other side.
%
Pride is what we have...  Vanity is what others have.
%
Princess, having sufficient experience with princes, seeks frog...
%
Princesses don't do dishes or take out garbage.
%
Prisoners talk to each other on cell phones.
%
Pro is to con as progress is to Congress.
%
Procrastinate now.
%
Procrastination means never having to say you're sorry.  -- Toni Epstein
%
Procrastination:  The art of keeping up with yesterday.
%
Proctologist:  A doctor who puts in a hard day at the orifice.
%
Producing a system from a spec is like walking on water:  Easier if it's frozen.
%
Professionals built the Titanic, but amateurs built the Ark.
%
Professor:  One who talks in someone else's sleep.  -- W.H. Auden
%
Progress is made on alternate Fridays.
%
Progress means replacing a theory that is wrong with one more subtly wrong.
%
Progress might have been all right once, but it went on too long.  -- Ogden Nash
%
Proofread carefully to see if you words out.  -- William Safire
%
Proofreading is more effective after publication.  -- Barker
%
Properly trained, a man can be a dog's best friend.  -- Nora Roberts
%
Prose books are the show dogs I breed and sell to support my cat.  -- Graves
%
Proximity isn't everything, but it comes close.
%
Prunes give you a run for your money.
%
Psychiatrist:  A doctor who doesn't have to worry so long as other people do.
%
Psychiatry:  Figuring out the program from the printout.  -- Chris Gates
%
Psychosclerosis:  Hardening of the attitude.
%
Psychotheology:  A religious fervor about psychological beliefs.
%
Public speaking is very easy.  -- Dan Quayle
%
Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic-tac.  -- Andrew, age 9
%
Puritanism:  The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.  -- Mencken
%
Push something hard enough and it will fall over.
%
Pushing 40 is exercise enough.
%
Put your nose to the grindstone and you are a bloody fool.
%
Quack!
%
Quality assurance doesn't.
%
Quantity is no substitute for quality, but it is the only one we have.
%
Quantum mechanics is nice because you can both have your cat and eat it too.
%
Quark!  Quark!  Beware the quantum duck!
%
Queen Victoria was the longest queen.  She sat on a thorn for 63 years.
%
Question Authority...  And the Authorities will question you!
%
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur.  (Anything in Latin sounds profound.)
%
Quinine is the bark of a tree; canine is the bark of a dog.
%
Quip pro quo:  A fast retort.
%
Quit working and play for once!
%
Quo signo nata es?  (What's your sign?)
%
Quoting one is plagiarism.  Quoting many is research.
%
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
%
Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail.
%
Rain is saved up in cloud banks.
%
Rainy days and automatic weapons always get me down.
%
Raising a teenager is like trying to nail jello to a tree.  -- Steve Feidler
%
Rap music is nature's way of punishing those who have lived too long.  -- Gay
%
Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter:  Eskimo Pi.
%
Read my lips:  No new taxes.  -- George Bush
%
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.  -- Mary Schmich
%
Reading the small print is education; not reading it is experience.
%
Real life is not like this.
%
Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.
%
Real Work + Appearance of Work = Total Work.  -- Scott Adams
%
Reality -- what a concept!  -- Robin Williams
%
Reality is an illusion brought on by lack of alcohol.
%
Reality is an illusion created by an intelligence deficiency.
%
Reality is an obstacle to hallucination.
%
Reality is for people who can't deal with drugs.  -- Lily Tomlin
%
Reality is for people who can't face science fiction.
%
Reality is for people who lack imagination.
%
Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.  -- Alvy Smith
%
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.  -- Albert Einstein
%
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.  -- Dick
%
Really slow vacations involve chartering continental drift.  -- Andrew Plotkin
%
Recent studies prove I don't have to be reasonable.
%
Recycle old photons -- for a brighter future!
%
Recycle your mother-in-law.  -- John Taylor
%
Red lights always last longer than green lights.
%
Refrain means don't do it.  A refrain in music is the part you better not sing.
%
Refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
%
Regulations grow at the same rate as weeds.
%
Rehab is for quitters.
%
Reintarnation:  Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
%
Religions are maintained by people who can't get laid.  -- Bill Maher
%
Remember that the rabbit's foot didn't work for the rabbit.  -- Shay
%
Remember to breathe when your head is above water.
%
Remember to finish what
%
Remember, life is not a test, it is an actual emergency.
%
Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.  -- Mark Twain
%
Reputation:  What others are not thinking about you.
%
Research is something that tells you that a jackass has two ears.  -- Lasker
%
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.  -- von Braun
%
Researchers often become quite attached to leeches they study, and vice versa.
%
Reserve the apostrophe for it's proper use and omit it when its not needed.
%
Respondez s'il vous plaid.  (Honk if you're Scottish.)
%
Responsibility always exceeds authority.
%
Rest assured that your dog is finally getting enough cheese.  -- Deteriorata
%
Reunite Pangea!
%
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.  -- Wright
%
Rignition:  Trying to start the car when the engine is already running.
%
Roll up your sleeves...  And you won't lose your shirt.
%
Rome was not built in a day.  (They worked well into the night.)  -- John Taylor
%
Rome was not built in a day.  If it was, we would have hired their engineer.
%
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
%
Rubber bands have snappy endings.
%
Rugged:  Too heavy to lift.
%
Rumper sticker on a horse:  "Get off my tail, because shit happens."
%
Russia has abolished God, but so far God has been more tolerant.  -- Swayze
%
Sacred cows make the best hamburger.  -- Mark Twain
%
Saddam Hussein is the father of the mother of all cliches.
%
Safest way to double your money:  Fold it over once and put it in your pocket.
%
Sagan:  The international unit of humility.
%
Sailing is a form of mast transit.
%
Sailing:  Getting wet and ill while slowly going nowhere at great expense.
%
Saint:  A dead sinner revised and edited.
%
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
%
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
%
Sarchasm:  Gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the clueless recipient.
%
Satisfaction guaranteed, or twice your load back.  -- sign on septic tank truck
%
Save energy:  Be apathetic.
%
Save the whales.  Collect the whole set.
%
Schedule chicken:  When no team wants to admit THEIR part will be late.
%
Schroedinger's cat might have died for your sins.
%
Science is a game for the fame of the name.  -- Gerhard Uhlenbruck
%
Science is a wonderful thing if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
%
Science is gradually filling our homes with appliances smarter than we are.
%
Science is material.  Religion is immaterial.
%
Scientists are explorers; philosophers are just tourists.  -- Richard Feynman
%
Scientists prolong life so we have time to pay for the gadgets they invent.
%
Scotty, beam me up a double!
%
Sculpture:  Mud pies that endure.
%
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
%
See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
%
Seeing is deceiving.  It's eating that's believing.  -- James Thurber
%
Seek and ye shall have sought.  -- John Taylor
%
Seek simplicity -- and distrust it.  -- Alfred Whitehead
%
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
%
Self-control:  The ability to eat only one peanut.
%
Self-delusion:  Pulling in your stomach when you step on the scale.  -- Sweeney
%
Serendipity:  The process by which human knowledge is advanced.
%
Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence.
%
Sex for money usually costs a lot less than sex for free.  -- Brendan Francis
%
Sex has no calories.
%
Sex is dirty only when it's done right.  -- Woody Allen
%
Sex is hereditary.  If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
%
Sex is like air:  It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
%
Sex is not the answer.  Sex is the question.  "Yes" is the answer.  -- Swami X
%
Sex is so popular because it's centrally located.
%
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
%
Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.
%
Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
%
Shakespeare never made much money and is famous only because of his plays.
%
Shakespeare thought more of the lady than of the poem.  -- F. Scott Fitzgerald
%
Shakespeare was a dramatist of note who lived by writing things to quote.
%
She got her good looks from her father:  He's a plastic surgeon.
%
She is always late.  Her ancestors arrived on the June Flower.
%
She loves you as much as she can, which is not very much.
%
She walks as if balancing the family tree on her nose.
%
She was a sigh to behold.  -- John Taylor
%
She was all signs and no scenery.  -- John Taylor
%
She was suffering from fallen archness.  -- Franklin Adams
%
She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.  -- West
%
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
%
Show off:  A child who is more talented than yours.
%
Shower the people you love with love.  Shower with the people you love.
%
Sign at a bar:  We install and service hangovers.
%
Sign at towing company:  We don't charge an arm and a leg.  We want tows.
%
Sign in counselor's office:  Growing old is mandatory; growing wise is optional.
%
Sign in electrician's office:  Let us remove your shorts.
%
Sign in plumber's shop:  We repair what your husband fixed.
%
Sign in tire shop:  Invite us to your next blowout.
%
Sign in vet's office:  All unattended children will be given a free kitten.
%
Sign in veterinarian's office:  Be back in five minutes.  Sit!  Stay!
%
Sign on a fence:  Salesmen welcome...  Dog food is expensive.
%
Sign on bank:  "FREE BOTTLE OF CHIVAS WITH EVERY MILLION-DOLLAR DEPOSIT."
%
Silly is a state of mind.  Stupid is a way of life.
%
Since I'm not handicapped by facts, I'm free to speculate.  -- Jim Randle
%
Smile!  It is the second best thing you can do with your lips.
%
Smile!  You're on Candid Camera.
%
Smile, tomorrow will be worse.
%
Smile...  People will wonder what you have been up to.
%
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.  -- Fletcher Knebel
%
Snackmosphere:  The 95% air inside bags of potato chips.
%
Snow and adolescence are problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.
%
So long, and thanks for all the fish.  -- Douglas Adams
%
So many men, so little time.  -- Mae West
%
So what if we get half what we want; we asked for twice what we needed.  -- Taylor
%
So, what's the speed of dark?
%
Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even.
%
Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.
%
Solipsism:  I think, therefore you are.  -- Larry Byler
%
Solipsists of the world, unite!  -- Freya Harris
%
Soloist:  One man falling alone.  Roped party:  Several men falling together.
%
Solomon, one of David's sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.
%
Some are wise, and some are otherwise.
%
Some circumstantial evidence is very strong, as finding a trout in the milk.
%
Some days are more expensive than others.
%
Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
%
Some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
%
Some is good, more is better, too much is just right.
%
Some make things happen; some watch what happens; some wonder what happened.
%
Some men are discovered; others are found out.
%
Some mornings it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.  -- Phillips
%
Some of us quit looking for work when we find a job.
%
Some of what we know is false.  The problem is figuring out what.
%
Some people cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
%
Some people must get a whole lot older to become a little bit wiser.
%
Some people who can, should not.
%
Some people would not recognize subtlety if it hit them on the head.
%
Some people wouldn't recognize diplomacy even if you rubbed their faces in it.
%
Some persons are very decisive when it comes to avoiding decisions.  -- Francis
%
Some prefer the happiness of pursuit to the pursuit of happiness.
%
Some trails are uphill in both directions.
%
Someday they'll collect our skulls and refer to us as "early man".
%
Someday you will get your big chance -- or have you already had it?
%
Someday you will look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.
%
Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
%
Someone is speaking well of you.  How unusual!
%
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.  -- Sigmund Freud
%
Sometimes people don't recognize how wise you are.  -- Paul Holdeman
%
Sorry about the dinosaurs...  Can I have all my iridium back?  -- David Mitchell
%
Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.
%
Sounds like a head thing.  I don't much believe in head things.  -- Jenny Pruett
%
Sounds like a personal problem to me.
%
Souport publik edekasion.
%
South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they still manage.
%
Spare no expense to save money on this one.  -- Samuel Goldwyn
%
Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.
%
Speaking of trade relations, almost everyone would like to.
%
Specialists are people who always repeat the same mistakes.  -- Walter Gropius
%
Speed is n subsittute fo accurancy.
%
Speed of a tortoise breaking the sound barrier:  Mach Turtle.
%
Spelling is a lossed art.
%
Spending on the military doesn't increase the deficit.  -- Ronald Reagan
%
Spinster:  A bachelor's wife.
%
Spirobits:  The frayed bits of left-behind paper in a spiral notebook.
%
Spock:  We suffered 23 casualties in that attack, Captain.
%
SPQR:  What every Roman always knew:  Small Profit Quick Return!
%
Stalin's grave is a communist plot.
%
Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest of face also upside down.
%
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.  -- W.C. Fields
%
Statisticians do it with 95 percent confidence.
%
Statistics are used as a drunk uses lampposts:  For support, not illumination.
%
Stay away from flying saucers today.
%
Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted lightly.
%
Steer clear of incorrect forms of verbs that have snuck in the language.
%
Stock item:  We shipped it once before and we can do it again.
%
Stop committing useless mistakes.  Make your next mistake count!
%
Strangers are friends you haven't bled for twenty bucks yet.
%
Strategy is when you keep firing so the enemy doesn't know you're out of ammo.
%
Street lights timed for 35 mph are also timed for 70 mph.  -- Jim Samuels
%
Stress:  When you wake up screaming and you realize you didn't fall asleep yet.
%
Stupid:  Losing $25 on the game, and $25 more on the instant replay.
%
Stupidity got us into this mess -- why can't it get us out?
%
Stupidity is a renewable resource.
%
Stupidity is not a survival trait.
%
Subject and verb always has to agree.
%
Suburbia:  Where they tear out the trees and then name streets after them.
%
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
%
Success comes in cans, failure in can'ts.
%
Success is relative.  The more success the more relatives.
%
Success is something I will dress for when I get there, and not until.
%
Success:  The ability to go from failure to failure without being discouraged.
%
Successful man:  One who makes more money than his son at college can spend.
%
Successful people:  Those who think up things to keep everyone else busy.
%
Suffering is not the object of adventure; it's just a byproduct.  -- Alan Silverstein
%
Suicide is the sincerest form of self-criticism.  -- Donald Kaul
%
Superiority is a recessive trait.
%
Support Search & Rescue:  GET LOST!
%
Sure fire diet:  Swallowing pride.
%
Sure it will sell product, but will it win awards?  -- advertising agency
%
Sure we can laugh at ourselves, but laughing at other people is more fun.
%
Surly grammarians insist that all words ending in "ly" are adverbs.
%
Survivors eat anything.  Non-survivors taste a lot like chicken.  -- Papa Bear Whitmore
%
Sweater:  A garment worn by a child when his parent feels chilly.
%
Swimming pool:  A mob of people with water in it.
%
Swiped out:  ATM or credit card rendered useless by wearing away the magstripe.
%
System-independent:  Works equally poorly on all systems.
%
T shirt:  I have a degree in liberal arts...  Do you want fries with that?
%
Tact is the unsaid part of what you are thinking.
%
Tact:  Changing the subject without changing the mind.
%
Take everything in stride.  Trample anyone who gets in your way.
%
Take it easy, we're in a hurry.
%
Take me drunk, I'm home.  -- John Taylor
%
Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.  -- William Safire
%
Take time to stop and smell the roses, and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.
%
Take what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof.  -- Deteriorata
%
Take your low opinion of yourself somewhere else, will you?
%
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must; I do what I am paid to do.
%
Talk is cheap because the supply exceeds the demand.
%
Talk is cheap, unless you hire a lawyer.
%
Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
%
Taxes are going up so fast, the government might price itself out of the market.
%
Taxes:  The one of life's two certainties for which you can get an extension.
%
Taxpayers don't have to take a civil service exam to work for the government.
%
Teach your kids the value of money -- borrow from them.
%
Teachers are the only profession that teach our children.  -- Dan Quayle
%
Teamwork is essential; it allows you to blame someone else.
%
Technique:  A trick that works.
%
Technological progress provides us with more efficient means of going backwards.
%
Technology can be used for good or evil.  Please use only for good.
%
Technology simply means finding the right wrench to pound in the correct screw.
%
Teenagers are two year olds with hormones and wheels.  -- Will Limon
%
Teenagers never consider that someday they'll know as little as their parents.
%
Telepathy:  Knowing what people think when really they don't think at all.
%
Tell a man a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.
%
Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
%
Terrorists blow up celluloid factory...  No film at 11.
%
Texans are southerners with an attitude.
%
Texas remains our largest unfrozen state.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Thank God we can't prove he exists.  -- John Taylor
%
Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
%
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it.
%
Thank you.  We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
%
That man's silence is wonderful to listen to.  -- Thomas Hardy
%
That must be wonderful; I don't understand it at all.  -- Moliere
%
That that is is that that is not is not.
%
That which does kill us makes us smell stronger, after a few days anyway.
%
The 51st state of the USA is paranoia.
%
The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech.  -- Clifton Fadiman
%
The adverb always follows the verb.  -- William Safire
%
The amount of work done varies inversely with the time spent in the office.
%
The arrival of a baby coincides with the departure of our minds.  -- Bill Cosby
%
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
%
The beginning of family values is not eating dead relatives.  -- Robert Bakker
%
The best car safety device is a rearview mirror with a cop in it.  -- Dudley Moore
%
The best cure for insomnia is a Monday morning.  -- Sandy Cooley
%
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.  -- W. C. Fields
%
The best laid plans of mice and men are usually about equal.  -- Blair
%
The best parachute folders are those who jump themselves.
%
The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.
%
The best time to buy anything is last year.
%
The best vacations are spent near the budget.
%
The best way out of yourself is through someone else.  -- Norris Burkes
%
The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.
%
The best way to inspire fresh thoughts is to seal the envelope.
%
The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
%
The biggest fish he ever caught were those that got away.  -- Eugene Field
%
The blunders are all there on the chessboard waiting to be made.  -- Tartakower
%
The bureaucracy expands to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
%
The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
%
The cart has no place where a fifth wheel could be used.
%
The celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness.  -- Boorstin
%
The chances of being eaten by a tiger are one in a million, but once is enough.
%
The chicken was the egg's idea of getting more eggs.  -- Samuel Butler
%
The chief cause of problems is solutions.
%
The Christmas presents of today are the garage sales of tomorrow.
%
The clairvoyants meeting was canceled due to unforeseen circumstances.
%
The climate of Bombay is such that its inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
%
The clothes that make a woman are the clothes that break a man.
%
The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.  -- Mark Twain
%
The cost of feathers is higher.  Down is up.
%
The cost of living is going up, and the chance of living is going down.
%
The covers of this book are too far apart.  -- Ambrose Bierce
%
The cow is a machine that makes grass fit for us people to eat.  -- John McNulty
%
The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other, milk.  -- Ogden Nash
%
The crucial thing for a writer is the ability to make up coherent words.
%
The cure for boredom is curiosity.  There is no cure for curiosity.
%
The dandelion song:  I fought the lawn, and the lawn won.
%
The day is the same length as anything that is the same length as it.  -- Carroll
%
The day will happen whether or not you get up.  -- John Ciardi
%
The days just before marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.
%
The death rate on Earth is:  One per person.
%
The decision does not have to be logical; it was unanimous.
%
The difference between a good haircut and a bad one is seven days.
%
The difference between a lady and a tramp is about three drinks.
%
The difference between a wife and a mistress is night and day.  -- Dear Abby
%
The difference between genius and idiocy:  Genius has its limits.  -- Darwin Awards
%
The difficult we do immediately; the impossible takes a little longer.  -- USACE
%
The doctor felt the patient's purse and said there was no hope.
%
The dog's life is a good life, for a dog.  -- Edward Abbey
%
The eager beaver works twice as hard but does not know why.
%
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
%
The early worm gets eaten first.
%
The early worm gets the late bird.
%
The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much, much heavier.
%
The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours.
%
The eastern part of Asia is called Euthanasia.
%
The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube.
%
The English spell much better than they pronounce.  -- Mark Twain
%
The essence of being human is not understanding the opposite sex.
%
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
%
The fact that it works is immaterial.  -- Ogborn
%
The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
%
The famous politician was trying to save both his faces.
%
The fastest way to discover all your bad habits is to move in with your lover.
%
The fewer the data points, the smoother the curve.  -- May
%
The first liar has a significant advantage.  -- Lawrence Hirsch
%
The first myth about management is that it exists.  -- Robert Heller
%
The first novel ever written on a typewriter was "Tom Sawyer".
%
The first piece of luggage out of the chute does not belong to anyone, ever.
%
The first rule of gun fighting is -- bring a gun.
%
The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.  -- Ehrlich
%
The first step in learning from your mistakes is admitting you took the course.
%
The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
%
The first thing that strikes a stranger in New York is a big car.  -- Evan Esar
%
The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.  -- William Shakespeare
%
The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.  -- Alan Coult
%
The following statement is not true...
%
The Forecaster Hall of Fame is an empty room.  -- Jane Quinn
%
The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.
%
The French for London is Paris.  -- Ionesco
%
The future is a myth created by insurance salesmen and high school counselors.
%
The future will be better tomorrow.  -- Dan Quayle
%
The general direction of the Alps is straight up.
%
The golfer wore two pairs of pants in case he got a hole in one.
%
The grass is always greener on the other side of your sunglasses.
%
The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.  -- Einstein
%
The hardest thing to stop is a temporary chairman.  -- Kin Hubbard
%
The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.  -- Helen Hayes
%
The heart has its reasons, and the endocrines have theirs.  -- Aldous Huxley
%
The highway of life is always under construction.
%
The holodeck will be society's last invention.  -- Scott Adams
%
The House of Representatives is really a substitute for violence.  -- Gephardt
%
The human mind is a big place and it is very easy to get lost in it.
%
The idea is to die young as late as possible.  -- Ashley Montague
%
The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.
%
The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.
%
The IRS has what it takes to take what you've got.
%
The key to longevity is to keep breathing.  -- Sophie Tucker
%
The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
%
The last person who said that, God rest his soul, lived to regret it.
%
The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down.
%
The law of gravity was enacted by the British Parliament.
%
The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.
%
The length of a meeting rises with the square of the number of people present.
%
The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
%
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
%
The locals treat the speed limits as short works of numeric fiction.  -- Robert Niland
%
The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched".
%
The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds.
%
The march of his intellect is like that of a crab, backward.  -- Peacock
%
The meek shall inherit the Earth -- they are too weak to refuse.
%
The meek shall inherit the Earth after we are done with it.
%
The meek shall inherit the earth, but not its mineral rights.  -- J. Paul Getty
%
The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader.
%
The more keys you have, the more likely to be you are locked out.
%
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
%
The more things change, the more they stay insane.  -- Tom Weller
%
The more things change, the more they will never be the same again.
%
The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey.  -- Andy Warhol
%
The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
%
The most dangerous part about playing cymbals is near the nose.
%
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
%
The most enjoyable form of sex education is the Braille method.
%
The most popular after-dinner speech is, "Waiter, bring me the check".
%
The most popular labor saving device is still a husband with money.  -- Joey Adams
%
The moving finger having writ...  Gestures.
%
The Navy, it's not just a job, it's an extended middle-east vacation cruise.
%
The Neanderthal's brain was bigger than yours.
%
The next thing I say will be true.  The last thing I said was false.
%
The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from.
%
The number one thing only women understand:  Other women.
%
The number watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
%
The number you have dialed is imaginary.  Please multiply by i and dial again.
%
The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
%
The older I get, the better I used to be.  -- William Keogh
%
The oldest known goldfish lived to 41 years of age.  Its name was Fred.
%
The one day you would sell your soul for something, souls are a glut.
%
The one thing I can do better than anyone else is talk about myself.  -- Cook
%
The one who says it can't be done should never interrupt the one doing it.
%
The only "ism" Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.  -- Dorothy Parker
%
The only bad publicity is your obituary.  -- Cynthia Typaldos
%
The only easy day was yesterday.
%
The only problem with poetic justice is that it doesn't know when to quit.
%
The only short meetings are when no one shows up.
%
The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.
%
The only thing wrong with doing nothing is that you never know when you're done.
%
The only time people work like a horse is when the boss rides them.
%
The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
%
The only tools some people are competent to use are a pen and a checkbook.
%
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
The opera isn't over until the fat lady sings.
%
The optimist invents the airplane.  The pessimist invents the parachute.
%
The optimum committee has no members.  -- Norman Augustine
%
The other line always moves faster.
%
The overwhelming majority of people have more than the average number of legs.
%
The past is another country; they do things differently there.
%
The patient, be he dead or alive, needs a doctor's order to be released.
%
The pen is mightier than the pencil.
%
The perfect lover would turn into a pizza at 4 am.
%
The person who walks alone is soon trailed by the FBI.  -- Wright Morris
%
The perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum.  -- Finagle
%
The phrase "working mother" is redundant.  -- Jane Sellman
%
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
%
The player who wins a game is the one who has made the second-to-last mistake.
%
The plural of "musical instrument" is "orchestra".
%
The poor are rightfully the property of the rich, because the rich made them.
%
The poor ye have with ye always -- but they are not invited.  -- Addison Mizner
%
The prairies are vast plains covered by treeless forests.
%
The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present.  -- Hobbes
%
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
%
The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation.
%
The proper basis for marriage is mutual misunderstanding.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
The punishment for bigamy is two mothers-in-law.
%
The purpose of the body is to carry the brain around.  -- Thomas Edison
%
The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.
%
The race is not always to the swift...  But that's the way to bet.  -- Runyon
%
The Ranger isn't gonna like it, Yogi.
%
The rate at which a disease spreads through a corn field:  The speed of blight.
%
The real thing does not advertise.
%
The reason people sweat is so they won't catch fire when making love.  -- Don Rose
%
The reason to have children is to give yourself immortality.  -- Bill Cosby
%
The richer your friends, the more they will cost you.
%
The rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost luggage.
%
The road to success is filled with women pushing their husbands along.  -- Dewar
%
The role of culture is to enable us to talk nonsense with distinction.  -- Maugham
%
The rooster may crow, but the hen delivers.
%
The scenery in the play was beautiful, but the actors got in front of it.
%
The Schizophrenic:  An Unauthorized Autobiography.  -- Mark Hogue
%
The scientific name for an animal that doesn't fight its enemies is "lunch".
%
The second best policy is dishonesty.
%
The secret of being a bore is to tell everything.  -- Voltaire
%
The secret of life is to look good at a distance.  -- Snoopy
%
The secret of success is discovering at an early age that you are not God.
%
The secret of success is sincerity.  Once you can fake that, you have it made.
%
The secret told in confidence is repeated with the same discretion.  -- McKeown
%
The seminar for time travel will be held two weeks ago.
%
The severity of an itch is inversely proportional to your reach.
%
The sex act is the funniest thing on the face of this Earth.  -- Diana Rigg
%
The shortest distance between two jokes is a straight line.
%
The shortest distance between two points is no fun.
%
The shortest distance between two points is through hell.  -- Brian Clark
%
The shortest distance between two points is under construction.  -- Altito
%
The sixth sheik's sixth sheep's sick.
%
The sleep required by the average person is five minutes more.  -- Mizener
%
The Society of Independent People has no members.
%
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.  -- Ogden
%
The stapler runs out of staples only while you are trying to staple something.
%
The supernova makes Mt. St. Helens and Krakatoa look puny.  -- Time Magazine
%
The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made men think.
%
The things that interest people most are usually none of their business.
%
The three most expensive cuts:  Sirloin, tenderloin, and vasectomy.
%
The three stages of sex in marriage:  Tri-weekly; try-weekly; try-weakly.
%
The total intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.
%
The Tree of Learning bears the noblest fruit, but noble fruit tastes bad.
%
The trouble with a kitten is that, when it grows up, it is always a cat.  -- Nash
%
The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
%
The trouble with cash flow is that the tide always seems to be going out.
%
The trouble with political jokes is that they get elected.  -- Henry Cate VII
%
The trouble with socialism is socialists, and with capitalism is capitalists.  -- Willi Schlamm
%
The two great tragedies in life:  Not getting what one wants, and getting it.
%
The two kinds of egotists:  Those who admit it, and the rest of us.
%
The two most beautiful words in the English language:  "Check Enclosed".
%
The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
%
The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest.  -- Kilgore Trout
%
The universe is surrounded by whatever it is that surrounds universes.
%
The universe will soon need replacing.  It's not holding a charge.  -- Chilton
%
The vast majority of the mass of the universe seems to be missing.  -- Broad
%
The voices in my head tell me I'm perfectly sane.  -- Cristina Rad 
%
The voices in my head told me to come over and talk with you.
%
The wages of sin are probably not what you're making now.  -- John Taylor
%
The weather at home improves as soon as you go away.  -- Gomme
%
The weather is here, I wish you were beautiful.  -- Jimmy Buffett
%
The whole world is a tuxedo and you are a pair of brown shoes.
%
The wind blows harder in the summer so the sun sets later.
%
The winds of change aren't what they used to be.  -- Scott Adams
%
The wiser and more conscious you become, the crazier you will appear to others.
%
The Wonder Bra will give a cucumber a cleavage.
%
The word today is legs...  Spread the word.
%
The world is a toy box full of sub-optimized and feature-poor toys.  -- Adams
%
The world is run by C students.
%
The world isn't any worse.  It's just that the news coverage is so much better.
%
The world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.  -- Sean O'Casey
%
The worst jolt most of us ever get is when we fall back on our own resources.
%
The worst thing about censorship is xxxxxxxxxx.
%
The worst you can say about God is that he's an underachiever.  -- Woody Allen
%
The young wish to give their elders the full benefits of their inexperience.
%
The zebra is chiefly used to illustrate the letter Z.
%
Therapy is expensive; popping bubble wrap is cheap!  You choose.
%
There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered.
%
There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.
%
There are as many grammars as there are grammarians.  -- Erasmus
%
There are better things than money in this life, but it takes money to buy them.
%
There are bunches of errors in this book, except this one.  -- Christer Sundqvist
%
There are many excuses for being late, but there are none for being early.
%
There are many experts on child raising who have no children.  -- Bill Cosby
%
There are many kinds of people in the world.  Are you one of them?
%
There are moments when art attains almost to the dignity of manual labor.
%
There are more collect calls on Father's Day than on any other day of the year.
%
There are more fish taken out of a stream than ever were in it.  -- Oliver Herford
%
There are more old drunkards than old doctors.
%
There are more things in heaven and Earth than anyplace else.  -- Tom Weller
%
There are no bad haircuts in cyberspace.  -- Dave Barry
%
There are no failures at a class reunion.
%
There are no stupid questions, but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots.
%
There are people who mention the word "umbrella" for no apparent reason.
%
There are so many Smiths in the phone book because they all have phones.
%
There are three sides to every issue:  For, Against, and "Who Cares?"
%
There are two instruments worse than a clarinet:  Two clarinets.
%
There cannot be a crisis next week.  My schedule is already full.  -- Kissinger
%
There comes a time in every man's life, and I've had plenty of them.  -- Stengel
%
There is a 20% chance of tomorrow.
%
There is a fine line between courage and foolishness.  Too bad it's not a fence.
%
There is a green, multi-legged creature crawling on your shoulder.  -- Spock
%
There is a non-empty set in every aggregate, undoubtedly shouting something.
%
There is a time and a place for everything:  8 o'clock, my place, everything.
%
There is a vas deferens between men and women.
%
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".
%
There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
%
There is always more hell that needs raising.  -- Lauren Leveut
%
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
%
There is an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about.
%
There is an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.
%
There is another advantage of being poor; a doctor will cure you faster.
%
There is at least one fool in every married couple.
%
There is exactly one true categorical statement.  -- John Kessenich
%
There is intelligent life on Earth, but I am just visiting.
%
There is life after death:  In Chicago, dead people are still allowed to vote.
%
There is no bad beer.  Some kinds are better than others.  -- German Proverb
%
There is no devil; it's God when he's drunk.
%
There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.  -- Twain
%
There is no excuse for laziness, but I am working on it.
%
There is no fool like an old fool, because he's experienced.
%
There is no future in time travel.
%
There is no problem a good miracle can't solve.  -- Shick
%
There is no problem between us that cannot be solved by your departure.  -- Mark Twain
%
There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.  -- Williams
%
There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
%
There is no room in the drug world for amateurs.  -- Raoul Duke
%
There is no substitute for good manners, except, perhaps, fast reflexes.
%
There is no such thing as a little garlic.
%
There is no time like the pleasant.
%
There is no time like the present to postpone what you ought to be doing.
%
There is nothing more permanent than a temporary tax.
%
There is nothing wrong with sobriety in moderation.  -- John Ciardi
%
There is nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them won't aggravate.
%
There is nothing wrong with you that Prozac and a polo mallet wouldn't fix.
%
There is nothing you can do that can't be done.
%
There is only one difference between a madman and me.  I am not mad.  -- Dali
%
There is only one way up a mountain, but 360 ways down.
%
There is so much comedy on television.  Does that cause comedy in the streets?
%
There is so much to say, but your eyes keep interrupting me.
%
There is something to be said for originality, but I can't remember what it is.
%
There is very little future in being right when your boss is wrong.
%
There isn't room enough in this dress for both of us.
%
There must be more to life than sitting wondering if there is more to life.
%
There's a lot to be said for denial; sit back and enjoy the ride!  -- Chidester
%
There's no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing.  -- Garrison Keillor
%
There's only one alternative to getting older, so suck it up.  -- Whoopi Goldberg
%
They also serve who only pay their dues.  -- The SETI League, Inc
%
They also surf who only stand on waves.
%
They call television a medium because it's neither rare nor well done.  -- Kovacs
%
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist...  -- last words of General Sedgwick
%
They said, "Say no to drugs," so I did, but it had no effect on my aspirin.
%
They took some of the Van Goghs, most of the jewels, and all of the Chivas!
%
Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.  -- Lily Tomlin
%
Things are more like they are today then they ever were before.  -- Eisenhower
%
Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
%
Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.
%
Things look better when they are falling down.  -- Hanif Kureshi
%
Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane.
%
Things to do today:  1. Get up.  2. Survive.  3. Go to bed.
%
Things to do today:  1. Hunt.  2. Gather.  -- Bob Thaves
%
Things will be brighter tonight.  A cop will shine a light in your face.
%
Things will get better despite our efforts to improve them.  -- Will Rogers
%
Things won't get any better, so get used to it.
%
Things work better if you plug them in.
%
Think honk if you are telepathic.
%
Think how much fun you could have with the doctor's wife and a bucket of apples.
%
Third marriage is the triumph of desperation over wisdom.
%
This aphorism would be seven words long if it were six words shorter.
%
This book fills a much-needed gap.  -- Moses Hadas
%
This fellow Charles Lindbergh will never make it.  He's doomed.  -- Guggenheim
%
This fortune is encrypted -- get your decoder rings ready!
%
This fortune is inoperative.  Please try another.
%
This fortune was brought to you by the people at Hewlett-Packard.
%
This is a crude version of a more advanced joke that has never been written.
%
This is a good time to punt work.
%
This is a great day for France!  -- Richard Nixon, at De Gaulle's funeral
%
This is a haiku.  Well, I'm not so sure it is.  Oh, wait, yes it is.
%
This is a recording.
%
This is as bad as it can get, but don't count on it.
%
This is National Non-Dairy Creamer Week.
%
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly, but thrown with great force.
%
This is the day for firm decisions!  Or is it?
%
This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.  -- Winston Churchill
%
This isn't right.  This isn't even wrong.  -- Wolfgang Pauli, on physics paper
%
This land is your land.  This land is my land.  So stay on your land.
%
This may not be the best of all worlds, but it is certainly the most expensive.
%
This prediction will not come true.
%
This report is filled with omissions.
%
This sentance has threee errors.
%
This sentence contains ten words, eighteen syllables, and sixty-four letters.
%
This sentence no verb.
%
This statement is in no way to be construed as a disclaimer.
%
This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it.
%
This won't hurt, did it?
%
This won't hurt, I promise.
%
Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark.
%
Those are my principles.  If you don't like them, I have others.  -- Groucho Marx
%
Those were the days...  And the nights weren't bad either.
%
Those who can, do; those who can't, simulate.
%
Those who don't mingle will die single.
%
Those who flee temptation generally leave a forwarding address.  -- Olinghouse
%
Those who forget this sentence are condemned to reread it.  -- Bill Yochum
%
Those who know, cannot explain; those who don't know, cannot understand.
%
Those who like sausages and the law had better not watch either one being made.
%
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
%
Three good things about school:  June, July, August.
%
Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.
%
Three kinds of people in the world:  Those who can count and those who can't.
%
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.  -- Ben Franklin
%
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything...  -- Sartre
%
Thumbs Up to a Healthy Prostate!  -- Ken Tough
%
Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana.
%
Time flies when you don't know what you are doing.
%
Time is an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space.
%
Time is an illusion; lunchtime doubly so.  -- Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%
Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.  -- Onsager
%
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately, it kills all its students.
%
Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
%
Time's fun when you're having flies.  -- Kermit the Frog
%
Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in LA.  -- Wright
%
To attract a vegetarian, make a noise like a wounded vegetable.
%
To be safe, make a copy of everything before you destroy it.
%
To be, or not to be.  -- Shakespeare...  Oo-bee-doo-bee-doo.  -- Sinatra
%
To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
%
To discover a man's income, ask him what incomes should be exempt from taxation.
%
To err is human -- but it feels divine.  -- Mae West
%
To err is human; to admit it is a blunder.
%
To err is human; to blame someone else for your errors is even more human.
%
To err is human; To forgive is Not Company Policy.
%
To err is human; to forgive is unusual.
%
To err is human; to moo, bovine.
%
To generalize is to be an idiot.  -- William Blake
%
To get holy water, boil the hell out of it.
%
To get it done:  Do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.
%
To hell with deep thoughts, this is the mating process.  -- Kevin Keirn
%
To keep milk from turning sour, you should keep it in the cow.
%
To know recursion, you must first know recursion.
%
To live to be 100, give up all the things that make you want to live to be 100.  -- Woody Allen
%
To make a small fortune in the commodities market, start with a large fortune.
%
To make God laugh, tell him your plans.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
To prevent conception when having intercourse, the male wears a condominium.
%
To pull a rabbit out of a hat, ensure you put one in there first.
%
To read about love and marriage, you must buy two separate books.  -- Alan King
%
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
%
To split is human, to infinitive, divine.  -- John Taylor
%
To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start.
%
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
%
To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question...  Or is it?
%
To YOU I am an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.  -- Woody Allen
%
Toastmaster:  A guy who goes around introducing guys who need no introduction.
%
Today is a good day for you to jump in a lake.
%
Today is a good day to bribe a high ranking public official.
%
Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.
%
Today is the last day of the past of your life.
%
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
%
Today is the yesterday you will be embarrassed about tomorrow.
%
Toe:  A part of the foot used to find furniture in the dark.  -- Rilla May
%
Tomorrow looks like a good day to sleep in.
%
Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.
%
Too much is not enough.
%
Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL.  -- Mae West
%
Toothaches tend to start on a Saturday night.
%
Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.  -- Judy Garland
%
Tragedy:  A busload of lawyers driving off a cliff with three empty seats.
%
Traveling through hyperspace isn't like dusting crops, boy.  -- Han Solo
%
Trends are the new trend.  -- Reinier Evers
%
Troglodytism does not necessarily imply a low cultural level.
%
Truth is the most valuable thing we have.  Let us economize it.  -- Mark Twain
%
Truthful:  Dumb and illiterate.
%
Try the Moo Shu Pork.  It is especially good today.
%
Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.
%
Try to look unimportant, they might be low on ammo.
%
Trying to define humor is one of the definitions of humor.  -- Saul Steinberg
%
Trying to push your way through a door that doesn't open?  Connect the dots.
%
Tuesday After Lunch is the cosmic time of the week.
%
Turnabite is foreplay.  -- Alan Silverstein
%
Twenty percent of zero is better than nothing.  -- Walt Kelly
%
Two can live as cheaply as one for half as long.  -- Howard Kandel
%
Two cars in every pot and a chicken in every garage.
%
Two heads are more numerous than one.  -- Tom Weller
%
Two is not equal to 3, not even for large values of 2.  -- Grabel
%
Two kinds of people:  Those who love to talk, and those who hate to listen.
%
Two thousand mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds.
%
Two wrongs are only the beginning.  -- Kohn
%
Two wrongs do not make a right, but the three...  do.  -- Deteriorata
%
Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
%
UFOs are real.  The Air Force doesn't exist.
%
Unauthorized fornication with this equipment is disallowed.
%
Under capitalism, man exploits man.  Under communism, it is just the opposite.
%
Under every stone lurks a politician.  -- Aristophanes
%
Under-Achievers Anonymous has an 11-step program.
%
Unfortunately there is more to life than getting enough sleep.  -- Alan Silverstein
%
University:  An institution for the postponement of experience.
%
Unmatched:  Almost as good as the competition.
%
Unqualified superlatives are the worst of all.
%
Use the newest medicines quickly before their effectiveness runs out.
%
Use the word "paradigm" several times a day.  -- Scott Adams
%
Using only a compass and straightedge, it's impossible to construct friends.  -- Randall Munroe
%
Vacuum:  A large, empty space where the Pope lives.
%
Ventis secundis, tene cursum.  (Go with the flow.)
%
Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.  -- Dan Quayle
%
Verbs have to agree with their subjects.  -- William Safire
%
Very few profundities can be expressed in less than 80 characters.
%
Very funny, Scotty.  Now beam down my clothes.
%
Vescere bracis meis.  (Eat my shorts.)
%
Vibration:  A motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.
%
Violuminescence:  Things that glow in the dark when smashed.  -- Axel Emmermann
%
Virgin wool comes from ugly sheep.
%
Virginity can be cured.
%
Virtual reality is its own reward.
%
Virus:  A Latin medical term, meaning, "Your guess is as good as mine".
%
VISA la France.  (Don't leave the chateau without it.)
%
Visitors who throw litter into the crocodile pit will be asked to retrieve it.
%
Vital papers demonstrate their vitality by spontaneously moving.
%
Volcano:  A mountain with hiccups.
%
Vote anarchist.
%
Vote yes on no.
%
Voting is like driving a car:  Choose R to go backward, choose D to go forward.
%
Vuja De:  The feeling that none of this has happened before.
%
Wagner's music is better than it sounds.  -- George Shaw
%
Walk a mile in his shoes, so if he gets angry, he is barefoot and a mile away.
%
Wall Street predicted nine out of the last five recessions.  -- Paul Samuelson
%
Walt Disney didn't die.  He's in suspended animation.
%
War is God's way of teaching us geography.  -- Paul Rodriguez
%
War is menstruation envy.
%
Warning:  Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
%
Warranty clauses are voided by payment of the invoice.
%
Waste not, get your budget cut next year.
%
Water?  I never touch the stuff:  Fish make love in it.
%
We all keep busy keeping each other busy.
%
We are all politicians.  Some of us are just honest enough to admit it.
%
We are all self-made, but only the rich will admit it.
%
We are born naked, wet and hungry.  Then things get worse.
%
We are living in a golden age.  All you need is gold.  -- Robertson
%
We are making progress.  Things are getting worse at a slower rate.
%
We are not a loved organization, but we are a respected one.  -- John Fisher
%
We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.  -- Dan Quayle
%
We are so fond of each other because our ailments are the same.  -- Jonathan Swift
%
We are sorry.  We cannot complete your call as dialed.
%
We are the people our parents warned us about.  -- Jimmy Buffett
%
We aren't sure how clouds form.  But they know, that is what counts.
%
We buy junk and sell antiques.  -- sign in country store
%
We can all admit we like acronyms and leave it at that.  -- Scott Adams
%
We can loan you enough money to get you completely out of debt.  -- sign in bank
%
We can't all be heroes, someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.
%
We can't leave the haphazard to chance.  -- N. F. Simpson
%
We could do that, but it would be wrong, that's for sure.  -- Richard Nixon
%
We dispense with accuracy.  -- sign in pharmacy
%
We don't care.  We don't have to.  We're the Phone Company.
%
We don't have to protect the environment; the Second Coming is at hand.  -- Watt
%
We don't really understand it, so we'll leave it for the poets.  -- John Taylor
%
We don't want to go back to tomorrow, we want to go forward.  -- Dan Quayle
%
We have 64 arm bones but only 62 leg bones.  The mistake is yet to be found.
%
We have been through so much together, and most of it was your fault.
%
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
%
We have nothing to fear about work but the work itself.
%
We have the best politicians that money can buy.  -- Edward Abbey
%
We have them just where they want us.  -- James Kirk
%
We interrupt this fortune for an important announcement...
%
We learn by making better mistakes.
%
We live on one-third of what we eat, and the doctors live on the rest.
%
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
%
We put stamps on letters because we don't know where else to put them.
%
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
%
We will cross out that bridge when we come back to it later.
%
We will get along fine as soon as you realize I am God.
%
We will have solar energy when the power companies develop a sunbeam meter.
%
We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.  -- Sante Fe gas station
%
We're all on the road to the grave, but why be in the passing lane?  -- Orben
%
We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world.  -- Dan Quayle
%
Wealth:  The ability to support debt.
%
Weather forecaster:  One with whom the weather does not always agree.
%
Wedding is destiny, and hanging likewise.  -- John Heywood
%
Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts.  -- Dan Quayle
%
Welcome to the Lou Holtz Show.  Unfortunately, I'm Lou Holtz.
%
Well adjusted:  Makes the same mistake twice without getting nervous.
%
Well, gee, I don't know if I have mixed feelings about that or not.  -- T. Gross
%
Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?  -- Thurber
%
Well-adjusted:  Able to play bridge or golf as if they were games.
%
What about an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
%
What can't be said, can't be said.  And it can't be whistled, either.  -- Tirtha
%
What did God say after creating man?  "I can do better."
%
What did you bring the book I want to be read to out of about Down Under up for?
%
What do Winnie the Pooh and John the Baptist have in common?  Their middle name.
%
What do women want?  Nowadays mainly...  Other women.
%
What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?  A good start.
%
What do you call 1000 rabbits in a row hopping backwards?  A receding hareline.
%
What do you call a lawyer buried up to his neck in sand?  Not enough sand.
%
What does DNA stand for?  National Dyslexia Association.
%
What doesn't kill us makes us bitter.  -- Chuck Lorre
%
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
%
What happens to the hole when the cheese is gone?  -- Bertolt Brecht
%
What happens when you cut back the jungle?  It recedes.
%
What has four legs and an arm?  A happy pit bull.
%
What has reality ever done for anyone?
%
What if there were no hypothetical situations?
%
What is a nice person like me doing in a place like this?
%
What is an atheist's favorite movie?  "Coincidence on 34th Street"
%
What is another word for Thesaurus?  -- Stephen Wright
%
What is Life?  It's the cereal Mikey likes.
%
What is mind?  No matter.  What is matter?  Never mind.  -- Thomas Key
%
What is orange and goes "click, click"?  A ball point carrot.
%
What is research but a blind date with knowledge?  -- Will Harvey
%
What is the difference between a duck?  One of its legs is both the same.
%
What is the difference between a viola and a violin?  A violin burns faster.
%
What is the difference between government bonds and men?  Bonds mature.
%
What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking someone to do.
%
What orators lack in depth they make up for in length.  -- Baron de Montesquieu
%
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?  -- Ursula LeGuin
%
What scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?  -- J. D. Farley
%
What the tyrannosaurus lacked in arms he made up in other areas.  -- Brett Nelson
%
What this country needs is a dime that will buy a good five cent bagel.
%
What this country needs is more leaders who know what this country needs.
%
What use is magic if it can't save a unicorn?  -- Peter Beagle
%
What was sliced bread the greatest thing since?
%
What!  Me worry?  -- Alfred E. Newman
%
What's the point of being God if you can't even fulfill your own prophecies?  -- Cristina Rad
%
What, after all, is a halo?  It's only one more thing to keep clean.  -- Fry
%
Whatever became of eternal truth?
%
Whatever is your lot in life, build on it.
%
Whatever it is, I am against it.
%
Whatever it is, I didn't do it!
%
Whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in Milwaukee.
%
Whatever you set out to do, something else must be done first.
%
When a girl goes bad -- men go right after her.  -- Mae West
%
When a man tells you he got rich through hard work, ask him, "Whose?" -- Marquis
%
When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.  -- Edward Abbey
%
When a person brags about his ancestors, the best part of him is underground.
%
When all else fails, lower your standards.
%
When all else fails, try reading the directions.
%
When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.  -- Mark Twain
%
When anything is used to its full potential, it will break.
%
When crazy people go through the forest, they take the psycho path.
%
When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.
%
When evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve.
%
When God created two sexes, he might have been overdoing it.  -- Charles Smith
%
When God endowed human beings with brains, he did not intend to guarantee them.
%
When I born I was so surprised, I didn't talk for a year and a half.  -- Allen
%
When I look at my children, I often wish I had remained a virgin.  -- L. Carter
%
When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.  -- Rodney Dangerfield
%
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.  -- Henny Youngman
%
When I was a Brownie, I ate all the cookies.  -- Madonna
%
When I'm good, I'm very good.  But when I'm bad, I'm better.  -- Mae West
%
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
%
When in charge, ponder.  When in doubt, mumble.  When in trouble, delegate.
%
When in doubt, lead trump.
%
When in trouble or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
%
When it comes to helping you, some people stop at nothing.
%
When it is a question of money, everybody is of the same religion.  -- Voltaire
%
When it rains, it pours.
%
When it's you against the world, bet on the world.
%
When Lincoln was President, he wore only a tall silk hat.
%
When management wants your opinion, they will give it to you.
%
When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws.
%
When Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.  -- Tom Lehrer
%
When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes.  -- Dylan Thomas
%
When one door closes, another opens, but the hallways are hell.  -- Sol Wachler
%
When pigs back into an electric fence, there is a short circus.
%
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs?
%
When someone says, "It ain't the money, but the principle," it's the money.
%
When talking nonsense try not to be serious.
%
When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.  -- Lynch
%
When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping.
%
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.  -- Hunter Thompson
%
When there's a will, I want to be in it.
%
When they ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
%
When this sign is under water, this road is impassable.  -- sign on rural road
%
When working hard, be sure to get up and retch every so often.
%
When working on a problem, it helps to know the answer.
%
When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
%
When you breathe you inspire.  When you do not breathe you expire.
%
When you can't make all of the pieces fit, throw one away.
%
When you die at 72, not matter what you die of, it's natural causes. -- Chris Rock
%
When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
%
When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
%
When you feel terrific, notify your face.  -- H. Jackson Brown
%
When you finally discover all of life's answers, they'll change the questions.
%
When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.
%
When you mention something, if it's bad, it happens, if it's good, it goes away.
%
When you sit too long on the ice, you get a polaroid.
%
When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
%
When you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.  -- LBJ
%
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
%
When your memory goes, forget it!
%
When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
%
Whenever anyone says, "theoretically", they really mean, "not really".  -- Parnas
%
Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.
%
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
%
Where does a 300 pound gorilla sleep?  Anywhere he wants!
%
Where in the world does the guy who has everything put it?
%
Where is Denver?  Denver is just below the O in Colorado.
%
Where there's a whip, there's a way.
%
Where there's a will, there's a relative.
%
Where there's a will, there's an Inheritance Tax.
%
Wherever you go, there you are.
%
Wherever you go, there you are.  Your luggage is another story.
%
Whether you can hear it or not, the universe is laughing behind your back.
%
Which came first, the chicken or the egg?  Neither, it was the rooster.
%
Which is worse, ignorance or apathy?  Who knows?  Who cares?
%
While in jail a man worked on his alibiography.  -- Henry Cate
%
While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position.
%
Whining martyrs get a lot of stage time.  -- Scott Adams
%
White dwarf seeks red giant for binary relationship.
%
Who am I to criticize another maniac?
%
Who are these children, and why are they calling me Mom?
%
Who cares about procreation, as long as it tickles?
%
Who dat who say "who dat" when I say "who dat"?  -- Hattie McDaniel
%
Who marries for love without money has good nights and sorry days.
%
Who needs astrology?  The wise man gets by on fortune cookies.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Who needs companionship when you can sit alone in your room and drink?
%
Who was that masked man?
%
Who's on first?
%
Whoever it was who told you you were wrong was right.  -- Tom von Alten
%
Whoever said money can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop.
%
Why are there flotation devices under airplane seats instead of parachutes?
%
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
%
Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
%
Why are today's rough times always tomorrow's good old days?
%
Why argue when we both know I am right?
%
Why be difficult when, with a bit of effort, you could be impossible?
%
Why bother building any more nuclear warheads until we use the ones we have?
%
Why can't elephants play tennis?  They don't make tennis shoes in their size.
%
Why did God give us ten fingers and only two nostrils?
%
Why did the chicken cross the road?  He was giving it last rites.
%
Why did the chicken cross the road?  The rooster was on the other side.
%
Why did the elephant cross the road?  Chicken's day off.
%
Why did the politician cross the road?  To get to the middle.
%
Why did the tachyon cross the road?  Because it was on the other side.
%
Why didn't Noah just swat those two mosquitos?
%
Why do expenses always rise to meet income?
%
Why do men die before their wives?  They want to.
%
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
%
Why do we sing, "Take me out to the ball game" when we're already there?
%
Why do you change your image so often?  "To entertain myself."  -- Madonna
%
Why do you park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?  -- Larry Anderson
%
Why does a ship carry cargo and a truck carries shipments?
%
Why does bread always fall butter side down?
%
Why does sour cream have an expiration date?  -- Larry Anderson
%
Why does the other lane always move faster?
%
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
%
Why doesn't life come with subtitles?
%
Why don't "minimalists" find a shorter name for themselves?
%
Why don't blind people bungee jump?  Because it scares hell out of their dogs.
%
Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?  -- sign in store
%
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
%
Why is "palindrome" spelled "palindrome" and not "palindromeemordnilap"?
%
Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?
%
Why is charging ahead OK, but charging an arm and a leg is not?  -- Alan Driscoll
%
Why is it called "rush hour" when nothing moves?
%
Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
%
Why is it that there are so many more horses' asses than horses?  -- Liddy
%
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
%
Why is there a "permanent press" setting on an iron?
%
Why isn't "phonetic" spelled the way it's said?
%
Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?  -- Lily Tomlin
%
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
%
Why listen to reason when insanity prevails?
%
Why was I born with such contemporaries?  -- Oscar Wilde
%
Why would anyone want to be called Later?
%
Wilderness:  A place where something might eat you.
%
Willie was a chemist; Willie is no more.  What Willie thought was H20 was H2SO4.
%
Wine and youth increase love.
%
Winning isn't everything, but losing isn't anything.
%
Wisdom is only happening to guess right.  -- Euripides
%
With a rubber duck, one's never alone.
%
With enough garlic, you can eat the New York Times.  -- Morley Safer
%
With enough thrust, pigs fly just fine.
%
With sex, who cares if practice doesn't make perfect.
%
Withhold from screaming when you hear the phrase, "Let's just be friends..."
%
Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless.
%
Without life, biology itself would be impossible.
%
Woman was God's second mistake.  -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%
Women fake orgasm because men fake foreplay.
%
Women like the simplest things in life...  Men.
%
Women most enjoy receiving the kind of letters that should never be written.
%
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place.  -- Billy Crystal
%
Women speak in estrogen but men listen in testosterone.
%
Women speak two languages, one of which is verbal.  -- Steve Rubenstein
%
Women truly are better than men.  Otherwise, they'd be intolerable.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Women want one man to meet every need; men want every woman to meet one need.
%
Women want their men to be deep, but they don't want to hear about it.
%
Women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who notice it.
%
Women who desire to be like men, lack ambition.
%
Women who love only women may have a good point.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Women, to make a man happy, all you must do is show up naked.
%
Women:  We cannot love them all.  But we must try.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
Work is the greatest thing in the world; always save some of it for tomorrow.
%
Work off excess energy.  Steal something heavy.
%
Worry kills more people than work because more people worry than work.
%
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
%
Would it help if I got out and pushed?
%
Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.
%
Write all adverbial forms correct.
%
Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.  -- William Safire
%
Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down.
%
Yale is one big party...  With a $25K cover charge.
%
Yawning is an orgasm for your face.  -- Gunvar Ingeborg
%
Years of development:  We finally got one to work.
%
Yes, it works well in practice, but will it work in theory?
%
Yesterday was the deadline on all complaints.
%
Yield to temptation; it might not pass your way again.
%
YKK on a zipper stands for Yoshida Kogyo Kabushikigaisha.
%
Yo-yo:  Something occasionally up but normally down (see also "computer").
%
You are confused; but this is your normal state.
%
You are entitled to your own wrong opinion.
%
You are halfway through life before you realize it's a do-it-yourself thing.
%
You are here.  But you are not all there.
%
You are in a maze of little twisting passages, all alike.
%
You are in a maze of little twisting passages, all different.
%
You are never going to fail unless you try.
%
You are not abusing drugs if they're stored in a dry place and never yelled at.
%
You are not as fat as you imagine.  -- Mary Schmich
%
You are not fat if clothes are actually made in your size.
%
You are not from Earth, are you?
%
You are not overweight if you can still touch somebody's toes.
%
You are not paranoid if they're really after you...
%
You are still sober as lounge as you can still say your worms promperly.
%
You are ugly and your mother dresses you funny.
%
You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
%
You are warm and giving toward others.  What are you after?
%
You aren't a real engineer until you make one $50,000 mistake.
%
You can cage a swallow, can't you, but you can't swallow a cage, can you?
%
You can drive through Wyoming at night and still see the scenery.  -- Vodall
%
You can fool some of the people all of the time...  But you can't fool Mom.
%
You can fool some of the people some of the time, and that is sufficient.
%
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word.
%
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
%
You can lead a horse to water, but if he walks on it, patent him.
%
You can learn many things from children...  Like how much patience you have.
%
You can never find a lost-and-found when you need one.  -- Greg Clifford
%
You can observe a lot just by watchin'.  -- Yogi Berra
%
You can rent this profound space for only $5 a week.
%
You can tell if you're on the right track -- it's usually uphill.
%
You can tell the men from the boys by the price of their toys.
%
You can't belay a man who's falling in love.  -- Edward Abbey
%
You can't feel as bad as you look.  Or look as bad as you feel.  -- Edward Abbey
%
You can't fool me -- there ain't no sanity clause.  -- Chico Marx
%
You can't get there from here.
%
You can't have Kate and Edith too!
%
You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.  -- Armir, age 9
%
You can't legislate against human nature.  -- Robert Reuben
%
You can't see the forest if you're barking up the wrong tree.
%
You cannot buy beer; you can only rent it.
%
You cannot determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
%
You cannot have everything because where would you put it?  -- Christer Sundqvist
%
You could be playing a video game instead.
%
You couldn't pay me to work on commission.
%
You don't know what you want, and are willing to go through hell to get it.
%
You don't know what you're talking about, do you?
%
You don't need a parachute to skydive, only to skydive twice.  -- Darwin Awards
%
You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets.
%
You gotta break some eggs to make a real mess on the neighbor's car!
%
You have a right to your opinions.  I just don't want to hear them.
%
You have an important role as a negative example.
%
You have been selected for a secret mission.
%
You have good manners, but never carry them about you.  -- Fuller
%
You have the body of a 19 year old.  Please return it before it gets wrinkled.
%
You have the capacity to learn from mistakes.  You will learn a lot today.
%
You keep using that word.  I do not think it means what you think it does.
%
You know how happy a motorcyclist is by the bug stains on his teeth.
%
You know you are a little fat if you have stretch marks on your car.  -- Cyrus
%
You know you are over the hill when work is less fun and fun is more work.
%
You know you have landed gear-up when it takes full power to taxi.
%
You know you're old when your back goes out more than you do.
%
You look like a million dollars...  All green and wrinkled.
%
You made me think.  I will be wary of you in the future.
%
You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love.
%
You never find a lost item until after you replace it.
%
You never know how many friends you have until you rent a house on the beach.
%
You never know who is right, but you always know who is in charge.  -- Whistler
%
You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.  -- John Barrymore
%
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
%
You now have Asian Flu.
%
You say things with your eyes that others waste time putting into words.
%
You shake milk in a big stirrer machine to make it homicidal.
%
You should avoid hedging, at least that's what I think.
%
You should hardly ever equivocate.
%
You sound reasonable...  Must be time to up my medication.
%
You were conspicuous by your absence.  -- Lord John Russell
%
You will be reincarnated as a toad; and you will be much happier.
%
You will be surprised by a loud noise.
%
You will become rich and famous, unless you don't.
%
You will experience a strong urge to do good; but it will pass.
%
You will feel hungry again in another hour.
%
You will live a long full life and gradually decay into a useless blob.
%
You will live a long, healthy, happy life and make bags of money.
%
You will never hit your finger if you hold the hammer with both hands.
%
You will pay for your sins.  If you have already paid, please disregard.
%
You will soon forget this.
%
You will step on the night soil of many countries.
%
You will wish you hadn't.
%
You won't skid if you stay in a rut.  -- Frank Hubbard
%
You would if you could but you can't so you won't (and probably shouldn't).
%
You!  Off my planet!
%
You'll find it all at Greeley Mall.  -- Radio advertisement
%
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.  -- Dean Martin
%
You're not late until you get there.
%
You're only young once, but it makes you tired for the rest of your life.
%
Your boss is the biggest obstacle to workday leisure.  -- Scott Adams
%
Your chance of forgetting something is directly proportional to...  uh...
%
Your check is in the mail.
%
Your fly might be open (but don't check it just now).
%
Your intuition nearly makes up for your lack of good judgment.
%
Your love life will be...  Interesting.
%
Your lucky number has been disconnected.
%
Your lucky number is 364958674928.  Watch for it everywhere.
%
Your reasoning is silly and irrational but it is beginning to make sense.
%
Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.
%
Your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.
%
Your weight is perfect for your height -- which varies.
%
Youth is too good to be wasted on the young.  -- George Shaw
%
Zenophobia:  The irrational fear of convergent sequences.
%
Zoo:  Place devised for animals to study the habits of human beings.  -- Herford
%
[He] has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.  -- Churchill
%
[Nuclear war]... may not be desirable.  -- Edwin Meese III
%
"Do-so" is more important than "say-so".  -- Pete Seeger
%
"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
%
"For example" is not proof.  -- Yiddish proverb
%
"I really don't believe that, but I was raised that way."  -- Carolyn Myss
%
"Keep the tourists out..."  As fellow tourists we heartily agree.  -- Edward Abbey
%
"Know thyself"?  If I knew myself, I'd run away.  -- Johann von Goethe
%
"My country right or wrong" is like saying, "My mother drunk or sober."
%
"Things" are thieves of time.
%
...context...  -- Manny Farber
%
1. Thought is creative.  2. Fear attracts like energy.  3. Love is all there is.
%
A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
%
A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on.  -- Carl Sandburg
%
A beggar can never be bankrupt.  -- John Ray
%
A billion hours ago man had not yet walked on earth.
%
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
%
A boss says, "Go!"  A leader says, "Let's go!"  -- E.M. Kelley
%
A boy gets to be a man when a man is needed.  -- John Steinbeck
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A business without a path to profit isn't a business, it's a hobby.  -- Jason Fried
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A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.
%
A chain is no stronger than its weakest link.
%
A child does not need to be parented.  He needs to be mothered and fathered.
%
A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.  -- Prochnow
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A civilized society makes swords into decoration.  -- Danny Low
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A clash of doctrine is not a disaster; it is an opportunity.
%
A clever prophet makes sure of the event first.
%
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
%
A collection of facts not necessarily science.  -- Henri Poincar
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A company is known by the people it keeps.
%
A compliment is something like a kiss through a veil.  -- Victor Hugo
%
A confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished.  -- Johann von Goethe
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A conspiracy of silence speaks louder than words.
%
A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper.  -- Dyer
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A coward dies a thousand deaths, a brave man dies but once.
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A critic is a man who knows the way but can't drive the car.  -- Kenneth Tynan
%
A critic is to an author as a fungus to an oak.  -- Edward Abbey
%
A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
%
A cult becomes a religion when it begins to kill those outside its membership.
%
A culture can be no stronger than its strongest myths.  -- James Carse
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A cynic is a disappointed lover.
%
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
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A day without fear changes your life forever.  -- Jerry Stocking
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A deceased body harms the mind.
%
A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
%
A disease known is half cured.
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A doctor gets no pleasure out of the health of his friends.  -- de Montaigne
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A donkey raised among horses is still a donkey.
%
A drastic change to stay where you are always puts you in a different place.
%
A dream that is not interpreted is like a letter that is not read.  -- Talmud
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A drill is a tool.  A hole is a solution.
%
A dry cough is the trumpeter of death.
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A dying man can do nothing easy.  -- Benjamin Franklin
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A fair exterior is a silent recommendation.
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A family is the difference between a house and a home.
%
A fault recognized is half corrected.
%
A feather in hand is better than a bird in the air.  -- George Herbert
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A fellow with a closed mind often has an open mouth.
%
A flood of words over a desert of thought.  -- Simon Bolivar
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A fool and his money are soon parted.
%
A fool and his words are soon parted.  -- William Shenstone
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A fool with tool is still a fool.
%
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.  -- Ralph Emerson
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A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular.  -- Adlai Stevenson
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A friend in need is a friend indeed.
%
A friend is one with whom you dare to be yourself.
%
A friend to everyone is a friend to no one.
%
A full belly makes a dull brain.
%
A full heart should not go where an empty mind leads.
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A genius is always on duty; even his dreams are tax deductible.  -- Edward Abbey
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A goal is a dream with a deadline.  (But do you really need a deadline?)
%
A god can create a world only by listening.  -- James Carse
%
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
%
A good example is the best sermon.  -- H. Jackson Brown
%
A good memory does not equal pale ink.
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A good painter can draw a devil as well as an angel.  -- G. Delamothe
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A good philosopher is one who does not take ideas seriously.  -- Edward Abbey
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A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.  -- Patton
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A good supervisor can step on your toes without messing up your shine.
%
A good tale cannot too often be told.  -- Sir T. More
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A good tongue is a good weapon.  -- James Kelly
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A good word costs no more than a bad one.  -- B. Googe
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A good workman is known by his tools.
%
A government able to give you all you want can also take away all you have.
%
A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on Paul's support.
%
A grasshopper has 100 more distinct muscles than a human.
%
A great idea needs landing gear, not just wings.
%
A great person never reminds us of others.
%
A great ship asks deep waters.  -- George Herbert
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A half-truth is closer to falsehood than to veracity.  -- Abba Eban
%
A hammer sometimes misses its mark; a bouquet, never.
%
A handful of friends is worth more than a wagon of gold.
%
A handful of sand is an anthology of the universe.  -- David McCord
%
A hard life is a free lesson in poetry.  -- John Taylor
%
A hard-working farmer has plenty to eat.  -- Solomon
%
A heavy purse makes a light heart.
%
A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg.  -- Samuel Butler II
%
A hermit is a deserter from the army of humanity.
%
A hero is a man who does what he can.  -- Romain Rolland
%
A highbrow is a person educated beyond his intelligence.  -- Brander Matthews
%
A house without books is like a room without windows.  -- Horace Mann
%
A joke breaks no bones.
%
A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.  -- Lao Tsu
%
A learned fool is more foolish than an ignorant fool.  -- Molire
%
A learned man always has wealth within himself.
%
A leopard cannot change his spots.  -- Shakespeare
%
A liar is not believed when he speaks the truth.  -- Cicero
%
A liar needs a good memory.  -- Quintilian
%
A lie has a short life, but truth lives on for ever.  -- Solomon
%
A life without tragedy would not be worth living.  -- Edward Abbey
%
A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.
%
A little experience often upsets a lot of theory.
%
A little fire consumes a great wood.  -- Roger Edgeworth
%
A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.  -- C. E. Ayres
%
A little knowledge can be a ridiculous thing.  -- Scott Adams
%
A little sunlight is the best disinfectant.  -- Justice Louis Brandeis
%
A living dog is better than a dead lion.  -- Old Testament
%
A log may float in a river, but that does not make it a crocodile.
%
A long life deprives man of his optimism.  -- Ernest Hemingway
%
A long tongue is a sign of a short hand.  -- George Herbert
%
A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never.
%
A love for the land does not necessarily equate with good care of the land.
%
A loving mate can see the good in you even when you cannot.
%
A man can do everything with a sword except sit on it.  -- Talleyrand
%
A man can do no more than he can.
%
A man can only be young once, but he can be immature forever.  -- Catherine Aird
%
A man cannot be in two places at the same time.
%
A man does not look behind the door unless he has stood there himself.
%
A man doesn't become a failure until he is satisfied with being one.  -- Henry Cate
%
A man is a lion in his own cause.
%
A man is known to be mortal by two things, sleep and lust.  -- Francis Bacon
%
A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.  -- John Barrymore
%
A man is not so soon healed as hurt.  -- Porter
%
A man may lose his goods for want of demanding them.  -- Thomas Draxe
%
A man may lose more in an hour than he can get in seven.
%
A man must not swallow more beliefs than he can digest.  -- Havelock Ellis
%
A man never becomes an orator if he has anything to say.  -- Finley Dunne
%
A man who cannot seduce men cannot save them either.  -- Soren Kierkegaard
%
A man who fears suffering is already suffering from what he fears.  -- Montaigne
%
A man will never change his mind if he has no mind to change.  -- Trench
%
A man with two clocks never knows exactly what is the time.
%
A man without reason is a beast in season.  -- Howell
%
A man without religion is like a horse without a bridle.
%
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.
%
A man's envy alludes to where his ambition fails.  -- William Wall
%
A man's home is his castle.
%
A man's library is his map drawn to scale.  -- John Taylor
%
A man's praise in his own mouth stinks.
%
A man's soul may be buried under a pile of money.  -- Nathaniel Hawthorne
%
A mantra is a training device to break you out of your attachments.  -- Ram Dass
%
A mask tells us more than the face.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
A mathematician knows how to solve a problem, but can't do it.  -- Milne
%
A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer.
%
A mind that is stretched by an idea will never return to its original size.
%
A mink is just a high-budget weasel.
%
A miracle is not an event that heals the physical body, but the mind and spirit.
%
A moneyless man goes fast through the market.  -- Fuller
%
A museum is a collection of labels, illustrated by specimens.  -- George Goode
%
A mushroom cloud has no silver lining.
%
A nerd is simply someone who thinks exceedingly inside the box.  -- Nassim Taleb
%
A nuclear war cannot be won and must never be fought.  -- Ronald Reagan
%
A page of history is worth a volume of logic.
%
A peaceful man is the first criterion if you want to have a peaceful universe.
%
A pedestal is as much a prison as any small, confined space.  -- Gloria Steinem
%
A penalty for hubris is always exacted.  -- Jon Bayh
%
A pencil with no point needs no eraser.
%
A person before birth knows exactly what they're buying into.  -- Ram Dass
%
A person forgives only when he is in the wrong.
%
A person is just about as big as the things that make him angry.
%
A person paints with his brains and not with his hands.
%
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.  -- George Wald
%
A pious man is one who would be an atheist if the king were.  -- la Bruyere
%
A plagiarist steals a writer's mental children.  -- Isaac Asimov
%
A plucked goose doesn't lay golden eggs.
%
A poet is born not made.
%
A political career brings out the basest qualities in human nature.  -- Bryce
%
A poor man sells his saucepan to buy something to put in it.
%
A pound of salt will not sweeten a single cup of tea.
%
A pragmatist is one who's ideology/theology has failed.  -- Herbert Schlossberg
%
A prediction is but an explanation in advance.  -- James Carse
%
A President is impeachable if he attempts to subvert the Constitution.  -- Madison
%
A private sin is not so prejudicial in the world as a public indecency.
%
A problem found by appraisal must be found and fixed each time it occurs.
%
A problem found by solution is gone forever.
%
A problem is nothing more than a solution in disguise.  -- John Taylor
%
A productive drunk is the bane of moralists.
%
A project not worth doing at all is not worth doing well.
%
A proliferation of theories is a symptom of a lack of data.  -- Eddington
%
A prophet is not without honor save in his own country.  -- New Testament
%
A prosperous fool is a grievous burden.  -- Aeschylus
%
A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience.  --  Miguel de Cervantes
%
A prudent question is one-half of wisdom.  -- Bacon
%
A quiet conscience sleeps in thunder.
%
A real friend walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
%
A relationship cannot be healthier than both people.
%
A Renaissance man refuses to define himself.
%
A rich person is not one who has the most, but one who needs the least.
%
A ringing telephone is a request, not an order.
%
A rising tide lifts all boats.  -- Sean Lemass
%
A rolling stone gathers no moss.  -- Publilius Syrus
%
A scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy.
%
A scientist must be successful and not a success-fool.  -- Gerhard Uhlenbruck
%
A second class effort is a first class mistake.
%
A second fault ought not to be pardoned.  -- G. Delamothe
%
A secret is too little for one, enough for two, too much for three.
%
A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.  -- Clive James
%
A serious work in philosophy could be written that consisted entirely of jokes.
%
A ship on the beach is a lighthouse to the sea.  -- Dutch proverb
%
A short prayer penetrates heaven.
%
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.  -- Joseph Stalin
%
A slave is one who waits for someone to come and free him.  -- Ezra Pound
%
A small fire makes often a great smoke.  -- G. Delamothe
%
A small leak will sink a great ship.  -- Benjamin Franklin
%
A snowflake near lightspeed completely obliterates a planet, even Jupiter.  -- Axel Emmermann
%
A standard that no one follows is worse than useless; it is a waste of time.
%
A stitch in time saves nine.
%
A straight stick is crooked in the water.
%
A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows.  -- O'Henry
%
A stupid person cannot be advised.  -- Lawrence Hirsch
%
A system meant for common use should rarely need uncommon knowledge.  -- Redford
%
A tale never loses in the telling.
%
A teacher affects eternity.  -- Henry Adams
%
A thief passes for a gentleman when stealing has made him rich.  -- Fuller
%
A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.
%
A thing is not true for you until it is true in thought, word, and deed.  -- God?
%
A third party cannot mediate a dispute if they are even subtley involved.
%
A thought is often original, though you have uttered it a hundred times.
%
A tree is known by its fruit.  -- New Testament
%
A tribe is a group of people who honor the same perceptions.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
A true leader cannot make anyone do something they do not want to do.  -- Sir Chris Bonington
%
A true sign of wealth is free time -- freedom from drudgery.  -- Daniel Newman
%
A truth that's told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent.  -- Blake
%
A violent man will die a violent death.  -- Lao Tsu
%
A vision is only as good as the clarity of the image presented.  -- TWendle
%
A wealth of information creates a poverty of attention.  -- Herbert Simon
%
A weed is a plant whose virtues have not been discovered.  -- Ralph Emerson
%
A wise lover values not so much the gift of the lover as the love of the giver.
%
A wise man cares not for what he cannot have.  -- George Herbert
%
A wise man is never surprised.  -- Horace
%
A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.
%
A witty saying proves nothing.  -- Voltaire
%
A woman is as old as she looks before breakfast.  -- E. W. Howe
%
A woman is as old as she looks to a man who likes to look at her.  -- Finley Dunne
%
A woman is as young as she feels like telling you she is.
%
A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't.
%
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.  -- Gloria Steinem
%
A word in time is worth two afterwards.  -- James Carmichaell
%
A word to the wise is enough.  -- Miguel de Cervantes
%
A writer must not shift your point of view.  -- William Safire
%
A writer without an audience is a writer; a writer with an audience, very lucky.
%
A yawn is a silent shout.  -- G. K. Chesterton
%
A young man might have more money than brains -- but not for long!
%
A [person] without religion is like a fish without pajamas.  -- J. Powers
%
Ability has nothing to do with opportunity.  -- Napoleon
%
Above all things, reverence yourself.
%
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.  -- Sextus Propertius
%
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
%
Absence sharpens love.  Presence strengthens it.  -- Thomas Fuller
%
Absence works wonders.  -- Tottel
%
Abstraction is representing the whole by a part of the whole.
%
Accept forgiveness as a way of life.
%
Accept loneliness as normal, merely a sign that action is required.  -- Limon
%
Accept your ordination.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Achilles cannot defeat the tortoise if he thinks of space and time.  -- Valery
%
Action is what separates an opinion from a belief.  -- Patel
%
Action makes more fortune than caution.
%
Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action.
%
Actions speak louder than words.  -- Confucius
%
Ad astra per aspera.  (To the stars through hardships.)
%
Adaptation precludes adaptivity.  -- Carl White
%
Adde parvum parvo magnus acervus erit.  (Add little to little, get big pile.)
%
Addiction is an adaptation.  It's not you.  It's your cage.  -- Bruce Alexander
%
Admit it, unplug, and get it over with.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Adolf Hitler made a mistake admiring Napoleon's strategy.
%
Adversity introduces man to himself.
%
Adversity makes a man wise, not rich.  -- John Ray
%
Advice from an old carpenter:  Measure twice, saw once.
%
Advice is a dangerous gift; be cautious about giving and receiving it.
%
Advice is a form of nostalgia.  -- Mary Schmich
%
Advice is least heeded when most needed.
%
Advice only works for the people that give it.  -- Scott Adams
%
Advocacy addiction limits our ability to learn from others; use inquiry instead.
%
Affection blinds reason.  -- J. Howell
%
Affection makes a fool of any man.  -- Ben Jonson
%
After a calm comes a storm.  -- Thomas Draxe
%
After a storm comes a calm.
%
After age 30, we are all in extra innings.  -- Alan Silverstein
%
After dinner sit awhile, after supper walk a mile.  -- Whetstone
%
After enlightenment, do the laundry.  -- Zen proverb
%
After pleasure comes pain.  -- J. C. Bridge
%
After the game, the king and the pawn go in the same box.  -- Italian proverb
%
Age before beauty; and pearls before swine.  -- Dorothy Parker
%
Age does not protect you from love, but love somewhat protects you from age.
%
Age doesn't always bring wisdom.  Sometimes age comes alone.
%
Age is a high price to pay for maturity.
%
Age is like love, it cannot be hid.  -- Dekker
%
All are given the key to heaven's gates; the same key opens the gates of hell.
%
All are not merry that dance lightly.
%
All are not thieves that dogs bark at.
%
All art is but imitation of nature.  -- Seneca
%
All clouds bring not rain.
%
All dreams are possible until proven otherwise.  -- Kenny Loggins
%
All education is accompanied by pain.  -- Aristotle
%
All finite play is play against itself.  -- James Carse
%
All forms of government are pernicious, including good government.  -- Edward Abbey
%
All generalizations are dangerous, even this one.  -- Dumas
%
All gold is fool's gold.  -- Edward Abbey
%
All good work is done in defiance of management.  -- Tom Peters
%
All governments need enemies.  How else to justify their existence?  -- Edward Abbey
%
All great discoveries are made by mistake.  -- Young
%
All great discoveries have been made from a willingness to not be right.  -- God?
%
All great ideas are controversial, or have been at one time.
%
All great truths begin as blasphemies.  -- George Shaw
%
All hope abandon, ye who enter here!  -- Dante Alighieri
%
All I ask of you is forever to remember me as loving you.
%
All I know is, I will get guidance when I need it.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
All I need to do is change one attitude and that is enough to change my world.
%
All I want from you is your joyful sharing.  -- Lee Coit
%
All in all, it's just another brick in the wall.
%
All is fair in love and war.
%
All is not gold that glitters.
%
All is not lost that is delayed.  -- A. Boyer
%
All is well that ends well.  -- John Heywood
%
All laws are simulations of reality.  -- John C. Lilly
%
All life evolves by the differential survival of replicating entities.  -- Richard Dawkins
%
All limits must be zero, one, or infinite.
%
All machines are amplifiers.
%
All may begin a war, few can end it.
%
All men are mortal.  -- Haughton
%
All men know the utility of useful things, but know not the utility of futility.
%
All modern thought is permeated by the idea of thinking the unthinkable.
%
All my life I wanted to be someone; I should have been more specific.  -- Wagner
%
All obstacles not foreseen will be tripped over.
%
All people smile in the same language.
%
All philosophy lies in two words:  Sustain and abstain.  -- Epictetus
%
All professions are organized conspiracies against the laity.  -- Russell
%
All progress depends on the unreasonable man.  -- George Shaw
%
All relationship is a mirror of your relationship with yourself.  -- Deepak Chopra
%
All roads in the Middle East lead to the bizarre.  -- John Chanselor
%
All roads lead to Rome.  -- La Fontaine
%
All that is said in the kitchen should not be heard in the hall.
%
All that we may see or seem, is but a dream within a dream.  -- Edgar Allan Poe
%
All the world's churchyards are full with irreplaceable people.
%
All things are good untried.  -- James Carmichaell
%
All things come to he who waits.
%
All things excellent are as difficult as they are rare.
%
All things merge into one, and a river runs through it.  -- Norman McLain
%
All things obey money.  -- Guazzo
%
All truth, like love, is eternal -- while it lasts.  -- William Etkin
%
All wars are civil wars, because all men are brothers...  -- Francois Fenelon
%
All we learn from history is that we learn nothing from history.  -- Hegel
%
All you accomplish by defending someone is to concede that he needs a defense.
%
All you have to offer another human being, ever, is your own state of being.
%
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
%
All your fears must be embraced, entertained, honored, and you go on with them.
%
Allow each soul to walk its path.  -- Conversations with God
%
Allow others to make educational mistakes.
%
Allow your children to face the consequences of their actions.  -- Brown
%
Almost everything is easier to get into than out of.
%
Almost everything looks better after a good night's sleep.  -- H. Jackson Brown
%
Almost was never hanged.  -- Roger Edgeworth
%
Alternatives exclude.  Saying "yes" to one thing says "no" to another.  -- Neifert
%
Always be careful to make a bad impression on undesirables.
%
Always do what you are afraid to do.  -- Emerson
%
Always the dullness of the fool is the whetstone of the wits.
%
Amateurs talk strategy while generals talk logistics.
%
Ambition is the last refuge of the failure.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
America's best buy for a nickel is a telephone call to the right person.
%
Americans are people who insist on living in the present, tense.
%
Americans do the right thing, but only after exhausting all other possibilities.  -- Winston Churchill
%
An addict bonds with heroin because he can't bond as fully with anything else.
%
An American is a man with two arms and four wheels.  -- A Chinese child
%
An aphorism is a one-line novel.  -- Leonid Sukhorukov
%
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
%
An argument is the longest distance between two points.
%
An armed society is a polite society.
%
An army is nothing but a well-organized lynch mob.  -- Edward Abbey
%
An army marches on its stomach.  -- Napoleon
%
An artist who is self-taught is taught by a very ignorant person indeed.
%
An atheist is one point beyond the devil.  -- Fuller
%
An atom-blaster is a good weapon, but it can point both ways.
%
An average person laughs about 15 times a day.
%
An easy answer to every human problem:  Neat, plausible, and wrong.  -- Mencken
%
An efficient bureaucracy is the greatest threat to liberty.  -- Eugene McCarthy
%
An egg today is better than a hen tomorrow.  -- Benjamin Franklin
%
An ego trip takes you nowhere.
%
An emotionless life is biologically impossible.  -- Lawrence Hirsch
%
An empty man is full of himself.  -- Edward Abbey
%
An empty purse fills the face with wrinkles.  -- Thomas Draxe
%
An empty stomach is not a good political advisor.  -- Albert Einstein
%
An enduring paradox of the human mind is that it doesn't know itself very well.
%
An era can be said to end when its basic illusions are exhausted.  -- Miller
%
An expert is a person who knows his limitations.
%
An expert is an ordinary guy 50 miles from home.
%
An expert knows no more than you do, but has it better organized.
%
An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.
%
An honest answer is a sign of true friendship.  -- Solomon
%
An honest man's the noblest work of God.  -- Alexander Pope
%
An honest tale speeds best being plainly told.
%
An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
%
An idea is only as good as its execution.
%
An idea well-expressed is like a design of gold, set in silver.  -- Solomon
%
An idealist is a person who helps other people to be prosperous.  -- Henry Ford
%
An idle brain is the devil's shop.  -- W. Perkins
%
An incorrect belief may still benefit its believer.
%
An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself.  -- Alfred Camus
%
An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.  -- Benjamin Franklin
%
An occasion lost cannot be redeemed.  -- John Ray
%
An open auction extracts the highest price from any buyer.
%
An optimist laughs to forget; a pessimist forgets to laugh.
%
An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.  -- Booker
%
An ounce of clear truth is worth a pound of obfuscation.
%
An ounce of emotion equals a ton of facts.
%
An ounce of good fortune is worth a pound of forecast.  -- Fuller
%
An ounce of vanity can ruin a ton of merit.
%
An owl is the king of the night.  -- Thomas Draxe
%
An ox is taken by the horns, and a man by the tongue.
%
Analogies prove nothing...  But they can make one feel at home.  -- Freud
%
And malt does more than Milton can to justify God's ways to man.  -- Housman
%
And only the good die young.  -- Billy Joel
%
And that's the way it is...  -- Walter Cronkite
%
And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.  -- Isaiah 56:12 [NSV]
%
Angels do not support BS.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Anger goes after the first available target.  -- Reggie Rivers
%
Anger is a short madness.  -- Taverner
%
Anger kills as surely as the other vices.
%
Animals cannot be harvested.  They mature, but they do not ripen.  -- Carse
%
Another such victory over the Romans, and we are undone.  -- Pyrrhus
%
Answers almost never fulfill the promise of our questions.  -- John Taylor
%
Anxiety is a condition of the privileged.
%
Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art.  -- Charles McCabe
%
Any difference that makes a difference is information.  -- Gregory Bateson
%
Any difference that makes no difference is noise.
%
Any doom that can be predicted won't happen.  -- Scott Adams
%
Any excuse will serve a tyrant.  -- Aesop
%
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain -- and most fools do.  -- Carnegie
%
Any fool can make a rule and every fool will mind it.  -- Thoreau
%
Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise person to be able to sell it.
%
Any illusion requires both time and space to be experienced.
%
Any man who thinks of himself as therapy should not have a license to practice.
%
Any negativity can make you sick.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Any new tax law must exempt enough voters to win the next election.
%
Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs there.  -- Harris
%
Any reality that you get stuck in is the wrong one.  -- Ram Dass
%
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.  -- Arthur Clarke
%
Any system that depends on reliability is unreliable.
%
Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.  -- Gehm's corollary
%
Any time that you crave, there is always going to be suffering built right in.
%
Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.  -- Publilius Syrus
%
Anyone can make history.  Only a great man can write it.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
Anyone can make mistakes, but only an idiot persists in his error.  -- Cicero
%
Anyone who wants to rule, should, ipso facto, not be allowed to do so.
%
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy of everyone else.  -- Rotsler
%
Anything free comes with no guarantee.
%
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
%
Anything is easy if someone else does it for you.
%
Anything is easy if you can assimilate it to your collection of models.  -- Papert
%
Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about.
%
Anything is possible, but only a few things actually happen.  -- Rich Rosen
%
Anything is possible, unless it is not.
%
Anything that sticks out usually gets hammered back in.
%
Apparently there are multiple way sto invoke multiple universes.
%
Appearance VERSUS reality?  Appearance IS reality...  -- Edward Abbey
%
Appearances often are deceiving.  -- Aesop
%
Apply good consumerism to your love relationships.  -- Will Limon
%
Approach your limits from the safe side.  -- Volker Hetzer
%
Architecture is frozen music.  -- Hegel
%
Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they are yours.  -- Richard Bach
%
Armed with these patterns, we go forward and brilliantly predict... the past. -- Allan Roth
%
Art has no enemy but ignorance.  -- Ben Jonson
%
Art is a lie that makes us realize the truth.  -- Picasso
%
Artistic temperament is a disease that afflicts amateurs.  -- G. K. Chesterton
%
As a man lives, so shall he die; as a tree falls, so shall it lie.
%
As a rule, pantheism is only a respectful variety of atheism.  -- Schopenhauer
%
As far as the question of Martian life, if we don't go, we won't know.  -- Robert Zubrin
%
As for the future, your task is not to foresee, but to enable it.
%
As goatherd learns his trade by goat, so writer learns his trade by wrote.
%
As is the mother, so is her daughter.  -- Old Testament
%
As life is to live, so love is to give.  -- Patricia Barc
%
As others hurt and betray us, so are we the perpetrators of pain.  -- Limon
%
As silent as the grave.  -- Robert Stevenson
%
As soon as man is born he begins to die.
%
As the body becomes more limited, the soul expands.  -- Dustin Hoffman
%
As the question, so the answer.  -- Torriano
%
As the radius of knowledge increases, so does the circumference of ignorance.
%
As we let our own light shine, we give others permission to do the same.
%
As we migrated into Europe we discovered something new, called winter.  -- Paul Stamets
%
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust; if God won't have you, the devil must.
%
Ask a self-answering question; get a self-questioning answer.  -- John Flagg
%
Ask much to have little.
%
Ask no questions and you will be told no lies.  -- Charles Dickens
%
Ask not for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.  -- John Donne
%
Ask not what's inside your head, but what your head's inside of.  -- Gibson
%
Ask yourself whether you are happy and you cease to be so.  -- John Mill
%
Assertiveness is essential to a healthy relationship.
%
Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.  -- Wethern
%
Astrology is true, but the astrologers cannot find it.  -- George Herbert
%
At 50, everyone has the face he deserves.  -- George Orwell
%
At either end of the social spectrum there lies a leisure class.  -- Beck
%
At four we know all the questions.  At eighteen we know all the answers.
%
At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.
%
At the moment of meeting, the parting begins.
%
Attachments fall away like a snake sheds its skin.  -- Ram Dass
%
Attack the problem, not each other.  -- Limon
%
Auribus teneo lupum.  (I hold a wolf by the ears.)
%
Authority should command respect, not demand respect.
%
Autocracy is based on the theorem that one man is smarter than many.
%
Autograph your work with quality.
%
Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.
%
Avoid unnecessary dependency on large scale, harmful predictions.  -- Nassim Taleb
%
Avoidable complexity should indeed be avoided.
%
Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure to it.
%
Bad is never good until worse happens.  -- Danish proverb
%
Bad money drives out good money; new love drives out old love.
%
Barbarian:  Thinks the customs of his tribe and island are laws of nature.
%
Barking dogs seldom bite.
%
Be a Fundamentalist -- ensure the Fun always comes before the mental.  -- Bhaerman
%
Be a good listener 'cause you never learn much from talking.  -- Will Rogers
%
Be a light unto the darkness, and curse it not.  -- Conversations with God
%
Be agreeable in manner, and resolute in action.  -- Lord Chesterfield
%
Be an expert on what's strong, not on what's wrong.  -- Will Limon
%
Be ashamed to die until you have won one victory for humanity.  -- Horace Mann
%
Be bold in what you stand for and careful what you fall for.  -- Mary Webb
%
Be both a speaker of words and a doer of deeds.  -- Homer
%
Be careful about what you teach your children.  They might believe you.
%
Be careful what you plug yourself into.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it.
%
Be cheerful while you are alive.
%
Be conservative in what you generate, but liberal in what you accept.
%
Be emotionally prepared to walk away from any deal that doesn't work for you.
%
Be faithful to that which exists nowhere but in yourself.  -- Andre Gide'
%
Be good and you will be lonesome.  -- Mark Twain
%
Be happy with the real pleasures in life.
%
Be humble or you will stumble.
%
Be in the world but not of it.  -- Meher Baba
%
Be kind and courteous to everyone.  -- Peter Chantilis
%
Be moderate where pleasure is concerned, avoid fatigue.
%
Be nice to people on your way up; you'll meet them on your way down.  -- Mizner
%
Be not anxious about what you have, but about what you are.  -- St. Gregory I
%
Be not simply good -- be good for something.  -- Henry Thoreau
%
Be organized:  This is a euphemism for being efficiently lazy.  -- Isaac Asimov
%
Be self-reliant and your success is assured.
%
Be spontaneous!
%
Be sure your ladder of success is leaning against the right wall.  -- Dobson
%
Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar.  -- Shakespeare
%
Be to friends' virtues very kind; be to their faults a little blind.
%
Be willing to lead your life, not just follow it.
%
Beauty and chastity seldom agree.
%
Beauty fades like a flower.
%
Beauty has nothing to do with the package I come in; it is just what I radiate.
%
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
%
Beauty is one of the rare things which do not lead to doubt of God.  -- Anouilh
%
Beauty is potent but money is omnipotent.
%
Beauty may have fair leaves, yet bitter fruit.  -- Lyly
%
Beauty that doesn't make a woman vain makes her very beautiful.  -- Josh Billings
%
Because we don't think about future generations, they will never forget us.
%
Become famous for finishing important, difficult tasks.  -- H. Jackson Brown
%
Becoming number one is easier than remaining number one.  -- Senator Bill Bradley
%
Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.  -- Hallock
%
Before buying a piece of property, walk around its perimeter.
%
Before thirty, men seek disease; after thirty, diseases seek men.  -- Chinese
%
Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anyone's ego.
%
Before you accuse, walk a mile in their shoes.
%
Before you kill the cat, make arrangements for the mice.  -- Sufi proverb
%
Beg from beggars and you will never be rich.
%
Beggars cannot be choosers.
%
Begin a lesson with a humorous illustration.  -- the Talmud
%
Begin well, end badly; begin badly, end worse.
%
Behaviors don't continue unless we get something for them, even just attention.
%
Behind all individual differences there turns out to be only one of us.
%
Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.
%
Being brave does not mean going out looking for trouble.
%
Being consistent is less important than being happy.  -- Marlo Thomas
%
Being defeated is often a temporary condition.  Giving up makes it permanent.
%
Being deserving of praise blinds us to flattery.  -- William Wall
%
Being flexible is how you exercise your adult part.
%
Being human involves becoming a burden.  -- Roy Bonisteel
%
Being lazy will make you poor, but hard work will make you rich.  -- Solomon
%
Being on sea, sail; being on land, settle.  -- George Herbert
%
Being part of the tribal mind is part of your evolution.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Being predictable in your style puts you at the mercy of your adversary.
%
Being right is seldom enough.  Even the best ideas must be packaged and sold.
%
Belief in God?  An afterlife?  I believe in rock...  -- Edward Abbey
%
Belief in the supernatural reflects a failure of the imagination.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge.  -- Johann von Goethe
%
Believe and ye shall receive.
%
Believe only half of what you see, and nothing that you hear.  -- Mulock
%
Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.
%
Believing God created it all is religion.  Wondering how it works is science.
%
Best is best cheap.  -- Wolcot
%
Best to bend it while it is a twig.
%
Better a cruel truth than a comfortable delusion.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.  -- Chinese proverb
%
Better a lean peace than a fat victory.  -- Sanford
%
Better a little loss than a long sorrow.  -- Langland
%
Better an open enemy than a false friend.
%
Better clean death than dirty life.  -- Frank Herbert
%
Better late than never.  -- Titus Livius
%
Better living a beggar than buried an emperor.
%
Better safe than sorry.
%
Better some of a pudding than none of a pie.  -- John Ray
%
Better the devil you know than the devil you don't know.
%
Better the foot slip than the tongue.  -- Sanford
%
Better to be ignorant of a matter than half know it.  -- Publilius Syrus
%
Better to be patient on the road than a patient in the hospital.  -- C. Jenkins
%
Better to be poor and fear the Lord than to be rich and in trouble.  -- Solomon
%
Better to be the head of an ass than the tail of a horse.  -- Clarke
%
Better to reign in Hell then serve in Heaven.  -- Milton
%
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than speak and remove all doubt.
%
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
%
Better untaught than ill taught.  -- John Ray
%
Between a good reputation and great wealth, choose a good reputation.  -- Solomon
%
Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes...  -- Henry Thoreau
%
Beware of the man of one book.  -- George Herbert
%
Beware of the man who has no enemies.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Beware of the man who knows the answer before he understands the question.
%
Beware of your wishes:  They will probably come true.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Beware substantiation of abstracta, which leads to fallacies.
%
Beware temptation -- the more of it you see, the better it looks.
%
Beware the legless man who teaches running.
%
Beware the wrath of a patient person.
%
Big brother isn't watching you, you're watching big brother -- all 181 channels.
%
Bigger isn't always better, but better will always get bigger.  -- Kevin Jones
%
Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl.  -- Mike Adams
%
Birds of a feather flock together.
%
Bizarreness is the essence of the exotic.
%
Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.  -- Pope
%
Blessings on him that invented sleep!  -- Cervantes
%
Blinding speed can compensate for a lot of deficiencies.  -- David Nichols
%
Blood is thicker than water.
%
Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.
%
Books as well as food nourish and warm people.  Books make connections.  -- Sarton
%
Boredom:  The desire for desires.  -- Leo Tolstoi
%
Borrowed garments never fit well.  -- Fuller
%
Boys will be boys.
%
Break a few rules.
%
Brevity is the soul of wit.
%
Build a better mousetrap and the world will beat a path to your door.
%
Build a system any fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
%
Build something foolproof and every fool will use it.
%
Building a better mousetrap merely results in smarter mice.
%
Bumper sticker:  My politics don't fit on a bumper sticker.  -- John Shelton
%
Bureaucracy:  A giant mechanism operated by pygmies.  -- Honor de Balzac
%
Business first and pleasure afterwards.  -- Surtees
%
Business is a combination of war and sport.  -- Andre Maurois
%
Busy souls have no time to be busybodies.  -- Austin O'Malley
%
But "yes" can mean so many things.  -- John Taylor
%
But how can fame and profit concern a man of genius?  -- Li Ch'i
%
But in this world nothing is certain but death and taxes.  -- Benjamin Franklin
%
But it does move!  -- Galileo Galilei
%
Buy low, sell high.
%
By allowing her to be totally herself...  She frees me to to be totally myself.
%
By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.
%
By nature, men are nearly alike; by practice, they get to be far apart.
%
By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.
%
By the time everyone agrees, it is too late.
%
By the yard, life is hard.  By the inch, it's a cinch.
%
By their fruit you will recognize them. (By their works ye shall know them.)  -- Matthew 7:16
%
Cabbage has a higher yield per acre than any other vegetable.
%
Call on God, but row away from the rocks.  -- Indian proverb
%
Calling religion a mental illness is really insulting to mentally ill people.  -- Cristina Rad
%
Can anyone remember when the times were not hard, and money not scarce?
%
Can anything be sadder than work left unfinished?  Yes, work never begun.
%
Cancer cures smoking.
%
Capability does not imply intent.
%
Capitalism is the exploitation of one man by another; socialism is the reverse.
%
Care is no cure.  -- Greene
%
Carrying resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for someone else to die.
%
Cast not out the foul water till you bring in the clean.  -- James Carmichaell
%
Cats, no less liquid than their shadows, offer no angles to the wind.
%
Celebrity isn't an achievement in itself.  -- Carol Loomis
%
Certain actors in history change the world by staging their own defeat.  -- Wolf
%
Chance favors the prepared mind.  -- Louis Pasteur
%
Chance is perhaps the pseudonym of God when He did not want to sign.  -- France
%
Change your thoughts and you change your world.
%
Character consists of what you do on the third and fourth tries.  -- Michener
%
Character is not made in a crisis -- it is only exhibited.  -- Robert Freeman
%
Character is the power to change the face of things.
%
Character is what you are in the dark.  --  Dwight Moody
%
Charity begins at home.
%
Charity should be spontaneous.  Calculated altruism is an affront.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Charm is the quality in others that makes us more satisfied with ourselves.
%
Chastity and virtue are their own punishment.
%
Chastity is more a state of mind than of anatomy.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Chastity is no more a virtue than malnutrition.  -- Alex Comfort
%
Cheap things are of no value, valuable things are not cheap.
%
Check again to ensure it's not loaded.
%
Children are poor men's riches.
%
Children become ready for toilet training and independence at the same time.
%
Children have more need of models than of critics.
%
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it.
%
Choice is a terrifying power.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Choice of words is spontaneous but no accident.  -- NLP
%
Choice within constraint is essential; choice without constraint is paralyzing.  -- Barry Schwartz
%
Choose happiness for yourself regardless of what others do.
%
Choose not a spouse by the eye only.
%
Christianity might be a good thing if anyone ever tried it.  -- George Shaw
%
Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances.  -- Herodotus
%
Citizens want honest politicians until they want something fixed.
%
Civility is a sign of strength, not weakness.  -- Peter Chantilis
%
Civility means obeying the unenforceable.
%
Civilization is limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.  -- Twain
%
Civilization is what the neutron bombs are supposed to leave intact.  -- Enright
%
Civilization remains a remote ideal.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Clarity is power.  -- Buckminster Fuller
%
Cleanliness is next to Godliness.
%
Clear thinking requires courage rather than intelligence.  -- Thomas Szasz
%
Cleopatra lived closer in time to WWII than the building of the Great Pyramid.
%
Cleverness is not wisdom.  -- Euripides
%
Cloning is unnatural, but unnatural isn't... a synonym for bad.  -- Richard Dawkins
%
Clothes make the man.
%
Cogito ergo sum.  (I think, therefore I am.)  -- Rene Descartes
%
Collective responsibility brings a lowering of moral standards.  -- Freeman Dyson
%
College is a refuge from hasty judgment.  -- Robert Frost
%
Comfort zones are most often expanded through discomfort.  -- McWilliams
%
Coming events cast their shadows before.
%
Command yourself to feel good about yourself.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Commitment is making time when there is none.
%
Commitment is the stuff character is made of.
%
Commitment is what transforms a promise into reality.
%
Common minds discuss people; moderate minds, events; great minds, ideas.
%
Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius.  -- Josh Billings
%
Common sense is not so common.  -- Voltaire
%
Common sense, in an uncommon degree, is what the world calls wisdom.  -- Coleridge
%
Communication is next to impossible with someone who has no doubts.  -- Limon
%
Communications are the lifeblood of a relationship, carrying the nutrients.
%
Companionship is often shared loneliness.  -- Herbert Salzer
%
Compensate complexity with simplicity.  -- Nassim Taleb
%
Competence always contains the seeds of incompetence.
%
Conceit causes more conversation than wit.  -- LaRouchefoucauld
%
Concepts without words have no existence, and words without concepts no meaning.
%
Concrete is heavy; iron is hard -- but the grass will prevail.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Conflict is inevitable but not necessarily bad.  -- Paul Gillette
%
Conflict is not possible without communication.  -- Fred Jandt
%
Confusion can be both pleasant and helpful.
%
Conquer yourself instead of the world.  -- Rene Descartes
%
Conscience is God's presence in man.  -- Swedenborg
%
Conscience makes egotists of us all.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
Consciousness is a full-time job.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Consciousness means freedom from attachment.  -- Ram Dass
%
Consensus is no substitute for leadership; it is the result of leadership.
%
Consider all outcomes before taking a step, and spend your life on one leg.
%
Consistency is always easier to defend than correctness.
%
Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
Consistency is the quality of a stagnant mind.  -- John Sloan
%
Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago.
%
Constant reorganization is the hallmark of a dynamic organization.
%
Contentment is the smother of invention.  -- Laura Watson
%
Contexts serve as (mental) primers.  -- Ellen Langer
%
Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the school of genius.
%
Convincing yourself that a bad idea is a good idea is a bad idea.
%
Cooler heads will prevail.
%
Cooperation:  Doing with a smile what you are forced to do.
%
Corporations as persons, not property, let them deny the rights of real persons.
%
Correlation does not imply causation.
%
Counsel must be followed, not praised.  -- Lyly
%
Courage is grace under pressure.
%
Courage is not the absence of fear but the conquest of it.  -- Scott Cochran
%
Courage is the price life exacts for granting peace.  -- Amelia Earhart
%
Covetousness brings nothing home.
%
Cowards are cruel but the brave love mercy.  -- Gay
%
Cream rises to the top, but so does scum.
%
Creation is a mighty joke, but the laugh is at my own expense.  -- Meher Baba
%
Creativity is allowing oneself to make mistakes.  Art is knowing which to keep.
%
Creativity is no substitute for knowing what you are doing.
%
Creativity, like love, should be diagnosed retrospectively.  -- John Schimel
%
Credible people sign their work.
%
Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
%
Crisis is a motivator for change.
%
Criticism comes easier than craftsmanship.  -- Zeuxis
%
Cultivate happiness and it becomes a habit.
%
Culture is the habit of being pleased with the best and knowing why.
%
Curiosity is ill manners in another's house.  -- Oudin
%
Curiosity will conquer fear even more than bravery will.  -- James Stephens
%
Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth.  -- Lillian Hellman
%
Darkness is cheap.  -- Charles Dickens
%
Data isn't information; information isn't knowledge; knowledge isn't wisdom.
%
Dead men tell no tales.
%
Deal with reality, or reality will deal with you.
%
Death and taxes may be inevitable, but they should not be simultaneous.  -- Mack
%
Death is a self-fulfilling prophecy.  You just don't dwell on it.  -- Nance
%
Death is every man's final critic.  To die well you must live bravely.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Death is just nature's way of telling you to slow down.
%
Death is the one experience that we cannot put in perspective afterwards.
%
Death is the ultimate low, from which we do not recover.
%
Death keeps no calendar.  -- George Herbert
%
Death pays all debts.
%
Decisions terminate panic.
%
Deeds are fruits, words are but leaves.  -- Thomas Draxe
%
Deeds are males, and words are females.  -- Sanford
%
Defeat is worse than death because you have to live with defeat.
%
Delay is preferable to error.  -- Thomas Jefferson
%
Delay is the deadliest form of denial.  -- Parkinson
%
Delusion fends off disillusion.  -- Ben Staub
%
Democracy is good.  I say this because other systems are worse.  -- Nehru
%
Democracy is the art of running the circus from the monkey cage.  -- Mencken
%
Democracy is the worst form of government -- except for all the others.
%
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
%
Democracy means only that people are sovereign; not that they are infallible.  -- Rod Dreher
%
Dependable is not the same as accurate.  -- Frederick Brooks
%
Depression is anger without enthusiasm.
%
Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won't see his face.
%
Desire for greatness prevents its achievement.
%
Desire has no rest.
%
Desire unacted is corruption.  -- Ursula LeGuin
%
Desires and longings are the root cause of all suffering.  -- Meher Baba
%
Desires are nourished by delays.
%
Despair is the necessary prerequisite for the next level of consciousness.
%
Desperate diseases must have desperate cures.
%
Details call things into being.  -- Leonard Bernstein
%
Determine that the thing can and shall be done, and then we will find the way.
%
Devil's advocacy is an honorable profession.
%
Did God the designer choose a method designed precisely as if he wasn't there?  -- Richard Dawkins
%
Difficult to find a black cat in a dark room, especially if there is no cat.  -- Confucius
%
Discontent is the first step in the progress of a man or a nation.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
Discouragement is simply the despair of wounded self-love.  -- De Fenelon
%
Discussions of morality must inevitably lead to immoral statements.  -- Bradshaw
%
Disengage from consumerism as the main avenue of experience.
%
Dishonor will not trouble me, once I am dead.
%
Divine justice, and how it plays out, is perfect.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Divorce can be a creative experience.  -- Will Limon
%
DNA is not really a thing, it is a memory.  -- Deepak Chopra
%
Do more than anyone expects, and pretty soon everyone will expect more.
%
Do not ask for what you will wish you had not got.  -- Seneca
%
Do not be angry with me if I tell you the truth.  -- Socrates
%
Do not be intimidated by reality.
%
Do not be overly suspicious where it is not warranted.
%
Do not beg trouble from the future.  -- Nancy Kirkwood
%
Do not believe everything you hear or anything you say.
%
Do not clog intellect's sluices with bits of knowledge of questionable uses.
%
Do not count your chickens before they are hatched.  -- Aesop
%
Do not cross a river if it is four feet deep on average.  -- Nassim Taleb
%
Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.  -- Robert Heinlein
%
Do not judge a book by its cover.
%
Do not learn the tricks of the trade; learn the trade.
%
Do not seek answers that cannot be given; you would not be able to live them.
%
Do not stoop to tie your laces in your neighbor's melon patch.
%
Do not think by infection, catching an opinion like a cold.
%
Do not triumph before the victory.
%
Do not try to live forever.  You will not succeed.  -- George Shaw
%
Do not worry about which side your bread is buttered on:  You eat BOTH sides.
%
Do one thing every day that scares you.  -- Mary Schmich
%
Do the thing and have the power.  -- Ralph Emerson
%
Do to others as you would have them do unto you.
%
Do unto others as they would have you do unto them.  -- Haley
%
Do unto yourself as you would have others do unto you.
%
Do what you love, and follow your passion.  -- Jim and June Spencer
%
Do what you want -- but KNOW what you are doing.  -- Kenny Washington
%
Do you ever just seem to not be able to get around to procrastinating?
%
Do you wish people to think well of you?  Don't speak well of yourself.  -- Pascal
%
Doctors do not cry but men do.  -- Harry Weiss
%
Doctors think many patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust.  -- Herold
%
Does this path have a heart?  -- Carlos Castaneda
%
Dog wisdom:  Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
%
Dog wisdom:  Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
%
Dog wisdom:  If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
%
Dog wisdom:  Let others know when they have invaded your territory.
%
Dog wisdom:  Take naps and stretch before rising.
%
Dog wisdom:  Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
%
Dogma takes over when facts fail.
%
Dogs that bark at a distance bite not at hand.  -- Camden
%
Doing gets it done.
%
Doing is demonstrating that you know something.
%
Doing what you love is freedom.  Loving what you do is happiness.
%
Doing your best is more important than being the best.  -- Cathy Rigby's mom
%
Don't be ashamed to say what you are not afraid to think.  -- Montaigne
%
Don't be mad about growing old.  Some aren't that lucky.
%
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts.  -- Mary Schmich
%
Don't be so afraid of making a mistake that you can't make a decision.
%
Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you want.  -- Brown
%
Don't burn any bridges you might need to cross again later.
%
Don't change a hair for me, not if you care for me.  -- Lee Coit
%
Don't compare your insides with other people's outsides.
%
Don't confuse mere inconveniences with real problems.  -- H. Jackson Brown
%
Don't confuse motion with progress (or effort with results).
%
Don't confuse things that need action with those that take care of themselves.
%
Don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either.  -- Mary Schmich
%
Don't cross the bridge till you get to it.  -- Longfellow
%
Don't die until you're dead.  -- Billy Connolly
%
Don't do something.  Just stand there.  -- Vanguard founder Jack Bogle
%
Don't ever slam a door; you might want to go back.
%
Don't expect drastic changes fast.  Good practices require practice.  -- Hanson
%
Don't find fault, find a remedy; anyone can complain.
%
Don't get even -- get better.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Don't have good ideas if you aren't willing to be responsible for them.
%
Don't judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes.  -- Confucius
%
Don't just adopt opinions; develop them.
%
Don't keep going to the well when the well is dry.
%
Don't kid yourself.  Little is relevant, and nothing lasts forever.
%
Don't let editors edit the life out of your sentences!  -- Isaac Asimov
%
Don't let God laugh alone.  -- Josef Engressia
%
Don't let what you can't do stop you from doing what you can do.
%
Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
%
Don't look for the right person; be the right person.  -- Will Limon
%
Don't make a big deal out of everything; just deal with everything.
%
Don't make it a project.  Much of the joy of things lies in their serendipity.
%
Don't meet troubles half-way.  -- Christer Sundqvist
%
Don't outlive your money.  -- H. Jackson Brown
%
Don't pet a dog you have just kicked.
%
Don't pick a fight with an old man.  If too old to fight, he'll just kill you.
%
Don't put all of your eggs in one basket.
%
Don't put anything in writing that you wouldn't want to see in print.  -- Young
%
Don't run from love.  There is no other direction.
%
Don't send your spirit on missions of destruction.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Don't speak about Time, until you have spoken to him.
%
Don't stop along the way at all.  That's illusion too.  -- Ram Dass
%
Don't stop to step on the ants when the elephants are stampeding.
%
Don't take anything seriously except happiness.  -- Albert Camus
%
Don't teach your children what to think; just teach them to think.  -- Tannenbaum
%
Don't think that a house covered with snow has no fire in it.  -- George Shaw
%
Don't try to have the last word -- you might get it.  -- Lazarus Long
%
Don't try to pitch from third base.
%
Don't use big words for little matters.  -- Samuel Johnson
%
Don't use yesterday as an excuse for not being fine.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Don't use your powers, let them go.  -- Ram Dass
%
Don't Worry, Be Happy.  -- Meher Baba
%
Doubt is humble, and that's what man needs to be.  -- Bill Maher
%
Draw a circle around your love and hate will walk the line.  -- Hugh Prather
%
Draw your salary before spending it.
%
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.  -- Robert Benchley
%
Dream as if you'll live forever.  Live as if you'll die tomorrow.  -- James Dean
%
Dry bread at home is better than roast meat abroad.  -- George Herbert
%
Dry socks are far more important than clean underwear.  -- Len McDougall
%
During the lows I find hope in knowing another high will come along.  -- Keirn
%
Duty is what one expects from others.
%
Each bird loves to hear himself sing.  -- Howell
%
Each circumstance is a gift, and in each experience is hidden a treasure.  -- God?
%
Each day can be whatever it is, and it's all right.  -- Ram Dass
%
Each man is his own prisoner, in solitary confinement for life.
%
Each of us bears his own Hell.  -- Publius Maro
%
Each one of us is an experiment-of-one.  -- George Sheehan
%
Each one of us is plugged into a schemata of archetypal patterns.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Each person's journey into consciousness recapitulates all of man's journey.
%
Each problem solved introduces a new unsolved problem.
%
Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.
%
Earth is the cradle of reason, but it's impossible to live eternally in cradles.  -- Konstantin Tsiolkovsky
%
Earth is the insane asylum of the universe.
%
Easy come, easy go.
%
Eat to live, and not live to eat.  -- Benjamin Franklin
%
Eat, drink, and be merry.
%
Eclipses clearly illuminate numerous features of society.  -- David Daye
%
Economic compulsion determines ethical perspective.  -- Lawrence Hirsch
%
Economy makes men independent.
%
Educated:  Can hear almost anything without losing temper or self-confidence.
%
Education consists of pounding abstract ideas into concrete heads.
%
Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudice.  -- Peter
%
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.  -- Will Durant
%
Education is a weapon.  -- Josef Stalin
%
Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.  -- Edman
%
Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten.
%
Education makes a straight cut ditch of a free meandering brook.  -- Thoreau
%
Eighty percent of success is showing up.  -- Woody Allen
%
Eliminate any artificial "creativity" processes in the company.  -- Scott Adams
%
Emotion:  Energy in motion.
%
Emotions honestly tell what is your investment and what are your expectations.
%
Empowering your child does not depower you.  -- Barbara Coloroso
%
Endurance is not toleration.
%
Energy flowing through a system organizes that system into greater complexity. -- Alan MacRobert
%
Energy flows where attention goes.  -- Christiane Turner
%
Engineering is the art of knowing how to avoid difficult issues.  -- Dr. Budak
%
Engineers are the natural enemies of marketing people.  -- Scott Adams
%
Enjoy your body.  Use it every way you can.  -- Mary Schmich
%
Ensure your mind makes contracts your body can meet.
%
Envy and mediocrity are an explosive mixture.  -- Irvine Page
%
Envy is a pain of mind that successful men cause their neighbors.
%
Envy provides the mud that failure throws at success.
%
Established technology tends to persist in spite of new technology.  -- Blaauw
%
Eternity is a mere moment, just long enough for a joke.  -- Hermann Hesse
%
Eureka!  -- Archimedes
%
Even a cabbage can look at a king.
%
Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.
%
Even a straight line is art in someone's eyes.
%
Even God lends a hand to honest boldness.
%
Even if a marriage is made in heaven the maintenance must be done on Earth.
%
Even if we fail, we'll learn.  -- Hachiro Shimanuki
%
Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat.
%
Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.  -- Kehlog Albran
%
Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion.
%
Even the finest of cookbooks is no substitute for the poorest of dinners.
%
Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark.
%
Every absurdity has a champion to defend it.
%
Every activity takes more time than you have.
%
Every blessing ignored becomes a curse.  -- Paulo Coelho
%
Every child is gifted and talented.  You just have to pull it out.
%
Every clarification breeds new questions.
%
Every cloud engenders not a storm.
%
Every cloud has a silver lining.  -- Gilbert
%
Every cubic inch in space is a miracle.  -- Walt Whitman
%
Every day you add one more day to your history.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Every erroneous inference involves admitting insufficient evidence as data.
%
Every exit is an entry somewhere else.  -- Tom Stoppard
%
Every fool aspired to be a knave.  -- Mackay, of the South Sea Bubble
%
Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new.
%
Every genius is a child, every child is a genius.
%
Every good idea started out as a bad idea.  -- Doug Baskins
%
Every horse thinks his own pack the heaviest.
%
Every human is... that profound secret and mystery to every other.  -- Dickens
%
Every intelligent conversation is punctuated by periods of silence.
%
Every job is a self-portrait of the person who did it.
%
Every man a little beyond himself is a fool.
%
Every man dies...  Not every man truly lives.  -- William Wallace
%
Every man has a right to be conceited until he is successful.  -- Disraeli
%
Every man has a scheme that absolutely will not work.
%
Every man has his price.  Every price has its man.
%
Every man has two vocations:  His own and philosophy.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Every man is a fool sometimes, and none at all times.  -- George Herbert
%
Every man is a king in his own house.
%
Every man is all of man.  -- Jean-Paul Sartre
%
Every man is as God made him, ay, and often worse.  -- Miguel de Cervantes
%
Every man is best known to himself.  -- Thomas Draxe
%
Every man is mad on some point.
%
Every man is the architect of his own fortune.
%
Every man is working out his destiny in his own way and no one can be of help.
%
Every man likes his own thing best.
%
Every man loves what he is good at.  -- Shadwell
%
Every man who takes office in Washington either grows or swells.  -- Wilson
%
Every medal has its reverse.
%
Every mile is two in winter.  -- George Herbert
%
Every minority group in order to survive works harder than usual.  -- Katchalski
%
Every moment is precious.  And precarious.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Every nation has the government it deserves.  -- Joseph De Maistre
%
Every new generation is a fresh invasion of savages.  -- Harvey Allen
%
Every now and then, bite off more than you can chew.  -- H. Jackson Brown
%
Every oak has been an acorn.
%
Every patient is a doctor after they are cured.
%
Every pawn move loosens the position.  -- Siegbert Tarrasch
%
Every person has a unique tongue print.
%
Every person on earth plays a central role in the history of the world.  -- Coelho
%
Every purchase has its price.
%
Every revolution was first a thought in one man's mind.  -- Emerson
%
Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
Every single person has his or her divine purpose for being here.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Every single person you relate to has a completely different culture.  -- Coit
%
Every truth starts life as a heresy and ends life as an orthodoxy.  -- Huxley
%
Every truth that finally wakes up in you changes the rules of your life.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Every why hath a wherefore.
%
Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.  -- Beckett
%
Everybody has something to conceal.  -- Humphrey Bogart
%
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.  -- Dykstra
%
Everybody ought to have a friend.
%
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
%
Everyone complains of his memory, no one of his judgement.
%
Everyone does better when everyone does better.  -- Hightower
%
Everyone in favor of birth control has already been born.  -- Laurence Peter
%
Everyone is born a king, and most people die in exile.
%
Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts.  -- Daniel Moynihan
%
Everyone is ignorant -- only on different subjects.  -- Will Rogers
%
Everyone is in the best seat.  -- John Cage
%
Everyone is partly man and partly woman.  -- Virginia Woolf
%
Everyone is someone's fool.
%
Everyone knows what ought to be done with everyone else's children.
%
Everyone loves praise.  Look hard for ways to give it to them.  -- Brown
%
Everyone stays busy keeping other people busy.
%
Everyone thinks of changing mankind, but no one thinks of changing himself.
%
Everyone wants to change the world, but no one wants to change their mind.
%
Everyone's faults are written in their foreheads.
%
Everyone, when they are young, knows what their destiny is.  -- Paulo Coelho
%
Everything bows to success, even grammar.  -- Victor Hugo
%
Everything changes but change itself.  -- John F. Kennedy
%
Everything expands to fill the available space.
%
Everything goes wrong at once.
%
Everything has an end.
%
Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.  -- Confucius
%
Everything has some value -- if you use the right currency.
%
Everything I did in my life that was worthwhile I caught hell for.  -- Warren
%
Everything in excess!  To enjoy the flavor of life, take big bites.  -- Heinlein
%
Everything in the world may be endured except continual prosperity.  -- Johann von Goethe
%
Everything in war is very simple, but the simplest thing is difficult.  -- Carl von Clausewitz
%
Everything in your universe becomes your teacher.  -- Ram Dass
%
Everything is negotiable.
%
Everything is written in the Soul of the World, and there it will stay forever.
%
Everything must have a beginning.
%
Everything should be built top-down, except the first time.
%
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.  -- Einstein
%
Everything takes longer than you think it will.  -- Murphy
%
Everything tends toward chaos.  -- John Quill Taylor
%
Everything that goes up must come down.
%
Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.  -- Bill Maher
%
Everything will kill you, but without it you would be nothing.
%
Evil is never intended as evil.  -- James Carse
%
Evil is the termination of infinite play.  -- James Carse
%
Evil is... the restriction of all play to one or another finite game.  -- Carse
%
Evolution is a theory that accounts for variety, not superiority.  -- Joan Pontius
%
Examine what is said, not him who speaks.  -- Arab proverb
%
Example has more followers than reason.  -- Christian Bovee
%
Example is not the main thing in influencing others.  It is the only thing.
%
Excellence is not an act but a habit.  -- Aristotle
%
Excellent things are hard to come by.  -- Clarke
%
Exceptions are pernicious because they conceal laws.  -- Henri Poincar
%
Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.  -- Marcus Aurelius
%
Executives count their beans instead of feeling passion about customers.
%
Exotic foreign places don't seem exotic to the people who live there.
%
Expansion means complexity; and complexity decay.
%
Expectations are resentment in training.  -- Cindy Ryk
%
Experience is a hard teacher for it gives the test first and the lesson later.
%
Experience is sometimes dangerous.  -- Florio
%
Experience is the father of knowledge and the mother of wisdom.
%
Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.
%
Experience keeps a dear school, but fools will learn in no other.  -- Franklin
%
Experience should be a guide post, not a hitching post.
%
Experience without learning is better than learning without experience.
%
Expert advice is a great comfort, even when it is wrong.  -- Ellen Currie
%
Explanation is an antagonistic encounter.  -- James Carse
%
Express an opinion, but send advice by freight.
%
Expressing anger is a form of public littering.  -- Willard Gaylin
%
Expressing negative emotions contributes to recovery from hurts.
%
Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.  -- Carl Sagan
%
Extraordinary people use their wisdom to avoid the need for their skill.
%
Extreme fear can neither fight nor fly.
%
Extroverts must talk to think; introverts must think to talk.
%
e^(i*pi) + 1 = 0
%
Face reality:  Consistently adequate is good enough.  -- Marianne Neifert
%
Facts are meaningless except as part of a system.  -- Morris Cohen
%
Facts are stubborn things.  -- Tobias Smollett
%
Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.  -- Aldous Huxley
%
Facts, apart from their relationships, are like labels on empty bottles.
%
Failure is falling down.  Success is getting back up.
%
Failure is more frequently from want of energy than want of capital.
%
Failure is the path of least persistence.
%
Failure teaches success.
%
Fain would I climb, yet fear I to fall.
%
Fair words and foul play cheat both young and old.  -- Mapletoft
%
Fair words hurt not the mouth.
%
Fair words make me look to my purse.  -- George Herbert
%
Faith goes out through the window when beauty comes in at the door.
%
Faith is believing what you know ain't so.
%
Faith means making a virtue out of not thinking.  -- Bill Maher
%
Faith without works is dead.  -- New Testament
%
False hope is better than no hope at all.
%
False modesty is the refuge of the incompetent.
%
Fame is a magnifying glass.
%
Fame is but the breath of the people.
%
Fame is proof that people are gullible.  -- Ralph Emerson
%
Fame is the perfume of heroic deeds.  -- Socrates
%
Familiarity breeds contempt.  -- Augustinus
%
Fancy gizmos don't work.
%
Far duller than a serpent's tooth it is to spend a quiet youth.
%
Fashion:  A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey.  -- Ambrose Bierce
%
Fate knows best sometimes.  -- John Taylor
%
Fatigue is the best pillow.
%
Fear is interest paid on a debt you may not owe.  -- McWilliams
%
Fear is the result of impurity.  -- Ram Dass
%
Fear of death is worse than death itself.
%
Fear teaches us in the most graphic terms just what it is we value.  -- Limon
%
Fear:  False Expectations About Reality.
%
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
%
Feelings are neither good nor bad; they are just indicators.  -- Will Limon
%
Few lawyers die well; few physicians live well.
%
Few men have the ambition to be great, although many aspire to be thought so.
%
Few of us seem to realize that pleasure is not the same as happiness.  -- Highet
%
Few people recover from having had a childhood.  -- Robert Niland
%
Few things in life are as kind as forgetfulness.
%
Few words and many deeds.
%
Few, if any, survive their teens.  -- Maya Angelou
%
Fields with the word "Science" in their names usually aren't.
%
Fifty percent of something is better than 100 percent of nothing.  -- Suze Orman
%
Fighting for peace is like making love for virginity.
%
Figures won't lie, but liars will figure.  -- C. H. Grosvenor
%
Find a job you love, and you will never have to work again.
%
Find an aim in life before you run out of ammunition.  -- Arnold Glasow
%
Find time to work smarter.
%
Find ways to be wealthy that don't depend on earning cash or buying things.
%
Fine words dress ill deeds.
%
Fingers were made before forks, and hands before knives.
%
Finite play is inherently contradictory; infinite play is paradoxical.  -- Carse
%
Finite players play within boundaries; infinite players play with boundaries.
%
Fire is a low-temperature phenomenon...  in the universe.  -- Arthur Clarke
%
Fire, water, and money are good servants but terrible masters.
%
Firmness of delivery dates is inversely proportional to tightness of schedule.
%
First come, first served.
%
First deserve, and then desire.
%
First in time, first in right.  -- Colorado water law
%
First step to getting what you want:  Courage to get rid of what you don't want.
%
First think, and then speak.
%
Fish and visitors smell in three days.
%
Fish or cut bait.
%
Fix the problem, not the blame.
%
Flattery is like cologne:  To be smelled, but not swallowed.  -- Josh Billings
%
Focused action beats brilliance any day.  -- Art Turock
%
Follow the good side right to the fire, but not into it.
%
Follow the river and you will get to the sea.
%
Follow your bliss.  -- Joseph Campbell
%
Folly grows without watering.  -- George Herbert
%
Fond of the game, but no fool -- a real man.  -- Louis-Ferdinand Celine
%
Food for thought is no substitute for the real thing.  -- Walt Kelly
%
Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me.  -- Scotti
%
Fools are always at the bottom of the food chain.  -- Cesare
%
Fools don't attempt suicide; rather, they succeed at it.  -- John Taylor
%
Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.
%
For best results, authority and responsibility should be commensurate.
%
For courage mounteth with occasion.
%
For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility fill.  -- R. Clopton
%
For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.
%
For God's sake, stop researching for a while and begin to think.  -- Moberly
%
For humans, honest is a matter of degree.  -- Scott Adams
%
For life to have meaning, one must have something significant yet to do.
%
For the love of lust is the root of all evil...  Lust came before money.
%
For the love of money is the root of all evil.  -- New Testament
%
For the unlearned, old age is winter.  For the learned, it's the harvest season.
%
For thee the wonder-working Earth puts forth sweet flowers.  -- Titus Carus
%
For us there is only the trying.  -- T. S. Eliot
%
Forbidden fruit is sweet.  -- Old Testament
%
Force has no place where there is need of skill.  -- Herodotus
%
Forget what you know and learn.  -- Roger von Oech
%
Forget your troubles as easily as you do your blessings.  -- NRTA Journal
%
Forgive us, for we also know not what we don't.  -- John Taylor
%
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.  -- John F. Kennedy
%
Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.  -- Mahatma Gandhi
%
Forgiveness means giving up your right to punish another.
%
Forgiveness of another is a gift you give to yourself.
%
Fortune can take from us nothing but what she gave us.
%
Fortune favors the brave.
%
Fortune knocks at least once at every man's gate.
%
Fortune never seems so blind as to those upon whom she has bestowed no favors.
%
Freedom begins between the ears.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Freedom is its own punishment.  -- P.J. O'Rourke
%
Freedom is nothing else but the chance to do better.  -- Camus
%
Freedom is slavery.  Ignorance is strength.  War is peace.  -- George Orwell
%
Freedom is the recognition of necessity.  -- Spinoza
%
Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong.  -- John Diefenbaker
%
Freedom of the press belongs to he who owns one.
%
Freedom, not safety, is the highest good.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Friends agree best at a distance.
%
Friends are people you can be quiet with.
%
Friends are thieves of time.
%
Friends listen to what you say.  Best friends listen to what you don't say.
%
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.  -- Jones
%
Friendship cannot stand always on one side.
%
Friendship is forgetting what you give and remembering what you receive.
%
Friendship is one mind in two bodies.  -- Mencius
%
From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs.  -- Marx
%
From error to error, one discovers the entire truth.  -- Sigmund Freud
%
From fanaticism to barbarism is only one step.  -- Denis Diderot
%
From hearing comes wisdom; from speaking, repentance.  -- Mapletoft
%
Fruit ripens not well in the shade.  -- Fuller
%
Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.  -- H. H. Williams
%
Fuzzy project goals avoid the embarrassment of estimating the costs.
%
Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.  -- Thomas Edison
%
Genius is born, not paid.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
Genius is seeing origins.
%
Genius is the talent of a person who is dead.
%
Genius might have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
%
Genuine travel has no destination.  -- James Carse
%
Genuine travelers travel not to overcome distance but to discover distance.
%
Geologic time is measured by mass extinctions.  -- Charlene Anderson
%
Get even...  With the people who have helped you.
%
Get up one time more than you are knocked down.  -- Peter
%
Ghosts are the insomniacs among the dead.  -- Louis Jenkins
%
Gifts blind the eyes.
%
Give a lie twenty-four hours' start, and you can never overtake it.
%
Give me a fish and I will eat today.  Teach me to fish and I will eat forever.
%
Give me enough medals, and I'll win any war.  -- Napolean
%
Give religion privilege, and it gets corrupted.  -- Martin Marty
%
Give the Devil his due, but be careful that there ain't much due him.
%
Given a choice between grief and nothing, I'd choose grief.  -- William Faulkner
%
Given enough time, almost everything will occur.
%
Given sufficient time, what you put off doing today will get done by itself.
%
Giving away your personal power is an explosive fuel for power struggles.
%
Giving leadership to those incapable of governing themselves is foolishness.
%
Giving to the poor insures their predicament.
%
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.  -- Napoleon Bonaparte
%
Glory to the pattern finders.  They make sense out of apparent chaos.  -- Raham
%
Goals...  Plans...  They're fantasies, part of a dream world...  -- Wally Shawn
%
God came to the United States in the form of LSD.  -- Ram Dass
%
God can make an ass with three tails, but not a triangle with four sides.
%
God comes to see without a bell.
%
God complains not, but does what is fitting.  -- George Herbert
%
God does not play dice with the universe.  -- Albert Einstein
%
God gives burdens; also shoulders.
%
God gives us the nuts, but he does not crack them.  -- German proverb
%
God has no intention of setting a limit to the efforts of man to conquer space.
%
God heals and the doctor takes the fee.  -- Benjamin Franklin
%
God is a comic playing to an audience afraid to laugh, with no front row.
%
God is an artist who paints with broad strokes.
%
God is great, too great for me.  -- Kurt Tucholsky
%
God is not all-powerful as he cannot build a wall he cannot jump.  -- Pascal
%
God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.  -- Alfred Jarry
%
God loves everyone in the world who doesn't love himself.  Does God love God?
%
God made man, but Samuel Colt made men equal.
%
God made the country, and man made the town.
%
God made the integers; all else is the work of Man.  -- Kronecker
%
God made us plain and simple, but we have made ourselves very complicated.
%
God makes and man shapes.
%
God may be subtle, but he isn't plain mean.  -- Albert Einstein
%
God meditates in geniuses, dreams in poets, and sleeps in other people.
%
God offers to every mind its choice between truth and repose.  -- Emerson
%
God sends cold after clothes.
%
God sends meat and the devil sends cooks.  -- Thomas Deloney
%
God strikes with his finger, and not with all his arm.  -- Delamothe
%
God walking on Earth is more important than man walking on the Moon.  -- Jim Irwin
%
God will not look you over for medals, degrees or diplomas, but for scars.
%
God works with you, not for you.
%
God's career would end tomorrow were there no more problems.  -- Neale Walsch
%
God's mill grinds slow but exceedingly fine.
%
God, it looks like it's going to be you and me for the rest of my life.  -- Coit
%
Gold that's put to use more gold begets.  -- Shakespeare
%
Good artists borrow.  Great artists steal.  -- Steven Jobs
%
Good beginning makes a good ending.
%
Good behavior is the last refuge of mediocrity.  -- Henry Haskins
%
Good counsel never comes too late.
%
Good fortune will find you, providing you gave directions.
%
Good gift: Someone really wants it, but feels guilty buying it for themselves.  -- Dan Ariely
%
Good humor is the health of the soul, sadness the poison.
%
Good judgement comes from experience, which comes from bad judgement.
%
Good leaders being scarce, following yourself is allowed.
%
Good listeners make good lovers.
%
Good management is knowing what's fundamental to success and what's not.  -- Adams
%
Good manuals are not written...  They are rewritten.
%
Good memories have ill judgements.  -- James Kelly
%
Good men are scanty, make much of one.  -- Fletcher
%
Good nature and good sense must ever join; to err is human, to forgive, divine.
%
Good poetry and bad poetry look pretty much the same at fifty yards.  -- Taylor
%
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.  -- Godwin
%
Good that the teeth guard the tongue.
%
Good things come in small packages.
%
Good to begin well, better to end well.
%
Good words are worth much, and cost little.  -- George Herbert
%
Good, to forgive; best, to forget.  -- Robert Browning
%
Gossip is so tasty, how we love to swallow it!  -- Solomon
%
Government is the last solution but the first suggestion for many problems.
%
Governments lie; newspapers lie; but in a democracy they are different lies.
%
Grace is more beautiful than beauty.  -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%
Gratitude is a lively sense of future favors.  -- Sir Robert Walpole
%
Gratitude is the memory of the heart.  -- J. B. Massieu
%
Great achievements require relatively few ideas and even less men.  -- Uhrin
%
Great acts are made up of small deeds.  -- Lao Tsu
%
Great art is indefinable but that's all right; it exists anyway.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Great art is never perfect; perfect art is never great.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Great blunders are often made, like large ropes, of a multitude of fibers.  -- Victor Hugo
%
Great expectations lead to great disappointments.
%
Great intellects are skeptical.  -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%
Great love and great achievements involve great risk.  -- H. Jackson Brown
%
Great men have great faults.  -- Thomas Draxe
%
Great minds have purposes; others have wishes.  -- Washington Irving
%
Great opportunities to help others seldom come; small ones surround us every day.
%
Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
%
Greater qualities are necessary to bear good fortune than bad.  -- La Rochefoucald
%
Greatness is a transitory experience.  It is never consistent.
%
Grown men do not need leaders.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Half of being smart is knowing what you are dumb at.
%
Half the truth is often a great lie.  -- Benjamin Franklin
%
Half the world knows not how the other half lives.  -- J. Hall
%
Handle yourself with your head, handle others with your heart.
%
Happiness adds and multiplies as we divide it with others.
%
Happiness equals reality minus expectations.  -- Tom Magliozzi
%
Happiness is a perpetual possession of being well deceived.  -- Jonathan Swift
%
Happiness is just an illusion, filled with sadness and confusion.
%
Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.  -- Levant
%
Happy folks do not make history.  -- French proverb
%
Happy is he that is happy in his children.  -- Fuller
%
Happy is the man who becomes wise, who gains understanding.  -- Solomon
%
Happy-go-lucky people can only be happy when they are lucky.
%
Hard facts are hard to beat.
%
Hard reality has a way of cramping your style.  -- Daniel Dennett
%
Haste makes waste.  -- R. C. Trench
%
Hasten slowly.  -- Suetonius
%
Hate is a disease, and tolerance is the cure.  -- Dennis Shepard
%
Hate stirs up trouble, but love overlooks all offenses.  -- Solomon
%
Hate the sin and love the sinner.  -- Mahatma Gandhi
%
Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat.  -- Fosdick
%
Hatred is blind, as well as love.  -- Fuller
%
Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love.  -- Buddhism
%
Have no fear of perfection -- you'll never reach it.  -- Salvador Dali
%
Have no friends not equal to yourself.  -- Confucius
%
Have preferences, not expectations; make choices, not demands.
%
Have the courage to be honest with yourself.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Have you ever gone out to see how much fun you'd be to be with?  -- Lee Coit
%
Have you tried on your smile today?
%
Having a mind of one's own doesn't necessarily imply having any mind as such.
%
Having been poor is no shame, but being ashamed of it, is.  -- Benjamin Franklin
%
Having made one lie, he is fain to make more to maintain it.  -- Fuller
%
Having no security is better than thinking you have security when you don't.
%
Having nothing, nothing can he lose.  -- William Shakespeare
%
Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.  -- Socrates
%
He bears misery best that hides it most.  -- Harvey
%
He cannot be good that knows not why he is good.  -- I. Sidney
%
He cannot speak well that cannot hold his tongue.
%
He cries wine and sells vinegar.  -- Howell
%
He gets a double victory who conquers himself.
%
He has not acquired a fortune; the fortune has acquired him.  -- Bion
%
He has slept well that remembers not he has slept ill.  -- Fuller
%
He is a good friend that speaks well of us behind our backs.
%
He is a good orator who convinces himself.  -- Mapletoft
%
He is at ease who has enough.
%
He is lifeless that is faultless.
%
He is not laughed at that laughs at himself first.
%
He is now rising from affluence to poverty.  -- Mark Twain
%
He is poor indeed that can promise nothing.  -- Thomas Draxe
%
He is rich enough that wants nothing.
%
He is the best of men who dislikes power.  -- Mohammed
%
He is the kind of man for the times that need the kind of man he is.
%
He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap.
%
He is wise that knows when he is well enough.
%
He jests at scars who never felt a wound.  -- William Shakespeare
%
He knows not how to know who knows not also how to unknow.  -- Richard Burton
%
He knows not what good is who has not tried what evil is.  -- Torriano
%
He laughs best that laughs last.  -- Sir J. Vanbrugh
%
He lives long that lives well.
%
He loses his thanks who promises and delays.  -- Thomas Draxe
%
He loses indeed that loses at last.  -- Fuller
%
He loses nothing who keeps God for his friend.  -- Cotgrave
%
He or she who would gather roses must not fear thorns.  -- Dutch proverb
%
He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace.  -- John Brown
%
He praises who wishes to sell.
%
He sits not sure that sits too high.  -- Cotgrave
%
He spent his last shilling on a purse.
%
He teaches ill who teaches all.
%
He that bringeth a present, findeth the door open.  -- Scottish proverb
%
He that brings good news knocks hard.  -- Cotgrave
%
He that can have patience can have what he will.
%
He that cannot abide a bad market deserves not a good one.  -- John Ray
%
He that cannot pay let him pray.  -- John Ray
%
He that counts all costs will never put plow in the earth.  -- Carmichaell
%
He that does what he will, does not what he ought.
%
He that eats least eats most.
%
He that falls in love with himself, will have no rivals.  -- Franklin
%
He that falls today may rise tomorrow.
%
He that fears you present will hate you absent.  -- Fuller
%
He that goes barefoot must not plant thorns.
%
He that has a full purse never wanted a friend.  -- James Kelly
%
He that has a great nose, thinks everyone is speaking of it.
%
He that has lost his credit is dead to the world.
%
He that has money has what he wants.
%
He that has no money needs no purse.  -- Thomas Draxe
%
He that has not silver in his purse, should have silk on his tongue.
%
He that has time has life.
%
He that hurts another hurts himself.  -- Sanford
%
He that is born a fool is never cured.  -- Harward
%
He that is carried down the stream need not row.  -- Fuller
%
He that is fallen cannot help him that is down.  -- George Herbert
%
He that is giddy thinks the world turns round.  -- William Shakespeare
%
He that is his own counsel has a fool for a client.
%
He that is not sensible of his loss has lost nothing.
%
He that kills a man when he is drunk, shall be hanged when he is sober.
%
He that knows little soon repeats it.  -- John Ray
%
He that knows nothing doubts nothing.  -- Cotgrave
%
He that lends, gives.  -- George Herbert
%
He that lies upon the ground can fall no lower.  -- Alain de Lille
%
He that lives in hope dances without music.
%
He that lives long suffers much.
%
He that lives most, dies most.  -- George Herbert
%
He that lives upon hope will die fasting.
%
He that lives well is learned enough.  -- Cotgrave
%
He that lives wickedly can hardly die honestly.  -- Thomas Draxe
%
He that loves well sees afar off.  -- George Herbert
%
He that makes a good war makes a good peace.
%
He that makes a thing too fine, breaks it.  -- George Herbert
%
He that marries for wealth sells his liberty.
%
He that nothing questions, nothing learns.
%
He that pays last never pays twice.
%
He that plants a tree plants for posterity.
%
He that seeks finds.  -- New Testament
%
He that seeks trouble, never misses.
%
He that sleeps with dogs must rise up with fleas.  -- Seneca
%
He that sows good seed shall reap good corn.
%
He that speaks to a fool, talks to himself.  -- James Kelly
%
He that stays in the valley shall never get over the hill.  -- Thomas Draxe
%
He that steals honey should beware of the sting.  -- James Kelly
%
He that will be served, must be patient.  -- George Herbert
%
He that will eat the kernel must crack the nut.
%
He that will enter into Paradise must have a good key.  -- Thomas Draxe
%
He that will lie will steal.
%
He that would govern others, first should be the master of himself.
%
He was meant for a gentleman, but was spoilt in the making.  -- Jonathan Swift
%
He who angers you, conquers you.  -- Elisabeth Kenny
%
He who asks is a fool for five minutes; he who does not remains a fool forever.
%
He who begins many things finishes but few.
%
He who can, does.  He who cannot, teaches.  -- Bernard Shaw
%
He who dares knows adventure.
%
He who defines the terms wins the argument.  -- Chinese proverb
%
He who despises himself nevertheless esteems himself as a self-despiser.
%
He who dies with the most peace of mind wins.
%
He who dies with the most toys has missed the point of the game.
%
He who fears the unknown may one day flee from his own backside.  -- Sinbad
%
He who fights and runs away lives to fight another day.  -- Leng-Tzu
%
He who foresees calamities suffers them twice over.
%
He who gives promptly gives twice.  -- Miguel de Cervantes
%
He who goes into the conclave a pope comes out a cardinal.
%
He who has a fair wife needs more than two eyes.
%
He who has a WHY to live for can bear with almost any HOW.  -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%
He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet.
%
He who has no poetry in himself will find poetry in nothing.
%
He who has the gold makes the rules.
%
He who hates vices hates mankind.
%
He who hesitates is lost.  -- Leng-Tzu
%
He who hesitates is sometimes saved.  -- James Thurber
%
He who is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.
%
He who knows others is wise.  He who knows himself is enlightened.  -- Lao Tsu
%
He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.  -- Lao Tsu
%
He who knows, does not speak.  He who speaks, does not know.  -- Lao Tsu
%
He who laughs, lasts.
%
He who lives without folly is less wise than he believes.
%
He who makes no mistakes makes nothing.
%
He who opens a school door, closes a prison.  -- Victor Hugo
%
He who owes is in all wrong.  -- Torriano
%
He who sees much can endure much.  -- Emanuel Lasker
%
He who slings mud generally loses ground.  -- Adlai Stevenson
%
He who tells you how great he is usually isn't.
%
He who thinks he is raising a mound might only in reality be digging a pit.
%
He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder.  -- Escher
%
He who would climb the ladder must begin at the bottom.  -- Palmer
%
He's poor as Job, and not so patient.  -- Byron
%
Health follows a change in mindset, just as in the case for placebos.  -- Ellen Langer
%
Health is better than wealth.
%
Health is not valued till sickness comes.
%
Health:  The capacity to completely accept with joy the fact that you are alive.
%
Hearts may agree, though heads differ.  -- Fuller
%
Heaven does not worth according to human justice.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Heaven has no regard for physical comfort.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Heaven is a space where you can get whatever you want, and then it isn't enough.
%
Heaven is to be at peace with all things.  -- George Santayana
%
Heaven is under our feet as well as over our heads.  -- Thoreau
%
Heaven takes care of children, sailors, and drunken men.
%
Hell is a place where you have nothing to do but amuse yourself.
%
Hell is always open.  -- Vergil
%
Hell is not a place you go, it's a way you live.  Same with heaven.
%
Hell is wherever heaven is not.  -- Delamothe
%
Help can come any which way -- anything is possible.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Henry Ford didn't make a penny until he was forty.
%
Her head looks as if it had worn out two bodies.  -- Vermont saying
%
Here comes the orator, with his flood of words and his drop of reason.
%
Here it is standing:  Atoms with consciousness; matter with curiosity.  -- Feynman
%
Here lies a good fellow who spent his life while he had it.  -- Horatio Alger
%
Hey, everything goes wrong every minute.  What you do is fix it.  -- Gus Pagnois
%
Higher technology does not necessarily equate to higher anything else.  -- Donovan
%
Hindsight is an exact science.
%
His bark is worse than his bite.
%
Historians are gossips who tease the dead.  -- Voltaire
%
History books that contain no lies are extremely dull.
%
History develops, art stands still.  -- E. M. Forster
%
History illuminates the actions of men, primatology those of women.
%
History is a spectator sport.
%
History is any succession of events seen with the effect of posteriority.  -- Nassim Taleb
%
History is not a spectator sport.  -- Robert Zubrin
%
History is written by the survivors.  -- Max Lerner
%
History knows no resting places and no plateaus.  -- Henry Kissinger
%
History may not repeat but sometimes it rhymes.  -- Mark Twain
%
History usually clarifies stupidity.
%
History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.  -- Winston Churchill
%
Holding on to the past interferes with what the divine is doing in the present.
%
Home is home, though it be never so homely.  -- James Kelly
%
Home is the nicest place you will ever go.
%
Home is the sailor, home from the sea...  -- Kipling
%
Home is where I want to be, but I guess I'm already there.  -- David Byrnes
%
Home is where the heart is.
%
Homo sapiens is the greatest catastrophe since the Cretaceous extinction.
%
Honest, smart, effective:  Choose at most one.
%
Honesty is better than lying.
%
Honesty is the best policy.
%
Honey is sweet, but the bee stings.
%
Honor lies in honest toil.  -- Grover Cleveland
%
Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper.
%
Hope is a waking dream.
%
Hope is most powerful when backed up by action.
%
Hope is the poor man's bread.  -- George Herbert
%
Hope keeps man alive.  -- Withals
%
Hope springs eternal in the human mind.
%
Hot love is soon cold.  -- Lyly
%
Hot tempers cause arguments, but patience brings peace.  -- Solomon
%
Houston, Tranquillity Base here.  The Eagle has landed.  -- Neil Armstrong
%
How apt the poor are to be proud.
%
How are you going to shape the future if you don't know the past?  -- Billie Jean King
%
How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then rest afterward.  -- Spanish proverb
%
How bitter a thing it is to look into happiness through another man's eyes.
%
How can I know what I think until I see what I say?  -- E. M. Forster
%
How can so many take The Amazing Journey and not be amazed?  -- Steve Hug
%
How can you avoid hurting someone's feelings without being a liar?
%
How can you tell the dance from the dancer?
%
How complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness.
%
How do we acquire wisdom along with all these shiny things?  -- David Brin
%
How does a project get to be a year late?  One day at a time.  -- Frederick Brooks
%
How happy we would be if we lost all we had -- and then regained it.  -- Seneca
%
How high I am, how much I see, how far I reach, depends on me.
%
How long does it take to learn that violence begets violence?  -- Marc Salkin
%
How much more money does a millionaire need?  Just one more dollar.
%
How old would you feel if you didn't know how old you were?
%
How vast the realm is our current oblivion.
%
How you look depends on where you go.
%
Human beings are omnivores.  We eat everything, and the box it came in.
%
Human beings live longer and better when they enjoy what they do.  -- J. Asimov
%
Human birth is precious because of the degree of awareness of one's predicament.
%
Human nature is not only about as bad as it can be, but a great deal worse.
%
Human rationality isn't a scientist, it's a lawyer.  -- Jonah Lehrer
%
Humankind's greatest experiences still lie ahead of us.
%
Humans are communications junkies.  We just can't get enough.  -- Alan Kay
%
Humans are motivated by what has been done for them lately.  -- Daniel Koshland
%
Humans are not rational beings; they are rationalizing beings.
%
Humans can't think randomly.  -- Allan Roth
%
Humans need simple answers for complex problems.  -- Lawrence Hirsch
%
Humble hearts have humble desires.  -- Cotgrave
%
Humility is a virtue when you have no other.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Humility is not a state of mind conducive to the advancement of learning.
%
Humility to genius is as an extinguisher to a candle.  -- Shenstone
%
Humor is a drug which it's the fashion to abuse.  -- William Gilbert
%
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.  -- de Bono
%
Hunger finds no fault with the cookery.
%
Hunger is not caused by scarcity of food but scarcity of democracy.  -- Lappe'
%
Hunger is the best sauce.  -- Cicero
%
Hunger knows no friend.  -- Daniel Defoe
%
Hurt people hurt people.  -- Will Bowen
%
Hurting yourself is not sinful -- just stupid.  -- Robert Heinlein
%
Hypocrites are real atheists.  -- Francis Bacon
%
I am a man; nothing human is alien to me.
%
I am an enemy of the State.  But isn't everyone?  -- Edward Abbey
%
I am becoming more energy than matter.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
I am convinced the desire to formulate truths is a virulent disease.  -- James
%
I am cured of my illness; I am healed with my illness.  -- James Carse
%
I am exactly where I am supposed to be.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
I am glad I will not be young in a future without wilderness.  -- Aldo Leopold
%
I am looking for an honest man.  -- Diogenes the Cynic
%
I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.
%
I am not this thought.  -- Ram Dass
%
I am the story I tell myself.  -- Greg Wait
%
I am two fools, I know, for loving, and for saying so.  -- John Donne
%
I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.  -- G. K. Chesterton
%
I believe in nothing that I cannot touch, kiss, embrace...  -- Edward Abbey
%
I can believe anything, provided it is incredible.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
I can explain it for you, but I can't understand it for you.
%
I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.  -- Joe Walsh
%
I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions.  -- Hellman
%
I cannot be alone; it's not possible.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
I cannot prove this statement is true.  -- Bo Curry
%
I cannot tell you my truth until you stop telling me yours.  -- God?
%
I couldn't possibly fail to disagree with you less.  -- John Taylor
%
I cried because I had no socks, until I met a man who had no shoes.
%
I do not believe in personal immortality; it seems so unnecessary.  -- Edward Abbey
%
I do not know myself and God forbid that I should.  -- Johann von Goethe
%
I do not take drugs -- I am drugs.  -- Salvador Dali
%
I don't gamble.  There are other ways to win at life.  -- Mike Moxcey
%
I don't know, I don't care, and it doesn't make any difference.  -- Jack Kerouac
%
I don't make much sense because the rest of the world doesn't either.
%
I don't make the rules, Gil, I only play the game.  -- Cash McCall
%
I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path.
%
I don't see why any system of beliefs deserves respect simply because it exists.  -- Cristina Rad
%
I don't speak for others and they don't speak for me.
%
I don't think comedy is an escape from tragedy.  They are both life.  -- Nichols
%
I don't want to make money.  I just want to be wonderful.  -- Marilyn Monroe
%
I dream things that never were; and I say "Why not?"  -- George Shaw
%
I fear explanations explanatory of things explained.  -- Abraham Lincoln
%
I find great humor in the fact that we ever take ourselves seriously.  -- Adams
%
I forgive and quite forget old faults.  -- Shakespeare
%
I found Rome a city of bricks and left it a city of marble.  -- Augustus Caesar
%
I have become me without my consent.
%
I have been a lucky man.  But someone has to be.  -- Edward Abbey
%
I have lost all and found myself.  -- Clarke
%
I have met my hero, and he is me.  -- George Sheehan
%
I have never been hurt by anything I didn't say.  -- Calvin Coolidge
%
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.  -- Mark Twain
%
I have never, ever seen God come through the front door.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
I have no special talents.  I am only passionately curious.  -- Albert Einstein
%
I have nothing to say, and I am saying it.  -- John Cage
%
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.  -- Publilius Syrus
%
I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep.  -- Robert Frost
%
I have with me two gods, Persuasion and Compulsion.  -- Themistocles
%
I know what I know, but I will keep it to myself.  -- Howell
%
I like a state of continual becoming, with a goal in front and not behind.
%
I like being single.  I am always there when I need me.  -- Art Leo
%
I love treason but hate a traitor.
%
I might make you feel, but I can't make you think.  -- Gerald Bostock
%
I never know how much of what I say is true.  -- Bette Midler
%
I never think of the future.  It comes soon enough.  -- Albert Einstein
%
I never tried quitting, and I never quit trying.  -- Dolly Parton
%
I only know that I do not know, but that is something after all.
%
I only know what I read in the papers.  -- Will Rogers
%
I prefer rogues to imbeciles, because they sometimes take a rest.  -- Dumas
%
I put up my thumb...  And it blotted out the planet Earth.  -- Neil Armstrong
%
I realized something about perfection...  It comes only with time.  -- Collymore
%
I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.  -- Wilson Mizner
%
I saw that, finally, my responsibility was to work on myself.  -- Ram Dass
%
I say little but think the more.  -- Shakespeare
%
I seem to be a verb.  -- Buckminster Fuller
%
I slept and dreamed that life was Beauty; I woke, and found that life was Duty.
%
I strive to be brief but I become obscure.  -- Horace
%
I think time is a merciless thing.  -- Tennessee Williams
%
I touch the future.  I teach.  -- Christa McAuliffe
%
I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just.  -- Thomas Jefferson
%
I try not to break the rules but merely to test their elasticity.  -- Bill Veeck
%
I understand why you are confused.  You're thinking too much.  -- Carole Wallach
%
I used to be disgusted, now I find I am just amused.  -- Costello
%
I wanted to do it just as he did; so I began to learn.  -- Cesar Chavez
%
I wasted time and now doth time waste me.  -- William Shakespeare
%
I will do nothing for you that you will not do for your Self.  -- God?
%
I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then.  -- Bob Seeger
%
I wish I were as certain about anything as some people are about everything.
%
I would consider it an honor to be fossilized.  -- famous anthropologist
%
I would like to know what I was fencing in and what I was fencing out.  -- Frost
%
I would rather be defeated with love in my heart than be victorious without it.
%
I would rather be the first man here than the second in Rome.  -- Julius Caesar
%
I would sooner be notorious than unknown.
%
I [am] a channel through which music emerges from the chaos of noise.  -- Vangelis
%
I'd much rather see lube oil running out of a bearing than metal particles.  -- Jim Potterf
%
I'll meet you... on the dark side... of the moon...  -- Pink Floyd
%
I'm against a homogenized society because I want the cream to rise.  -- Frost
%
I'm always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.  -- Pablo Picasso
%
I'm an idealist.  I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way!  -- Sandberg
%
I'm running out of cheeks to turn.  -- John Taylor
%
I've finally become what I had merely intended to seem.  -- Ludwig von Humboldt
%
Idealism increases in direct proportion to your distance from the problem.
%
Ideals are like the stars; we never reach them, but chart our course by them.
%
Ideas:  Funny little things that don't work unless you do.
%
Idle hands are the devil's playground.
%
Idleness is leisure gone to seed.
%
Idleness is the holiday of fools.
%
If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far.  -- Paul White
%
If a cat has nine lives, a lie has ninety-nine.  -- Blackmore
%
If a document is over two pages long, few people will ever read it.  -- Adams
%
If a fool persists in his folly he shall become wise.  -- William Blake
%
If a guy is over 25% jerk, he's in trouble.  -- Lee Iacocca
%
If a man has talent and cannot use it, he has failed.  -- Thomas Wolfe
%
If a man hasn't discovered something that he will die for, he isn't fit to live.
%
If a man hears much that a woman says, she is not beautiful.  -- Haskins
%
If a person can't communicate, the very least he can do is to shut up!  -- Lehrer
%
If a plant grows in abundance, it is a plant of virtue.  -- old Gypsy proverb
%
If a string has one end, then it has another end.  -- Miksch
%
If a thing's worth doing, it is worth doing badly.  -- G. K. Chesterton
%
If an ad leaves off the price, it means if you knew it, you wouldn't pay it.
%
If an inch represents one AU, then a light year is one mile, within 1%.
%
If anything can go wrong, it will.  -- Murphy
%
If anything is sacred, the human body is sacred.  -- Walt Whitman
%
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.  -- Confucius
%
If blame can be shifted, it will be.
%
If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be -- a Christian.
%
If either religion or science were infallible, it would incorporate the other.
%
If everybody was satisfied with himself, there would be no heroes.  -- Mark Twain
%
If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.
%
If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.  -- Voltaire
%
If God exists only in the gaps, then God is diminished with each new discovery.
%
If God made us in His image, we have certainly returned the compliment.
%
If God wanted us to have a president, he would have sent us a candidate.
%
If guns are outlawed, only the government will have guns.  -- Edward Abbey
%
If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.  -- Chinese proverb
%
If he works for you, you work for him.  -- Japanese proverb
%
If I cannot bend Heaven, I shall move Hell.  -- Virgil
%
If I had finished this sentence.  -- Hofstadter
%
If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.  -- Newton
%
If it can't bite you, it can't kiss you.
%
If it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter.
%
If it happens, it must be possible.
%
If it is to be, it is up to me.
%
If it still works for you, it's not obsolete.
%
If it works, don't fix it.  -- Sam Rayburn
%
If it's not necessary to make a decision, it's necessary not to make a decision.
%
If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
%
If life is merely a joke, the question still remains:  For whose amusement?
%
If love is blind, it best agrees with night.  -- Shakespeare
%
If men could become pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.
%
If money is a means to an end, then inflation is an end to the means.  -- Seitler
%
If N=1, all bets are off.  -- Chuck Forsberg
%
If no one measures up, check your yardstick.
%
If no one uses it, there is a reason.
%
If not controlled, work flows to the competent person until he is submerged.
%
If one tells the truth, one is sure sooner or later, to be found out.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
If only I had known, I should have become a watchmaker.  -- Albert Einstein
%
If peace cannot be maintained with honor, it is no longer peace.  -- John Russell
%
If people behaved like governments, you'd call the cops.  -- Kelvin Throop
%
If plugged into tribal thought forms, you're also plugged into tribal diseases.
%
If religion remains unchallenged, so are the social problems that come with it.  -- Cristina Rad
%
If slavery is not wrong, nothing is wrong.  -- Lincoln
%
If someone truly loves you, they ask how to make you happy; they don't guess.
%
If stock market experts were so expert, they would buy stock, not sell advice.
%
If the bed could tell all it knows it would put many to the blush.  -- Overbury
%
If the end does not justify the means -- what can?  -- Edward Abbey
%
If the enemy is in range, so are you.
%
If the master dies and the disciple grieves, the lives of both have been wasted.
%
If the poor cannot always get meat, the rich cannot always digest it.
%
If the solution is too complex you haven't stated the problem right.  -- Baskins
%
If the thought is not the thinker then the thinker can choose the thought.
%
If the universe is the answer, what is the question?  -- Leon Lederman
%
If the Universe were fair, we would deserve all the pain that we suffer.
%
If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams.
%
If there is a wrong way to do something, then someone will do it.  -- Murphy
%
If there is no wind, row.  -- Polish proverb
%
If war is the answer, then it's a stupid question.
%
If we could love our enemies we would have none.  -- Thomas McKeown
%
If we crave some cosmic purpose, let us find ourselves a worthy goal.  -- Sagan
%
If we don't survive, we don't do anything else.  -- John Sinclair
%
If we look for the good in others, we discover the best in ourselves.  -- Walsh
%
If we stop trying to understand things, we'll all be sunk.  -- Frank Oppenheimer
%
If what you're doing doesn't work, try something different.
%
If wilderness is outlawed, only outlaws can save wilderness.  -- Edward Abbey
%
If ye sow the wind, ye shall reap the whirlwind.  -- Old Testament
%
If you accept yesterday and love today, you will not be afraid of tomorrow.
%
If you aim at nothing, you are bound to hit it.
%
If you always postpone pleasure you will never have it.
%
If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry.  -- Chekhov
%
If you are at the poker table wondering who the patsy is, it's probably you.  -- William Bernstein
%
If you are careful enough, nothing bad or good will ever happen to you.
%
If you are going to make rubbish, be the best rubbish in it.  -- Richard Burton
%
If you are short of everything but the enemy, you're in a combat zone.
%
If you are too busy to read, then you are too busy.
%
If you are wise, you will keep quiet.  -- Solomon
%
If you aren't going all the way, why go at all?
%
If you argue with a fool, chances are he's doing the same thing.
%
If you brutalize the world around you, you also brutalize yourself.  -- Flanders
%
If you can afford to do the right thing, you cannot afford to do otherwise.
%
If you can distinguish between good and bad advice, you don't need advice.
%
If you can dream it, you can do it.  -- Walt Disney
%
If you can't be right, at least be consistent.  -- Allan Roth
%
If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it.
%
If you can't feed 'em, don't breed 'em.
%
If you can't lick 'em, join 'em.
%
If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.
%
If you can't tell the difference, there is no difference.
%
If you can't write it right, you can't think it right.
%
If you carry enough gear for every emergency, you'll eventually need to use it.
%
If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice.  -- Rush
%
If you continually give you will continually have.
%
If you detect a problem in communicating, it is your problem.
%
If you dig a pit, you will fall in it.  -- Old Testament
%
If you do not change your direction, you might end up where you are headed.
%
If you do not go within, you go without.  -- Conversations with God
%
If you do not think about the future, you cannot have one.  -- John Galsworthy
%
If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten.
%
If you don't deal with anger, it will deal with you.  -- Will Limon
%
If you don't get it, don't worry about it, it will come back bigger.
%
If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there.  -- Carroll
%
If you don't like a job, don't get good at it.  -- Jon Cohen
%
If you don't like change, you're going to like irrelevance even less.  -- Shinseki
%
If you don't make mistakes, you aren't really trying.  -- Coleman Hawkins
%
If you don't scale the mountain, you can't see the plain.  -- Chinese proverb
%
If you don't strike oil in twenty minutes, stop boring.  -- Andrew Carnegie
%
If you don't take care of your body, where will you live?
%
If you don't understand my silence, you will never understand my words.  -- Taylor
%
If you don't visit a bad neighborhood, it will visit you.  -- Thomas Friedman
%
If you dress like you know what you're doing, people will think you do.  -- Duggan
%
If you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of your arm.
%
If you explain a joke, it ceases to be funny.
%
If you fall in a pond, check your pockets for fish.  -- Darrell Royal
%
If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't go anywhere.
%
If you find your foot in your mouth, floss with your shoelaces and move on.
%
If you flatter your friends, you set a trap for yourself.  -- Solomon
%
If you get the feeling I don't love you, feel again.
%
If you give love, it has to be unconditional; there is no other kind.  -- Coit
%
If you have a job without aggravations, you don't have a job.
%
If you have no enemies, it's a sign fortune has forgot you.
%
If you have the right attitude, interesting problems will find you.  -- Raymond
%
If you have to ask what jazz is, you will never know.  -- Louis Armstrong
%
If you have to ask you will never know.
%
If you have to walk on thin ice...  You might as well dance!
%
If you haven't got a sense of humor, you haven't got any sense at all.
%
If you haven't time to do it right now, how will you redo it right later?
%
If you itch for it, scratch for it.
%
If you keep an open mind people will throw a lot of garbage in it.
%
If you knew what you were doing you would probably be bored.  -- Fresco
%
If you know your best, it's easier to say no to the merely good.  -- Neifert
%
If you lend money in close friendship, it is sure to close friendship.  -- Murthy
%
If you lie upon roses when young, you'll lie upon thorns when old.  -- Quarles
%
If you love life it will love you back.
%
If you make demands, you are trapped in others's actions.  -- Limon
%
If you must fail, fail early.
%
If you must fly, fly well.  -- George Herbert
%
If you must hate, hate gently.
%
If you must say something anonymously, it's probably not worth saying.
%
If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.
%
If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.  -- Maslow
%
If you reach the endzone, act like you've been there before.  -- Joe Paterno
%
If you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.
%
If you seem to know what you are doing, you will be given more to do.
%
If you share less, you will find you have less to share.  -- Dave Mata
%
If you smile at someone, they might smile back.
%
If you steal for others you shall be hanged yourself.  -- Torriano
%
If you suspect a person, don't employ him.
%
If you take care of the future, you take care of yourself.  -- Oren Lyons
%
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.  -- Mark Twain
%
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.  -- Derek Bok
%
If you think you are above other people, you might really be standing all alone.
%
If you think you have no faults, that makes one.
%
If you think you're free, there's no escape possible.  -- Ram Dass
%
If you treat people right they will treat you right -- 90% of the time.
%
If you trim yourself to suit others, soon you will whittle yourself away.
%
If you try to please everyone, someone will be displeased.
%
If you wait long enough, all your neighbors will build your fence.
%
If you want a place in the sun, you must leave the shade of the family tree.
%
If you want a quality, act as if you already had it.  -- William James
%
If you want divine justice, die.  -- Nick Seldon
%
If you want people to think you wise, just agree with them.
%
If you want something different, do something different.  -- Chris Bouten
%
If you want to annoy your neighbors, tell the truth about them.  -- Pietro Aretino
%
If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gives it to.
%
If you want to test a man's character, give him power.  -- Abraham Lincoln
%
If you want unconditional enthusiasm and love, get a dog.  -- Clara Thompson
%
If you wish to succeed, consult three old people.
%
If you won't bring your power into the light you'll maneuver it in the darkness.
%
If you work on your mind with your mind, how can you avoid immense confusion?
%
If you would be at ease, all the world is not.  -- George Herbert
%
If you would keep a secret from an enemy, tell it not to a friend.
%
If you would know the value of money, go try to borrow some.  -- Ben Franklin
%
If you would make an enemy, lend a man money, and ask it of him again.  -- Ray
%
If you wouldn't shoot your mother for it, it's not worth taxing.  -- O'Rourke
%
If you're going to be thinking anything, you might as well think big.  -- Trump
%
If you're gonna be dumb, you'd better be tough.  -- Johnny Cash
%
If you're happy, you're successful.
%
If you're not allowed to laugh in heaven, I don't want to go there.  -- Luther
%
If your bread is stale, make toast.
%
If your friends all jumped off a bridge, would you?
%
If your riches are yours, why can't you take them with you to the next world?
%
If youth but knew, if old age but could.  -- Henri Estienne
%
Ignorance doesn't kill you, but it makes you sweat a lot.  -- Haitian proverb
%
Ignorance is bliss.
%
Ignorance is easier to cure than arrogance.
%
Ignorance is the first guarantee of poverty and peonage.  -- Pancho Villa
%
Ignorance is the mother of adventure.
%
Ignorance, like faith and love, often blinds men.  -- Michael Uhrin
%
Ill agreement is better than good judgement.
%
Ill news comes often on the back of worse.
%
Illness is nothing more than yet another form of neutral experience.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Illusion is the first of all pleasures.  -- Voltaire
%
Imagination is more important than knowledge.  -- Albert Einstein
%
Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.  -- Jules de Gaultier
%
Imagine there's no heaven...  It's easy if you try.  -- John Lennon
%
Imitation is the sincerest flattery.  -- Colton
%
Immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.  -- John Galbraith
%
Importance is one of the most important of our illusions.  -- Herbert Salzer
%
Important if true.  -- A.W. Kinglake (proposed warning label on churches)
%
Improvement requires change.  But change is not necessarily improvement.
%
Impurity means thoughts which define oneself as separate.  -- Ram Dass
%
In a hierarchical organization, the higher the level, the greater the confusion.
%
In a hierarchy every employee rises to his level of incompetence.  -- Dr. Peter
%
In a leopard the spots are not observed.  -- George Herbert
%
In a nation of sheep, one brave man forms a majority.  -- Edward Abbey
%
In a philosophical dispute, he gains most who is defeated, since he learns most.
%
In a world without sorrow, nightingales would burp.  -- E. M. Cioran
%
In all labor there is profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.  -- Proverbs
%
In America the typewriters sleep with the good plumbing.
%
In America, sex is an obsession, in other parts of the world it is a fact.
%
In any human endeavor, work seeks the lowest hierarchical level.
%
In art as in life, form and subject, body and soul, are one.  -- Edward Abbey
%
In calm waters, every ship has a good captain.  -- Swedish proverb
%
In charity there is no excess.  -- Francis Bacon
%
In defeat, unbeatable; in victory, unbearable.  -- Churchill, on Montgomery
%
In every country the sun rises in the morning.  -- George Herbert
%
In every fault there is folly.
%
In expressing love we belong among the undeveloped countries.  -- Saul Bellow
%
In giving advice seek to help, not to please your friend.  -- Solon
%
In God we trust; all others pay cash.
%
In her dealings with man Destiny never closes her accounts.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
In high school, you teach subjects.  In grade school, you teach children.
%
In investing, moderation in all things is preferred to excess in any one thing.
%
In life, some people get "shipped and handled" more than others.  -- Will Limon
%
In loosing time, a man gets no money.  -- Thomas Draxe
%
In Los Angeles there are fewer people than there are automobiles.
%
In love's wars he who flies is conqueror.  -- Torriano
%
In medicine, sins of commission are mortal, sins of omission venial.  -- Tronchin
%
In modern life nothing produces such an effect as a good platitude.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
In most instances, all an argument proves is that two people are present.
%
In my end is my beginning.
%
In nature there are no rewards or punishments, only actions and consequences.
%
In order to be it you've got to give up knowing you know.  -- Ram Dass
%
In order to progress we must recognize our ignorance and leave room for doubt.
%
In our lives, death is both more removed and with us constantly.  -- Marc Salkin
%
In painting you must give the idea of the true by means of the false.  -- Degas
%
In science the difficulty is not the discovery, but realizing one has made it.
%
In sickness health is known.  -- Torriano
%
In silence also there's a worth that brings no risk.  -- Simonides of Ceos
%
In success there's a tendency to keep on doing what you were doing.  -- Alan Kay
%
In the absence of that which is not, that which IS, is NOT.  -- God?
%
In the country of the blind, the one eye'd man is king.
%
In the deepest water is the best fishing.  -- Thomas Draxe
%
In the kingdom of blind men the one-eyed is king.
%
In the kingdom of blind men the one-eyed must be mad.
%
In the last 4000 years no new animals have been domesticated.
%
In the long run we're all dead.  -- John Keynes
%
In the matter of taxation, every privilege is an injustice.  -- Voltaire
%
In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.  -- Albert Einstein
%
In the midst of movement and activity, carry your stillness within you.  -- Deepak Chopra
%
In the moment you pledge your highest love, you greet your greatest fear.  -- God?
%
In time of peace, prepare for war.
%
In time, the mask becomes the face.
%
In too much dispute truth is lost.
%
In trying times, keep trying.
%
In vino veritas.  (In wine there is truth.)  -- Pliny
%
In war it is not permitted twice to err.
%
In war, truth is the first casualty.  -- U Thant
%
In Washington (DC), the urgent overwhelms the important.  -- Tony Snow
%
In writing, fidelity to fact leads eventually to the poetry of truth.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.
%
Incompetence plus incompetence equals incompetence.
%
Individuals often forget and forgive, but societies never do.  -- Averbury
%
Indomitable in retreat; invincible in advance; insufferable in victory.
%
Infinite speech has the form of listening.  -- James Carse
%
Infinite speech is not ABOUT anything; it is always TO someone.  -- James Carse
%
Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.
%
Information in the present can change the past.  -- Scott Adams
%
Information is the inverse of entropy.
%
Information that is hard to access is worth less than none at all.
%
Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.  -- Martin King Jr.
%
Innocence is no protection.  -- Jonson
%
Innovation is hard to schedule.  -- Dan Fylstra
%
Insanity is expecting different results from repeating the same behavior.
%
Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.  -- Hoare
%
Instead of loving your enemies, treat your friends a little better.  -- Howe
%
Instead of panicking, detach like Buddha.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Institutions are devoid of humanity; they are established for productivity.
%
Insulting those who don't already hold your point of view isn't persuasive.  -- Bob Moore
%
Integrity costs so very little.
%
Integrity has no need of rules.  -- Albert Camus
%
Intellect annuls Fate.  So far as a man thinks, he is free.  -- Ralph Emerson
%
Intellectual assets, unlike physical assets, increase in value with use.
%
Intellectual objectivity is often seduced by semantic skullduggery.  -- Hirsch
%
Intelligence is more often than not misused.
%
Intelligence is the art of good guessing.  -- Horace Barlow
%
Intelligence without character is a dangerous thing.  -- Gloria Steinem
%
Intelligent people think before they speak.  -- Solomon
%
Intention is not action.
%
Internal consistency is valued more than efficient service.
%
Internalized oppression is the part of us that believes we're less than perfect.
%
Intimacy comes from the resolution of conflict, not the lack of it.  -- Limon
%
Intimacy is the exchange of vulnerabilities.  -- Masters and Johnson
%
Intimacy:  Two trees growing close together, but not in each other's shadow.
%
Into every life a bit of rain must fall.
%
Intolerance is a state no tolerant man can tolerate.  -- McGinley
%
Intolerance is the last defense of the insecure.
%
Intuitive insight is not a gift, it is a skill.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Invest in the past.  It will always be with you.
%
Investing is simple, but not easy.  -- Warren Buffett
%
Investing is taking a risk only when you expect a positive return.  -- Allan Roth
%
Investing isn't a game, and doing it right really isn't any fun.  -- Allan Roth
%
Investors should remember that excitement and expenses are their enemies.  -- Warren Buffett
%
Irritation is one of the great gifts we give each other.  -- Lee Coit
%
Is a mirage real?  Well, it's a real mirage.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Is no one inspired by our present picture of the universe?  -- Richard Feynman
%
Is there anyone so wise as to learn by the experience of others?  -- Voltaire
%
Is this true or only clever?  -- Augustine Birrell
%
Isn't fun the best thing to have?
%
It ain't creative if it don't sell.
%
It ain't over till it's over.  -- Yogi Berra
%
It costs more to do ill than to do well.  -- George Herbert
%
It doesn't matter who you marry; next morning you will find it was someone else.
%
It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.  -- Clarke
%
It is a fundamental law of nature that nothing ever quite works out.
%
It is a great point of wisdom to find out one's own folly.
%
It is a great victory that comes without blood.
%
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.  -- Albert Einstein
%
It is a poor judge who cannot award a prize.
%
It is a poor workman who blames his tools.
%
It is a principle function of society to validate titles.  -- James Carse
%
It is a principle of human nature to hate those whom you have injured.  -- Tacitus
%
It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.  -- Aeschylus
%
It is a rare problem that can't be solved by fewer people or less government.
%
It is a short way from the penthouse to the outhouse.  -- (coach) Dan Reeves
%
It is a silly fish that is caught twice with the same bait.
%
It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information.
%
It is a wise father that knows his own child.
%
It is all a game; play it to have fun.  -- Price
%
It is always best to do a thing wrong the first time.  -- Osler
%
It is always with the best intentions that the worst work is done.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
It is amazing how much "mature wisdom" resembles being too tired.  -- Heinlein
%
It is amazing how much one person can do, little by little, over time.
%
It is amusing that a virtue is made of the vice of chastity...  -- Voltaire
%
It is annoying to be honest to no purpose.  -- Ovid
%
It is as cheap sitting as standing.  -- Torriano
%
It is as good to be in the dark as without light.  -- John Ray
%
It is as natural to die as to be born.
%
It is bad not to do any research, but badly done research is even worse.
%
It is best to be off with the old love before you are on with the new.
%
It is better never to begin than never to make an end.  -- Alexander Barclay
%
It is better to be a beggar than a fool.  -- Torriano
%
It is better to be a coward for a minute than dead the rest of your life.
%
It is better to be a martyr than a confessor.  -- Sanford
%
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
%
It is better to be deceived by a friend than to suspect him.
%
It is better to be deceived than to be undeceived by those we love.
%
It is better to be happy than wise.  -- W. Alley
%
It is better to be wanted for murder that not to be wanted at all.  -- Marty Winch
%
It is better to be wise than smart.
%
It is better to beg than to steal.
%
It is better to buy than borrow.  -- Taverner
%
It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.
%
It is better to die with honor than live with shame.
%
It is better to divorce than to murder.
%
It is better to eat than to be eaten.
%
It is better to give than receive.
%
It is better to go by your enemy's grave than his gate.  -- Robinson
%
It is better to go to heaven in rags than to hell in embroidery.  -- Fuller
%
It is better to have men ask why you have no statue than why you have one.
%
It is better to have than to hear of a good thing.  -- John Ray
%
It is better to keep the devil at the door than turn him out of the house.
%
It is better to know nothing than to know what ain't so.  -- Josh Billings
%
It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.  -- Thurber
%
It is better to live rich than to die rich.
%
It is better to pass a danger once than be always in fear.  -- Julius Caesar
%
It is better to say, "here it is" than, "here it was."  -- James Carmichaell
%
It is better to speak truth rudely than lie covertly.  -- George Herbert
%
It is better to suffer ill than do ill.
%
It is better to travel in hope than arrive in despair.  -- Tom Magliozzi
%
It is better to wear out than to rust out.  -- Richard Cumberland
%
It is better to win control over yourself than over whole cities.  -- Solomon
%
It is dangerous to be a farsighted midget in a land of nearsighted giants.
%
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.  -- Voltaire
%
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.  -- George Shaw
%
It is difficult to be depressed while you are doing something.
%
It is difficult to see the picture when you are inside the frame.
%
It is easier to be a result of the past than a cause of the future.
%
It is easier to be wise for others than for oneself.  -- La Rochefoucald
%
It is easier to do good than be good.
%
It is easier to fight for principles than live up to them.  -- Alfred Adler
%
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.  -- Stewart
%
It is easier to praise poverty than to bear it.
%
It is easier to pull down than to build up.
%
It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.  -- Leonardo da Vinci
%
It is easier to run down a hill than up one.
%
It is easy to be brave from a safe distance.  -- Aesop
%
It is evil to act as though the past is bringing us to a specifiable end.
%
It is extraordinary how extraordinary the ordinary person is.  -- George Will
%
It is good to have some friends both in heaven and hell.  -- G. Delamothe
%
It is good to marry late or never.  -- Thomas Draxe
%
It is hard having a hierarchical mind in a serial world.  -- Alan Silverstein
%
It is hard to be graceful getting off a high horse.
%
It is hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head.  -- Sally Kempton
%
It is hard to write even a bad book.
%
It is impolite to silence a fool and cruel to let him go on.
%
It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows.  -- Epictetus
%
It is impossible for an optimist to be pleasantly surprised.
%
It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.
%
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
%
It is in surrendering that the victory is won.  -- Conversations with God
%
It is incumbent on every generation to pay its own debts.  -- Thomas Jefferson
%
It is just as easy to make a dollar today as it will be next year.  -- Packard
%
It is least productive to make more efficient what need not be done at all.
%
It is lost that is unsought.  -- John Heywood
%
It is misery enough to have once been happy.
%
It is more important to get in the first thought than the last word.
%
It is more pain to do nothing than something.  -- George Herbert
%
It is much better to become the saint, rather than to go and have his visit.
%
It is much easier and much faster to destroy than to build.  -- Nassim Taleb
%
It is much easier to be critical than to be correct.  -- Benjamin Disraeli
%
It is much easier to change what you are doing than what another is doing.
%
It is much harder to find a job than to keep one.  -- Jules Becker
%
It is necessary to think even to decide which facts to collect.  -- Hutchins
%
It is never too late to be what you might have been.  -- George Eliot
%
It is never too late to have a happy childhood.
%
It is never too late to learn.
%
It is no good trying to teach people who need to be taught.  -- Aleister Crowley
%
It is not a bad little planet, if you know the right people.
%
It is not easy to play the clown when you have to run the whole circus.
%
It is not enlightened to shrink so others won't feel insecure around you.
%
It is not enough to be a market-focused company.  You must be customer-centered.
%
It is not enough to be a strong player, one must also play well.  -- Tarrasch
%
It is not enough to succeed.  Others must fail.  -- Gore Vidal
%
It is not every question that deserves an answer.  -- Publilius Syrus
%
It is not granted to man to love and to be wise.  -- Francis Bacon
%
It is not honest to be tactful.  -- Robert Taft
%
It is not how long but how well we live.
%
It is not necessary to appreciate fine wine to drink it.  -- Henry Gay
%
It is not possible to step in the same river twice.  -- Heraclitus
%
It is not reality that is important, but how you perceive things.
%
It is not the beard that makes the philosopher.  -- E. Gayton
%
It is not the man who has too little, but the man who craves more, that is poor.
%
It is not the perfect but the imperfect who have need of love.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
It is not the size of the army, it's the frenzy of the attack.
%
It is not who you know, it's what you are.  -- John Taylor
%
It is not wise to show one's heart to the world.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
It is not work that kills, but worry.
%
It is one thing to praise discipline, and another to submit to it.  -- Cervantes
%
It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances.
%
It is personalities, not principles, that move the age.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
It is possible to love a human being if you don't know them too well.
%
It is simple to make things complex, but complex to make them simple.
%
It is sin to think evil of others, but it is seldom a mistake.  -- H. L. Mencken
%
It is smart to pick your friends -- but not to pieces.
%
It is so much easier to be together when we drop our masks.  -- Liv Ullman
%
It is so very difficult for a sick man not to be a scoundrel.  -- Samuel Johnson
%
It is sometimes necessary to belabor the obvious.  -- Lawrence Hirsch
%
It is stupid to get drunk.  -- Solomon
%
It is the business of little minds to shrink.  -- Carl Sandburg
%
It is the business of scientists to explain away the magic in the world.
%
It is the business of the future to be dangerous.  -- Hawkwind
%
It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
It is the last straw that breaks the camel's back.
%
It is the nature of people to love, then destroy, then love again...  -- God?
%
It is the sick oyster which possesses the pearl.  -- J. A. Shedd
%
It is the spectator, and not life, that art really mirrors.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
It is the wise bird who builds his nest in a tree.
%
It is to no purpose to counsel him who is lucky.  -- Torriano
%
It is tragic when a man outlives his body.  -- Sigmund Freud
%
It is unwise to be too sure on one's wisdom.  -- Gandhi
%
It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire.  -- Horace
%
It isn't the whistle that moves the train.
%
It may not be true but it is well contrived.  -- Giordano Bruno
%
It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for subtlety.
%
It pleases me as much to doubt as to know.  -- Dante
%
It takes a certain brilliance to keep a simple idea simple.  -- Allan Roth
%
It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.  -- Erma Bombeck
%
It takes all sorts to make a world.  -- Thomas Shelton
%
It takes less time to do a thing right than to explain why you did it wrong.
%
It takes two to make a quarrel.
%
It was a dream of perfect bliss, too beautiful to last.  -- T. H. Bayly
%
It was fear that first made gods in the world.  -- Statius
%
It was only in my forties that I started to feel young.  -- Henry Miller
%
It's a cold bowl of chili when love lets you down.  -- Neil Young
%
It's a terrific burden being right and competent all the time.  -- Lee Coit
%
It's a total freedom when the other person says:  Do what you want to do.  -- Coit
%
It's all in your mind, you know...
%
It's all right to be Goliath, but always act like David.  -- Phil Knight
%
It's better that we disagree than be in agreement and all be wrong.  -- Kahn
%
It's easier to get forgiveness for being wrong than forgiveness for being right.
%
It's easy to sit up and take notice, but hard to get up and take action.
%
It's for fun.  Money's just the way we keep score.  -- Henry Tyroon
%
It's hard to be reasonable with someone who isn't.
%
It's not a question of who's right and who's wrong, but of what do we do now?  -- Oren Lyons
%
It's not difference that creates problems; it's dominance that creates problems.
%
It's not how old you are, but how you are old.
%
It's the job of the press to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.
%
It's the little things that count, especially when nobody is looking.
%
It's the money you don't spend that gives you the freedom to build wealth.
%
It's the thought that counts.  -- Confucius
%
It's time to take on self-creation and move away from the tribal.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
It's tough to bargain with someone who has nothing to lose.
%
It's what a fellow thinks he knows that hurts him.
%
It's what you do after you're born that counts.  -- John Taylor
%
It's your love that defines you, not who loves you.
%
Jesus don't walk on water no more; his feet leak.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Jesus was killed by a Moral Majority.
%
Job descriptions are hideously cumulative.  -- Scott Adams
%
Judge a man by his foes as well as by his friends.  -- Joseph Conrad
%
Judge not, and neither condemn, for you know not why a thing occurs...  -- God?
%
Judge people by what they are, not where they are.
%
Judging is like telling God that the divine doesn't know what it's doing.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Jumping to conclusions is a dangerous exercise.
%
Just because you arrive does not mean your map is correct.
%
Justice delayed is justice denied.  -- old French proverb
%
Justice is incidental to law and order.  -- J. Edgar Hoover
%
Keep a diary, and some day it'll keep you.  -- Mae West
%
Keep an open mind, but not so open that your brains fall out.  -- Kallis
%
Keep the promises you've made to yourself.  -- Paul Sassenrath
%
Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.
%
Keep your laws off my body!
%
Keep your old love letters.  Throw away your old bank statements.  -- Schmich
%
Key aspects of advertising:  Attention, interest, motivation.
%
Kill reverence and you've killed the hero in man.  -- Ayn Rand
%
Kind hearts are soonest wronged.  -- Breton
%
Kindness comes of will.
%
Kindness is like a boomerang:  It always comes back.
%
Kisses are a better fate than wisdom.
%
Kissing a smoker is like licking an ash tray.
%
Kites rise highest against the wind -- not with it.  -- Winston Churchill
%
Know yourself thoroughly and compromise carefully.  -- Will Limon
%
Knowing through intellect is merely another power.  -- Ram Dass
%
Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers.  -- Tennyson
%
Knowledge is better than ignorance.
%
Knowledge is knowing that you do not know.
%
Knowledge is power.  -- Francis Bacon
%
Knowledge makes one laugh, but wealth makes one dance.  -- George Herbert
%
Knowledge need never be justified by utility.
%
Knowledge steepens our soul's angle of repose.  -- John Taylor
%
Knowledge without common sense is folly.
%
Knowledge without practice makes but half an artist.
%
Lack of capability is usually disguised by lack of interest.  -- Alan Silverstein
%
Lack of money is the root of all evil.  -- George Shaw
%
Language is the most powerful tool ever invented anywhere by anyone.  -- Asimov
%
Large standard deviations indicate failure to account for hidden effects.
%
Laugh when you can; cry when you must.
%
Laughter is the closest distance between two people.  -- Victor Borge
%
Law is the process by which the unmanifest becomes the manifest.  -- Deepak Chopra
%
Law makers should not be law breakers.
%
Law stands mute in the midst of arms.  -- Cicero
%
Law, without force, is impotent.  -- Pascal
%
Laws are made to protect citizens, not please them.  -- Judge Dredd
%
Laws are spider webs through which big flies pass and little ones get caught.
%
Laws grind the poor, and rich men rule the law.  -- Goldsmith
%
Lazy people should learn a lesson from the way ants live.  -- Solomon
%
Leaders have a bias for action.  -- Jack Canfield
%
Learn from other people's mistakes; you don't have time to make your own.
%
Learn to be flexible; it makes the curves in your life much easier to maneuver.
%
Learn to be intense without being tense.  Pressure is not tension.  -- Joe Torre
%
Learn to disagree without being disagreeable.  -- Peter Chantilis
%
Learn to evaluate how much energy you have invested in your perceptions.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness.
%
Learn to pause, or nothing worthwhile can catch up to you.
%
Learned men are the cisterns of knowledge, not the fountainheads.
%
Learning is not compulsory...  Neither is survival.  -- W. Edwards Deming
%
Learning is the eye of the mind.  -- Thomas Draxe
%
Learning is the product of self-organization.
%
Learning makes a good man better and an ill man worse.
%
Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous.
%
Leave no stone unturned.  -- Euripides
%
Lend and lose; so play fools.  -- John Ray
%
Lend money to a bad debtor and she will hate you.
%
Less is more.  -- Robert Browning
%
Let a fool be made serviceable according to his folly.  -- Joseph Conrad
%
Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.  -- Publilius Syrus
%
Let all your conclusions be tentative.
%
Let everything you own be either beautiful or useful.
%
Let go of things that don't serve you.  -- Marianne Neifert
%
Let him that would move the world first move himself.  -- Socrates
%
Let life be short; else shame will be too long.
%
Let nature take her own course.  -- Torriano
%
Let not your sun go down on your wrath.  -- St. Paul
%
Let other people praise you, even strangers; never do it yourself.  -- Solomon
%
Let patience grow in your garden always.
%
Let reason rule all your actions.  -- Thomas Draxe
%
Let sleeping dogs lie.  -- Leng-Tzu
%
Let thy speech be better than silence, or be silent.  -- Dionysius the Elder
%
Let us rest our eyes on the fleecy skies and the cool, green hills of Earth.
%
Let us run with patience the race that is set before us.  -- Hebrews 12:1
%
Let what comes, come.  Let what goes, go.  What remains is true.
%
Let your words be the very picture of your heart.  -- John Wesley
%
Leveraging always beats prototyping.
%
Liar:  One who tells an unpleasant truth.
%
Liars begin by imposing upon others, but end by deceiving themselves.
%
Liars have need of good memories.
%
Liberty don't work as good in practice as it does in speeches.  -- Will Rogers
%
Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have.  -- Fosdick
%
Liberty is not for the faint of heart.  -- Mark Laslo
%
Life attracts life.  -- Paulo Coelho
%
Life can hardly survive truly interesting times.  -- Philip Morrison
%
Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forward.  -- Soren Kierkegaard
%
Life consists of many little things, but to do them well is a big thing.
%
Life consists of what a man is thinking of all day.  -- Emerson
%
Life creates the conditions that are conducive to life.
%
Life defies one line characterization.  -- Eugene Miya
%
Life imitates art -- but badly.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Life imitates art far more than art imitates life.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.  -- Lou Holz
%
Life is a brief interlude between nothingness and eternity.
%
Life is a business which does not cover its expenses.  -- Schopenhauer
%
Life is a comedy to him who thinks, and a tragedy to him who feels.  -- Walpole
%
Life is a game in which what is not, is more important than what is.  -- Erhard
%
Life is a handicap event, and a winner may finish deep in the pack.  -- Sheehan
%
Life is a meaningless comma in the sentence of time.  -- Garrat & Kidd
%
Life is a series of collisions with the future.  -- Jose Ortega y Gasset
%
Life is a situation comedy that will never be canceled.  -- Steve Bhaerman
%
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
%
Life is a yo-yo, and mankind ties knots in the string.
%
Life is cruel?  Compared to what?  -- Edward Abbey
%
Life is either a daring adventure or it is nothing at all.  -- Helen Keller
%
Life is for the living.
%
Life is half spent before we know what it is.
%
Life is just an appetizer.
%
Life is just one damned thing after another.  -- Frank O'Malley
%
Life is just too complicated to be smart all the time.  -- Scott Adams
%
Life is like a room full of open doors that close as you get older.
%
Life is like an onion:  You peel off layer after layer, and find nothing in it.
%
Life is like photography, you use the negative to develop.  -- Steve Bhaerman
%
Life is like riding a bicycle.  To keep your balance, you must keep moving.
%
Life is not a dress rehearsal.
%
Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.
%
Life is not a process of discovery, but a process of creation.  -- God?
%
Life is not a spectator sport.
%
Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.  -- Nash
%
Life is not so short but that there is always time enough for courtesy.
%
Life is one long process of tiring.  -- Samuel Butler
%
Life is one long struggle in the dark.  -- Titus Carus
%
Life is really generous to those who pursue their destiny.  -- Paulo Coelho
%
Life is short, but it is long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined.
%
Life is short; don't waste too much time rearranging the atoms.  -- Alan Silverstein
%
Life is shot at us point-blank.  -- Ortega y Gasset
%
Life is stranger than fiction; love is stronger than friction.
%
Life is sweet.
%
Life is the childhood of our immortality.  -- Johann von Goethe
%
Life is the cumulative effect of a handful of significant shocks.  -- Nassim Taleb
%
Life is the first gift, love is the second, and understanding is the third.
%
Life is the greatest bargain:  We get it for nothing.  -- H. Ayalti
%
Life is the living you do; death is the living you don't do.  -- Joseph Pintauro
%
Life is the only game in which the object of the game is to learn the rules.
%
Life is the process of making and distributing free lunches.  -- Tom von Alten
%
Life is the urge to ecstasy.
%
Life is too important to take seriously.  -- Corky Siegel
%
Life is too short to be little.  -- Disraeli
%
Life is too short to eat boring food.
%
Life is too tragic for sadness:  Let us rejoice.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Life is unfair.  And it's not fair that life is unfair.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans.  -- Thomas La Mance
%
Life is what you do while you are waiting to die.  -- Nikos Kazantzakis
%
Life isn't about finding yourself.  Life is about creating yourself.  -- Shaw
%
Life lies not in living, but in liking.
%
Life meets no one halfway.
%
Life need not be a zero-sum game.
%
Life runs on current sunlight; we run on ancient photosynthesis (fossil fuels).  -- Janine Benyus
%
Life script:  Spells cast upon you in childhood.
%
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.  -- Anais Nin
%
Life uses local resources.  -- Janine Benyus
%
Life without a friend, is death without a witness.  -- George Herbert
%
Life wouldn't be so hard if we didn't expect it to be so easy.
%
Life your life so that if someone says, "Be yourself," it's good advice.  -- Orben
%
Life's difficulties are intended to make us better, not bitter.
%
Life's key elements:  Carbon, hydrogen, oxygen, nitrogen, sulfur, phosphorus.
%
Lifeless bees do not gather honey.  -- English proverb
%
Light winnings make heavy purses.
%
Lighten up, while you still can, don't even try to understand...
%
Lightly come, lightly go.
%
Like a river, money must keep flowing; otherwise it begins to stagnate.  -- Deepak Chopra
%
Like any kind of gear, backpacking gear suffers from diminishing returns.  -- Mann
%
Like father, like son.
%
Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone.
%
Listeners never hear good of themselves.
%
Little and often fills the purse.
%
Little fishes slip through nets, but great fishes are taken.  -- Barclay
%
Little things console us because little things afflict us.  -- Blaise Pascal
%
Little things please little minds.
%
Live and let live.
%
Live each day as if it were your last.  -- Leng-Tzu
%
Live now:  There's plenty of time to be dead later.  -- John Taylor
%
Live with grace.
%
Live your live such that you need not hide your diary.
%
Living means dying.  -- Engels
%
Loan someone a sympathetic ear.
%
Logic doesn't apply to the real world.  -- Marvin Minsky
%
Logic is in the eye of the logician.  -- Gloria Steinem
%
Logical systems are at the mercy of their postulates.
%
Loneliness is a terrible price to pay for independence.
%
Loneliness is God's waiting room.  -- Walter Landor
%
Loneliness is the pain of being alone; solitude is the joy of being alone.
%
Lonely is a man without love.
%
Long before you learn about forgiveness, you learn about tribal justice.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Long life has long misery.
%
Look afar and see the end from the beginning.
%
Look after the molehills and the mountains will take care of themselves.
%
Look at everything through a tribal perspective.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Look before you leap.  -- Confucius
%
Look not on pleasures as they come but as they go.  -- George Herbert
%
Looking breeds liking.  -- Ravenscroft
%
Losing makes winning worthwhile.  -- Reyer
%
Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.  -- Frank Hubbard
%
Lovability starts with loving yourself.  -- Will Limon
%
Love (the feeling) is the fruit of love (the verb).  -- Stephen Covey
%
Love and gluttony justify everything.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
%
Love asks faith, and faith asks firmness.  -- George Herbert
%
Love comes by looking.
%
Love comes from trust, trust comes from experience, and it must be earned.
%
Love comes in at the window and goes out at the door.  -- Gruter
%
Love covers a multitude of faults.  -- Torriano
%
Love everyone, serve everyone, and remember God.  -- Ram Dass
%
Love goes toward love.  -- Shakespeare
%
Love is a fruit in season at all times and within reach of every hand.
%
Love is a hole in the heart.
%
Love is a human religion in which another is believed in.  -- Robert Seidenberg
%
Love is a much stronger drug than LSD.  -- Ram Dass
%
Love is a product of habit.
%
Love is a sweet torment.
%
Love is a verb.  -- Limon
%
Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing...  -- Johann von Goethe
%
Love is blind.
%
Love is divine power.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Love is free.
%
Love is friendship set on fire.
%
Love is full of fear.  -- Shakespeare
%
Love is giving more and never keeping score.
%
Love is lawless.
%
Love is measured not in moments of time, but in timeless moments.  -- Bartocei
%
Love is not something you have; it is something you do.  -- Limon
%
Love is sweet in the beginning but sour in the ending.  -- Shakespeare
%
Love is the force that makes us fully human.  -- David Suzuki
%
Love is the greatest gift you can receive.  But you must give it to yourself.
%
Love is unconditional caring for an imperfect being.  -- Scott Peck
%
Love lives in cottages as well as in courts.
%
Love makes a wit of the fool.
%
Love makes all hard hearts gentle.
%
Love makes one fit for any work.  -- George Herbert
%
Love makes the world go round.
%
Love means adapting yourself to another person's needs.  -- Rekha
%
Love means never having to say you're sorry.  -- Love Story
%
Love means telling you why you're sorry.
%
Love needs no teaching.  -- Raleigh  (wrong!)
%
Love never dies of starvation, but often of indigestion.  -- Anne de Lenclos
%
Love relationships are the highest risk investments you will ever make.  -- Limon
%
Love should make marriage, and not marriage love.  -- Shakespeare
%
Love springs from elements we have within our grasp.  -- Limon
%
Love the future, for you are going to spend the rest of your life there.
%
Love truth, pardon error.  -- Voltaire
%
Love will find a way.
%
Love will not overcome a lack of parity.  -- Will Limon
%
Love your friend with his fault.
%
Love your friend, but look to yourself.  -- James Kelly
%
Love your neighbor, yet don't pull down your hedge.  -- Benjamin Franklin
%
Luck is when preparation and opportunity meet.  -- Trudeau
%
Luck:  Careful planning, well executed.
%
Lucky in life, unlucky in love.  -- E. Phillpotts
%
Lying is a way of taking personal responsibility for reality.  -- G. Keillor
%
Machinery... always requires a search for consumable power.  -- James Carse
%
Machines should work; people should think.
%
Madness takes its toll.
%
Magisterial speech is amplified speech; it is speech that silences.  -- Carse
%
Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
%
Majorities, of course, start with minorities.  -- Robert Moses
%
Make a living, but make room for life.
%
Make allowances for your friends' imperfections as readily as for your own.
%
Make choices and decisions, not judgements and demands.  -- Will Limon
%
Make haste slowly.  -- Benjamin Franklin
%
Make hay while the sun shines.
%
Make it tough enough for the enemy to get in and you won't be able to get out.
%
Make much of what you have.  -- Withals
%
Make not the door wider than the house.
%
Make not two sorrows of one.
%
Make the most of the best and the least of the worst.
%
Making rules is easy, but living by them is virtually impossible.
%
Making variations on a theme is really the crux of creativity.  -- Hofstadter
%
Maktub.  (It is written.)
%
Man and wife make one fool.
%
Man belongs wherever he wants to go.  -- Wernher von Braun
%
Man can believe the impossible, but never the improbable.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has courage to lose sight of the shore.
%
Man does not live by words alone, despite that sometimes he must eat them.
%
Man does what he can, and God what he will.  -- Thomas Draxe
%
Man is a dog's idea of what God should be.  -- Holbrook Jackson
%
Man is a military animal; glories in gunpowder, and loves parade.  -- Bailey
%
Man is a sort of tree that we are too apt to judge by the bark.
%
Man is a wolf to man.  -- Plautus
%
Man is an obligate aerobe.
%
Man is born to live, and not to prepare to live.  -- Boris Pasternak
%
Man is by nature a political animal.  -- Aristotle
%
Man is most nearly himself when he achieves the seriousness of a child at play.
%
Man is not a lovable animal.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Man is not disturbed about things, but by his opinion about things.  -- Epictetus
%
Man is the child of customs, not the child of his ancestors.  -- ibn Khaldun
%
Man is the highest animal because man does the classifying.
%
Man is the measure of all things.  -- Protagoras
%
Man must decide...  What will be the monument of his existence.  -- Frankl
%
Man must shape his tools lest they shape him.  -- Arthur Miller
%
Man proposes, God disposes.  -- Thomas a Kempis
%
Man punishes the action, but God the intention.  -- Fuller
%
Man shall not live by bread alone.  -- New Testament
%
Man weeps to think that he will die soon; a woman that she was born so long ago.
%
Man's extremity is God's opportunity.
%
Man's horizons are bounded by his vision.
%
Man's reach must exceed his grasp, for why else the heavens?  -- Robert Browning
%
Man's vehicle is finite and he's trying to know something about the infinite.
%
Managers can either influence or control, but not both.
%
Manners make the man.
%
Many a man would have been worse if his estate had been better.  -- Franklin
%
Many are called; few are chosen.  Fewer still get to do the choosing.
%
Many are called; few volunteer.
%
Many drops make a flood.
%
Many give advice; few give help.  -- Herbert Salzer
%
Many hands make light work.  -- John Heywood
%
Many lords, many laws.  -- Thomas Draxe
%
Many men counsel others better than themselves.  -- J. Hewes
%
Many pages make a thick book.
%
Many receive advice, few profit by it.  -- Publilius Syrus
%
Many small make a great.
%
Many speak much who cannot speak well.
%
Many things can be done in a day if you don't make that day tomorrow.
%
Many things grow in the garden that were never sown there.
%
Many things happen unlooked for.
%
Many would be cowards if they had courage enough.  -- Thomas Fuller
%
Many young scientists work too much and read and think too little.  -- Max Perutz
%
Marriage is a covenant between two people notarized by God.  -- Bill Miles
%
Marry in haste:  Repent in leisure.
%
Mater artium necessitas.  (Necessity is the mother of invention.)
%
Mathematics and death are never in error.  -- Yvgeney Zamyatin
%
Mathematics is the language God used to write the universe.
%
Maturity is knowing when and where to be immature.
%
Maturity is knowing you are right without needing to prove it.
%
Maximize the serendipity around you.  -- Nassim Taleb
%
May the road rise up to greet you, and the wind always be at your back.  -- Irish
%
May you always have the strength to enjoy your weaknesses.  -- Laura Watson
%
May you live all the days of your life.
%
May you live in interesting times.  -- Chinese curse
%
Maybe I was a little bit too optimistic.  Success can't be predicted.  -- Drake
%
Mediocrity requires aloofness to preserve its dignity.  -- Charles Dawes
%
Memory is the medium of the must-have-been.  -- Julian Jaynes
%
Memory is the mother of all wisdom.  -- Aeschylus
%
Memory should be the starting point of the present.
%
Men always learn from their mistakes how to make new ones.  -- A.J.P. Taylor
%
Men and nations act rationally when all other possibilities are exhausted.
%
Men are but children of a larger growth.  -- Dryden
%
Men are more concerned to use ideas than to understand them.  -- J. H. Randall
%
Men are only fellow voyagers with other creatures in the odyssey of evolution.
%
Men are taught to apologize for their weaknesses; women for their strengths.
%
Men behave wisely once they have exhausted all alternatives.  -- Abba Eban
%
Men dream more about coming home than about leaving.  -- Paulo Coelho
%
Men freely believe that what they wish to desire.  -- Julius Caesar
%
Men have become the tools of their tools.  -- Henry Thoreau
%
Men love to hear well of themselves.  -- Clarke
%
Men love to wonder, and that is the seed of science.
%
Men love with their eyes; women love with their ears.  -- Zsa Zsa Gabor
%
Men still remember the first kiss after women have forgotten the last.
%
Men take only their needs into consideration; never their abilities.  -- Napoleon
%
Men will believe more easily that which they do not understand.  -- de Montaigne
%
Mercy to the criminal might be cruelty to the people.
%
Metaphysics is a cobweb that the mind weaves around things.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Midnight shakes the memory as a madman shakes a dead geranium.  -- T.S. Eliot
%
Might makes right.
%
Mind manifests in matter.  -- Ram Dass
%
Mind other men, but most yourself.  -- Clarke
%
Minds are like parachutes; they only function when fully open.  -- James Dewar
%
Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
%
Misfortunes arrive on wings and leave on foot.
%
Misfortunes never come alone.
%
Misplaced precision stifles initiative.
%
Mistakes are oft the stepping stones to failure.
%
Mistakes are the ornament of freedom.
%
Mistrust is the most necessary characteristic of the chess player.  -- Tarrasch
%
Moderates give a power base to extremists.  -- Richard Dawkins
%
Moderation in all things.  -- Publius Afer
%
Money alone sets the world in motion.  -- Publius
%
Money answers all things.  -- Old Testament
%
Money can buy friendship but money cannot buy love.
%
Money drives politics, often over cliffs.  -- Jack Schmidt
%
Money has no memory.  -- John Taylor
%
Money is like a promise, easier made than kept.
%
Money is like an arm or a leg:  Use it or lose it.  -- Henry Ford
%
Money is often lost for want of money.  -- Thomas Draxe
%
Money is tender when you have it, and tough when you haven't.
%
Money isn't everything; sometimes it isn't even enough.
%
Money makes a man free everywhere.
%
Money makes money.  -- Trafford
%
Money makes the man.
%
Money never goes out of season.
%
Money never made a fool of anybody; it only shows them up.  -- Kin Hubbard
%
Money will say more in one moment than the most eloquent lover can in years.
%
Moral principles can never be compromised; they can only be abandoned.
%
Morality is a private and costly luxury.  -- Henry Adams
%
Morality is an illusion; only ethics is real.
%
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt to people whom we personally dislike.
%
Morality is the root, as well as consequence, of survival.  -- Lawrence Hirsch
%
Morals gain greater clarity when the questionable action is done to you.
%
More belongs to marriage than four bare legs in a bed.
%
More happiness, less stuff:  Shouldn't that be our whole society's objective?  -- Ray Anderson
%
More people are flattered into virtue than bullied out of vice.  -- R. S. Surtees
%
More people would learn from their mistakes if not so busy denying them.  -- Harold Smith
%
Most of the desires we have do not need physical bodies to be satisfied.  -- Dass
%
Most people are unenthusiastic about their work.
%
Most people change because they are forced to.  -- Limon
%
Most people deserve each other.  -- Shirley
%
Most people prefer certainty to truth.
%
Most people wouldn't know music if it came up and bit them on the ass.  -- Zappa
%
Most powerful is he who has himself in his own power.  -- Seneca
%
Most religious teachers (try) to prove the unproven by the unprovable.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
Most suicides are committed with a knife... fork, and spoon.
%
Motivation is what gets you started.  Habit is what keeps you going.
%
Mountaineers are almost always right when they "go with their gut."  -- Sturgis
%
Mountains are good for us.  They get us to increase our effort.  -- Paul Nesbit
%
Much law, but little justice.  -- Fuller
%
Much learning makes men mad.  -- Ariosto
%
Much of what we call knowledge is merely a temporary frame around chaos.
%
Much tells me little; little tells me much.  -- John Taylor
%
Mud thrown is ground lost.
%
Muddy water let stand becomes clear.  -- Lao Tse
%
Music clouds the intellect but clarifies the heart.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Music endures and ages far better than books.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.  -- Lao Tsu
%
Music is the eye of the ear.  -- Thomas Draxe
%
Must I hold a candle to my shames?  -- William Shakespeare
%
Mutual respect is the key to avoiding conflict.  -- Peter Chantilis
%
My body takes commands from my soul.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
My boys, let us be grave:  Here comes a fool.  -- Dr. Clarke, of Beau Nash
%
My cup runneth over with love.
%
My greatest strength as a consultant is to be ignorant and ask a few questions.
%
My job is an interesting hobby.  I take everything else seriously.  -- Steve Hug
%
My job is just to work on myself, and if anything happens, it happens.  -- Dass
%
My old information was held hostage by the tool I used to create it.  -- Goldfarb
%
My only concern is to set man absolutely, unconditionally free.  -- Krishnamurti
%
My purpose for you is that you should know yourself as me.  -- God?
%
Myth is the highest form of our listening to each other.  -- James Carse
%
Myths are not stories that have meanings, but stories that give meanings.
%
Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths.  -- Baroness Edith Summerskill
%
Names and natures do often agree.
%
Narrow gathered, widely spent.
%
Nationalism is an infantile disease; it is the measles of mankind.  -- Einstein
%
Nature abhors a vacuum.
%
Nature always has more imagination than we have.  -- Freeman Dyson
%
Nature bats last.  The laws of physics are equal-opportunity.
%
Nature is content with a little.
%
Nature is indifferent to our love, but never unfaithful.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Nature is not benign.  Natural laws have no pity.  -- Robert Heinlein
%
Nature must be interpreted as matter, energy, and information.  -- Shannon
%
Nature tries everything at least once.  -- Arthur Clarke
%
Nature, time, and patience are the three great physicians.  -- Mapletoft
%
Nature, to be commanded, must be obeyed.  -- Francis Bacon
%
Necessity has no holiday.
%
Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom.  -- William Pitt
%
Needs are a function of what other people have.
%
Neither a borrower nor a lender be; for loan often loses both itself and friend.
%
Neither in hope nor in fear.  -- motto of Isabella d'Este
%
Neither spread the germs of gossip nor encourage others to do so.
%
Neutrality is at times a greater sin than belligerence.  -- Justice Brandeis
%
Never answer a question until it is asked.
%
Never appeal to a man's "better nature".  He may not have one.  -- Heinlein
%
Never argue with a fool.  People might not know the difference.
%
Never argue with a man who buys ink by the barrel.  -- Greener
%
Never assume villany when mere incompetence suffices.
%
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
%
Never be foolish enough to consider yourself infallible.
%
Never before have so many people known so little about so much.  -- James Burke
%
Never buy a thing you don't want merely because it is dear.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
Never call a man a fool.  Borrow from him.
%
Never change a winning theme.  -- Gerhard Uhlenbruck
%
Never confuse "I love you" with "I want to marry you."  -- Leroy King
%
Never debate; escalate.  -- Carl Trautman
%
Never delegate making yourself happy.
%
Never give up, for that is just the time that the tide will turn.  -- Stowe
%
Never go to sea with two chronometers; take one or three.
%
Never ignore friction.
%
Never insult an alligator until you have crossed the river.
%
Never interrupt when you are being flattered.  -- H. Jackson Brown
%
Never laugh at your own jokes.
%
Never let a major crisis go to waste.  -- Rahm Emanuel
%
Never let them take a picture of you holding a martini.
%
Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.  -- Asimov
%
Never let yourself think that you are wiser than you are.  -- Solomon
%
Never lose a holy curiosity.  -- Albert Einstein
%
Never lose your ignorance; you cannot replace it.  -- Erich Remarque
%
Never miss a check, it might be mate.
%
Never move a pawn and you will never lose a game.  -- Siegbert Tarrasch
%
Never outrun that which you can outsmart.
%
Never pay a compliment as though you expected a receipt.
%
Never promise more than you can perform.  -- Publilius Syrus
%
Never put off till tomorrow what can be done today.
%
Never rely on what you think you know.  -- Solomon
%
Never risk what you can't afford to lose.  -- H. Jackson Brown
%
Never say never.
%
Never speak more clearly than you think.  -- Neils Bohr
%
Never swap your integrity for money, power, or fame.  -- H. Jackson Brown
%
Never take a drink when you are feeling sorry for yourself.
%
Never take what you cannot use.  -- H. Jackson Brown
%
Never trust a friend who deserts you at a pinch.  -- Aesop
%
Never trust anyone who can't say:  "I don't know."  -- Greg Goebel
%
Never trust anyone who says money is no object.
%
Never trust the advice of a man in difficulties.  -- Aesop
%
Never try to teach a pig to sing.  It wastes your time and annoys the pig.
%
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
%
Never underestimate the stimulation of eccentricity.  -- Neil Simon
%
Never volunteer for anything.  -- Lackland
%
Never wrestle a pig.  You both get dirty and the pig likes it.
%
New systems generate new problems.
%
Newspapers often print the first draft of history.
%
Night is the mother of counsel.
%
Nihilism is the only philosophy that denies its own existence.
%
Nine men in ten are suicides.  -- Benjamin Franklin
%
Nine tenths of wisdom consists in being wise in time.
%
No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.  -- Aesop
%
No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with detail.
%
No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.
%
No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings.  -- William Blake
%
No bucks, no Buck Rogers.  -- Tom Wolfe
%
No evil proceeds on any grounds of reason.  -- Titus Livius
%
No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.  -- Aristotle
%
No good building without a good foundation.
%
No light, but rather darkness visible.  -- Milton
%
No lock will hold against the power of gold.
%
No man better knows what good is than he who has endured evil.
%
No man can bargain with a clock.  -- Michael Uhrin
%
No man can be a good ruler unless he has first been ruled.
%
No man can be a patriot on an empty stomach.  -- W. C. Brann
%
No man can play the fool as well as the wise man.
%
No man has a lease of his life.
%
No man is a hero to his valet.  -- Madame Anne Cornuel
%
No man is an island.  -- John Donne
%
No man is good enough to govern another without that other's consent.  -- Lincoln
%
No man is rich enough to buy back his past.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
No man is wise at all times.
%
No man is wise enough to be another man's master.  -- Edward Abbey
%
No man lives so poor as he was born.  -- Fuller
%
No man who needs a monument ever ought to have one.  -- Nathaniel Hawthorne
%
No man's credit is as good as his money.  -- E. W. Howe
%
No man's life, liberty or property are safe while the Legislature is in session.  -- Gideon Tucker
%
No matter how certain you are, always consider that you might be wrong.
%
No matter how much cynicism you have, it is never enough to keep up.  -- Tomlin
%
No matter how smart you are, you spend much of your day being an idiot.  -- Adams
%
No matter what we are talking about, we are talking about ourselves.  -- Prather
%
No matter what you do, you are intuitive.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
No matter who's in my life, they're there by divine design.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
No news is good news.  -- J. Payn
%
No one becomes depraved in a moment.
%
No one can get ahead of you when they are kicking you in the rear.
%
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.  -- Eleanor Roosevelt
%
No one can out-perform their own self-image.
%
No one ever listened himself out of a job.  -- Calvin Coolidge
%
No one gets off this planet unenlightened.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
No one has yet invented a successful substitute for work.
%
No one is rich enough to do without a neighbor.  -- Danish proverb
%
No one is satisfied with his fortune or dissatisfied with his intellect.
%
No one knows what he can do till he tries.  -- Publilius Syrus
%
No one regards what is before his feet; we all gaze at the stars.
%
No one understands anything that isn't funny.
%
No one understands everything, and no one needs to.  -- J. Redford
%
No opinion has ever been too errant to become creed.  -- Bertrand Russell
%
No pain, no gain.
%
No people do so much harm as those who go about doing good.  -- Mandell Creighton
%
No problem is insoluble in all conceivable circumstances.
%
No problem is so formidable that you can't walk away from it.  -- Schulz
%
No question is so difficult as one to which the answer is obvious.  -- George Shaw
%
No region can include itself as well.  -- Whitehead
%
No rose without a thorn.
%
No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.  -- Stanislaw Lee
%
No sooner said than done -- so acts your man of worth.  -- Quintus Ennius
%
No tyranny is more fierce than the tyranny of morality.  -- P. D. Ouspensky
%
No value can be put upon good counsel.  -- Howell
%
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
%
Nobility is expensive, non-productive, and parasitic.  -- Alan Weisman
%
Nobody ever got a rainbow unless they got some rain.  -- Jim Croce
%
Nobody ever got to the top without slipping up.  -- Colin Powell
%
Nobody has so many friends that he can afford to lose one.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Nobody roots for Goliath.  -- Wilt Chamberlain
%
Non Illegitemus Carborundum.  (Don't let the bastards wear you down.)
%
Noncooperation with evil is as much a duty as is cooperation with good.  -- Gandhi
%
None knows the weight of another's burden.  -- George Herbert
%
None love the bearer of bad news.  -- Sophocles
%
Nonsense and beauty have close connections.  -- E. M. Forster
%
Nonsense needs complex misdirection to make it sound plausible.  -- Conquest
%
Nostalgia is what turns the past tense into past perfect.
%
Not all who own a harp are harpers.  -- Marcus Terentius Varro
%
Not doing more than average is what keeps the average down.  -- Harvey Mackay
%
Not everyone whose eyes are closed is asleep.  -- Hebrew proverb
%
Not failure, but low aim is sin.  -- Benjamin Mays
%
Not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of good luck.  -- Brown
%
Not knowing is the hardest thing to know.
%
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
%
Not only do organisms evolve; the mechanisms by which they evolve, evolve too.
%
Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.  -- Emerson
%
Nothing beats love at first sight except love with insight.
%
Nothing dries sooner than tears.  -- Cicero
%
Nothing endures but change.  -- Heraclitus
%
Nothing ever fatigues me, except that which I dislike.  -- Jane Austen
%
Nothing focuses the mind like a hanging.  -- Samuel Johnson
%
Nothing goes out of date as fast as our predictions for the future.
%
Nothing great is ever achieved without enthusiasm.  -- Ralph Emerson
%
Nothing in life is to be feared.  It is only to be understood.
%
Nothing in the physical world is stronger than you unless you give it strength.
%
Nothing is as easy as it looks.  -- Murphy
%
Nothing is as simple as we hope it will be.  -- Jim Horning
%
Nothing is but what is not.
%
Nothing is enough for the man to whom enough is too little.  -- Epicurus
%
Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.  -- Bucy
%
Nothing is ever all said and done.
%
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.  -- Weller
%
Nothing is impossible for the man who will not listen to reason.  -- Blutarsky
%
Nothing is impossible to a willing heart.
%
Nothing is impossible to God.
%
Nothing is more annoying than a low man raised to a high position.  -- Claudian
%
Nothing is more dangerous than an idea when it is the only one you have.
%
Nothing is often a clever thing to do, and always a clever thing to say.
%
Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task.
%
Nothing is so firmly believed as which is least known.  -- de Montaigne
%
Nothing is so frustrating as a bad situation beginning to improve.  -- Shannon
%
Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.  -- Pohl
%
Nothing is sometimes the best thing to say.
%
Nothing makes a vacation seem better than hindsight.
%
Nothing makes for more good old days than a bad memory.
%
Nothing succeeds without a champion.
%
Nothing that is violent is permanent.
%
Nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.  -- Leng-Tzu
%
Nothing's beautiful from every point of view.  -- Horace
%
Notice how your desires keep manifesting in thoughts.  -- Ram Dass
%
Nowadays, the illiterates can read and write.  -- Alberto Moravia
%
O Lord -- if there is a Lord; save my soul -- if I have a soul.  -- Ernest Renan
%
Obedience is much more seen in little things than in great.  -- Fuller
%
Obedience is the first duty of a soldier.
%
Observation is a passive science, experimentation an active science.  -- Bernard
%
Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
%
Obstinancy is the strength of the weak.  -- Lavater
%
Occasionally lose sight, never lose vision; nothing is gained through division.
%
Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal.
%
Of all forms of currency, guilt is the most inconvertible.  -- John Taylor
%
Of course life is finite, but the only sane way to live is to pretend otherwise.  -- Alan Silverstein
%
Of making many books there is no end.  -- Old Testament
%
Of money, wisdom, and good faith there is commonly less than men count upon.
%
Of money, wit, and virtue believe one-fourth of what you hear.  -- Mapletoft
%
Often it's not the water but the cup.  -- John Taylor
%
Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.  -- Shakespeare
%
Old age comes stealing on.
%
Old age is the harbor of all ills.  -- Bion
%
Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man.  -- Trotsky
%
Old age needs so little, but it needs that little so much.
%
Old friends and old wine and old gold are best.
%
Old friendships bear witness to your life in its entirety.  -- Carol Moss
%
Old love will not be forgotten.  -- T. Heywood
%
Old men go to death; death comes to young men.
%
Old sin makes new shame.
%
Old soldiers never die.  Young ones do.
%
Old thanks pay not for a new debt.  -- Torriano
%
On your journey to consciousness you must go through the dark night of the soul.
%
Once a thief, always a thief.  -- Stevens
%
Once a use and ever a custom.
%
Once a word has been allowed to escape, it cannot be recalled.  -- Horace
%
Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.  -- Homer
%
Once one has tasted life, death doesn't even seem natural.  -- Philip Roth
%
Once you accept his assumptions even a madman seems reasonable.
%
Once you become a walker, you become a conservationist.  -- Colin Fletcher
%
Once you realize God knows everything, you're free.  -- Ram Dass
%
One 'tis not significant till it be the last one.
%
One bad general is better than two good ones.  -- Lincoln
%
One big pile is better than two little piles.  -- Arlo Guthrie
%
One by one, like leaves from a tree, all my faiths have forsaken me.  -- Teasdale
%
One can acquire everything in solitude except character.  -- Stendahl
%
One can always be kind to people about whom one cares nothing.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
One can hardly please all men.  -- Thomas Draxe
%
One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.  -- Keller
%
One can only accept in others what one can accept in oneself.  -- James Baldwin
%
One can't proceed from the informal to the formal by formal means.
%
One cannot prevent a problem by pretending that it doesn't exist.  -- Schumacher
%
One cause is good until the other is understood.
%
One enemy can do more harm than ten friends can do good.
%
One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it.
%
One good turn deserves another.  -- Gaius Petronius
%
One grain fills not a sack, but helps his fellow.
%
One hand cannot applaud.  -- Arabian proverb
%
One has a right to judge a man by the effect he has over his friends.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
One is not superior merely because one sees the world as odious.  -- Chateaubriand
%
One learns to itch where one can scratch.  -- Ernest Bramah
%
One lie or one peanut...  One leads to another.
%
One lives in the hope of becoming a memory.  -- A. Porchia
%
One mad action is not enough to prove a man mad.  -- Fuller
%
One man's ceiling is another man's floor.  -- Paul Simon
%
One man's gain is another man's loss.  -- D. H. Lawrence
%
One man's magic is another man's engineering.
%
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.  -- Robert Heinlein
%
One master in any house is enough.  -- Erasmus
%
One may sooner fall than rise.  -- Thomas Draxe
%
One meets his destiny often on the road he takes to avoid it.
%
One must be frank to be relevant.  -- Corazon Aquino
%
One must imagine Sisyphus happy.  -- Camus
%
One never goes so far as when one doesn't know where one is going.  -- Johann von Goethe
%
One never loses anything by politeness.
%
One nuclear bomb can ruin your whole day.
%
One of the fundamental laws of creation is that energy comes before matter.
%
One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea.  -- Bagehot
%
One of these days is none of these days.
%
One pair of ears dry a hundred tongues.  -- George Herbert
%
One pardons in the degree that one loves.  -- Le Rochefoucauld
%
One person tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true.
%
One person with courage makes a majority.
%
One picture is worth more than ten thousand words.  -- Chinese proverb
%
One poison drives out another.
%
One positive weighs more than twenty negatives.
%
One seldom sees a monument to a committee.
%
One should have faith in rain but never trust it.
%
One should never do anything one cannot talk about after dinner.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
One sows and another reaps.
%
One success is worth more than a thousand failures.
%
One tale is good till another is told.
%
One way to get into trouble is to be right at the wrong time.
%
One without education is compelled to use his brains.
%
One word is worth a thousand pictures.  If it's the right word.  -- Edward Abbey
%
One's real life is often the life that one does not lead.
%
Only 10% of anything can be in the top 10%.
%
Only a ballplayer's errors are published every day.
%
Only a fool has no doubts.
%
Only a fool is astonished by the foolishness of mankind.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Only a mediocre person is always at his best.  -- Somerset Maugham
%
Only a moralist advocates a virtue even to those incapable of it.  -- Wall
%
Only a strong player knows how weakly he plays.  -- Saviely Tartakower
%
Only at the planes below the fourth chakra do you need to maintain a body.
%
Only cowards insult dying majesty.  -- Aesop
%
Only fools are positive.  -- Moe Howard
%
Only fools say it can't be done.
%
Only God can make random selections.
%
Only ideas that we actually live by are of any value.  -- Hermann Hesse
%
Only military people deal with randomness with genuine... intellectual honesty.  -- Nassim Taleb
%
Only one person in a thousand knows the trick of really living in the present.
%
Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying.  -- Ram Dass
%
Only the educated are free.  -- Epictetus
%
Only the ephemeral is of lasting value.  -- Ionesco
%
Only the rich preach contentment to the poor.
%
Only those who attempt the absurd can achieve the impossible.
%
Only what we partly know inspires us with the desire to know more.  -- Emerson
%
Only when you journey fully conscious to the pain do you gain the wisdom.
%
Ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny.
%
Onward through the fog.
%
Opinions cannot survive if one has no chance to fight for them.  -- Thomas Mann
%
Opportunities are often things you haven't noticed the first time around.
%
Opportunity makes the thief.
%
Opposites attract.  -- Leng-Tzu
%
Oppression makes a wise man mad.
%
Optimization hinders evolution.
%
Orthodoxy is a relaxation of the mind accompanied by a stiffening of the heart.
%
Other people's tools work only in other people's gardens.
%
Other times, other manners.
%
Our bodies were designed to have integrity.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Our business in life is not to succeed but to continue to fail in high spirits.
%
Our fantasies are stepping stones to our realities.  -- Mae Jameson, astronaut
%
Our greatest weariness comes from work not done.  -- Eric Hoffer
%
Our idea was if you couldn't find a job, you'd make one for yourself.  -- Packard
%
Our investment in another creates the level of involvement we have with them.
%
Our life stories and the history of the world were written by the same hand.
%
Our money can never be as valuable as our memories or our friendships.  -- Ogburn
%
Our nature demands love, and our happiness depends on it.
%
Our property must intrude on another, stand in another's way.  -- James Carse
%
Our self image is our window to our world.  -- Limon
%
Our sins and our debts are often more than we think.  -- Howell
%
Our spirit is fuel; it is energy.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Our stuff has become a "footprint" that is trampling on our Garden of Eden.  -- Norris Burkes
%
Our sun rises precisely where we choose to see it rise.  -- John Taylor
%
Our whole society is addicted to debt.  -- Peter Nelson
%
Our wires are attached to the fact that financial energy equals sexual energy.
%
Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants.  -- Omar Bradley
%
Out of sight, out of mind.  -- Leng-Tzu
%
Out there, we are all part of the food chain.
%
Over my mask / is your mask of me.  -- Mitsuye Yamada
%
Pack it in, pack it out.
%
Pain is inevitable, but suffering is our choice.
%
Pain makes cowards of us all.  -- Vince Lombardi
%
Painted pictures are dead speakers.  -- Breton
%
Paradise for a happy man lies in his own good nature.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Passion is as crucial as rocket fuel when you're trying to leave Earth.  -- Andrew Chaiken
%
Past cure, past care.
%
Patch griefs with proverbs.
%
Patience is a flower that grows not in every one's garden.  -- Thomas Draxe
%
Patience is a minor form of despair, disguised as virtue.  -- Bierce
%
Patience is the best remedy for every trouble.  -- Titus Maccius Plautus
%
Patience is the companion of wisdom.  -- St. Augustine
%
Patience under old injuries invites new ones.
%
Patience, time, and money accommodate all things.  -- George Herbert
%
Patriotism is inherently belligerent.  -- James Carse
%
Pauca sed matura.  (Few but excellent.)  -- Gauss
%
Paul's Law of Reorganizations:  Tornados don't bother earthworms.
%
Pawn endings are to chess what putting is to golf.  -- Cecil Purdy
%
Pay attention to what you want to control.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Pay attention to your body.  It doesn't lie.
%
Pay attention, and you will have understanding.  -- Solomon
%
Peace is the work of strong men; war, the courage of the cowardly.
%
Peace of mind makes the body healthy, but jealousy is like cancer.  -- Solomon
%
Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
%
Penny wise, pound foolish.
%
People are better than their theology.  -- Emerson
%
People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.  -- Joseph Newton
%
People become how they're treated.  -- Doug McKenzie
%
People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.
%
People don't govern better than they campaign.  -- Tom von Alten
%
People don't want to write.  They want to have written.  -- Graham Greene
%
People get better if you pay attention to them.  -- Steven Bratman
%
People like to talk more than they like to listen.  -- Scott Adams
%
People live as if they'll never die, then die as if they had never lived.
%
People lose their health to make money, then lose their money to regain health.
%
People love high ideals, but they got to be about 33-percent plausible.  -- Rogers
%
People mistake obscurity for profundity.
%
People often don't value what they don't pay for.  -- H. Jackson Brown
%
People only accept change in necessity, and see necessity only in crisis.  -- Jean Monnet
%
People only notice squeaky wheels.
%
People only pay attention to what they discover for themselves.  -- Semple
%
People optimize that which is measured.  -- Tom DeMarco
%
People say they don't have enough time, but they have all the time there is.
%
People should be measured in feats, not feet.
%
People sucking on the public teat have an obligation not to bite it.
%
People support that which they help to create.
%
People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
%
People think love is an emotion.  Love is good sense.  -- Ken Kesey
%
People think they're thinking when they're merely rearranging their prejudices.
%
People who can least afford to pay rent pay rent.
%
People who can most afford to pay rent build equity.
%
People who censor books are usually illiterate.  -- John MacDonald
%
People who cry frequently enjoy better health overall.  -- Victor Parachin
%
People who do know history repeat it as long as it is profitable.  -- Les Earnest
%
People who don't have goals work for those who do.  -- Jack Canfield
%
People who have nothing to say are never at loss in talking.  -- Josh Billings
%
People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
%
People who prefer the finer things in life prefer people.
%
People who set traps for others get caught themselves.  -- Solomon
%
People who value security more than liberty will have neither.  -- Ben Franklin
%
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
%
People with a hot temper do foolish things; wiser people remain calm.  -- Solomon
%
People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.
%
People would never do anything if they knew what they were getting into.
%
Peoples' opinions change, but the conviction of their correctness never does.
%
Perceived necessity makes prostitutes of us all.
%
Perception is reality, but perception is not necessarily truth.
%
Perfection is a minor virtue.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Perhaps it was because Nero played the fiddle that they burned Rome.
%
Perhaps we invented God to take the burden of self-judgement from us.
%
Perserverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
%
Personal attacks demean those who make them.
%
Personal finance is 80% behavior and 20% head knowledge.  -- Dave Ramsey
%
Personal integrity is cleaning up your mess in a public restroom.
%
Personality is the psychological equivalent of scar tissue.
%
Personality is to man what perfume is to a flower.  -- Charles Schwab
%
Persons who disagree with you are always emotional and employ faulty reasoning.
%
Pessimist:  Man who looks for a pink slip before the money in his pay envelope.
%
Philosophers only interpret the world differently; the point is, to change it.
%
Philosophy is to the real world as masturbation is to sex.  -- Karl Marx
%
Philosophy just fools you into thinking what you do is right.  -- O'Connor
%
Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.  -- John Keats
%
Physical strength can never permanently withstand the impact of spiritual force.
%
Physicians kill more than they cure.  -- Burton
%
Pictures are the books of the unlearned.  -- Fuller
%
Pictures worth a thousand words take ten thousand times as long to draw.
%
Pigs treat us as equals.  -- Winston Churchill
%
Place your clothes and weapons where you can find them in the dark.
%
Plain dealing is praised more than practiced.  -- Clarke
%
Plan carefully what you do, and whatever you do will turn out right.  -- Solomon
%
Plan for success, and deal with failure.  -- Paul Rygaard
%
Plan to throw one away; you will, anyhow.  -- Frederick Brooks
%
Plans are nothing; planning is everything.
%
Plants are at the bottom of the food chain and do their own mining.
%
Plants stand still and wait to be counted.  -- John Harper
%
Play is not the absence of work.
%
Playing a game shows some of one's character.  How one loses shows all of it.
%
Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work.  -- Aristotle
%
Plenty breeds pride.  -- Gascoigne
%
Plug yourself into the attitude of gratitude.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Poison is poison though it comes in a golden cup.
%
Political power grows out of the barrel of a gun.  -- Mao Zedong
%
Politicians are the only people who create problems, then campaign against them.  -- Charlie Reese
%
Pollution is merely a misplaced resource.
%
Poor is a man whose words die with him.  -- John Taylor
%
Popular consensus says that reality is based on popular consensus.
%
Possessions create pain.
%
Post hoc, ergo propter hoc.  (After this, therefore caused by this.)
%
Post proelium, praemium.  (After the battle, the reward.)
%
Poverty is being invisible... excluded from community.  It is internal exile.
%
Poverty is the mother of all arts.
%
Poverty is the parent of revolution and crime.  -- Aristotle
%
Power attracts the corruptible.  -- David Brin
%
Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
%
Power does not corrupt man; fools in a position of power corrupt power.  -- Shaw
%
Power grows out of someone else's dependency.
%
Power is poison.
%
Power rules, but love wins.
%
Power to the peaceful.
%
Practice is the best of all instructors.  -- Publilius
%
Practice makes permanent.
%
Practice random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control.
%
Practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty.
%
Practice yourself what you preach.  -- Titus Plautus
%
Praise in public, scold in private.
%
Praise makes good men better, and bad men worse.
%
Praise the child, and you make love to the mother.
%
Praise the sea, but keep on land.  -- Florio
%
Pray for what you want, but work for what you need.
%
Pray to God, but keep rowing to shore.  -- Russian proverb
%
Prayer should be the key of the day and the lock of the night.
%
Prayer should never be answered; if it is... it becomes correspondence.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
Prejudice is being down on something you are not up on.
%
Preserve the old, but know the new.
%
Pretense is always a prologue.  -- Michael Uhrin
%
Prevention is better than cure.
%
Pride feels no pain.
%
Principles have no real force except when one is well fed.  -- Mark Twain
%
Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance.
%
Problems that go away by themselves come back by themselves.  -- Davis
%
Procrastination is the fertilizer that makes difficulties grow.
%
Productivity is often not worth the personal price.
%
Professional sales people do not compromise their integrity for a sale.
%
Professionals are predictable, it is the amateurs that are dangerous.
%
Program yourself to become intuitively aware.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Progress is made by lazy men looking for an easier way to do things.  -- Heinlein
%
Progress stops on satisfaction.  -- Mika Salkola
%
Promise is debt.
%
Promises are like pie-crust, made to be broken.  -- Ward
%
Promising costs nothing; it's the delivering that kills you.
%
Promising is the eve of giving.
%
Promptness is its own reward, if one lives by the clock instead of the sword.
%
Proof by repeated assertion is no proof at all.
%
Prophecy is many times the principal cause of the events foretold.  -- Hobbes
%
Proposals, as understood by the proposer, will be judged otherwise by others.
%
Prosperity is only an instrument to be used, not a deity to be worshipped.
%
Prosperity makes friends; adversity tries them.  -- Publilius Syrus
%
Prototype designs always work.  -- Don Vonada
%
Prototyping is always unexpectedly expensive.  -- Alan Silverstein
%
Providing too much information defeats the purpose of providing any.  -- John Roberts
%
Psychoanalysis is the mental disease whose therapy it claims to be.  -- Kraus
%
Psychotherapy is just as high as the psychotherapist.  -- Ram Dass
%
Public goods, privately provided, tend to be under-provided.
%
Public property is never so well taken care of as private property.  -- Cobbett
%
Punctuality is the virtue of the bored.  -- Evelyn Waugh
%
Puritan:  A person who pours righteous indignation into the wrong things.
%
Put all your eggs in one basket and -- WATCH THAT BASKET.  -- Mark Twain
%
Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust.  -- Oliver Holmes
%
Put your brain in gear before starting your mouth in motion.
%
Put your genius into your life.  Put only your talent into your work.
%
Put your trust in those who are worthy.
%
Quality is not a stage in the process.  It is the way of the process.
%
Quality, without quantity, is little thought of.
%
Quantum mechanics are the dreams stuff is made of.
%
Question authority.
%
Questions are never indiscreet; answers sometimes are.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
Quick believers need broad shoulders.  -- George Herbert
%
Quickly come, quickly go.
%
Quiet the outer world, so that the inner world might bring you sight.  -- God?
%
Quietness is a great treasure.  -- Henderson
%
Quit while you're ahead.  -- Leng-Tzu
%
Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand.
%
Rank has its privileges.
%
Rather a man without money than money without a man.
%
Rather sell than be poor.  -- John Ray
%
Readers are not interested in the mechanics of authorship.  -- A. A. Milne
%
Reading is thinking with someone else's head instead of one's own.
%
Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body.  -- Sir Richard Steele
%
Reading makes a full man; conference a ready man; and writing an exact man.
%
Real joy comes from doing something worthwhile.
%
Real love stories never have endings.
%
Real men don't feel the need to prove it.
%
Real politics are the possession and distribution of power.  -- Benjamin Disraeli
%
Real poverty is lack of books.  -- Colette
%
Real wealth can only increase.  -- R. Buckminster Fuller
%
Reality is the flaw in the perfection of nothingness.
%
Reality is when it happens to you.
%
Reality often astonishes theory.  -- Tom Magliozzi
%
Reason and love keep little company nowadays.  -- Shakespeare
%
Reason has always existed, but not always in a reasonable form.  -- Karl Marx
%
Reason has seldom failed us because it has seldom been tried.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Reason rules all things.
%
Rebellion lay in his way, and he found it.
%
Records were made to be broken.
%
Red clouds in the east, rain the next day.
%
Red sky at night, sailors delight; red sky at morning, sailors take warning.
%
Reformers should be conscious of the law of unintended consequences.  -- Stone
%
Refuse to replicate your own dehumanization.  -- Lillian Roybal-Rose
%
Regardless of how many times you are right, you will sometimes be wrong.
%
Relationships are a wonderful way of getting your buttons pushed.  -- Lee Coit
%
Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin.  -- Anatole France
%
Religion is a defense against the experience of God.  -- Carl Jung
%
Religion is certainty without proofs.  -- Amiel
%
Religion is the fashionable substitute for Belief.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
Religion is the opium of the people.  -- Karl Marx
%
Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.  -- Napoleon
%
Religion may be morally useful without being intellectually sustainable.  -- Mill
%
Religion stops a thinking mind.
%
Religion... enables humans who don't have all the answers to think that they do.  -- Bill Maher
%
Religions are like glow worms, they require darkness to shine.  -- Schopenhauer
%
Religions die when they are proved to be true.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
Religions revolve madly around sexual questions.
%
Rely on the two finest teachers, trial and error.  -- Colin Fletcher
%
Remain as much as possible in the state of the witness.  -- Ram Dass
%
Remember that there is an outside world to see and enjoy.  -- Hans Liepmann
%
Remember the poor -- it costs nothing.  -- Josh Billings
%
Remember them as they were and write them off.  -- Ernest Hemingway
%
Remember to never split an infinitive.  -- William Safire
%
Remembering is for those who have forgotten.  -- Chinese proverb
%
Repeated failure is no guarantee of eventual success.
%
Reproduction is the ultimate form of consumption.
%
Reputation is commonly measured by acres.
%
Research should begin and end in the library.  -- Michael Shimkin
%
Research:  See what everyone saw, but think what no one else thought.
%
Resentment is the most precious flower of poverty.  -- Carson McCullers
%
Resist the urge to tinker.  -- Scott Adams
%
Resoluteness sleeps in a bed of knowledge.  -- John Taylor
%
Respect must be earned, not commanded.
%
Respect the past, knowing it was once all that was humanly possible.
%
Revelation is not sealed.  (Direct connection to Truth remains obtainable.)
%
Revenge is mine, saith the lord.  -- Bible
%
Revenge is sweet.
%
Rich folk have many friends.
%
Rich folks's money is always on paper; poor folks's money is in cash.
%
Rich:  You have enough money that your money works for you, and not vice-versa.
%
Riches cover a multitude of woes.
%
Riches have wings.
%
Riches serve a wise man but command a fool.
%
Right wrongs no man.  -- Henderson
%
Ripen tomatoes stem end up at room temperature.
%
Rivers need a spring.  -- George Herbert
%
Rock gives reality to the otherwise abstract notion of transhuman time.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Rocks might teach us life's secrets, were it not for the language barrier.
%
Romance addiction is an invention of Western culture.  -- Anne Schaeff
%
Romantic stages are mental illness:  You're "crazy about someone." -- Will Limon
%
Rome was not built in a day.  -- Cervantes
%
Rotten wood cannot be carved.  -- Confucius
%
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
%
Rule 1:  Don't sweat the small stuff.  Rule 2:  It's all small stuff.
%
Rule youth well, and age will rule itself.
%
Ruling a big country is like cooking a small fish.  -- Lao Tsu
%
Sailors go round the world without going into it.
%
Sailors have a port in every storm.  -- J. T. Smith
%
Salary is no object:  Strive only to keep body and soul apart.
%
Sanity is nothing more than the ability to live in harmony with nature's laws.
%
Satire does not look pretty upon a tombstone.
%
Saving face is important.  Give your opponent the opportunity to withdraw.
%
Say no, then negotiate.  -- Helga
%
Saying and doing are two different things.  -- J. de Luna
%
Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
Scatter with one hand, gather with two.  -- Howell
%
Scholarship is polite argument.  -- Philip Rieff
%
Science and conscience belong together.  -- Gerhard Uhlenbruck
%
Science can progress on the basis of error as long as it is not trivial.
%
Science demands a tolerance for ambiguity.  -- Carl Sagan
%
Science has no enemy but the ignorant.  -- L. Digges
%
Science is always wrong.  It never solves a problem without creating ten more.
%
Science is magic that works.  -- Kurt Vonnegut
%
Science is sometimes a cruel mistress.
%
Science is the process for sorting out the possible from the impossible.  -- Tom Siegfried
%
Science is the topography of ignorance.  -- Oliver Holmes
%
Science is the whore of industry and the handmaiden of war.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.  -- Einstein
%
Science's great tragedy:  The slaying of a beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact.
%
Science, based on evidence, cares nothing for what you personally like or don't.
%
Science:  An orderly arrangement of what at the moment seem to be facts.
%
Science:  No thing is nothing.  -- Gerhard Uhlenbruck
%
Science:  Nonsense does not always make no sense.  -- Gerhard Uhlenbruck
%
Science:  The creation of dilemmas by the solution of mysteries.
%
Science:  To see or not to see, that's the main question.  -- Gerhard Uhlenbruck
%
Scientific minds do not so much provide right answers as ask right questions.
%
Scientific progress:  Milestones or millstones?  -- Gerhard Uhlenbruck
%
Scientists keep romantics honest; romantics keep scientists human.
%
Scientists... can often recognize nonsense when they come across it.  -- Crick
%
Scripts determine the destiny and the identity of the individual.  -- Eric Berne
%
Searching for the invisible is not for the faint of heart.  -- Stephen Hawking
%
Season your words with kindness; someday you might have to eat them.
%
Second thoughts are best.
%
Second-rate people hire third-rate people.
%
Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny.
%
Sed quis custodiet ipsos Custodes?  (Who guards the Guardians?)
%
See things symbolically instead of literally.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
See yourself as a success and your success is assured.
%
Seek and ye shall find.  -- Bible
%
Seek not to understand that you may believe but believe that you may understand.
%
Seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.  -- Dag Hammarskjold
%
Seek the testimony of the few; and number not voices, but weight them.  -- Kant
%
Seeking for the Buddha's nature is much like riding an ox in search of the ox.
%
Seize the day; put no trust in the morrow!  -- Horace
%
Seldom seen, soon forgotten.
%
Self do, self have.
%
Self-abuse is the most certain road to the grave.  -- G. M. Calhoun
%
Self-determination does not negate self-control.
%
Self-hatred is the source of all problems on the planet.  -- Oprah Winfrey
%
Self-preservation is the first law of nature.
%
Self-veiling is a contradictory act -- a free suspension of our freedom.  -- Carse
%
Selling the solution is often more difficult than solving the problem.  -- Salzer
%
Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
Servants make the worst masters.
%
Set aside a little time every once in a while to experience silence.  -- Deepak Chopra
%
Set goals that have many ways of being realized.  -- Scott Adams
%
Seven turns out to be a very hip number in the melodrama.  -- Ram Dass
%
Severe enforcement of a bad law will hasten its repeal.  -- Lawrence Hirsch
%
Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.
%
Sex discriminates against the shy and ugly.
%
Shakespeare and Dante divide the world between them.  -- T. S. Eliot
%
Shame is an improper emotion invented by pietists to oppress the human race.
%
She bore a great soul in a little body.  -- Quiller-Couch
%
She did not think he deserved the compliment of rational opposition.  -- Austin
%
She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B.  -- Dorothy Parker
%
Shielding men from the effects of folly fills the world with fools.  -- Spencer
%
Ships fear fire more than water.  -- George Herbert
%
Short acquaintance brings repentance.  -- John Ray
%
Show me one man who deserves to live forever.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Show you care about security, or security will show it "cares" about you.
%
Sic transit gloria mundi.  (So passes away the glory of the world.)  -- Kempis
%
Sickness shows us what we are.  -- Fuller
%
Sight is a faculty; seeing is an art.  -- George Beston
%
Silence cannot be misquoted.
%
Silence is sometimes the best answer.
%
Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves.  -- Carlyle
%
Silence is the unbearable repartee.  -- Charles Dickens
%
Silence is wisdom, when speaking is folly.  -- Fuller
%
Silence seldom hurts.  -- Fuller
%
Simple jobs always get put off because there will be time to do them later.
%
Simple pleasures are the last refuge of the complex.
%
Simple pleasures are the last refuge of the complex.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
Simple tasks should be simple, and complex tasks should be possible.  -- Ed Moore
%
Simplicity does not precede complexity, but follows it.
%
Sin boldly.  -- Martin Luther
%
Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle that fits them all.
%
Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily.  -- Robert Heinlein
%
Sin that is hidden is half-forgiven.  -- G. Fenton
%
Sing, sing a song of joy, for love and understanding!
%
Singleness is gaining a sense of self you will not compromise for someone else.
%
Six feet of earth make all men equal.
%
Skepticism is a barren coast, without a harbor or a lighthouse.
%
Skepticism is dangerous.  That's exactly its function.  -- Carl Sagan
%
Skepticism is the beginning of faith.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
Skepticism is the mark and even the pose of the educated mind.  -- John Dewey
%
Skeptics laugh in order not to weep.  -- Anatole France
%
Slang:  Language that doffs its coat, spits on its hands, and goes to work.
%
Sleep is the best meditation.  -- Tenzin Gyatso, XIV Dalai Lama
%
Sleep is the brother of death.
%
Sloth is a somatic skepticism, the way the flesh doubts.  -- E. M. Cioran
%
Slowly, but surely, humanity makes real the dreams of the wise.  -- A. France
%
Small opportunities are often the beginning of great enterprises.  -- Demosthenes
%
Small profits and quick returns.
%
Small rain lays great dust.  -- John Ray
%
Small streams of caring become a pool of love.
%
Small things make mean men proud.  -- Shakespeare
%
Smart folks speak from experience.  Smarter folks, from experience, don't speak.
%
Smooth seas do not make for good sailors.
%
So I have promised you, I'll be as good as my word.  -- Shakespeare
%
So long as you stay vague, nothing changes.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
So long as your will is in a fog, you will be an addict.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
So many ask God to grant so much, and then take so much for granted!  -- White
%
So many men, so many minds.  -- Terence
%
So many men, so many opinions; every one his own way.
%
So of cheerfulness, or a good temper, the more it is spent, the more remains.
%
Social innovations tend to the level of minimum tolerable well-being.
%
Social problems are very much harder than scientific ones.  -- Richard Feynman
%
Social skills require rapidly inferring meaning from facial expression.
%
Societies that rely on conscription to survive do not deserve to exist.
%
Society attacks early, when the individual is helpless.  -- B.F. Skinner
%
Society is a mule, not a car; if pressed harder, it will kick and throw you off.
%
Society is defined by its boundaries; a culture is defined by its horizon.
%
Soft words and hard arguments.  -- John Ray
%
Soldiers in peace are like chimneys in summer.
%
Solitude is the nest of thought.
%
Solitude:  A great place to visit, but a bad place to stay.
%
Some lives are tragic, some ridiculous.  Most are both at once.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Some men are alive simply because it is against the law to kill them.  -- Ed Howe
%
Some men are like a clock on the roof; they are useful only to the neighbors.
%
Some men rob you with a six-gun, others with a fountain pen.  -- Woodie Guthrie
%
Some men succeed in spite of their faults, others because of them.  -- McKeown
%
Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry.  -- Gloria Steinem
%
Some of us learn from other peoples' errors.  The rest must be the other people.
%
Some people are too lazy to put food in their own mouths.  -- Solomon
%
Some people believe anything if you whisper it.
%
Some people live from the chin up.
%
Some people read because they are too lazy to think.
%
Some people think they are worth a lot of money simply because they have it.
%
Some rise by sin and some by virtue fall.
%
Some self-veiling is present in all finite games.  -- James Carse
%
Some tasks are easier to do than to delegate.  -- Alan Silverstein
%
Some things have to be believed to be seen.
%
Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow.
%
Something must be left to chance.  -- W. C. Russell
%
Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.  -- Seneca
%
Sometimes I wonder whether God enjoys Christmas.  -- Horace Rumpole
%
Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.  -- Lily Tomlin
%
Sometimes it takes a painful experience to make us change our ways.  -- Solomon
%
Sometimes it takes wisdom to stop beating your head against the wall.
%
Sometimes let things happen, but sometimes make things happen.
%
Sometimes something worth doing is worth overdoing.  -- David Letterman
%
Sometimes you must tread water until you know which way is the shore.  -- Zeidman
%
Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.  -- Carl Sagan
%
Sooner begun, sooner done.
%
Sooner or later the worst possible set of circumstances is bound to occur.
%
Sorrow is always dry.
%
Sorrow is good for nothing but sin.  -- Camden
%
Sorrow makes silence her best orator.  -- S. Daniel
%
Sorrow shared is halved; joy shared is doubled.
%
Sorrow will pay no debt.
%
Sorry I wrote you such a long letter; I didn't have time to write a short one.
%
Space is to place as eternity is to time.  -- Joseph Joubert
%
Space is unforgiving.  -- Louis Friedman
%
Spacetime tells matter how to move, and matter tells spacetime how to curve.  -- John Wheeler
%
Spare the rod and spoil the child.  -- Old Testament
%
Spare when you are young, and spend when you are old.
%
Spatial boundaries are evident in every finite conflict.  -- James Carse
%
Speak fitly, or be silent wisely.
%
Speak not of my debts, unless you mean to pay them.  -- George Herbert
%
Speak only well of people and you will never have to whisper.
%
Speak well of your friend, of your enemy say nothing.  -- Mapletoft
%
Speak when you are spoken to.  -- John Ray
%
Speaking or writing without thinking is like shooting without aiming.  -- Glasow
%
Speech is silver, silence is golden.
%
Speeches are like babies:  Easy to conceive, but extremely hard to deliver.
%
Speed doesn't kill, indecision does.  Speed just reduces your available choices.
%
Spend enough time confirming the need and the need will disappear.
%
Spend more time planning your marriage than your wedding.
%
Spending less money creates more time.  -- Jeff Yeager
%
Spirituality is the sense of awe and wonder for the creation that surrounds us.  -- Norris Burkes
%
Squander nothing, share everything.
%
Stagnation is stopping in one's tracks and waiting for death to approach.
%
Standard is better than better.  Standard plus better is better yet.
%
Start being grateful for the person even though you can't see the gift.  -- Coit
%
Starvation is no laughing matter.  -- Thackeray
%
Statistics are no substitute for judgement.  -- Henry Clay
%
Statistics should support common sense.  -- Nancy Kanwisher
%
Steady movement is more important than speed, much of the time.  -- Corwin
%
Step back for a moment and witness the choices you make.  -- Deepak Chopra
%
Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me.  -- Leng-Tzu
%
Stolen water is sweeter.  Stolen bread tastes better.  -- Solomon
%
Stone walls have ears, and a bird of the air shall carry the matter.  -- Scott
%
Stop one from digging his grave and he will hit you over the head with a shovel.
%
Stop tolerating in your leaders what you would not tolerate in your friends.
%
Straight trees have crooked roots.  -- Lyly
%
Strangers are just friends who have never met.  -- John Taylor
%
Stress is an equal opportunity destroyer.  -- Brian Seaward
%
Strike while the iron is hot.  -- Chaucer
%
Strive for perfection; settle for happiness.
%
Stronger is one who holds back while pushing forward.  -- John Taylor
%
Study to be quiet, and to do your own business.  -- Saint Paul
%
Stupid people advertise their ignorance.  -- Solomon
%
Stupidity is immune to education.  -- Scott Adams
%
Stupidity, like virtue, is its own reward.  -- Bill Davidsen
%
Sturgeon's Law:  Ninety percent of everything is crud.
%
Substance is one of the greatest of our illusions.  -- Eddington
%
Success breeds comfort, and comfort breeds failure.
%
Success comes from aspiration, desperation, perspiration, and inspiration.
%
Success covers a multitude of blunders.  -- George Shaw
%
Success gives man big head, also big belly.  -- Confucius
%
Success has a thousand fathers, but failure is an orphan.
%
Success is built on a willingness to fail.
%
Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get.
%
Success is merely a matter of luck.  Ask any failure.  -- Earl Wilson
%
Success is not a destination; it is a journey.  -- Zig Ziglar
%
Success is not forever and failure isn't fatal.
%
Success is not the immunity of adversity but the proof that you've conquered it!
%
Success is the ability to fulfill your desires with effortless ease.  -- Deepak Chopra
%
Success is the sole earthly judge of right and wrong.  -- Adolph Hitler
%
Success isn't permanent and failure isn't fatal.  -- Mike Ditka
%
Success makes a fool seem wise.  -- Mapletoft
%
Success never happens until you decide to leave mediocrity.
%
Such sights as this are reserved for those who will suffer to behold them.
%
Sudden friendship, sure repentance.  -- James Kelly
%
Suffering is purification:  It's like the fire that gets you straight.  -- Dass
%
Suffering plus meaning equals wisdom.  -- Evan Hodkins
%
Supercompetence is more objectionable than incompetence.
%
Surprise is a crucial element in most finite games.  -- James Carse
%
Surrender your game, in which you have certain mastery, in order to go for more.
%
Survival isn't a hobby, it's an attitude.  -- Len McDougall
%
Survival of the species is everyone's business.
%
Surviving is one thing; enjoying survival is another.  -- Michael Lindemman
%
Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind.  -- William Shakespeare
%
Sweet appears sour when we pay.  -- Howell
%
Sweet April showers do spring May flowers.  -- Thomas Tusser
%
Systems resemble the organizations that create them.  -- Johnson
%
Tact in audacity is knowing how far you can go without going too far.  -- Cocteau
%
Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.
%
Tailors and writers must mind the fashion.  -- Lyly
%
Take all things as they come, and be content.  -- Davies
%
Take away my good name and take away my life.  -- John Ray
%
Take care of the feet, and the miles take care of themselves.
%
Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.
%
Take care of the pennies and the dollars will take care of themselves.
%
Take care of the sense and the sound will take care of itself.  -- Lewis Carroll
%
Take no more on you than you're able to bear.  -- James Kelly
%
Take only pictures, leave only footprints, kill only time.
%
Take out the garbage or live with the stink.  -- Sam Kaplan
%
Take total responsibility for yourself and your own happiness.  -- Vikki Coit
%
Take what you can use and let the rest go by.  -- Ken Kesey
%
Take your fee while the patient is still in pain.  -- John of Salisbury
%
Take your own thoughts seriously, for they will shape you.  -- Einstein
%
Taking a break in the middle is not so rewarding as when the job is finished.
%
Talk of an angel and you will hear his wings.
%
Talk of the devil, and he is presently at your elbow.  -- Torriano
%
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.  -- Euripides
%
Talk to a man about himself and he will listen for hours.  -- Benjamin Disraeli
%
Talkers are no good doers.  -- William Shakespeare
%
Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself.  -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%
Talking pays no toll.  -- George Herbert
%
TANSTAAFL:  There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.  -- Robert Heinlein
%
Tantra means using the senses to go beyond the senses.  -- Ram Dass
%
Tastes differ.
%
Tears will get you sympathy.  Sweat will get you results.
%
Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.
%
Technology is no more of a problem now than it has always been.  -- J. Redford
%
Technology will continue to make our lives harder.  -- Scott Adams
%
Technology:  The knack of so arranging the world that we need not experience it.
%
Television proves that people will look at anything, rather than each other.
%
Tell a child he got one right, not 99 wrong.
%
Tell a lie and find a truth.
%
Tell me whom you love, and I will tell you who you are.  -- Houssaye
%
Tell the truth and run.  -- Yugoslav proverb
%
Tempt not a desperate man.  -- William Shakespeare
%
Ten persons who speak make more noise than 10,000 who are silent.  -- Napoleon
%
Tensions are normal in the claustrophobia of powerless subcultures.  -- Gary Wolf
%
Thank God we don't get all the government we pay for.  -- Will Rogers
%
That never ends ill which begins in God's name.  -- Clarke
%
That sick man is not to be pitied who has his cure in his sleeve.  -- Fuller
%
That that is past, cannot be recalled or helped.  -- Thomas Draxe
%
That the world is, is the mystical.  -- Ludwig Wittgenstein
%
That which is easily done is soon believed.  -- Codrington
%
That which is everybody's business is nobody's business.  -- Izaak Walton
%
That which is incapable of proof itself is not proof of anything else.  -- Shelley
%
That which is not good for the swarm, neither is it good for the bee.
%
That which is possible is inevitable.  -- William Williams
%
That which is truth will rise to the surface.  -- Ram Dass
%
That which is well done is twice done.
%
That's one small step for a man; one giant leap for mankind.  -- Neil Armstrong
%
The "silly" question is the first intimation of some totally new development.
%
The ability to tax is the ability to control.
%
The absent are never without fault, nor the present without excuse.  -- Franklin
%
The absurd is the essential concept and the first truth.  -- Camus
%
The abuse of greatness is when it disjoins remorse from power.  -- Shakespeare
%
The advance of a language is retarded by sensitive ears.  -- Thomas McKeown
%
The advertisement is the most truthful part of a newspaper.  -- Thomas Jefferson
%
The answers to prayers are usually found in those who pray.
%
The art of writing is knowing when to stop.  -- Josh Billings
%
The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive.
%
The author writes in my book; why should I not write in his?  -- John Taylor
%
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.  -- Andrew Rooney
%
The average life of an organization chart is six months.  -- Scott Adams
%
The average nutritional value of promises is roughly zero.
%
The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
%
The awakening is to the realization that you are in fact being guided.  -- Dass
%
The balance between ecology and society is exquisitely delicate.  -- Alan Weiseman
%
The basic raw material of the universe is non-material.  -- Deepak Chopra
%
The basis of optimism is sheer terror.
%
The bee sucks honey out of the bitterest flowers.  -- Nashe
%
The belly is not filled with fair words.  -- John Ray
%
The belly is the truest clock.
%
The best carpenter makes the fewest chips.
%
The best climber in the world is the one who's having the most fun.  -- Alex Lowe
%
The best defense is a good offense.
%
The best grapefruit are thin-skinned and flat on top and bottom, not pointy.
%
The best investment on Earth, is Earth.
%
The best is the enemy of the good.  -- Voltaire
%
The best mirror is an old friend.
%
The best people, like the best wines, come from the hills.  -- Edward Abbey
%
The best places of all, I have never mentioned.  -- Edward Abbey
%
The best prophet of the future is the past.
%
The best remedy for any problem is to avoid it.  -- Len McDougall
%
The best substitute for brains is silence.
%
The best thing to spend on your children is time.
%
The best things in life are free.  -- Confucius
%
The best things in life...  Aren't things.
%
The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago.
%
The best way not to find a (love) partner is to attempt to find a partner.
%
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.  -- Twain
%
The best way to get rid of worries is to let them die of neglect.
%
The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
%
The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.  -- H. Power
%
The best way to predict the future is to create it.  -- Peter Drucker
%
The best way to predict your future is to create it.  -- Alan Kay
%
The better part of valor is discretion.  -- William Shakespeare
%
The bigger one thing is, the smaller it makes another thing.  -- Elizabeth Goudge
%
The bigger they are, the harder they fall.
%
The biggest difference between time and space is that you can't reuse time.
%
The biggest mistake is not learning from all your other mistakes.
%
The blind hear your whisper, the deaf see your wink.  -- Thomas McKeown
%
The book which most should be forbidden is a catalog of forbidden books.
%
The bottom line rests on Earth.  -- David Brower
%
The brain allows man to escape from the laws of evolution...  -- Loren Eiseley
%
The brain works from the moment of birth until you stand up to speak in public.
%
The brainwashed do not know they are brainwashed.  -- Wendy Williams
%
The brevity of life calls for good wine.  -- L. Bohn
%
The brighter you are, the more you have to learn.  -- Don Herold
%
The burnt child dreads the fire.
%
The busiest men have the most time.
%
The busiest people are those whose time is their own.
%
The buyer needs a hundred eyes, the seller but one.
%
The Caesar salad was named for hotel owner Caesar Cardini of Tijuana, Mexico.
%
The cat that chases two mice catches none.  -- Leng-Tzu
%
The chief danger in life is that you might take too many precautions.  -- Adler
%
The clearest way into the universe is through a forest wilderness.  -- John Muir
%
The confused mind always says, "no".
%
The consequences of events are as important as the probabilities of outcomes.
%
The correct prayer is never a prayer of supplication, but of gratitude.  -- God?
%
The covetous man is ever in want.  -- Horace
%
The coward does it with a kiss, the brave man with a sword.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
The creative is found in anyone who is prepared for surprise.  -- James Carse
%
The cuckoo bird does not lay his own eggs.
%
The cup of our happiness is hollowed out by the flow of our tears.  -- Gibran
%
The curve of pleasure is hyperbolic:  First steps largest and most significant.
%
The customer is always right.
%
The dark side of the moon is harder to see; beaming light on it costs energy.  -- Nassim Taleb
%
The day has eyes, the night has ears.  -- Fergusson
%
The dead are gone, and the show must go on.  -- Karl Wallenda
%
The dearer a thing is, the cheaper as a general rule we sell it.  -- Butler
%
The degree of civilization in a society can be judged by entering its prisons.
%
The descent to Hades is the same from every place.  -- Anaxagoras
%
The desire to become enlightened is still you desiring something.  -- Ram Dass
%
The deterioration of our planet is an outward mirror of an inner condition.  -- David Suzuki
%
The development of the will is the essential core of your spiritual journey.
%
The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.  -- William Shakespeare
%
The devil dances in an empty pocket.
%
The Devil must not be believed even when he tells the truth.  -- Thomas Aquinas
%
The devil tempts the busy man, but the idle man tempts the devil.
%
The die is cast.  -- Gaius Julius Caesar
%
The difference between ideas and results is a good manager.
%
The difference between theory and practice is less in theory than in practice.
%
The difference between tragedy and humor is whether it is happening to you.
%
The dinosaurs became extinct because they didn't have a space program.  -- Niven
%
The discerning person is always at a disadvantage.
%
The distrust of wit is the beginning of tyranny.  -- Edward Abbey
%
The door is the key.
%
The dose makes the poison.  -- Dr. Bruce Ames
%
The duty of the patriot is to protect his country from the government.  -- Paine
%
The early bird catches the worm.  -- Confucius
%
The Earth has all the time in the world -- and we don't.  -- Oren Lyons
%
The Earth is not inherited from our parents, but borrowed from our children.
%
The Earth is our mother; our nine months are up.
%
The easiest way to steal is to let the victim think he's doing the stealing.
%
The effort required to correct your course increases exponentially with time.
%
The employer generally gets the employees he deserves.  -- Walter Bilbey
%
The end crowns the work.
%
The end does not justify the means, whatever people may say.  -- Thomas
%
The end justifies the means.  -- Hermann Busenbaum
%
The end makes all equal.
%
The end of anything is better than its beginning.  -- Old Testament
%
The end of labor is to gain leisure.
%
The environment is as high as I am.  -- Ram Dass
%
The errors to avoid are those that eliminate opportunities to try again.
%
The essence of wealth is life energy.  -- Deepak Chopra
%
The essential is invisible to the eye.  -- St. Exupery
%
The essential thing is not to have conquered but to have fought well.
%
The evils of controversy are temporary, its benefits are permanent.  -- R. Hall
%
The exception proves the rule.
%
The exercise of power always presupposes resistance.  -- James Carse
%
The external world is socially constructed.  -- Ellen Langer
%
The eye is a radical, the tongue an anarchist, the ear a conservative.  -- McKeown
%
The eyes have one language everywhere.  -- George Herbert
%
The face is no index to the heart.
%
The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
%
The fairest flowers soonest fade.
%
The falsely dramatic drives out the truly dull.
%
The farmer doesn't go to work; he wakes up surrounded by it.
%
The farther you go, the less you know.  -- Lao Tsu
%
The fashion wears out more apparel than the man.  -- William Shakespeare
%
The fear of evil is worse than the event.  -- Marmion
%
The feeling of love is your experience of God.  -- Conversations with God
%
The feminists have a legitimate grievance.  But so does everyone else.  -- Edward Abbey
%
The fewer his years, the fewer his tears.  -- Fuller
%
The fewer the influences in one's life, the more ill-balanced they become.
%
The field cannot well be seen from within the field.  -- Emerson
%
The finest eloquence is that which gets things done.
%
The finite play for life is serious; the infinite play of life is joyous.
%
The finite player plays for immortality; the infinite player plays as a mortal.
%
The fire that warms us at a distance will burn us when near.
%
The first and last frosts are the worst.  -- George Herbert
%
The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.  -- Abbie Hoffman
%
The first love is the fastest.
%
The first principle is that you must not fool yourself...  -- Richard Feynmann
%
The first requisite for immortality is death.  -- Stanislaw Lem
%
The first rule is to last.  -- Dan Rather
%
The first rule of business is that the customer always comes first.
%
The first step to helping the world is finding peace in your own mind.  -- Hayward
%
The first symptom of a heart problem is chest pain; the second is denial.
%
The first thing every child learns is that he is not the entire universe.
%
The first version always gets thrown away.
%
The foolish ask questions that the wise cannot answer.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
The foot feels the foot when it feels the ground.  -- Buddha
%
The fossil hunter does not kill, he resurrects.  -- Dr. George Simpson
%
The fragile should break early, while it's still small.  -- Nassim Taleb
%
The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened.
%
The function of consciousness is to tell us the story of our lives.  -- Hayward
%
The future is a race between education and catastrophe.  -- H. G. Wells
%
The future is purchased by the present.  -- Samuel Johnson
%
The future just ain't what it used to be.  -- Yogi Berra  (It never was.)
%
The future just isn't what it used to be, but the past's as good as it ever was.
%
The future will be increasingly less predictable.  -- Nassim Taleb
%
The game is much more interesting than we thought it was.  -- Ram Dass
%
The game of enlightenment starts from exactly where you are at this moment.
%
The gap between your thoughts is your connection to pure potentiality.  -- Deepak Chopra
%
The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trial.
%
The gift of flight is reserved for those who jump.  -- Marley Porter
%
The gods match you question for question.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
The gods never show off -- they don't have to.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
The gods play in divine paradox.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
The gods, too, are fond of a joke.  -- Aristotle
%
The golden age never was the present age.
%
The Golden Rule is of no use to you whatever unless you realize it is your move.
%
The golden rule is that there is no golden rule.  -- Bernard Shaw
%
The good thing about science is that it's true whether or not you believe in it.  -- Neil Tyson
%
The graveyards are full of indispensable people.
%
The greater the man, the greater the crime.
%
The greater your dreams, the more terrible your nightmares.  -- Edward Abbey
%
The greatest ability is dependability.
%
The greatest fool may ask more than the wisest man can answer.  -- Colton
%
The greatest gift you can give someone is to be whole and not dependent on them.
%
The greatest gifts we give cannot be seen.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves.  -- Sophocles
%
The greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.  Only people who risk are free.
%
The greatest man in history was the poorest.
%
The greatest mistake is to sacrifice health for any other advantage.
%
The greatest obstacle to communication is the perception it already occurred.
%
The greatest of faults is to be conscious of none.
%
The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.  -- Bagehot
%
The greatest prayer is patience.
%
The greatest productive force is human selfishness.  -- Robert Heinlein
%
The greatest remedy for anger is delay.
%
The greatest scholars are not the best preachers.  -- E. Leigh
%
The greatest skill appears to be fumbling.  -- Lao Tsu
%
The greatest use of life is to spend it on something that outlasts it.  -- James
%
The greatest victory is graceful acceptance of defeat.
%
The guiding principle of science is economy of explanation.  -- A. N. Whitehead
%
The hand of a truly great engineer is nearly invisible.  -- Rork Kuick
%
The hand that kindles cannot quench the flame.
%
The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.
%
The hard thing to do is the right thing to do.  -- John MacDonald
%
The harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.  -- Thomas Jefferson
%
The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph.  -- Thomas Paine
%
The harder you work the luckier you get.
%
The hardest part of ethics is holding to them when they are used against you.
%
The hardest thing in the world is to put feeling, deep feeling, into words.
%
The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.
%
The head never starts to swell until the mind stops growing.
%
The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of.  -- Blaise Pascal
%
The heart is wiser than the intellect.
%
The highest form of generalship is to conquer the enemy by strategy.
%
The highest that a man can attain is to be able to do.  -- Georg Gurdjieff
%
The highway to virtue isn't paved at all.
%
The hippo has no sting, but the wise man would rather be sat upon by the bee.
%
The horrible fact is people don't know what they want until you give it to them.
%
The horrors of war, great as they are, pale before the horror of evil unopposed.
%
The hour which gives us life begins to take it away.  -- Seneca
%
The human body is centuries in advance of the physiologist.  -- Roger Bannister
%
The human mind seeks to resolve internal conflict, even by false means.
%
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.  -- Twain
%
The human soul is not satisfied by worldly things.  -- Oren Lyons
%
The idle man does not know what it is to enjoy rest.
%
The idle mind knows not what it is it wants.  -- Quintus Ennius
%
The important is seldom urgent; the urgent is seldom important.  -- Eisenhower
%
The important thing is not to stop questioning.
%
The impossible is what no one can do until someone does.
%
The Indian discovered the white man in 1492.  -- Stan Freberg
%
The indoor life is the next best thing to premature burial.  -- Edward Abbey
%
The industrial corporation is the natural enemy of nature.  -- Edward Abbey
%
The industrial way of life leads to the industrial way of death.  -- Edward Abbey
%
The infinite player does not die at the end of play, but in the course of play.
%
The ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice.
%
The job is to finish the journey in one lifetime.  -- Ram Dass
%
The journey in this lifetime is about how to plug your spirit in with wisdom.
%
The joyfulness of infinite play... Learning to start something we cannot finish.
%
The knowledge that makes us cherish innocence makes innocence unattainable.
%
The laborer is worthy of his hire.  -- New Testament
%
The last Christian died on a cross.  -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%
The last drop makes the cup run over.
%
The last regret is usually the worst.
%
The last thing one discovers in writing a book is what to put first.  -- Pascal
%
The last vestiges of the old Republic have been swept away.
%
The law has for its end not justice but peace.  -- Thomas McKeown
%
The law is not the same at morning and at night.  -- George Herbert
%
The laws of physics always override the laws of economics.  -- Dan Holohan
%
The leader is the slave of history.  -- Leo Tolstoi
%
The least questioned assumptions are often the most questionable.  -- Paul Broca
%
The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.
%
The less between you and nature, the more you appreciate nature.  -- Fletcher
%
The less I speak, the more I meditate.  -- Kyd
%
The less one has to do, the less time one finds to do it in.  -- Chesterfield
%
The less you have to do, the less time you find to do it in.
%
The license never belongs to the licensed, nor the commission to the officer.
%
The life which is unexamined is not worth living.  -- Plato
%
The light of a hundred stars does not equal the light of the moon.
%
The limits of cheap equipment will be tested by the weather.
%
The limits of our rational mind are becoming more apparent sooner.  -- Ram Dass
%
The little I know, I owe to my ignorance.  -- Sacha Guitry
%
The longer we live, the more wonders we see.  -- James Kelly
%
The longer you keep your temper the better it will get.
%
The longer you look at it the less you will like it.
%
The longest part of the journey is the passing of the gate.
%
The love of money and the love of learning rarely meet.  -- George Herbert
%
The love of the wicked is more dangerous than their hatred.  -- Fuller
%
The love that's too violent will not last long.  -- James Kelly
%
The magic of the unknown path is, it's not contaminated by your expectations.
%
The majority of the stupid is invincible and guaranteed for all time.  -- Einstein
%
The man who can make hard things easy is the educator.  -- Ralph Emerson
%
The man who has never been flogged has never been taught.  -- Menander
%
The man who raises a fist has run out of ideas.  -- H. G. Wells
%
The man who runs may fight again.  -- Menander
%
The man who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep.
%
The map is not the territory.
%
The mark of adulthood is postponing gratification.
%
The master's eye makes the horse fat.  -- Plutarch
%
The meaning of our existence is not invented by ourselves, but rather detected.
%
The meaning of your communication is the response that you get.
%
The measure of anyone's freedom is what he can do without.  -- L. M. Montgomery
%
The medicine, the more bitter it is, the more better it is in working.  -- Lyly
%
The medium is the message.  -- Marshall McLuhan
%
The meek shall inherit the Earth.  The bold shall inherit the stars.
%
The mere imparting of information is not education.  -- Carter Woodson
%
The mind has no power at all without the heart.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
The mind is a terrible master and a wonderful servant.  -- Ram Dass
%
The mind is an erogenous zone.  -- J. D. Salinger
%
The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled.  -- Plutarch
%
The mind... in itself can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven.  -- Milton
%
The minute a man is convinced that he is interesting, he isn't.  -- Leacock
%
The minute I need something from you, I'm setting myself up for unhappiness.
%
The moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too.  -- Murray
%
The money you refuse will never do you good.  -- Mapletoft
%
The Moon is not a destination -- it is a direction.  -- Mike Collins, astronaut
%
The more corrupt a society, the more numerous its laws.  -- Edward Abbey
%
The more easily you get your wealth, the sooner you will lose it.  -- Solomon
%
The more energetically clear we get, the more honest we must become.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
The more fantastic an ideology or theology, the more fanatic its adherents.
%
The more humble the more honorable.  -- Clarke
%
The more I help others to succeed, the more I succeed.  -- Ray Kroc
%
The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.  -- Richard Bach
%
The more light a torch gives, the shorter it lasts.  -- Fuller
%
The more noble, the more humble.  -- Thomas Draxe
%
The more of anything, the less the value of every such thing.  -- Alan Silverstein
%
The more one has, the more one desires.  -- Torriano
%
The more people talk on the phone, the less money they make.
%
The more the merrier.  -- Confucius
%
The more there's in it, the more there's of it.  -- Jonathan Swift
%
The more things a man is ashamed of, the more respectable he is.  -- Bernard Shaw
%
The more urgency dominates your life, the more importance does not.  -- Covey
%
The more we disagree, the more chance there is that at least one of us is right.
%
The more we live by our intellect, the less we understand the meaning of life.
%
The more you know, the less you think you know.
%
The more you know, the more it hurts.  -- Old Testament
%
The more you learn, the less you know.
%
The more you say, the less people remember.
%
The more you sweat in peace, the less you bleed in war.
%
The more you sweat in training, the less you bleed in combat.
%
The mosquito exists to keep the mighty humble.  -- Alan Silverstein
%
The most asked question in the world:  "What will 'they' say?"  -- Carolyn Myss
%
The most dangerous animals in the woods have six legs.  -- Len McDougall
%
The most exhausting thing in life is being insincere.  -- Anne Lindberg
%
The most formidable weapon against errors of every kind is reason.  -- Paine
%
The most generous gift relieves the recipient of the debt of gratitude.
%
The most hopelessly stupid man is he who is not aware that he is wise.
%
The most important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle.
%
The most important things are hardest to say, because words diminish them.
%
The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible.
%
The most powerful forms of giving are non-material.  -- Deepak Chopra
%
The most serious struggles are those for sexual property.  -- James Carse
%
The most solid stone is the lowest one in the foundation.
%
The most wasted day of all is that in which we have not laughed.
%
The moving finger writes; and, having writ, moves on.
%
The nearer to the church, the further from God.  -- John Heywood
%
The nearer we approach great men, the clearer we see that they are men.
%
The nearest way to glory is to strive to be what you wish to be thought to be.
%
The night rinses what the day has soaped.
%
The nuclear bomb took all the fun out of war.  -- Edward Abbey
%
The obvious answer is always overlooked.  -- Whitehead
%
The office is designed for "work", not productivity.  -- Scott Adams
%
The old are preoccupied with their pains, the young with their passions.
%
The old fellows stole all our good ideas.  -- Fred Goudy
%
The old men do not grow wise.  They grow careful.  -- Ernest Hemingway
%
The older you get, the more you need people who knew you when you were young.
%
The only absolute attainable knowledge is that life is meaningless.  -- Tolstoy
%
The only certainty is that nothing is certain.  -- Pliny the Elder
%
The only decent thing to do behind a person's back is pat it.
%
The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions.
%
The only feeling warmer than friendship is that of an old love.
%
The only food for thought is more thought.  -- Peter Ustinov
%
The only imperfect thing in nature is the human race.
%
The only monsters in the wilderness are those you brought with you.  -- McDougall
%
The only place where success comes before work is in a dictionary.  -- Sassoon
%
The only problem with seeing too much is that it makes you insane.  -- Phaedrus
%
The only relationship you're guaranteed to be in is the one with yourself.
%
The only reliable information in a newspaper is the date.
%
The only reward of virtue is virtue.  -- Ralph Emerson
%
The only successful substitute for brains is silence.  -- Herbert Prochnow
%
The only thing constant is change.
%
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
%
The only thing one can be sure of changing is oneself.  -- Aldous Huxley
%
The only thing that prisons demonstrably cure is heterosexuality.  -- MacDonald
%
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.  -- Franklin Roosevelt
%
The only things one never regrets are one's mistakes.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
The only time you can coast in life is when you're going downhill.  -- Merrill
%
The only time you really live fully is from thirty to sixty.  -- Hervey Allen
%
The only valid market survey is a signed purchase order.
%
The only way to amuse some people is to slip and fall on an icy pavement.
%
The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.  -- Frank Hubbard
%
The only way to get the best on an argument is to avoid it.  -- Dale Carnegie
%
The only way to have a good relationship is to never, never compromise.  -- Coit
%
The only way to learn is by changing your mind.  -- Orson Scott Card
%
The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky.  -- Solomon Short
%
The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.  -- Neils Bohr
%
The optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist, the hole.  -- Wilson
%
The orange that is too hard squeezed yields a bitter juice.  -- Fuller
%
The output of engineers is specifications, not products.  -- Mickey Smith
%
The oxen are slow, but the Earth is patient.
%
The pain passes but the beauty remains.  -- Auguste Renoir
%
The passive voice should never be used.  -- William Safire
%
The past always looks better in the present.
%
The past is history, the future is mystery, and the present is a gift.
%
The path of valor leads but to the grave.
%
The path to the future lies through the corpus callosum.  -- Carl Sagan
%
The pen is mightier than the sword.  -- Leng-Tzu
%
The person who steals an egg will steal a chicken.  -- H. Jackson Brown
%
The person who would know has got to make love with the unknown.  -- Ram Dass
%
The philosopher exists like the saint, only as an ideal.  -- William Dilthey
%
The philosophies of one age have become the absurdities of the next.  -- Osler
%
The place where we do our scientific work is a place of prayer.  -- Needham
%
The plural of anecdote is not data.
%
The plural of spouse is spice.
%
The porcupine with the sharpest quills gets stuck on a tree more often.
%
The power to license is the power to deny.
%
The power to tax involves the power to destroy.  -- John Marshall
%
The present time has one advantage over every other.  It is our own.  -- Colton
%
The press of evolution on man's consciousness is inevitable.  -- Ram Dass
%
The prevailing view of aging is that we essentially rust to death.  -- Shulman
%
The price of greatness is responsibility.
%
The prince of darkness is a gentleman.  -- Shakespeare
%
The problem with experts is that they do not know what they do not know.  -- Nassim Taleb
%
The proof of the pudding is in the eating.  -- Miguel de Cervantes
%
The prosperous man is never sure that he is loved for himself.
%
The public is an untrustworthy animal.  -- John MacDonald
%
The Public is merely a multiplied "me".  -- Mark Twain
%
The purpose of diplomacy is to prolong a crisis.  -- Spock
%
The purpose of property is to make our titles visible.  -- James Carse
%
The pyramids were as old to the Romans as the Romans are to us.
%
The quality of the answer is proportional to the quality of the question.
%
The quest for success and the quest for truth do not mix well.  -- Kurt Eissler
%
The question is not to whom do I talk, but who listens?  -- God?
%
The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.  -- Mary Schmich
%
The race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong.
%
The real evil of old age is not the body's decline, but the soul's indifference.
%
The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together.  -- Lichtenburg
%
The real tragedy of the poor is that they can afford nothing but self-denial.
%
The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.  -- Emerson
%
The reward of love is jealousy.  -- Fuller
%
The rich man may dine when he will, the poor man when he may.  -- Erasmus
%
The rich would have to eat money, but luckily the poor provide food.
%
The right to be heard does not include the right to be taken seriously.
%
The right to be let alone is indeed the beginning of all freedom.  -- Douglas
%
The right to revolt has sources deep in our history.  -- Justice William Douglas
%
The ripest fruit falls first.
%
The road to hell is paved with good intentions.  -- Leng-Tzu
%
The root purpose of government is to enable public goods.
%
The rules of an infinite game must change in the course of play.  -- James Carse
%
The saddest moment in a person's life comes but once.
%
The saint must be believed even when he tells the lie.
%
The salvation of man is through love and in love.  -- Viktor Frankl
%
The same knife cuts bread and fingers.
%
The same man cannot be both friend and flatterer.  -- Benjamin Franklin
%
The school of life is a compulsory education.
%
The scriptures are books that offer instruction on the management of power.
%
The sea refuses no river.  -- Lyly
%
The secret to being a successful investor is that there really is no secret.  -- Bill McNabb, Vanguard CEO
%
The self is not something that one finds.  It is something that one creates.
%
The shadow side of the mind is that you are susceptible to illusion.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
The sharper the storm, the sooner it's over.
%
The shifts of Fortune test the reliability of friends.
%
The shortest answer is doing.  -- George Herbert
%
The shortest distance between two people is a smile.  -- Peter Chantilis
%
The sickness of the body may prove the health of the soul.  -- J. Hewes
%
The silliest response to someone threatening you is to hurt yourself.  -- Tom von Alten
%
The sky is no longer the limit.  -- Richard Nixon
%
The sleepy fox has seldom feathered breakfasts.
%
The smallest of good deeds exceeds the greatest of good intentions.
%
The society that creates natural waste creates human waste.  -- James Carse
%
The solace and comfort that religion brings actually comes at a terrible price.  -- Bill Maher
%
The sole thing achieved by any privacy law is to make the bugs smaller.
%
The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.  -- Peer
%
The sooner the better.
%
The sooner you die, the longer you're dead.  -- John Quill Taylor
%
The soul is not where it lives, but where it loves.
%
The Soul of the World is nourished by people's happiness.  -- Paulo Coelho
%
The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
%
The speech of the man in the street is invariably strong.  -- Emerson
%
The speed of anything depends on the flow of everything.
%
The speed of light is defined to be EXACTLY 299,792,458 meters per second.
%
The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.  -- New Testament
%
The squeaky wheel gets the grease.
%
The strong give up and move away, while the weak give up and stay.
%
The strong live off the weak, and the smart live off the strong.
%
The strongest man in the world is he who stands alone.  -- Henrik Ibsen
%
The sun knows no shadows.  -- John Taylor
%
The sun never sets on those who ride into it.  -- RKO Radio
%
The sun shines upon all alike.
%
The sun will set without thy assistance.  -- Talmud
%
The sunlights differ, but there is only one darkness.  -- Ursula LeGuin
%
The superfluous is very necessary.  -- Voltaire
%
The supreme triumph of reason is to cast doubt upon its own validity.  -- Unamuno
%
The surest protection against temptation is cowardice.  -- Mark Twain
%
The sweetest water is in deepest wells.  -- Sir John Beaumont
%
The tactful way to say "wrong" is:  "That turns out not to be the case."
%
The tailor makes the man.  -- Erasmus
%
The task he undertakes is numbering sands and drinking oceans dry.  -- Shakespeare
%
The task of an educator should be to irrigate the desert, not clear the forest.
%
The test of a vocation is the love of the drudgery it involves.  -- Logan Smith
%
The thief is sorry he is to be hanged, but not that he is a thief.  -- Fuller
%
The thin end of the wedge is to be feared.
%
The thing is that you can tune yourself.  -- Ram Dass
%
The three best ways to get where you want to go are:  Persist, persist, persist.
%
The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.
%
The time to fix the roof is when the sun is shining.
%
The tongue is more venomous than a serpent's sting.
%
The tongue is not steel, yet it cuts.
%
The tragedy of man is what dies inside himself while he still lives.
%
The tragedy of old age is not that one is old, but that one is young.  -- Wilde
%
The training for dying is exactly what the training for living is.  -- Ram Dass
%
The tree in which the sap is stagnant remains fruitless.  -- Hosea Ballou
%
The tribe determines your relationship to reality... and therefore to guidance.
%
The true power of the universe you can BE but you cannot have.  -- Ram Dass
%
The truth a man accepts most willingly is the one he desires.  -- Francis Bacon
%
The truth about a man lies first and foremost in what he hides.  -- Malraux
%
The truth is more important than the facts.  -- Frank Lloyd Wright
%
The truth is rarely pure, and never simple.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
The truth is that the truth is not always true.  -- Gerhard Uhlenbruck
%
The truth shows best being naked.
%
The truth... is the funniest joke in the world.  -- Muhammad Ali
%
The ultimate sin of any celebrity is to be boring.  -- Bo Curry
%
The United States is a nation of laws, badly written and randomly enforced.  -- Frank Zappa
%
The universe is a school of hard knocks for the soul.
%
The universe is hard to comprehend because there is nothing to compare it with.
%
The universe is populated by stable things.  -- Richard Dawkins
%
The universe is the projection of your desires.  -- Ram Dass
%
The universe seems neither benign nor hostile, merely indifferent.  -- Sagan
%
The unknown always passes for the marvelous.  -- Tacitus
%
The unlived life is not worth examining.  -- Guy Kawasaki
%
The use of a quotation is the admission of inadequacy.  -- Samuel Coleridge
%
The used key is always bright.
%
The very remembrance of my former misfortune proves a new one to me.
%
The victory is not in winning but in the courage to enter the race.
%
The voice is the best music.  -- Breton
%
The water flows, but the river stays.  -- John Taylor
%
The way of the world is to praise dead saints and prosecute live ones.  -- Howe
%
The way out is never as easy as the way in.
%
The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
%
The weed of crime bears bitter fruit.
%
The whole is simpler than the sum of its parts.  -- W. Gibbs
%
The will to do, the soul to dare.  -- Sir Walter Scott
%
The will to win is nothing without the will to prepare.  -- Juma Ikangaa
%
The will to win is worthless if you don't get paid for it.  -- Reggie Jackson
%
The wind has no home, and its only clothes are tree branches.  -- Matthew Barry
%
The Winds of Grace are blowing perpetually, we need only raise our sails.
%
The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
%
The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.
%
The wiser you are, the more worries you have.  -- Old Testament
%
The wolf may lose his teeth, but never his memory.  -- Thomas Draxe
%
The word "dog" does not bite.  -- William James
%
The world exists for its own sake, not for ours.  Swallow THAT pill!  -- Edward Abbey
%
The world has no lack of incredibly stupid people.
%
The world is a madhouse, so it's right that it's patrolled by armed idiots.
%
The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
The world is basically composed of C- students.  -- Donald Wiesner
%
The world is full of cactus, but you don't have to sit on it.
%
The world is in danger from two sources:  Order and Disorder.  -- Valery
%
The world is too complex for us.  Evolution didn't keep up.  -- Scott Adams
%
The world must be made safe for democracy.  -- Woodrow Wilson
%
The world owes you nothing.  It was here first.  -- Mark Twain
%
The world population of chickens is about equal to the number of people.
%
The world wants to be deceived.  -- Sebastian Brant
%
The worst cliques are those which consist of one man.  -- George Shaw
%
The worst form of failure is the failure to try.
%
The worst is not so long as we can say, "This is the worst."  -- King Lear
%
The worst thing about new books is, they keep us from reading the old ones.
%
The worst year in the bond market beats the worst day in the stock market.
%
The years wrinkle our skin, but lack of enthusiasm wrinkles our soul.  -- Socrates
%
Them that has, gets.
%
Theory is gray, but the golden tree of life is green.  -- Johann von Goethe
%
There ain't no justice that we can stand to live with.  -- Geis
%
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
%
There are about 550 hairs in the average eyebrow.
%
There are as many realities as you care to imagine.  -- Lawrence Durrell
%
There are but few men who have character enough to lead a life of idleness.
%
There are few sorrows, however poignant, in which a good income is of no avail.
%
There are lots of ways to get wealthy.  Don't constrain yourself.  -- Scott Adams
%
There are more atoms in a glass of water than glasses of water in all oceans.
%
There are more bacteria cells than human cells in a human body.
%
There are more Italians in New York City than in Rome.
%
There are more plastic flamingos in America than real ones.
%
There are more stars in space than grains of sand on every beach on Earth.
%
There are more ways into the woods than out.
%
There are more ways of killing a cat than choking her with cream.
%
There are no accidents whatsoever in the universe.  -- Ram Dass
%
There are no answers, only cross-references.  -- Weiner
%
There are no menial jobs, only menial attitudes.  -- William Bennett
%
There are no rules around here.  We're trying to accomplish something.  -- Thomas Edison
%
There are no victims in the universe, only creators.  -- Conversations with God
%
There are no victims, only volunteers.  -- Eleanor Roosevelt
%
There are old pilots, and bold pilots, but there are no old bold pilots.
%
There are periods of going out and there are periods of turning back in.  -- Dass
%
There are some things one would rather HAVE DONE than DO.  -- Edward Abbey
%
There are stages in your development where you need a guru.  -- Ram Dass
%
There are three kinds of lies:  Lies, damned lies and statistics.  -- Disraeli
%
There are tough players and nice guys, and I'm a tough player.  -- Bobby Fischer
%
There are two sides to every question.  -- J. Ralph
%
There are two types of pain in life:  Regret, and discipline...  Take your pick.
%
There exist tasks that cannot be done by more than 10 people or fewer than 100.
%
There has never been a day in my life when I was not in love.  -- Edward Abbey
%
There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in.  -- Leonard Cohen
%
There is a difference between eating and dining.  -- Doug Quarnstrom
%
There is a God-shaped vacuum in every heart.  -- Blaise Pascal
%
There is a great deal of art to creating something that seems artless.  -- Asimov
%
There is a huge gap between advice and help.
%
There is a kind of poetry in simple fact.  -- Edward Abbey
%
There is a lot to be said for not saying a lot.
%
There is a remedy for all things but death.
%
There is a time for all things.
%
There is a time of speaking and a time of being still.  -- William Caxton
%
There is always a wrong way to do something right.  -- Christer Sundqvist
%
There is always an easier way to do it.
%
There is always someone better off than yourself.
%
There is always someone worse off than yourself.
%
There is an immeasurable distance between late and too late.  -- Anne Swetchine
%
There is an X factor in the dynamic of creation when energy becomes matter.
%
There is danger in delaying, good fortune in acting.
%
There is great force hidden in a sweet command.
%
There is hopeful symbolism in... that flags do not wave in a vacuum.  -- Clarke
%
There is more pride in the refusal of an honor than in its acceptance.
%
There is more talk than trouble.  -- Bretnor
%
There is more to life than increasing its speed.  -- Mahatma Gandhi
%
There is more to life than just avoiding death.  -- Jeff Hummel
%
There is never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.
%
There is no battle worth the winning save that against ignorance and fear.
%
There is no better surgeon than one with many scars.
%
There is no bottom to worse.  -- Cohen
%
There is no cure for birth or death save to enjoy the interval.  -- Santayana
%
There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.
%
There is no end to the writing of books, and too much study will wear you out.
%
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear.
%
There is no fool to the old fool.  -- John Heywood
%
There is no grief that time does not lessen and soften.
%
There is no heavier burden than a great potential.
%
There is no immaculate conception of disaster.  -- Aneurin Bevan
%
There is no key to the Universe, but it has been left unlocked.  -- Steve Bhaerman
%
There is no law that vulgarity and literary excellence cannot coexist.  -- Hodge
%
There is no love like the first.  -- Howell
%
There is no man really clever who has not found that he is stupid.  -- Chesterson
%
There is no ox so dumb as the orthodox.  -- George Gillette
%
There is no place like home.  -- Dufferin
%
There is no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes. -Dr. Who
%
There is no possibility of conversation with a loudspeaker.  -- James Carse
%
There is no reasoning with a righteous mind.  -- Marcia McConnell Ranch
%
There is no right way to do something wrong.
%
There is no royal road to geometry.  -- Euclid
%
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
%
There is no safety in numbers, or in anything else.  -- James Thurber
%
There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it.  -- Shaw
%
There is no science without fancy and no art without facts.  -- Vladimir Nabokov
%
There is no security on this Earth.  There is only opportunity.  -- MacArthur
%
There is no sin except stupidity.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
There is no statute of limitations on stupidity.
%
There is no successful standard that has preceded a successful product.
%
There is no such thing as a context-free message.
%
There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
There is no such thing as a short-term victory for the environment.  -- Sawhill
%
There is no such thing as pure pleasure; some anxiety always goes with it.
%
There is no trajectory so pathetic as that of an artist in decline.  -- Edward Abbey
%
There is no universal diet suitable for everyone.
%
There is no use in crying over spilled milk.
%
There is no use in having a dog and doing your own barking.
%
There is no virtue that poverty destroys not.
%
There is no way to erase the unwritten law.
%
There is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence.  -- Russell
%
There is nothing in this world constant but inconstancy.  -- Swift
%
There is nothing more restful than taking orders from fools.
%
There is nothing new except what has been forgotten.  -- Marie Antoinette
%
There is nothing new under the sun.  -- Ecclesiastes 1:9
%
There is nothing so easy that it becomes difficult when done with reluctance.
%
There is one good wife in the country, and every man thinks he has her.
%
There is only one way to kill capitalism:  By taxes, taxes, and more taxes.
%
There is only one way to treat a cold, and that is with contempt.  -- Osler
%
There is pain in getting, care in keeping, and grief in losing riches.  -- Draxe
%
There is reason in all things.
%
There is safety in anonymity.  -- Alan Silverstein
%
There is small choice in rotten apples.  -- Shakespeare
%
There is too much beauty upon this Earth for lonely men to bear.  -- Le Gallienne
%
There is unmanifest and manifest and it's all right here now.  -- Ram Dass
%
There may be many reasons for who we are, but there are no excuses.  -- Limon
%
There never was a good war or a bad peace.  -- Benjamin Franklin
%
There never was a good war or a bad revolution.  -- Edward Abbey
%
There really is a Santa Claus...  If you're willing to accept the job.
%
There seems no plan because it is all plan.  -- C. S. Lewis
%
There will be sleeping enough in the grave.  -- Benjamin Franklin
%
There would be no great ones if there were no little ones.
%
There's a fine line between an attitude problem and thinking clearly.  -- Heller
%
There's a great deal of difference between doing and saying.  -- Torriano
%
There's a verse in the Bible that says anything you want.
%
There's a whole WORLD in a mud puddle!  -- Doug Clifford
%
There's never a bad time to buy stocks, but there are bad times to sell.
%
There's nothing like matter of fact; seeing is believing.  -- Abruthnot
%
Therefore love moderately; long love does so.  -- Shakespeare
%
These days the gods deliver their lessons by burning up mountains of money.
%
These little things are great to little men.  -- Oliver Goldsmith
%
They all sweated beneath the same sun; looked up in wonder at the same moon.
%
They also serve who only stand and wait.  -- John Milton
%
They die well that live well.  -- Thomas Draxe
%
They have been at a great feast of languages, and stolen the scraps.
%
They love dancing well that dance among thorns.  -- Camden
%
They love too much that die for love.  -- Cotgrave
%
They must have the defects of their qualities.  -- Balzac
%
They never love us, whom we mistrust.  -- Clarke
%
They talk most who have the least to say.  -- Matthew Prior
%
They that live longest, must die at last.  -- Thomas Draxe
%
They who love most are least set by.  -- Howell
%
They're so heavenly minded that they're no earthly good.
%
Things are not always what they seem.  -- Phaedrus
%
Things determine each other, but man is ultimately self-determining.  -- Frankl
%
Things do not change; we change.  -- Thoreau
%
Things get worse under pressure.
%
Things present are judged by things past.  -- Sanford
%
Think globally; act locally.  -- Rene Dubos
%
Think it through, then follow through.  -- Rickenbacker
%
Think on the end before you begin.
%
Think twice of a good bargain.  -- Edgeworth
%
Thinking is the talking of the soul with itself.  -- Plato
%
Thinking is very far from knowing.  -- Stevens
%
Thinking is wise, planning is better, doing is best.
%
This is the beginning of the end.  -- Talleyrand
%
This is to be taken with a grain of salt.  -- Trapp
%
This nuclear arms race...  [will only] make the rubble bounce.  -- Churchill
%
This sentence contradicts itself -- no actually it doesn't.  -- Hofstadter
%
This sentence does not have the property it claims not to have.  -- Boeninger
%
This statement is unprovable.  -- Goedel
%
This was the most unkindest cut of all.  -- William Shakespeare
%
This world might be only illusion -- but it's the only illusion we've got.
%
Those making the worst use of their time are first to complain of its brevity.
%
Those sensible enough to give good advice are sensible enough to give none.
%
Those that make the best use of their time have none to spare.  -- Fuller
%
Those were the days when men were men and giants walked the earth.
%
Those who are not busy being born are busy dying.
%
Those who become wise are happy; wisdom will give them life.  -- Solomon
%
Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.  -- Voltaire
%
Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.  -- George Shaw
%
Those who cannot forget the past are condemned to remember it.  -- Goodman Ace
%
Those who desire eternal life, live badly.  -- Pubililius Syrus
%
Those who do not know how to fight worry die young.  -- Dale Carnegie
%
Those who do the most usually demand the least.
%
Those who fear death most are those who enjoy life least.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Those who follow the crowd will never be followed by a crowd.  -- John Maxwell
%
Those who in quarrels interpose, must often wipe a bloody nose.
%
Those who learn nothing from history are doomed to repeat it.  -- Santayana
%
Those who live by the sword, die by the sword.
%
Those who stand in the middle of the road get hit by traffic going both ways.
%
Those who talk don't know.  Those who don't talk, know.
%
Those who work much do not work hard.  -- Henry Thoreau
%
Those who worked the hardest are the last to surrender.  -- Gary Ward
%
Thou didst create the night, but I made the lamp.  -- unknown Urdu Poet
%
Thou has not half the power to do me harm, as I have to be hurt.
%
Thou hast seen nothing yet.  -- Miguel de Cervantes
%
Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.
%
Though the fox run, the chicken has wings.  -- George Herbert
%
Thought is free.  -- Gower
%
Three hours a day will produce as much as a man ought to write.  -- Trollope
%
Three thermodynamics laws:  You can't win, break even, or get out of the game.
%
Throw it away?  There is no away.
%
Time ain't money when all you got is time.
%
Time and tide wait for no man.
%
Time and truth try all.  -- Porter
%
Time as he grows old teaches all things.  -- Aeschylus
%
Time consumes all things.
%
Time flies when you're having fun.
%
Time goes, you say?  Ah no!  Time stays, WE go.  -- Austin Dobson
%
Time in the market beats timing the market.
%
Time is a flexible and renewable resource.
%
Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.  -- Henry Thoreau
%
Time is money.
%
Time is often said to be money, but it is more:  It is life.  -- Avebury
%
Time is the best healer, when it isn't a killer.  -- D H Lawrence
%
Time is the best healer.
%
Time is the father of truth.
%
Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.  -- Theophrastus
%
Time is the rider that breaks youth.  -- George Herbert
%
Time is very dangerous without a rigid routine.  -- Flannery O'Connor
%
Time is, time was, and time is past.  -- Greene
%
Time reveals all things.  -- Erasmus
%
Time stays not the fool's leisure.  -- Cotgrave
%
Time tries truth.
%
Time undermines us.  -- George Herbert
%
Time will not tell.  -- Steve Hug
%
Time works wonders.
%
Time wounds all heels.  -- Jane Ace
%
Timely blossom, timely ripe.  -- Clarke
%
Times change and we with them.
%
To acquire knowledge, one must study; but to acquire wisdom, one must observe.
%
To an artist, a metaphor is as real as a dollar.  -- Tom Robbins
%
To ask is not a crime.  To be rejected is not a calamity.  -- Chinese proverb
%
To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.  -- Elbert Hubbard
%
To avoid earthquakes, when you find a fault, just don't dwell on it.  -- Bhaerman
%
To avoid sickness, eat less.  To prolong life, worry less.  -- Chu Hui Weng
%
To be a fool at the right time is also an art.
%
To be adult is to be alone.  -- Jean Rostland
%
To be alive at all involves some risk.  -- Harold MacMillan
%
To be at home everywhere is to neutralize space.  -- James Carse
%
To be beloved is above all bargains.  -- George Herbert
%
To be great is to be misunderstood.  -- Ralph Emerson
%
To be ignorant of one's ignorance is the malady of the ignorant.  -- Alcott
%
To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
%
To be is to be related.  -- C. J. Keyser
%
To be miserable you must have leisure to wonder if you are happy or not.  -- Shaw
%
To be powerful is to have one's words obeyed.  -- James Carse
%
To be remembered, write things worth reading or do things worth writing.
%
To be wise, the only thing you need to know is when to say "I don't know."
%
To be, never try to seem.
%
To become outstanding, one must be an outsider.  -- Gerhard Uhlenbruck
%
To climb the ladder of success you must get through the crowd at the bottom.
%
To communicate is the beginning of understanding.  -- AT&T
%
To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.  -- Bertrand Russell
%
To conquer without risk is to triumph without glory.  -- El Cid
%
To convince someone they are wrong, let them have their way.
%
To criticize the incompetent is easy; to criticize the competent is harder.
%
To defend the Saigon regime is not worth one more human life.  -- Senator Muskie
%
To deny the Constitution is to provoke revolution.
%
To die tomorrow is no worse than dying on any other day.  -- Paulo Coelho
%
To do nothing is in every man's power.
%
To do the impossible, you must see the invisible.  -- Murdock
%
To do two things at once is to do neither.  -- Publilius Syrus
%
To double your joy, divide it with someone.
%
To double your misery, divide it with your neighbor.  -- Christer Sundqvist
%
To endure what is unendurable is true endurance.  -- Japanese proverb
%
To every rule there is a exception, and vice versa.
%
To experience the elements, you must get out of the vehicle.
%
To extend your limits, you must push them...  And it often hurts.
%
To feel absolutely right is the beginning of the end.  -- Albert Camus
%
To fight your karma is just as frustrating as to accept your karma. -- Deepak Chopra
%
To follow another is evil; it does not matter who it is.  -- Krishnamurti
%
To fright a bird is not the way to catch it.
%
To get back one's youth, one has merely to repeat one's follies.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
To give happiness is to deserve happiness.
%
To have a crisis is one thing.  To dwell in perpetual crisis is another.
%
To have died once is enough.
%
To have knowledge, you must first have reverence for the Lord.  -- Solomon
%
To him that has lost his taste, sweet is sour.
%
To him who is in fear, everything rustles.  -- Sophocles
%
To improve averages, focus on the worst.  -- Tomoo Matsubara
%
To improve people's behaviors, change their pictures of their roles.  -- Covey
%
To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.  -- Thomas Edison
%
To invoke randomness is to plead ignorance.  -- Nassim Taleb
%
To keep your friends, treat them kindly; to kill them, treat them often.
%
To keep your life simple, keep your needs simple.
%
To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools.
%
To lead people, you must follow behind.  -- Lao Tsu
%
To light a candle is to cast a shadow.
%
To live dishonestly costs you biologically.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
To live is to suffer; to survive is to find meaning in the suffering.  -- Allport
%
To live off a garden you practically must live in it.
%
To look at a painting, many things are needed, and the first of them is a chair.
%
To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind.
%
To love is wise; to hate is foolish.  -- Bertrand Russell
%
To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
To make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.  -- Sagan
%
To many, total abstinence is easier than perfect moderation.  -- St. Augustine
%
To me, faith is not just a noun but also a verb.  -- President Jimmy Carter
%
To Mother Nature, you are just self-propelled carrion.  -- Kenneth Rowberry
%
To profit from good advice requires as much wisdom as to give it.
%
To promise and give nothing is comfort to a fool.  -- Thomas Draxe
%
To realize one's destiny is a person's only real obligation.  -- Paulo Coelho
%
To refuse praise is to seek praise twice.
%
To regret nothing is the beginning of wisdom.
%
To remember is to take the body time-traveling.  -- Deepak Chopra
%
To retain those who are present, be loyal to those who are absent.  -- Covey
%
To save a single life is better than to build a seven story pagoda.
%
To see a need and wait to be asked, is to already refuse.
%
To see God clearly, all illusion must fail you.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
To stay youthful, stay useful.
%
To strive, to seek, and not to yield.  -- Alfred Lord Tennyson
%
To succeed one must have access to success.  -- Gerhard Uhlenbruck
%
To teach is to learn twice.  -- Joseph Joubert
%
To the landlords belong the doorknobs.
%
To the man with an empty stomach, food is God.  -- Mohandas Gandhi
%
To them it is us who are the enemy.  -- N. F. Simpson
%
To thine own self be true.
%
To those who fought for it, freedom has a flavor the protected will never know.
%
To transform the world, we must begin with ourselves.  -- Krishnamurti
%
To travel hopefully is better than to arrive safely.  -- Robert Stevenson
%
To use the machine for control is to be controlled by the machine.  -- Carse
%
To use violence is to already be defeated.  -- Chinese proverb
%
To your employer, are you profit or overhead?
%
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.  -- Birgitta Yavari
%
Today is the scholar of yesterday.
%
Today is what yesterday made it.
%
Tolerance requires intolerance of those who preach intolerance.  -- Danny Low
%
Tomorrow never comes.
%
Tomorrow, you can be anywhere.
%
Too bad ignorance isn't painful.
%
Too busy to laugh?  Then you are too busy.
%
Too clever is dumb.  -- Ogden Nash
%
Too far east is west.
%
Too many cooks spoil the broth.  -- Kingsley
%
Too much liberty spoils all.
%
Too much money makes one mad.  -- Howell
%
Too much of one thing is not good.
%
Too much of ought is good for nought.
%
Tradition does not mean to guard the ashes, but to keep the flame burning.
%
Tragedy is a joke we haven't figured out yet.  -- Garrison Keillor
%
Tragedy is learning the wrong thing from a fiasco.
%
Train yourself to spot the difference between the sensational and the empirical.  -- Nassim Taleb
%
Travelers change climates, not conditions.
%
Treat wisdom as your sister, and insight as your closest friend.  -- Solomon
%
Treat your friend as if he might become an enemy.  -- Publilius Syrus
%
Trees must be distinguished from the forest -- even if there is but one tree.
%
Tribal permission lets you not take responsibility for where your energy goes.
%
Trouble brings experience and experience brings wisdom.
%
Troubles are like babies; they only grow by nursing.
%
True greatness is rarely achieved without collateral damage.  -- James Tabor
%
True happiness will be found only in true love.
%
True science teaches us to doubt and, in ignorance, to refrain.  -- Bernard
%
True storytellers do not know their own story.  -- James Carse
%
True success is the experience of the miraculous.  -- Deepak Chopra
%
True wealth is free time:  Freedom from drudgery and unwanted commitments.  -- Daniel Newman
%
Truly simple systems... require infinite testing.  -- Norman Augustine
%
Trust everyone...  Then cut the cards.
%
Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.  -- Arabian proverb
%
Trust not a new friend nor an old enemy.
%
Truth emerges more readily from error than from confusion.  -- Francis Bacon
%
Truth fears no trial.
%
Truth is a matching grant.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Truth is hard to find and even harder to obscure.
%
Truth is just truth.  You can't have opinions about truth.  -- P. Shickele
%
Truth is only believed when someone has invented it well.  -- George Santayana
%
Truth is stranger than fiction.
%
Truth is the highest form of human motivation.  -- Stephen Covey
%
Truth may be lost in a crowd.  -- Wilson
%
Truth might be blamed, but cannot be shamed.
%
Truth will come to light.  -- Shakespeare
%
Truth's best ornament is nakedness.  -- Fuller
%
Truths and roses have thorns about them.  -- Mapletoft
%
Truths too fine spun are subtle fooleries.  -- Mapletoft
%
Try always all ways.  -- Gerhard Uhlenbruck
%
Try not to become a man of success but rather a man of value.  -- Albert Einstein
%
Try not.  Do.  Or do not.  There is no try.  -- est
%
Try to forget everything.  What you can't forget -- that's what you learned.
%
Try to have a rational conversation with someone who's in love.
%
Try to imagine what life would be like without bureaucracy.
%
Try to relax and enjoy the crisis.  -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%
Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth.  -- Alan Watts
%
Trying to have too much fun is self-defeating.
%
Trying to squash a rumor is like trying to unring a bell.  -- Shana Alexander
%
Turn enemies into friends by doing something nice for them.  -- H. Jackson Brown
%
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.  -- Frank Lloyd Wright
%
Two captains will sink the ship.
%
Two eyes can see more than one.
%
Two feet on the ground are worth one in the mouth.
%
Two fools in one house are too many.
%
Two heads are better than one.
%
Two is company, three's a crowd.  -- Leng-Tzu
%
Two marks of a holy person:  Giving, and forgiving.
%
Two mediocre ideas do not add up to one great idea.
%
Two men look out through the same bars; one sees mud, and one the stars.
%
Two of a trade seldom agree.
%
Two things do prolong your life:  A quiet heart and a loving wife.  -- Deloney
%
Two wrongs don't make a right.
%
Ultimately, everything becomes food.  -- John Taylor
%
Unconditional love means the capacity to not have private agendas.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Uncontrolled anger is an athlete's worst enemy.  -- Reggie Rivers
%
Under a dictatorship, everything that is not forbidden is obligatory.
%
Under every stone sleeps a scorpion.  -- Taverner
%
Unless women share sexual risk taking, they cause their own objectification.
%
Unrepeatability is a characteristic of culture everywhere.  -- James Carse
%
Use it or lose it.
%
Use makes mastery.  -- Taverner
%
Use the mind to obtain wisdom, not the power to control.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
Use the simplest solution that suffices.
%
Using drugs is an attempt to make up for the good times that one hasn't had.
%
Values and beliefs make perfect sense to the people who hold them.
%
Values are caught, not taught.  -- Dobson
%
Variety is the spice of life, but monotony buys the groceries.
%
Variety is the spice of life.  -- Confucius
%
Veni, vidi, vici.  (I came, I saw, I conquered.)  -- Julius Caesar
%
Veni, Vidi, Visa.  (I came, I saw, I bought.)
%
Vests are to suits as seat-belts are to cars.
%
Victims see what is; survivalists see what can be.  -- Len McDougall
%
Victory lies not in sleep's defeat.  -- John Taylor
%
Vincit qui patitur:  He conquers, who endures.  -- Percy Cerutty
%
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.  -- Salvador Hardin
%
Virtue is its own revenge.  -- E. Y. Harburg
%
Virtue is its own reward.  -- John Dryden
%
Virtue is not hereditary.  -- Thomas Paine
%
Virtue is not left to stand alone.  He who practices it will have neighbors.
%
Virtue is the beauty of the mind.
%
Virtue is the only true nobility.
%
Virtue never grows old.
%
Volumes might be written upon the impiety of the pious.  -- Herbert Spencer
%
Wait for that wisest of all counselors, Time.  -- Pericles
%
Wake not a sleeping wolf.  -- Shakespeare
%
Wake up each day saying "Good morning, God", not "Good God, morning!"
%
Walk softly and carry a big stick.
%
Walls have ears.  -- Shelton
%
Want to forget all your troubles?  Wear tight shoes.
%
War hath no fury like a non-combatant.  -- Charles Montague
%
War is an equal opportunity destroyer.
%
War is death's feast.
%
War is much too important a matter to be left to the generals.  -- Clemenceau
%
War is soon begun, but not so quickly brought to an end.
%
War is terrorism with a bigger budget.
%
War is the last refuge of incompetent statesmen.
%
War is the real enemy.
%
War makes thieves, and peace hangs them.
%
War spares not the brave, but the cowardly.  -- Anacreon
%
War, hunting, and love, are as full of trouble as pleasure.  -- Buckminster Fuller
%
Warning:  Humor may be hazardous to your illness.  -- Ellie Katz
%
Wars bring scars.  -- Clarke
%
Waste is the antiproperty that becomes the possession of losers.  -- James Carse
%
Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.  -- Euripides
%
Wasting time is an important part of life.  -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%
We all do murder the things we love, mostly by the word unsaid.  -- William Etkin
%
We all have a story to live.  What story are you living?  -- Greg Rose
%
We all have style, but few have class.
%
We all know what you mean; it's just that you mean it so poorly.  -- John Taylor
%
We all like our relatives when we're little.  -- Kin Hubbard
%
We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.  -- Decimus Junius Juvenalis
%
We all live under the same sky, but we don't all have the same horizon.
%
We are all born mad.  Some remain so.  -- Samuel Beckett
%
We are all directly above the center of the earth.
%
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.  -- Wilde
%
We are all in this alone.  -- Lily Tomlin
%
We are all ONE, say the gurus.  Aye, I might agree -- but one WHAT?  -- Edward Abbey
%
We are all volunteers.  -- Pat Czarnik
%
We are all worms.  But I do believe I am a glowworm.  -- Winston Churchill
%
We are an impossibility in an impossible universe.  -- Ray Bradbury
%
We are anthill men upon an anthill world.  -- Ray Bradbury
%
We ARE as gods and might as well get good at it.  -- Whole Earth Catalog
%
We are as organized energetically as we are physically.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
We are becoming a nation of private opulence and public squalor.
%
We are being educated when we know it least.  -- David Gardner
%
We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities.  -- Walt Kelly
%
We are divinity in disguise.  -- Deepak Chopra
%
We are drowning in information.  -- EO Wilson
%
We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it.  -- Dwight Eisenhower
%
We are here on earth to fart around; don't let anybody tell you any different.
%
We are here to let go of that which we are not.
%
We are how the universe I's itself.  -- Alan Watts
%
We are in fact mystics without monasteries.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
We are known by the company we keep.
%
We are loved in spite of what we are.  -- Victor Hugo
%
We are not alone.
%
We are not here for a long time.  We are here for a good time.
%
We are not humans on a spiritual path, rather we are spirits on a human path.
%
We are not meant to mourn our traumas for more than a short time.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
We are not punished for our sins, but by them.
%
We are not victims of the world we see, but of the way we see the world.
%
We are old enough to be wiser.  -- John Wesley
%
We are only now beginning to recognize we need to learn to love unconditionally.
%
We are seeing the empowerment of the individual to conduct war.  -- John Robb
%
We are social animals; hell is other people.  -- Nassim Taleb
%
We are the sum of all the lives we once lived.
%
We are what we pretend to be.  -- Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
%
We are who we are in relating to others.  -- James Carse
%
We avoid attributing cleverness to someone else -- unless it is an enemy.
%
We become what we do.
%
We can embody the truth, but we cannot know it.  -- Yates
%
We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming.  -- Von Braun
%
We can live without our friends, but not without our neighbors.  -- James Kelly
%
We can only hate in others what we first hate in ourselves.  -- John Taylor
%
We can only pay our debt to the past by putting the future in debt to ourselves.
%
We can only write well of that which we know.  -- John Taylor
%
We can't break the real spiritual laws.  -- Lee Coit
%
We can't change, but we can expand.  -- Nelson
%
We cannot do everything at once, but we can do something at once.  -- Coolidge
%
We come too late to say anything which has not been said already.  -- Bruyere
%
We define genius as constructive reaction against one's training.  -- Berenson
%
We do not count a man's years, until he has nothing else to count.  -- Emerson
%
We do not remember days; we remember moments.
%
We do not spontaneously learn that we don't learn that we don't learn.  -- Nassim Taleb
%
We don't call it sin today, we call it self-expression.  -- Baroness Stocks
%
We don't even understand in the West what it means to train consciousness.
%
We don't get perspective on what's close to us until we spend time away from it.  -- Mark Manson
%
We don't know a millionth of one percent about anything.  -- Thomas Edison
%
We don't know how to give gifts of energy -- we still give gifts of matter.
%
We don't know who discovered water, but we're certain it wasn't a fish.  -- Barlow
%
We don't recognize the significant events in our lives while they're happening.
%
We don't stop hiking because we grow old, we grow old because we stop hiking.
%
We don't want God to be a wild force.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
We dwell at the bottom of the sky.
%
We expect others to act rationally even though we are irrational.  -- Scott Adams
%
We get too soon old and too late smart.
%
We give advice, but we cannot give the wisdom to profit by it.  -- Rochefoucauld
%
We have all the land now we will ever have.  -- Orville Freeman
%
We have art that we do not die of the truth.  -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%
We have global influence but lack global control.  -- David Grinspoon
%
We have lingered long enough on the shores of the Cosmic Ocean.  -- Carl Sagan
%
We have met the enemy, and he is us.  -- Walt Kelly
%
We have nothing to fear but our own inertia.  -- Rich Lamb
%
We have nowhere else to go...  This is all we have.  -- Margaret Mead
%
We live in a global village but it is filled with neighbors from hell.  -- Low
%
We love others the way we would like them to love us.
%
We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.  -- Churchill
%
We may love a place and still be dangerous to it.  -- Wallace Stegner
%
We may make our plans, but God has the last word.  -- Solomon
%
We might be alone.  We might not be alone.  Either way the idea is staggering.
%
We must choose:  The stars or the dust.  Which shall it be?
%
We must make up our minds to be ignorant of much, if we would know anything.
%
We need less emotion and more thought.  -- Richard Dawkins
%
We need to look at multiple lives to test and shape our own.  -- Mary Bateson
%
We never find out anything new, we just remember it.  -- Ram Dass
%
We not only live in a cage, we build the cage, and live in a corner of it.
%
We ought not to permit a cottage industry in the God business.  -- John Marchi
%
We owe it to ourselves to question everything.
%
We prefer to speak evil of ourselves rather than not speak of ourselves at all.
%
We promise according to our hopes, and perform according to our fears.
%
We promise more in a day than we can fulfill in a year.
%
We promise what we want, but deliver what we got before.
%
We really want to save the wilderness because the wilderness really saves us.  -- Brooke Williams
%
We reclaim what we love by being activists on its behalf.  -- Marc Salkin
%
We remember our dreams; we do not remember our sleep.  -- Marguerite Yourgenar
%
We secure our friends not by accepting favors but by doing them.  -- Thucydides
%
We see only what we know.  -- Johann von Goethe
%
We see things not as they are, but as we are.
%
We seldom repent talking too little, but very often talking too much.  -- Bruyere
%
We set up relationships initially on the basis of false advertising.  -- Coit
%
We take issue even with perfection.  -- Pascal
%
We take on the strength of that which we overcome.
%
We take photos as a return ticket to a moment otherwise gone.  -- Katie Thurmes
%
We teach others how to treat us.  -- Wayne Dyer
%
We that are young shall never see so much nor live so long.  -- Shakespeare
%
We think that if we can label a thing we have understood it.  -- Sangharakshita
%
We use machines against ourselves...  And machinery against itself.  -- Carse
%
We usually get what we order from life.  -- Limon
%
We want God to be a mental, logical force because that feels so controllable.
%
We will be asked to do something we can't tolerate just to develop endurance.
%
We win some, we lose some, and some get rained out.
%
We would like to train for wisdom, not knowledge.  -- Ram Dass
%
We would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.  -- Norman Peale
%
We're motivated to seek rewards; this urge exceeds our pleasure in getting them.
%
We, all of us, have a vested interest in keeping the game going.  -- God?
%
Wealth comes from excellence, and not excellence from wealth.  -- Plato
%
Wealth goes to wealth.  -- Torriano
%
Wealth is not so much possessed as it is performed.  -- James Carse
%
Wealth protects the rich; poverty destroys the poor.  -- Solomon
%
Wealthy is having the freedom to maximize one's life experiences.  -- Mark Manson
%
Weapon:  An index of the lack of development of a culture.
%
Welcome to the Future!  It's just starting now ...
%
Well begun is half done.  -- Aristotle
%
Well done is better than well said.
%
Well, one must get an idea someplace.  -- Stephen Hawking
%
Were Heaven preferable to Earth, suicide would be a sacrament.  -- William Wall
%
What a joy it is to find just the right word for the right occasion!  -- Solomon
%
What a strange game.  The only winning move is not to play.  -- WOPR (War Games)
%
What are we doing?  Nothing.  -- Ram Dass
%
What avail are forty freedoms without a blank spot on the map?  -- Leopold
%
What awful irony is this?  We are as gods, but know it not.
%
What cannot be cured must be endured.
%
What changes can you personally make to get the results you want?
%
What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
%
What confounds a society is not serious opposition, but lack of seriousness.
%
What consciousness means is being aware of where your energy goes.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
What convinces is conviction.  -- Lyndon Johnson
%
What could we do together that we would both really enjoy doing?  -- Lee Coit
%
What do you care what other people think?  -- Richard Feynmann
%
What do you mean, it's too late?  We're not dead yet!  -- Shampoo (the movie)
%
What does "done" look like?
%
What does it all mean?
%
What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.  -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%
What excuses stand in your way?  How can you eliminate them?  -- Roger von Oech
%
What fools these mortals be.  -- Lucius Seneca
%
What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
%
What good is progress if it is unevenly distributed?
%
What happens to your fist when you open your hand?  -- Zen proverb
%
What I aspired to be, and was not, comforts me.  -- Robert Browning
%
What I ought to do, I can; if I can, why don't I?
%
What I tell you three times is true.  -- Robert Heinlein
%
What is a "free gift"?  Aren't all gifts free?
%
What is a magician but a practicing theorist?  -- Obi-Wan Kenobi
%
What is beautiful is good and who is good will soon also be beautiful.  -- Sappho
%
What is chaos but matter disturbed by immaterial forces?  -- Herbert Read
%
What is done to children, they will do to society.
%
What is food to one, is to others bitter poison.  -- Titus Lucretius Carus
%
What is history but a fable agreed upon?  -- Napoleon Bonaparte
%
What is life without a character?  -- Trusler
%
What is new is not true and what is true is not new.
%
What is obvious to you is not obvious to others...  And vice versa.
%
What is the blessing here?  -- Vikki Coit
%
What is the sound of one hand clapping?  -- Zen proverb
%
What is the vector that is orthogonal to itself?
%
What love means is that we are sharing a common state together.  -- Ram Dass
%
What matters is not how often you are right, but... your cumulative errors.  -- Nassim Taleb
%
What must be, must be.  -- John Wesley
%
What on earth would a man do with himself if something did not stand in his way?
%
What one believes to be true either is true or becomes true.  -- John Lilly
%
What one can conceive and believe one can achieve.
%
What part of my Self do I wish to experience now in the face of this calamity?
%
What really changes your life is the passionate pursuit of something you love.
%
What really matters is not the choice you make but your attitude about it.
%
What separates the flyers from the walkers is the ability to take off.  -- Sagan
%
What sin has not been committed in the name of efficiency?
%
What soon grows old?  Gratitude.  -- Aristotle
%
What the fool does in the end, the wise man does at the beginning.
%
What the government gives it must first take away.  -- Dan Quayle
%
What the scientists have in their briefcases is terrifying.  -- Nikita Khruschev
%
What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork.  -- Pearl Bailey
%
What this country needs is more free speech worth listening to.  -- Hansel Duckett
%
What tribal rules are you plugged into?  -- Carolyn Myss
%
What we do not understand we do not possess.  -- Johann von Goethe
%
What we first learn, we best can.  -- James Kelly
%
What we know about the human possibility is so absurdly trivial thus far.
%
What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly.  -- Thomas Paine
%
What we resist, persists.
%
What we see depends on mainly what we look for.  -- John Lubbock
%
What will you do when the new wears off and the old shines through?
%
What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?  -- Schuller
%
What you are, not what you have, is what makes you rich.
%
What you do in the time of your greatest trial can be your greatest triumph.
%
What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.  -- Ralph Emerson
%
What you don't know can hurt you, but you won't know it.
%
What you don't know won't help you much either.  -- Bennett
%
What you enjoy is much more important than what you have.
%
What you expect in relationships with others you must first find in yourself.
%
What you have caused, you can change.  -- Limon
%
What you leave alone today will come back to haunt you tomorrow.  -- Confucius
%
What you see but can't see over is as good as infinite.  -- Thomas Carlyle
%
Whatever begins in freedom cannot end in necessity.  -- James Carse
%
Whatever else you get, get insight.  -- Solomon
%
Whatever has been well said by anyone is my property.  -- Seneca
%
Whatever is funny is subversive.  -- George Orwell
%
Whatever it is, I fear Greeks even when they bring gifts.  -- Virgil
%
Whatever man has done, man may do.  -- C. Reade
%
Whatever occurs from love is always beyond good and evil.  -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%
Whatever the game is, play it as a professional.  -- Peter Medawar
%
Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.  -- Johann von Goethe
%
Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.
%
Whatever you want to do, do it now.  There are only so many tomorrows.  -- Landon
%
Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother.  -- Herbert
%
When a couple starts keeping score, there is no winning, just degrees of losing.
%
When a man says money can't do anything, that settles it:  He hasn't any.  -- Howe
%
When a man's house is on fire, it's time to break off chess.  -- James Fuller
%
When a paradigm shifts, everyone goes back to zero.  -- Joel Barker
%
When a thing is done advice comes too late.  -- G. Delamothe
%
When all men speak, no man hears.  -- James Kelly
%
When all think alike, then no one is listening.  -- Walter Lippman
%
When among apes, one must play the ape.
%
When an experience comes along, you just note it and just let it go.  -- Ram Dass
%
When an expert stops learning, he is no longer an expert.
%
When angry count ten before you speak.  If very angry a hundred.  -- Jefferson
%
When children stand quiet they have done some ill.  -- George Herbert
%
When cutting down trees, remember to pause now and then to sharpen your axe.
%
When does later become never?
%
When elephants fight, the grass loses.
%
When everyone agrees with me, I know I am wrong.
%
When faith and hope fail try charity; it is love in action.
%
When fortune knocks, be sure to open the door.  -- Boyer
%
When fortune smiles, embrace her.
%
When God is invoked by the state, it's all too easy for the state to become God.
%
When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns.  -- Art Denman
%
When I get angry...  I've made some kind of a law that's not true.  -- Vikki Coit
%
When I know who I am, you and I are one.  -- Hanuman
%
When I rest, I rust.  -- Fritz Thyssen
%
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.  -- Johann von Goethe
%
When in doubt, do as doubters do.  -- John Taylor
%
When in doubt, follow your heart.
%
When in doubt, leave out the adjective.
%
When in doubt, take all the defaults.
%
When it is dark enough you can see the stars.  -- Ralph Emerson
%
When leaders act contrary to conscience, we must act contrary to leaders.
%
When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece.  -- John Ruskin
%
When money talks there are few interruptions.
%
When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.
%
When people are least sure, they are most dogmatic.  -- John Galbraith
%
When people are stressed, common sense goes out the window.  -- Brian Seaward
%
When people share their fears with you, share your courage back.
%
When pleasure remains, does it remain a pleasure?
%
When pointing out another's mistake, always consider their feelings.
%
When poverty comes in at the doors, love leaps out at the windows.
%
When sex is good, it is only 2% of a marriage; but when it is bad, it is 98%.
%
When something of great importance is given to you, it is always born humbly.
%
When sorrow is asleep, wake it not.  -- MA Stoddart
%
When success turns a person's head, he is facing failure.
%
When the belly is full the mind is among the maids.
%
When the blind lead the blind they both fall over the cliff.
%
When the candles are out all women are fair.  -- Plutarch
%
When the cat is away, the mice will play.
%
When the dust is clear, one knows if he is riding a horse or an ass.  -- Chinese
%
When the gods wish to punish us they answer our prayers.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
When the going seems easy, check that you're not going downhill.
%
When the grid is at capacity there is little margin for error.
%
When the mind is denied the sting of losing, it never figures out how to win.  -- Jonah Lehrer
%
When the need arises, anything within reach becomes a hammer.
%
When the only choices are win or lose, everyone loses.  -- Limon
%
When the situation is hopeless, there's nothing to worry about.  -- Edward Abbey
%
When the student is ready, the teacher appears.  -- Hindu proverb
%
When the toes are hot, the hiking boots are shot.
%
When the wind is great, bow before it; when the wind is heavy, yield to it.
%
When two friends have a common purse, one sings and the other weeps.  -- Mapletoft
%
When two men in a business always agree, one of them is unnecessary.  -- Wrigley
%
When war begins then hell opens.  -- Torriano
%
When war is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
When we are flat on our backs there is no way to look but up.  -- Roger Babson
%
When we begin the journey of the self, it seems to require a stage of aloneness.
%
When we have gold, we are in fear; when we have none, we are in danger.  -- Draxe
%
When we have not what we like, we must like what we have.  -- Bussy-Rabutin
%
When we succeed in being the only speaker, there is no speaker at all.  -- Carse
%
When we take the secure path we sign on for the lesson there is no such thing.
%
When wine is in, wit is out.  -- Hall
%
When you ain't got nothin', you got nothin' to lose.
%
When you are at Rome live in the Roman style.  -- St. Ambrose
%
When you are average, you are as close to the bottom as to the top.
%
When you are in a hole, stop digging.
%
When you are in command, command.  -- Admiral Nimitz
%
When you are not going within, come from within as you deal with the world.
%
When you are ready to face life alone, you are ready for marriage.  -- Fisher
%
When you are tribal, you will be religious, but you won't be spiritual.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.  -- Wayne Dyer
%
When you dig another out of trouble, you have a place to bury your own.
%
When you don't talk, things get awfully quiet.  -- Martha Hartly
%
When you finally become a perfect parent, you are unemployed.  -- Barbara Coloroso
%
When you find yourself walking through hell, keep walking! -- Winston Churchill
%
When you get angry your IQ drops 20 points.  -- Douglas Baskins
%
When you get what you want you don't want it as much.
%
When you go out to buy, don't show your silver.
%
When you have a fight with your conscience and get licked, you win.  -- Nuggets
%
When you have no agenda with power, all of it comes to you.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
When you have seen one nuclear war, you have seen them all.
%
When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite.  -- Winston Churchill
%
When you invest your energy in being a victim, you say to God, "You screwed up."
%
When you invoke heaven, heaven comes.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.  -- Wayne Dyer
%
When you kill time you murder success.
%
When you look into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you.  -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%
When you lose, don't lose the lesson.  -- H. Jackson Brown
%
When you make a pact with the devil, word it very carefully.
%
When you mean no, say it in a way that's not ambiguous.  -- H. Jackson Brown
%
When you need professional advice, get it from professionals.  -- Brown
%
When you play for more than you can afford to lose, then you know the game.
%
When you quit working, retire TO something, not FROM something.
%
When you shoot an arrow of truth, dip its point in honey.  -- Arabian proverb
%
When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.
%
When you talk to yourself, or about yourself, watch your language!  -- Will Limon
%
When you try to bring your mind to one point, at first it speeds up incredibly.
%
When you turn honest it limits your choices.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
When you want something, all the universe conspires to help you achieve it.
%
When you're tired, small problems seem big, and big problems are insurmountable.
%
When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.  -- Henry Kaiser
%
Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.  -- Oscar Wilde
%
Whenever you possibly can, do good to those who need it.  -- Solomon
%
Where are you at?  Where are you going?  What must you do to get there?
%
Where drums beat, laws are silent.
%
Where ignorance is bliss it is foolish to borrow your neighbor's newspaper.
%
Where love is not, there is hatred.  -- Thomas Draxe
%
Where love is, there is faith.
%
Where on Earth is the early warning system for man-made disasters?  -- Goodman
%
Where pain predominates, agony can be a valued teacher.  -- Frank Herbert
%
Where people live there will be tragedy.  -- Tom Stybr
%
Where there is much light there is also much shadow.  -- Johann von Goethe
%
Where there is whispering there is lying.
%
Where there's a will, there's a way.
%
Where there's smoke, there's fire.
%
Where you stand depends on where you sit.  -- Rufus Miles
%
Whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must be silent.  -- Wittgenstein
%
Wherever a man exercises authority, there is a man who resists authority!
%
Wherever there is a secret, there must be something wrong.
%
Wherever they burn books, they will eventually burn people.  -- H. Heine
%
Whether you think you can or you can't, you're right.  -- Henry Ford
%
While there is life, there is hope.  -- Publius Afer
%
While we are sleeping, two-thirds of the world is plotting to do us in.  -- Rusk
%
Who chooses to compete with another can also choose to play with another.
%
Who does not trust enough will not be trusted.  -- Lao Tsu
%
Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.  -- Thomas Tusser
%
Who has not a good tongue, ought to have good hands.  -- John Ray
%
Who is more busy than he that has least to do?  -- Thomas Draxe
%
Who is worse shod than the shoemaker's wife?
%
Who knows most, speaks least.  -- Torriano
%
Who knows what evil lurks in the minds of men?  The Shadow knows.
%
Who knows what he knows and what he doesn't know is one who knows.  -- Confucius
%
Who likes not his business, his business likes not him.  -- T. Wright
%
Who lives by hope will die by hunger.
%
Who never wins can rarely lose, who never climbs as rarely falls.  -- Whittier
%
Who steals my purse steals trash.  -- Shakespeare
%
Who swims in sin shall sink in sorrow.
%
Who to himself is law no law doth need, offends no law, and is a king indeed.
%
Whoever MUST play, cannot PLAY.  -- James Carse
%
Whoever rows the boat doesn't have time to rock it.
%
Whoever would lie usefully should lie seldom.
%
Whole civilizations rise from stories -- and can rise from nothing else.  -- Carse
%
Whom we love best, to them we can say least.
%
Why are we all put here to suffer and die?
%
Why attack God?  He might be as miserable as we are.
%
Why be a man when you can be a success?  -- Bertold Brecht
%
Why do I live in the desert?  Because the desert is the locus Dei.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Why do we study poverty instead of wealth?
%
Why doesn't everybody leave everybody else the hell alone?  -- Jimmy Durante
%
Why I oppose the nuclear arms race:  I prefer the human race.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Why look for more knowledge when you do not pay attention to what you know?
%
Why look here for the joke?  It is all around us.
%
Why not go out on a limb?  Isn't that where the fruit is?
%
Why should a rich man steal?  -- John Ray
%
Why should ANYTHING exist?  NOTHING would be tidier.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Wicked people cannot sleep unless they have done something wrong.  -- Solomon
%
Wilderness begins in the human mind.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Wilderness... is the only thing left that is worth saving.  -- Edward Abbey
%
Will is no skill.
%
Win without boasting and lose without excuse.
%
Winners never quit and quitters never win.
%
Winners outrun defeat by not stopping; losers give in to defeat by not starting.
%
Wisdom consists of the anticipation of consequences.  -- Norman Cousins
%
Wisdom is experience assimilated.
%
Wisdom is knowing what to do next.
%
Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.  -- J. Winter Smith
%
Wisdom is long, violence is short.  -- Carl van Doren
%
Wisdom is ofttimes nearer when we stoop than when we soar.  -- William Wordsworth
%
Wisdom is rarely found on the best-seller list.
%
Wisdom is to live in harmony with the world at the moment it is.  -- Ram Dass
%
Wisdom is what's left after we smarten up.
%
Wise men change their minds; fools never do.
%
Wise men have their mouth in their heart; fools have their heart in their mouth.
%
Wise men learn by other men's mistakes; fools, by their own.  -- Plautus
%
Wise men make proverbs and fools repeat them.  -- Palmer
%
Wise men propose, and fools determine.
%
Wise men see more from the bottoms of wells than fools see from mountain tops.
%
Wise people learn when they can.  Fools learn when they must.  -- Wellington
%
Wish in one hand and spit in the other -- see which one gets full first.
%
Wishful thinking is far less likely to produce results than direct action.
%
Wishing without work is like fishing without bait.  -- Frank Tyger
%
Wit has truth in it.  Wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.
%
Wit is the only wall between us and the dark.
%
With clothes the new are best; with friends the old are best.
%
With enough qualifiers, everything is special.  -- Alan Silverstein
%
With just enough of learning to misquote.  -- Byron
%
With stupidity the gods themselves struggle in vain.  -- von Schiller
%
With the foolish we should play the fool.  -- Menander
%
With what fortitude we bear the suffering of others.  -- Thomas McKeown
%
Within half a percent, pi seconds is a nanocentury.  -- Tom Duff
%
Without adventure, civilization is in full decay.  -- Alfred Whitehead
%
Without execution, vision is just another word for hallucination.  -- Mark Hurd
%
Without fear, there is no courage.  -- Jeffrey Smith
%
Without fools there would be no wisdom.
%
Without love intelligence is dangerous; without intelligence love is not enough.
%
Without music, life would be a mistake.  -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%
Without wood, a fire goes out; without gossip, quarreling stops.  -- Solomon
%
Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.  -- Stephens
%
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
%
Women nod acknowledgment; men nod agreement.  -- Lillian Roybal-Rose
%
Wonder is the daughter of ignorance.
%
Wonders will never cease.
%
Words and feathers the wind carries away.
%
Words are but wind.
%
Words are only painted fire; a book is the fire itself.  -- Mark Twain
%
Words are the least reliable purveyor of Truth.  -- Conversations with God
%
Words are the voice of the heart.
%
Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.  -- Kipling
%
Words bind men.
%
Words have a longer life than deeds.  -- Pindar
%
Words may pass, but blows fall heavy.  -- John Ray
%
Words must be weighed, not counted.
%
Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.  -- Parkinson
%
Work is a form of nervousness.  -- Don Herold
%
Work is love made visible.  -- Kalil Gibran
%
Work is the worst thing you can do for your health.  -- Howard Brubaker
%
Work like you don't need the money; love like you've never been hurt.
%
World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.  -- Albert Einstein
%
Worrying is the most natural and spontaneous of all human functions.  -- Thomas
%
Worth seeing?  Yes, but not worth going to see.
%
Would that my hand were as swift as my tongue.  -- Alfieri
%
Would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy?  -- Tom Magliozzi
%
Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.  -- Mark Twain
%
Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.
%
Wrong has no warranty.
%
Wrong laws make short governance.  -- Harding
%
Wrong never comes right.
%
Years know more than books.  -- George Herbert
%
Yes, I can summon my creativity.  -- Madonna
%
You always find what you are looking for in the last place you look.
%
You are a creator; you create with your every thought.  -- Esther Hicks
%
You are a wish to be here wishing yourself.  -- Philip Whalen
%
You are almost as happy as you think you are.
%
You are an energetic being long before you are a physical being.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
You are becoming more simultaneous with God than linear with humanity.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
You are just a visitor to the history factory.  -- Tony Snow
%
You are never too old to become younger.  -- Mae West
%
You are not original if your peers agree with what you are doing.  -- Heimlich
%
You are not paid enough to worry about your job.
%
You are only here for a short visit.  So be sure to stop and smell the flowers.
%
You are only responsible for the effort, not the outcome.
%
You are taking yourself far too seriously.
%
You are terrified of how truth can change your life.  -- Carolyn Myss
%
You are the only authority on what is best for you.  -- Hugh Prather
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You are what you eat.  -- Adelle Davis
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You become more and more like a river.  -- Ram Dass
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You can "get" knowledge, but you can only BE wise.  -- Ram Dass
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You can always find what you are not looking for.
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You can always pick up your needle and move to another groove.  -- Timothy Leary
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You can always tell luck from ability by its duration.
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You can be sincere and still be wrong.  -- Walter Lippmann
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You can bear anything if it isn't your own fault.  -- Katharine Gerould
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You can do anything you want, but not everything you want.
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You can easily play a joke on a man who likes to argue:  Agree with him.  -- Howe
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You can fix a bad page, but you can't fix a blank page.  -- anonymous
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You can fool too many of the people too much of the time.  -- James Thurber
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You can lead a boy to college but you cannot make him think.  -- Elbert Hubbard
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You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink.
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You can live outside the law, but you must be honest.
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You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it damnfoolproof.  -- Naeser
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You can make it illegal, but you can't make it unpopular.
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You can move the world with an idea, but you have to think of it first.
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You can neither win nor lose if you don't run the race.  -- David Bowie
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You can never do just one thing.  -- Hardin
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You can never get enough of what you don't really want.  -- Huston Smith
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You can never run away.  Not ever.  The only way out is in.  -- Junot Diaz
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You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.  -- Jeanette Rankin
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You can only improve on saying nothing by saying nothing often.  -- Frank Tyger
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You can own a dog, but you can only feed a cat.
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You can send your relationship to an early grave with a series of little digs.
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You can shear a sheep many times, but you can only skin it once.
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You can tell the ideas of a nation by its advertisements.  -- George Douglas
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You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.  -- David Lord George
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You can't cross the sea merely by staring at the water.  -- Rabindranath Tagore
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You can't depend on the man who made the mess to clean it up.  -- Richard Nixon
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You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.  -- Mark Twain
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You can't erase a dream, you can only wake me up.  -- Peter Frampton
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You can't fall off the floor.  -- Paul
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You can't fool heaven.  -- Carolyn Myss
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You can't get to the light without going through the darkness.  -- Carolyn Myss
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You can't have a better tomorrow when you are mostly thinking of yesterday.
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You can't have other people do your pushups for you.  -- Jack Canfield
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You can't have your cake and eat it too.
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You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.  -- George Burns
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You can't love someone else unless you can first love yourself.  -- Bruce Fisher
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You can't produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women!  -- Handel
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You can't simulate pain intellectually.  You must live through it.  -- MacKinnon
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You can't study the darkness by flooding it with light.  -- Edward Abbey
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You can't take money with you when you die.  -- Marryat
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You can't teach an old dog new tricks.  -- Leng-Tzu
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You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
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You can't tie two rocks together and expect them to float.  -- Jesse Berst
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You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
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You cannot antagonize and influence at the same time.
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You cannot fool all of the people all the time.  -- Abraham Lincoln
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You cannot give what you do not have.
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You cannot have a science without measurement.  -- R. W. Hamming
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You cannot have trust without U.
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You cannot hold a man down without staying down with him.  -- Booker Washington
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You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.  -- Thoreau
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You cannot live a meaningless life; it's against the spiritual rules.  -- Carolyn Myss
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You cannot lose what you never had.
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You cannot make your candle brighter by blowing out someone else's.
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You cannot play at chess if you are kindhearted.
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You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
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You cannot reshape human nature without mutilating human beings.  -- Edward Abbey
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You cannot see farther than others by standing on the feet of giants.
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You cannot see the city for the houses.
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You cannot see the forest for the trees.
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You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.  -- Indira Gandhi
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You cannot use your friends and have them too.
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You catch more bees with honey than vinegar.
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You do not know a bird from the shell out of which it hatched.
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You do not know your friend until you have quarreled with him.  -- Thomas McKeown
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You don't drown by falling in water.  You drown by staying there.  -- R. Allen
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You don't get a second chance to make a first impression.
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You don't have to agree in order to understand.  -- Lillian Roybal-Rose
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You don't have to know, you just have to know who knows.  -- John Taylor
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You don't know a person until you have divided an inheritance with him.
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You don't know what to ask for to make you happy because you've never had it.
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You don't manage people.  You manage things.  You lead people.  -- Grace Hooper
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You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.
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You either learn as you go or don't.  -- John Taylor
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You either set standards, or you follow them.
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You get half of what you pay for.
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You get the most of what you need the least.
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You get what you don't pay for.  -- John C. Bogle, founder of Vanguard Group
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You get what you pay for.  -- Leng-Tzu
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You have no inalienable right to another's continued affection.
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You have no obligation to always love someone you once loved.
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You have not converted a man because you have silenced him.  -- John Morley
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You have the power to influence all with whom you come in contact.
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You have to play harder than you work to make working worthwhile.
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You have to, at each level, go beyond that level.  -- Ram Dass
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You improvise!  You adapt!  You overcome!  -- Clint Eastwood
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You just can't recreate that color blue on Earth, I don't know why.  -- Astronaut Scott Parazynski
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You keep your heart and mind separate because they have so much power.  -- Carolyn Myss
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You know how to win a victory, Hannibal, but not how to use it.  -- Maharbal
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You know not what is success or failure in the soul's reckoning.  -- God?
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You know what is wrong with a lot more confidence than you know what is right.  -- Nassim Taleb
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You live only once, but in that life you must die a thousand different deaths.
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You might as well be you.  Then you know if someone likes you, they like you.
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You might not be responsible for falling down, but you are for getting back up.
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You miss 100% of the shots you never take.  -- Wayne Gretzky
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You must awake for your dreams to come true.
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You must look where it is not, as well as where it is.  -- Buckminster Fuller
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You must love, honor, and cherish yourself to do a good job with anyone else.
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You must pass failure on your way to success.
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You must transcend the rational mind; transcend the knower who knows.  -- Dass
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You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star.  -- Friedrich Nietzsche
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You need not sow weeds.  -- Fuller
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You never "find" time, but you can always "make" time.
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You never gain something but that you lose something.  -- Henry Thoreau
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You never know what is enough until you know what is more than enough.  -- Blake
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You never know what you can do till you try.
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You never lose, but sometimes the clock runs out on you.  -- Vince Lombardi
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You never own anything but that it owns you too.  -- St. Exupery
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You only betray yourself when you ignore the inner dreams for your life.
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You only learn the value of a minute after it's past.  -- Eugene Miya
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You only learn who has been swimming naked when the tide goes out.  -- Jimmy Buffett
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You only live once but, if you live right, once is enough.
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You pay more for your schooling than your learning is worth.  -- Clarke
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You philosophers are sages in your maxims and fools in your conduct.  -- Franklin
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You raise your voice when you should reinforce your argument.  -- Samuel Johnson
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You use dualism to go beyond dualism.  -- Ram Dass
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You want it bad, you will get it bad.  -- Savage
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You will face every thought and fear that has authority over you.  -- Carolyn Myss
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You will never get dizzy doing a good turn.
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You will never get enough approval to feel good about yourself.  -- Lee Coit
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You will remain deaf to my explanations until you suspect yourself of falsehood.
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You won't have an economy on a dead planet.  -- David Brower
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You're going to the experience of the transcendence of separateness.  -- Ram Dass
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You're not really diversified unless something you own makes you uncomfortable.
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You've got to risk it all to have it all.  -- Ram Dass
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Young men may die, but old must die.
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Young men think old men are fools; but old men know young men are fools.
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Young men's knocks old men feel.  -- John Ray
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Young saint, old devil.
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Your ability to experience joy is tied to your ability to experience pain.
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Your actions prove what you think of yourself.  -- Will Limon
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Your attitude is more important than your aptitude.  -- Peter Chantilis
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Your best dreams may not come true; fortunately, neither will your worst dreams.
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Your best revenge is to live a happy life.
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Your biggest handicap is what you think intuitive sight is.  -- Carolyn Myss
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Your biography becomes your biology -- and that is law.  -- Carolyn Myss
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Your body is the greatest instrument you'll ever own.  -- Mary Schmich
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Your choices are half chance.  So are everybody else's.  -- Mary Schmich
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Your education begins where what is called your education is over.
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Your face is an exercise in fractal curves.  -- John Taylor
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Your family gave you the best they knew at the time.  -- Carolyn Myss
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Your first friend is worth the next thousand.  -- John Taylor
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Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life.
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Your heart doesn't lie to your head; your head lies to your heart.  -- Carolyn Myss
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Your imagination, my dear fellow, is worth more than you imagine.  -- Louis Aragon
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Your last mistake is your best teacher.
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Your life would be very empty if you had nothing to regret.
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Your mind understands what you have been taught; your heart, what is true.
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Your money burns a hole in your pocket.
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Your soul is on a mission from God to have experiences and return to God.
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Your spirit and your body thrive on living honorably.  -- Carolyn Myss
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Your superstitions still have you by the short hairs.  -- Carolyn Myss
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Your teachers are often people who have been right around you.  -- Ram Dass
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Your thought is the parent which gives birth to all things.  -- God?
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Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart.  -- Carl Jung
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Your winning smile is your greatest asset.
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Youth and age will never agree.
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Youth and white paper take any impression.  -- Edgeworth
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Youth had been a habit of hers so long that she could not part with it.
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Youth is a blunder; maturity a struggle; old age a regret.
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Youth is not a time of life but a state of mind.
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Youth is the trustee of posterity.
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Youth will be served.  -- Borrow
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Youth will have its swing.  -- Clarke
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Youth...  It is a wonder that anyone ever outgrows it.
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Zeal without knowledge is fire without light.  -- Fuller
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Zeal, when it is a virtue, is a dangerous one.  -- Fuller
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Zen is not easy.  It takes effort to attain nothingness.
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Zen is the sound of the ax chopping.  Chopping logic.  -- Edward Abbey